For the aromantics: what's your ideal future?

[Emily Moore]

I want a job I don't hate, hopefully one where I feel like I'm doing meaningful work, even if it's hard. I don't care about being wealthy, but I want to be completely financially self-sufficient and feel secure.

I want to live in a low-impact, sustainable way. I want a small house with a not-so-small yard where I can have some chickens, a garden, and maybe a small orchard. Ideally I would be able to produce most or all of my own water and electricity (a big initial investment of time/energy/money, but a great savings of all those things in the long run). I want a lifestyle that doesn't require a car.

I want a cat (or two, or three...). I want lots of books.

Most importantly, I want to live in community, and always have friends/family close by who are a regular part of my life. I wouldn't mind living abroad where I didn't know anyone on a temporary basis, and would probably enjoy the experience, but I want to live most of my life with loved ones close by. Ideally, at least a couple of these relationships will be very cuddly. ;) While there are some things I really like about having a shared living space (as long as I have a room to myself), I would prefer to live on my own. I imagine the right person(s)/situation could change that, though. :)

This is a really interesting message, thank you!

Living in 'community' is something that I've been attracted to for a while, too. I'm a Quaker and there is at least one place close to me where Quakers live in community, which appeals. Always having people around, friends, companions and people to share the highs and lows of life with. I want my life to have some meaning - right now, I live and work in such a negative sort of space that I find it exhausting. I don't want to be a part of this ultra-competitive rat-race that our mainstream society seems to have become, particularly since the events of 2008 made a lot of people so much more selfish.

I also want to live somewhere very quiet, rural and peaceful. I don't want to be in the middle of a city, or even anywhere vaguely urban. I'm not sure I'd go as far as you in terms of generating my own electricity, not driving and things - I do want to be able to travel sometimes, but not be dependent on modern amenities to the point where my entire life consists of working, commuting and watching TV or using a computer. Twitter just makes me sad.

I live on my own and I'm not sure I'd want to share my life, give myself up 100% to someone. I'm aromantic (otherwise why would I be writing this?). But I want to be around people more. People are beautiful, and everyone has so much to offer to the world. I want to live in a space where that is appreciated. If I had a nice person to cuddle occasionally, that'd be nice. But I can't live with the jealousy, possessiveness and negativity that seems to come from heavy romantic relationships.

Hope this makes sense... I'm not used to doing this! x

[N7_Paladin]

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

[A Gray Phantom]

I want to go to school, train to be a better hero, and serve my community (wherever that may be) as a paladin of justice and healing.

[Little-twig]

I've never had ideas or thoughts of what it would be like to have a husband more or less get married. More or less the whole kid idea. At the most I might adopt one and give them a happy home to call their own. But those thoughts don't hang around a whole lot.

But I would love to live in a place with alot of nature around me and maybe with a close friend. I would keep a number of fish and maybe a dog and hedge hog and plants. Lots of plants.

I would have a room just for me to write and be creative in with what ever takes my interest at the time. I would love to own a book store somewhere in a small town and live in the space above it while working on my own stories. If I can get a chain of bookstores, which would be awesome in my book, I would then use my profit to travel the world and spend time in less than normal places. Such as wandering the lesser touristy places of the world and taking a different prospective at it with a camera.

I don't mind being around people but I do like my personal space so perhaps on the edge of a town would suit me well. I might not mind being the 'crazy lady' if I'm happy and able to do as I wish.

[byanyotherusername]

I want a job I don't hate, hopefully one where I feel like I'm doing meaningful work, even if it's hard. I don't care about being wealthy, but I want to be completely financially self-sufficient and feel secure.

I want to live in a low-impact, sustainable way. I want a small house with a not-so-small yard where I can have some chickens, a garden, and maybe a small orchard. Ideally I would be able to produce most or all of my own water and electricity (a big initial investment of time/energy/money, but a great savings of all those things in the long run). I want a lifestyle that doesn't require a car.

I want a cat (or two, or three...). I want lots of books.

Most importantly, I want to live in community, and always have friends/family close by who are a regular part of my life. I wouldn't mind living abroad where I didn't know anyone on a temporary basis, and would probably enjoy the experience, but I want to live most of my life with loved ones close by. Ideally, at least a couple of these relationships will be very cuddly. ;) While there are some things I really like about having a shared living space (as long as I have a room to myself), I would prefer to live on my own. I imagine the right person(s)/situation could change that, though. :)

This is a really interesting message, thank you!

Living in 'community' is something that I've been attracted to for a while, too. I'm a Quaker and there is at least one place close to me where Quakers live in community, which appeals. Always having people around, friends, companions and people to share the highs and lows of life with. I want my life to have some meaning - right now, I live and work in such a negative sort of space that I find it exhausting. I don't want to be a part of this ultra-competitive rat-race that our mainstream society seems to have become, particularly since the events of 2008 made a lot of people so much more selfish.

I also want to live somewhere very quiet, rural and peaceful. I don't want to be in the middle of a city, or even anywhere vaguely urban. I'm not sure I'd go as far as you in terms of generating my own electricity, not driving and things - I do want to be able to travel sometimes, but not be dependent on modern amenities to the point where my entire life consists of working, commuting and watching TV or using a computer. Twitter just makes me sad.

I live on my own and I'm not sure I'd want to share my life, give myself up 100% to someone. I'm aromantic (otherwise why would I be writing this?). But I want to be around people more. People are beautiful, and everyone has so much to offer to the world. I want to live in a space where that is appreciated. If I had a nice person to cuddle occasionally, that'd be nice. But I can't live with the jealousy, possessiveness and negativity that seems to come from heavy romantic relationships.

Hope this makes sense... I'm not used to doing this! x

I absolutely agree with the part in bold!

While I would like a lifestyle that doesn't require a car--as in, where I could walk/bike to get all my necessities and have no need for it in daily life--I go back and forth about whether I would still own one, for the reasons you mention. I don't know, though, I've known many car-less adults who still manage to travel and get around often through carpooling, or from time to time borrowing friends' cars. They don't seem to find it much of an inconvenience, but everything always looks easier when it's someone else who is doing it. :lol:

In terms of harvesting my own water, electricity...that's never something I would have imagined doing when I was younger, but, again, I've had friends who have done it and it just seems so much more practical. Especially because I don't want to be part of the "ultra-competitive rat race," a slave to money...I want to move away from all of that, live simply off of my own land as much as possible, dedicate my time to things that make me happy and/or give back to the community in some way...We're talking about the ideal future here, after all, so I figured I should dream big. ;)

Some part of me does still really like cities, and I wouldn't mind living on an urban farm type of set-up, as apposed to completely out in the wilderness. But I'll go wherever it takes to live the lifestyle I want, close to people I love.

[N7_Paladin]

I'm looking into taking up fishing, archery and start camping, I want to make regular visits to like the Lake district and camp out there on regular weekends and do a bit of hunting with a bow lol

[Emily Moore]

I absolutely agree with the part in bold!

While I would like a lifestyle that doesn't require a car--as in, where I could walk/bike to get all my necessities and have no need for it in daily life--I go back and forth about whether I would still own one, for the reasons you mention. I don't know, though, I've known many car-less adults who still manage to travel and get around often through carpooling, or from time to time borrowing friends' cars. They don't seem to find it much of an inconvenience, but everything always looks easier when it's someone else who is doing it. :lol:

In terms of harvesting my own water, electricity...that's never something I would have imagined doing when I was younger, but, again, I've had friends who have done it and it just seems so much more practical. Especially because I don't want to be part of the "ultra-competitive rat race," a slave to money...I want to move away from all of that, live simply off of my own land as much as possible, dedicate my time to things that make me happy and/or give back to the community in some way...We're talking about the ideal future here, after all, so I figured I should dream big. ;)

Some part of me does still really like cities, and I wouldn't mind living on an urban farm type of set-up, as apposed to completely out in the wilderness. But I'll go wherever it takes to live the lifestyle I want, close to people I love.

Thank you for a very interesting and insightful response!

I understand what you mean about driving. I'm the same - I would like to be able to live a lifestyle where I was not obligated to own and drive a car. At present, I drive to work, drive to the supermarket, drive to see friends and family, drive here and there all the time. I feel like I spend most of my life behind the wheel. I don't want it to be a necessity, I just want to be able to drive to the beach every so often, and things like that. Living in a rural area means you really need to own a car to get by, though. It's a trade off I have to make - I can live in the middle of a city and not drive, or live in a rural area and drive. I just don't want to be trapped in this rat race of endless commuting.

What I want to do is live a peaceful, non-impactful lifestyle as much as I can, surrounded by love and happiness and quiet. I don't want a 'career,' where I compete with others to climb slowly up a ladder, and get a slightly bigger wage that I can then spend on a slightly bigger house and slightly bigger car and foreign holidays and so on. At the end of it all, what do you have? A big house, and a fancy car. And you can sit in your nice car and look in the mirror and see your whole life behind you and wonder where it went. I am the same as you, I want to live a simple life in a community, where we can rely on and trust one another. I will never have a partner and children of my own, but I still have the caring instinct, and I still need to care for something. I'd like to live in a situation where there were families, and single people, and we all mucked in and helped care for each other, if that makes sense.

Cities are not my thing - far too crowded, and money-oriented, it makes me feel sad. I worked in big cities for a long time and I would never go back to that, even though I could earn a lot more money in the city.

[PolackLibrarian]

Well I'd like the house, cuz I want a library with a secret door in it, and a car, cuz it's useful to get places and I hate public transport. But I'm not going the marriage and kids route, under any circumstances. I'm not really sure what grand plans to have though, or even if I need any. I know I'd like a smallish house (with the library), several pets, to be reasonably close to my family and friends (if I have any at that point - I seem to be getting more and more antisocial as the weeks go by), and to be doing a job I love. But I'm mostly doing that already, so I kind of feel like I should be finding something else to work towards, I just can't think of anything right now.

YES! This! Especially the library with a secret door in it!

[Bob32]

I want to to move to London and buy a new flat in London. I don't want a car because I want to live it the metropolitan area and having a car in that case does not make a lot of sense. I'd like to work for the Metropolitan Police Service or as a computer security specialist. As for who I'll live with the only person I can see my self living with is my cat.

[honor is all]

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

Are you sure you are aromantic in that case? Living together forever, growing old together, all that togetherness forever stuff smacks heaviily of romance to me. :P :D A regular travel buddy sounds fine as would a regular tennis buddy (if you like tennis) or a regular movie buddy (if you are a movie person) but the living together, sharing stuff 9please don't mention cuddling coz that's totally soppy haha) is more than friend IMO.

[N7_Paladin]

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

Are you sure you are aromantic in that case? Living together forever, growing old together, all that togetherness forever stuff smacks heaviily of romance to me. :P :D A regular travel buddy sounds fine as would a regular tennis buddy (if you like tennis) or a regular movie buddy (if you are a movie person) but the living together, sharing stuff 9please don't mention cuddling coz that's totally soppy haha) is more than friend IMO.

Lol I'm not sure to be honest haha, I strongly think I am but there are times I do doubt myself lol

[banana monkey]

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

Are you sure you are aromantic in that case? Living together forever, growing old together, all that togetherness forever stuff smacks heaviily of romance to me. :P :D A regular travel buddy sounds fine as would a regular tennis buddy (if you like tennis) or a regular movie buddy (if you are a movie person) but the living together, sharing stuff 9please don't mention cuddling coz that's totally soppy haha) is more than friend IMO.

Lol I'm not sure to be honest haha, I strongly think I am but there are times I do doubt myself lol

There are a lot of aromantics on here who would like queerplatonic relationships. ie a non romantic life partner who they have queerplatonic feelings for. Just because you want to spend your life with someone doesnt have to mean you are romantically attracted to them. these things can be independent of each other. In most of these cases the partners are more than friends they are queerplatonic partners (not romantic ones)

[N7_Paladin]

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel

with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

Are you sure you are aromantic in that case? Living together forever, growing old together, all that togetherness forever stuff smacks heaviily of romance to me. :P :D A regular travel buddy sounds fine as would a regular tennis buddy (if you like tennis) or a regular movie buddy (if you are a movie person) but the living together, sharing stuff 9please don't mention cuddling coz that's totally soppy haha) is more than friend IMO.

Lol I'm not sure to be honest haha, I strongly think I am but there are times I do doubt myself lol

There are a lot of aromantics on here who would like queerplatonic relationships. ie a non romantic life partner who they have queerplatonic feelings for. Just because you want to spend your life with someone doesnt have to mean you are romantically attracted to them. these things can be independent of each other. In most of these cases the partners are more than friends they are queerplatonic partners (not romantic ones)

True that!

[abacct]

Ooh, I like this topic.

I really want to succeed in whatever career choice I have. I'm still trying to figure it out right now; I'm stuck on criminal justice, psychology, history, and so on. Whatever I choose, I want to be one of the best in my workplace, even my field in general. Outside of that, I want to find a male best friend who will live with me for the rest of our lives. It's kind of like how people want to get married, but because I'm an aro-ace, it's basically just a squish for life. I might marry them, but skip all the romantic and sexual stuff.

I want to publish a novel and travel to Italy and look at all the major cities there (especially Rome). I want to visit DC as well, and might possibly visit other places. I just recently got the urge to go explore the world. That sounds like a lot of fun.

That's all I really have planned now. The future is kind of scary to think about. There's just so much you can do and you don't know what's going to happen. I hope everything works out. :P

I'd love a lifelong partner to live with/travel with/grow old with though that'd be amazing

Are you sure you are aromantic in that case? Living together forever, growing old together, all that togetherness forever stuff smacks heaviily of romance to me. :P :D A regular travel buddy sounds fine as would a regular tennis buddy (if you like tennis) or a regular movie buddy (if you are a movie person) but the living together, sharing stuff 9please don't mention cuddling coz that's totally soppy haha) is more than friend IMO.

No, that's what I just posted about. I want a best friend who will live and travel with me for life. I can't stand being touched or being affectionate, so I'm hoping someday I'll meet a male aro-ace who'll do this stuff with me. And from the looks of it, there's a lot of aro-ace males out there. :)

[Emily Moore]

I like your posting, DarthTromeros.

I think I'm kind of opposite to you in terms of career, and that's OK! I do have a proper, grown up career right now, but it isn't something I'm particularly interested in pursuing for the next X years of my life. It's in an industry I used to be really passionate about, but I'm rapidly losing interest in the whole field and prospects for progression (not just for me, but for everyone in the industry) are limited due to technological and economic changes. It is becoming a highly competitive field with very few job opportunities other than unpaid internships, and I just don't have that competitive streak in me. (And I also can't afford to work for free!)

I wonder sometimes whether the fact that I'm aromantic and asexual has meant that I've never been a highly competitive person, willing to 'fight' to reach the top of my field. Because I don't have that pressure on me to be romantically and sexually appealing to a potential partner - who is likely to find me more attractive if I earn more money, own more stuff, am a better potential 'mate' - then I don't put the pressure on myself to compete, step on other's toes, climb the greasy pole. I'd rather run a little shop somewhere, or have a quiet and relatively interesting and stable job in a small town, than reach the big CEO's office at the top of the city skyscraper. As long as I can house and feed myself and keep the lights on, that's all that matters to me. I don't want a mansion or a big car. Stability, rather than inexorable progress, is most important to me.

Romantically, though, I think we're very similar. I would like someone to travel with in particular. There are so many places I'd like to go and see, things I'd like to experience, but it's hard to do those things when you're single and alone. I'm fine with exploring alone for a while, but it's always a far more rewarding experience when it's shared with someone close to you. I live in Europe, and I want to explore my vast and fascinating continent, especially now that it's cheap and visa-free to go dotting between countries, but I don't want to do it alone. It would get really lonely.

Living with someone is something I can take or leave. I think that if I ever found my ideal, it would be someone who lived close to me, in the same small town or village, just a few houses or streets away. We'd have a sort of 'romantic friendship,' spend a lot of time at each other's homes, cook and eat together, read and watch TV and play games, and even stay over from time-to-time, but we'd never actually move in together. I don't know if there's anyone else out there willing to take on that kind of arrangement, though.

[helana12_03]

I want to live in lots of different countries (for the cultural experience), learn several foreign languages, work a fulfilling job at a fun place with awesome people. It would be nice to have the ability to work on different kinds of projects (I get bored very easily). I also want to have time to do things outside of work (e.g. family, friends, hobbies). One of my dreams is to invent something that can help humanity.

[Random Happenstance]

I want... to be healthy and rid of my disability first and foremost.
Further than that, I'd want a small sustainable house (in north yorkshire), and to rescue some hens and a dog or two, with plenty of time to cook for myself and experiment with food. I'd like to be able to study wildlife and plants and/or make fiddles to sell, along with volunteering in an animal sanctuary that takes care of farm animals (there's a lovely one nearby) and playing the fiddle at pubs and busking. I'd also love to be able to travel around england/scotland/wales/ireland (I live in england), and perhaps travel to further places occassionally, particularly visiting Australia. Also, I'd really want to get involved in animal liberation to some extent, as it's something I care about.
People-wise, I'd need be able to see my mum often. While I've often loved the idea of living in a community, if it was to happen I'd have to have my space too. I could also see myself living with a few close friends, but again, I'd need my space too. And at other times I think I'd want to get away from people entirely. I think in the end the best thing is to live close to a few good friends, and be able to see them often and easily, but with no obligation to.
I'd also love to get most of my food from stock free organic farms (hence north yorkshire) or grow my own, and get down a plan for freezing/drying/preserving things for when they're out of season.

[Grace Barton]

I don't really have an ideal future. I just live each day as it is. The way I am now, it is likely that I will be living alone with no partner, kids or pets.

But practically speaking, I'd just want security in that I have a home that is my own, I am financially secure enough to keep the roof over my head and live comfortably enough with enough left over to indulge in the odd luxury now and then (BOOKS!). That's all I really need from life. But I suppose adding to that is a job that provides me with said financial security.

Then there's the other obvious things like being healthy and stable. I'm not ambitious so I don't desire anything more than what I already have. I indulge in luxuries since I can at the moment, but I could easily live without them if I had to.

Other than these... there's nothing really that I want to achieve to make an 'ideal' future.

[Smitty Werbenjagermanjense]

I will become the first human to become biologically immortal, and then I will use my infinite youthfulness and life experience to take over the world.

Or get a jorb and move out, maybe adopt some kids I dunno. No kids for awhile....

[Lycantsleep]

Sometimes I wonder if my ideal situation includes trolling on YouTube :p

[TwiceAsNice]

Chis Mcandless (minus the horrible death) there you go asexual aromantics, you now have one possible "script" for how your life could go.

[ejjury]

I have my own house, a good job, and pets....at this point it would be awesome to find a partner that I could do stuff with (travel, visit zoos, etc.) since my current friends/housemates won't be living with me forever.

[Exdraghunt]

My first big dream is to buy a Lake Union houseboat. Not a big one, just a little one. Like, maybe with one or two rooms. I just want to live on the water, with a small house so I don't have to worry about yard work or anything like that.

I currently live in the city without a car, and have been getting along the past three years just fine on a combination of bussing and bicycling. I would like to get a classic car (Like maybe a 1958 Plymouth Fury, or a 1970 Challenger) to attend car shows with and use for longer trips.

In terms of job, to work in theatre and the movie industry. Which is what I do already, for the most part. I'd also like to have a dog again. Like, another Alaskan Malamute, something big and fluffy.

No kids or partner, I am done trying to have roommates. Though I would like to have a spare bed in case a friend wanted to sleep over or have a movie night or something.

[CrazyCatLover]

My dreams have always included traveling and finding a decently paying job that I like. I studied Linguistics in college and then decided to teach English abroad which sort of takes care of the traveling thing. I went to Thailand first and loved it there, but I've recently decided to start working on my masters in Computer Science (I want to go into Computational Linguistics). So I came to Korea because the pay here is higher. My plan now is basically to work here for two or three years (pretty much as long as it takes to get my masters) and start applying for CL jobs in the US, Canada, or Europe (I suspect I'll wind up back in the States since it's difficult for European employers to hire non-EU citizens and Canada doesn't really do computational linguistics). Leaving here will be complicated since I have a cat to bring along, but it shouldn't be difficult.

Then I want to sort of settle down, buy a 2 bedroom house with a small yard (or condo depending on where I'm living), and turn it into yarnland (I'm a major spinner/spinster and knitter). I also plan to have cats. I might want to get a PhD as well, but I haven't decided yet. Before I leave Asia, I want to visit Australia though. I have a six continents life goal, and I've only been to three of them so far (all the Northern Hemisphere ones).

[honor is all]

I like your posting, DarthTromeros.

I think I'm kind of opposite to you in terms of career, and that's OK! I do have a proper, grown up career right now, but it isn't something I'm particularly interested in pursuing for the next X years of my life. It's in an industry I used to be really passionate about, but I'm rapidly losing interest in the whole field and prospects for progression (not just for me, but for everyone in the industry) are limited due to technological and economic changes. It is becoming a highly competitive field with very few job opportunities other than unpaid internships, and I just don't have that competitive streak in me. (And I also can't afford to work for free!)

I wonder sometimes whether the fact that I'm aromantic and asexual has meant that I've never been a highly competitive person, willing to 'fight' to reach the top of my field. Because I don't have that pressure on me to be romantically and sexually appealing to a potential partner - who is likely to find me more attractive if I earn more money, own more stuff, am a better potential 'mate' - then I don't put the pressure on myself to compete, step on other's toes, climb the greasy pole. I'd rather run a little shop somewhere, or have a quiet and relatively interesting and stable job in a small town, than reach the big CEO's office at the top of the city skyscraper. As long as I can house and feed myself and keep the lights on, that's all that matters to me. I don't want a mansion or a big car. Stability, rather than inexorable progress, is most important to me.

Romantically, though, I think we're very similar. I would like someone to travel with in particular. There are so many places I'd like to go and see, things I'd like to experience, but it's hard to do those things when you're single and alone. I'm fine with exploring alone for a while, but it's always a far more rewarding experience when it's shared with someone close to you. I live in Europe, and I want to explore my vast and fascinating continent, especially now that it's cheap and visa-free to go dotting between countries, but I don't want to do it alone. It would get really lonely.

Living with someone is something I can take or leave. I think that if I ever found my ideal, it would be someone who lived close to me, in the same small town or village, just a few houses or streets away. We'd have a sort of 'romantic friendship,' spend a lot of time at each other's homes, cook and eat together, read and watch TV and play games, and even stay over from time-to-time, but we'd never actually move in together. I don't know if there's anyone else out there willing to take on that kind of arrangement, though.

I'll take the travel buddy part of the arrangenment if it's still on offer, thanks. :-)

[krislox]

This is how i see my future as, and i don't really mind being single. I'd prefer it than having someone else to argue with. I want to adopt kids though, I don't want a wife but children are fine. I want a stable job and a nice small house, no preference. just want to live life without debt, is that too much to ask for? :(

[That asexual guy]

I want to travel after I retire.

[Janus the Fox]

A future that is more stable, one without mental illness, one without physical illness, a sustainable jobthat fits my line of professionalism and don't aggravate my mental and physical issues. A life with reasonable independence and minimal care requirements.

[RosettaAce]

My plan changes on a daily basis. Right now, a rough outline would be:

To work in my chosen field, save enough money to travel maybe once or twice a year, live alone or with family, with my pets. I've always had pets so I can't imagine not having at least one, so that's why I would limit my travel as I don't think I can take a cat or a dog with me to other countries without a lot of trouble...

After a number of years of working, I would love to join the Peace Corps.

That's about it!

[Zerο]

It's kinda hard to say. If I wasn't so sick of society and the direction we're heading into I might enjoy the prospect of living longer. For the sake of answering though I think this list sums up most of what I'd want in an ideal world:

1) Small secluded house outside but close to a city, and one that's outfitted with solar panels and other self-sustaining hardware

2) Living near a large body of water (lake, ocean, or sea) in a climate zone that doesn't get much hotter or cooler than 70 degrees

3) Close female companion with same interests as me