Do You Look Asexual?

[Philip027]

I don't know about "looking" asexual, but I certainly play the part well with my mannerisms and such. People I've told about me being asexual generally aren't particularly surprised by it.

[xserpx]

I've never come out to anyone, but I doubt anyone would be particularly surprised if I told them I've never been sexually attracted to people. I don't think I "look" asexual, since people who don't know me sometimes seem to be under the impression that I will get a boyfriend in the future, but I like to think that I give off enough apathy to anyone questioning me about my sex/love life, that they realize pretty quickly I really don't give a rats ass about sex.

[Quinoa]

Apparently, the people who lived with me last year noticed pretty quickly that I didn't talk about crushes at all. I came out to someone who had been talking to them, and she said she had figured it out within the first few weeks of meeting me!

[Natrivv]

Hmm, well besides myself I know one other person who is asexual. I personally have shoes that defintly need to be replaced wear simple khaki or cargo pants dark browns to black and usually solid colors though I do own a few shirts with dragons, koi, and other artistic patterns I like. My friend wears a lot of hip non slutty clothes and loves stripes. Though people tend to treat me as a confession booth. Though I have been confessed to by both genders appearntly gay men think I'm gay and straight women think I'm straight I'll take that as a complement I suppose. But a stereotypical look needs as to be aware of and accepted by society before they stereotype us.

[aspiring_angel]

I have no clue how, but both of the people I told already had a hunch that I was asexual, even before I figured it out. So something about me must send off that vibe at least a little bit. Granted, one was my best friend who I talk to about everything, so she could piece it together using my opinions on some things. The other person said that it sort of "made sense" since I don't wear revealing clothes or flirt a lot. I mean, it would definitely vary from person to person, but I guess if you don't show interest, some people are going to take notice and lean towards that conclusion.

[Robin L]

There was an exchange student at school that I felt was asexual, but I never asked since that will be impolite.

Recently, the person joined AVEN, and have identified as asexual for a year.

Talk about awesomeness.

[mindlife]

When I was young, I often employed a strange mode of dress. Being visually impaired had much to do with it.

[Reishi]

I don't know if there is an "asexual look" or even an "asexual manner," but I'm pretty sure I've got both of them. For the longest time, I had absolutely no sense of fashion and am only recently starting to discover that fashion may be worth the effort. But that alone shouldn't constitute "looking" asexual; there are plenty of sexual people who dress simply. My dress is a little "off" because I wear clothes that hide the fact that my appearance is affected by chronic illness. But, like other people said, being perceived as asexual probably has something to do with these "vibes."

For me, I think it's the fact that I come off as a little oblivious or a bit too innocent at times, especially when people talk about sex, bars, clubbing, etc. It's not because I'm ignorant about these things; they're just not on my mind very often. Others seem to subconsciously label me as asexual, even if they don't know about asexuality, and assume that I'm either uninterested in romance or will stay single forever (and neither of those are true).

[Cloudshape]

Interesting thread. I think it's a vibe, not a dress code. People pick up on body language. Maybe it's how eye contact is made, or where our eyes roam, or even our speech patterns.

Anyone want to come up with an ace dress code? It could be interesting. :D

[crescens]

I have wondered this. Interestingly, before I realized I was asexual, men hit on me all the time. Since I realized I am asexual, it suddenly stopped (there have been a few, but the frequency dropped drastically). But around the same time, I also decided I was happier single than be with the wrong person, so I stopped "looking" for a partner, even though having one would be nice. So if anything, I know men seem to sense I'm not looking for anyone, just as they know when someone is looking for someone. So I think that if asexuals aren't as drawn to people in the same way many sexuals are, then that'll be what folks pick up. I do agree it is a vibe. As the saying goes, like attracts like.

[divided_sky]

I think if I shaved I'd have much more of an asexual look. My facial hair gives off more of a masculine vibe, I think, and have been told. Otherwise I look very young, and I dress simply and plainly, and make no attempt to look presentable for others. I think I give off an overall vibe more than a specific look. I'm kinda curious what others would think, actually.

[divided_sky]

We should start a thread of pictures and rank how asexual each other looks. That would be fun and terribly awkward, i'm sure

[That asexual guy]

While no one likes steryotypes remember they start because there is some truth to them. I'm sure there is something that sets us apart. There would be no such thing as gaydar if all people looked and acted the same.

[Cakey]

Never looked sexy..... I can tell from the photo captions on facebook.. For my sensual friend Diana, they say things like... Me and Sexy Di, Us and Sexy Di, Sexyt Di strutting her stuff with us on a glittering Brum night...............!!!

Cut to pedestrian photos of moi and them........... Me 'n' Soph, Us 'n' Soph and Rainy night out in Brum with Soph

[PK1331]

I actually love to look beautiful. I'm a dancer, and the more confident I am about how my body looks, the better I can perform and write. I try not to draw unwanted attention in a sexual way, so I'm more conservative in clothing than some, but definitely nothing that says asexual in the way I dress. I love my body.

[WhenSummersGone]

Unless we all look like nerds or something like that I'm not sure if there is a look lol. I don't think I would be able to tell who is asexual based on looks but maybe more behavior and what a person does, like if they act more like Sheldon Cooper or someone like that.

[AshenPhoenix]

I don't really think there is a stereotypical way to look asexual. Sexual people don't normally dress themselves up everywhere they go. So of course people will be dressed in normal clothes.

That being said, it does help me that I've honed my ways of an INTJ to send off the "don't talk to me, your brain will be destroyed if you do" vibe, along with my "I can see through your soul" stare xD

But it doesn't seem to help apparently... Women still get brave and ask me out sometimes, then I have to feel bad about turning them down.

[Silmaril]

I have wondered this. Interestingly, before I realized I was asexual, men hit on me all the time. Since I realized I am asexual, it suddenly stopped (there have been a few, but the frequency dropped drastically). But around the same time, I also decided I was happier single than be with the wrong person, so I stopped "looking" for a partner, even though having one would be nice. So if anything, I know men seem to sense I'm not looking for anyone, just as they know when someone is looking for someone. So I think that if asexuals aren't as drawn to people in the same way many sexuals are, then that'll be what folks pick up. I do agree it is a vibe. As the saying goes, like attracts like.

I can really relate to this and I agree there must be some unconscious vibe being projected. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to deter dirty old men

Getting back to the OP, I don't think there's a definitive "asexual look" as I generally dress quite feminine and do take some pride in aesthetic appearance.

[words are futile devices]

I don't know if I look asexual. I would guess not. I mean, I don't think people would look at me and think, 'Yeah, that girl's totally ace.' Haha. I do dress modestly because I hate feeling revealed and there's no point in showing off anything that I don't want people to see.

My style is varied; I'll wear a Captain America t-shirt with bright blue pants and TOMS one day, and a red flowy dress with tights and flats the next. I can't describe my fashion sense; all I know is I don't keep up to date with what's "in" (which is ironic because I currently work at a clothing store). I do wear makeup and take time to fix my hair. I want to look nice, but mostly for my own well-being. I wear what I want; I don't think I "look" any certain orientation. :]

[CeruleanPhoenix1412]

Personally, I don't think there's any particular any kind of person, sexual or not, dresses. I mean, it's kind of hard to tell if a person's homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual or, of course, asexual, at first glance. There are some stereotypes about homosexuals, yes, but usually, you can't tell.

I have a pretty varied style of dress. Usually it's sweatpants and a t-shirt accompanied by worn out jeans and clunky sneakers, but sometimes it becomes a more form-fitting v-neck with short shorts. I feel like it's more the way I act around people. It probably wouldn't be very surprising to some of my friends if I came out as asexual, but I think the way I crave affection from people would change that. I tend to hug everyone (unless they tell me not to) and hold hands with my friends as we walk. Anyway, I don't think that looks have anything to do with asexuality... Really, anybody, regardless of looks, could be asexual.

(I probably act kind of bisexual to most people though... Hm...)

[br0wneyed-babe]

I don't think I look like one. If anything, I'm probably a "tease" because I like to dress in sexy and revealing clothing sometimes yet I have no interest in sex. But people get the asexual vibe from me. When I told my close friend I was asexual, she wasn't surprised because I always complained about sex acts and how I'd rather wait to have sex and how it bored me and was nasty.

[TomoRacer]

I don't think so, mostly because of my growing beard and body type, going by what people tell me, most assume that i have been in a relationship and had sex, and my negatives to both are answered with something along the lines of "Seriously!? i don't believe you" "you are too good-looking, you must have had SOMEONE in your life", that said though i do give off a ace "vibe" my friends have told me that sometimes a give off a distant "not interested" kinda vibe so yeah.....

[AlienShore]

Funnily enough, everyone I meet thinks I'm a lesbian. I clearly give off lesbian vibes. Whenever people see me and my best friend together, we're often asked if we're dating or 'how long have you been seeing each other' and we end up laughing. Even our own family members think we're lesbians. None of them know I'm asexual and she's bisexual.

This is the story of my life. My BFF is a lesbian and we are constantly asked if we are together. Her mother has been planning our wedding for ten years.

I doubt I "look" asexual but people can sense it, whether they know it or not. My friends are completely comfortable touching me when they aren't affectionate with each other. I'm viewed as sexually non-threatening so my female friends don't bat an eye if their boyfriends hold my hand or cuddle with me. I mostly get asked out by bisexual guys (I don't know why) but people tend to back off pretty quickly. I think there is a "vibe" sexual people put out and pick up on that I seem oblivious to.

[articvibe]

Cant say i approve of the idea of stereotyping how asexual people should look either and dont know how on earth anyone would dress 'sexually' i mean i may be completely fucking wrong here but i don't think people in general go out of their way to dress like sex, preferring to work more at becoming more aesthetically attractive if someone else in turn finds this to contribute to how sexually attractive that individual is, well it would be irrelevant because as i understand it the scope of sexual attractiveness is so varied and wide that it would be impossible to quantify it in any kind of general sense. Why i imagine there isn't a definition of sexual attraction that anyone can agree on yet. Probably why many ace's have taken to accepting the simple idea that 'sexuals be crazy'.

But in answer to your question no, whilst i seem somewhat estranged from the general consensus on AVEN by doing my utmost to fit in with the greater sexual population I am quite aesthetically attractive and enjoy being perceived as such. Though i wouldn't know how i'm perceived relevant to my sexual attractiveness generally as i find it extremely hard to care about something i can neither understand or definitively grasp at past a conceptual idea.

Um... does being described as looking like a frigid bitch count?

It always gives me warm fuzzies when I hear that description in regards to me. ^_^

You my dear have both a beautiful mind and positive attitude, we need more frigid bitches in this world :D

Huh. I had never really thought about looking 'asexual'. Androgynous, yes, but not asexual. What would that even look like?

Obviously not looking to get laid? Creeping out small children at a glance? 'Cause I mean, I have those covered.

Hahahahahahahaha, weaponised stay the hell away from me vibes?

[alpacaterpillar]

Mostly I keep myself covered up with dark colours. I don't like jeans, I prefer other sorts of trousers and I like to wear button-up shirts or jerseys over a t-shirt. I don't like logos on clothing. I wear a maroon jacket (kind of thing you could imagine Dr. Who wearing) when I'm out and have a beard with particularly prominent sideburns. I've been told I'm "very handsome".

Other than that last comment, I have no idea what people think of my looks. However people do tend to avoid sitting next to me in lectures and on the train. I would assume I probably look like a sort of mysterious intelligent person who could either be planning to save the world or go on a killing spree :P

At heart, I'm actually quite sentimental though

[kitties]

I don't think there is a look, but maybe a vibe some asexuals may put out.

I love fashion, I dress in a lot of different styles, mostly cute, girly, frilly, sometimes a but punkish or gothy, or a mix of it all, but I don't dress "normal" for anybody, that's for certain. I have always loved dressing up, and makeup, though actually I am not good at either, ha ha

I think I must send out a vibe, or just be hideously ugly, or maybe my skittishness comes into play, because I have never been hit on, or asked out in my entire life.

When I was a kid, people used to tell me I would change when I grew up, but then I didn't, and once I grew up, nobody ever talked to me about dating or what not anymore.

[DeathCanoeIV]

I've been accused of being/asked if I am a lesbian since my peers learned the word and a vague definition. Yet, lesbians seem to know that I'm not one of them.

The first time someone suggested my possible asexuality was in college, and it wasn't a first impression. Two of my suitemates, after a couple of months living in the same area, mentioned that they knew I wasn't a lesbian but just weren't sure what I was, and at the time I didn't really either, or didn't know what to call it, so I just shrugged. Like several other people have said, most people just don't ask me or bring it up anymore. So, I either give off this asexual vibe or the I'm a bitch and don't want to talk to you about my life vibe.

[LynziMarie]

Yeah I definitely wouldn't be seen as an asexual person. I'm a trained makeup artist and very into fashion so my "look" reflects that. As for the vibe thing, I think I give it out hard core. I'm very outgoing and will talk to almost anyone a out anything and even tend to be nice enough that its seen as being flirtatious. But no one ever seems interested in any more than that. Which I'm obviously fine with. Haha

[JackSlashJill]

I'm not sure if there is a "look" or "manner" of asexuality, but if there is I do not have it considering I'll openlly discuss sexuality and relationships AND dress up because I want to express myself.

Definitely seeing the "vibe" bit people are mentioning. I barely get flirted with.

We should start a thread of pictures and rank how asexual each other looks. That would be fun and terribly awkward, i'm sure

Oh god, this sounds like a wonderfully terrible or terribly wonderful plan.

[I am Sherlocked]

If being modest or non-girly is considered what an asexual woman is supposed to look like, then no, I don't look asexual.

As you can see from my profile pic, I like to put on make up or get "dolled" up. Whenever I go to a bar/club, I dress the way women are supposed to, provocative. It totally sends possible wrong ideas across the board, but I just want to have a good time and don't give a you know what. I take it as a compliment that someone desires me even if I don't like them or want them in that way.