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For the aromantics: what's your ideal future?


astrobean

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I sometimes fantasise about cutting off contact with everyone I know and going proper hermit-like, just drifting alone in a different stream to everyone else and not getting any closer than casual acquaintances...

I think I'll leave that til after I retire though. I have a few friends I see/talk to every so often these days and I quite enjoy their company (as long as there's not too much of it). But to be honest, animals provide all the affection and companionship I need, so all I want from people are the odd friendly conversation every now and again.

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I kind of swing between wanting a relationship, and then not. What I really want is a kid, actually, but then I feel like if I get into teaching horseback riding like I plan, then I'll have all the kids I can ever want.

I feel like I get enough companionship right now. I have a best friend who is closer to me than Watson is to Holmes, I'm a 4H leader and a riding instructor so I have lots of little rugrats to teach and play with... I'm pretty okay like this. But I guess if someone comes along and is really awesome, I won't say no.

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Being alone is my ideal way to be. I do love being around peopl though too. I always seem to be able to make friends even if I don't always keep them. My job is very social and I live in a big city so like others have said, just being around a bunch of strangers is enough. I have actually never lived alone I'm 35 and I have always lived with family, or friends or had roomates. I have been seeking my first solo living situation at this very moment. So, while I do suround myself with company that I do need, I also spend huge swaths of time by myself. I have always felt lucky to be so happy in solitude!

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words are futile devices

I never quite know how to answer this question. It's weird... I often feel that I want singleness and companionship simultaneously.

Sometimes I'll go for a long walk, soaking in the nature around me, listening to soft music, very peaceful in my solitude; but every now and then this bout of emptiness will seize me, where I just feel incredibly alone and I think, I'm probably going to be this way forever. And it makes me despair a little. At the same time, though, I try to picture someone walking beside me, someone that I'm committed to for life, and the thought of it makes me feel constricted. Trapped.

I think, when it comes down to it, yes, ultimately I'd be content with lifelong singleness. But I would need a deep friendship, at least one. And to keep in close contact with my family. (And some cats, definitely.) Complete and total isolation from everyone that I love would do a number on my mental health, so I know that's not an option.

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The idea makes me smile wider then I've in a while, so a definite yes.

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I never quite know how to answer this question. It's weird... I often feel that I want singleness and companionship simultaneously.

Sometimes I'll go for a long walk, soaking in the nature around me, listening to soft music, very peaceful in my solitude; but every now and then this bout of emptiness will seize me, where I just feel incredibly alone and I think, I'm probably going to be this way forever. And it makes me despair a little. At the same time, though, I try to picture someone walking beside me, someone that I'm committed to for life, and the thought of it makes me feel constricted. Trapped.

I think, when it comes down to it, yes, ultimately I'd be content with lifelong singleness. But I would need a deep friendship, at least one. And to keep in close contact with my family. (And some cats, definitely.) Complete and total isolation from everyone that I love would do a number on my mental health, so I know that's not an option.

Ugh, that's exactly how I feel. I wish I could just pick one or the other. T.T

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Guest Lady.Lizard

It scares me a abit, mostly because my village is full of old ladies who are alone, and no-one looks after them...then they die. And have an empty funeral. That scares me a bit. But i would totally get a cat, specifically a Bengal Kitten...or a black cat. :D

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I never quite know how to answer this question. It's weird... I often feel that I want singleness and companionship simultaneously.

Sometimes I'll go for a long walk, soaking in the nature around me, listening to soft music, very peaceful in my solitude; but every now and then this bout of emptiness will seize me, where I just feel incredibly alone and I think, I'm probably going to be this way forever. And it makes me despair a little. At the same time, though, I try to picture someone walking beside me, someone that I'm committed to for life, and the thought of it makes me feel constricted. Trapped.

I think, when it comes down to it, yes, ultimately I'd be content with lifelong singleness. But I would need a deep friendship, at least one. And to keep in close contact with my family. (And some cats, definitely.) Complete and total isolation from everyone that I love would do a number on my mental health, so I know that's not an option.

And I agree with this. Someone to be there when you need them would be lovely.

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There is no shame whatsoever in becoming a crazy cat lady :D

Also, just because you don't get married doesn't mean you're going to die alone. DO something with your life, be a part of a group, make a difference to someone. Honestly, I'm more concerned with how I affect other people's lives than how theirs benefits mine. Every kid I teach how to jump, every person I make laugh with my terrible jokes, every bully I make terrified to pick on someone, I will be remembered, whether anyone comes to my funeral or not.

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Moving from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

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I would be perfectly fine with it, I like being alone anyway. If it gets too much I can always get a cat.

I ain't even aromantic (...at least, I don't think?) and I'd have answered the exact same way. :P

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I find the possibility of being alone for the remainder of my life not that bad. If I'm capable of obtaining a steady source of income to fully engage in my interests,then I see no use for others in the grand scheme of things. Actually I've always fantasized about living with mannequins. I would have one or two in every room.

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Waist of Thyme

I want to live alone in the sense that I want to have a house to myself, but I want friends to spend thyme time with.

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I am already there................. The only major unknown going forward, is job security. and apparently the older you get, the harder it is to win a job, so the impact of a potential redundancy, could be life-changing, I guess. Uncertainty is the only certain thing I know now, maybe?

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  • 2 weeks later...

As A fellow aromantic myself (although I do have homoromantic tendencies) i'd be curious to gather your opinion as to whether you would be completely satisfied with being alone for the rest of your life or whether you'd hope to seek out someone with whom you could have a permenant friendship/companionship with, there are times when I feel I am more content by myself, having never dated or been in a relationship so I wouldn't have to worry about all of the hassle that comes with that stuff (Never plan to marry or have kids anyway if my sexual orientation were to change) but there are other times when I do start to feel a little bit lonely and wish I did have someone to talk to and do things with, what is your opinion on this matter? would you be fine with being alone and craving loneliness?

One of my mantras is "now is not forever." Just because something is the right choice for me now or works for me now doesn't mean that it will continue to work for the rest of my life. Good things come and go, and different good things come along. My friends from high school are not my best friends now, because I've met new people that follows a career path closer to mine, and I can better relate to them better. That doesn't diminish the value of my high school friends. I'm delighted to have them in my life.

My best friend and I live in different states now, and as much as I'd love to be near her again, I'm not ready to give up my livelihood and become platonic life partners. I've considered it, but the thought of having her as a roommate just seems infinitely stressful and destructive. We'd rather be neighbors.

Yes, I get lonely. Yes, I like the notion of a platonic companion. But asking someone to commit to a life partnership feels selfish to me, because I feel I would be doing it to serve myself and not them. It's weird and confusing to me. People are confusing. So I just keep them as friends.

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nowheregirl457

Well I'm only 16 now so I can't really judge anything but I guess:

- go to college

- work in fashion or maybe interior design

- not get married :D

- maybe have a girlfriend (I'm homoromantic)

- live alone in the countryside, near to family perhaps

- have a couple of dogs :3 <3

- I don't want children, but I would love to be an aunty or something to someone, that they could come and stay with me whenever or discuss problems with me and stuff :)

- love life

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I'd like a little house, with a few shopping areas within walking distance. A job I like, I could see myself doing a lot of things, owning a little cafe, or working at a farmer's market, or actually using my anthropology degree(not quite finished). What I'd like most at the moment though, is some bandmates, because it's getting pretty lonely making music by myself. I'd also like some asexual(aromantics especially) friends irl. I already travel, but I'd enjoy having a friend to tag along. I don't even really have any friends anymore. So, hopefully, my future won't involve me just being old and lonely.

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MarieAntoinette

My fantasy would be for me to live in New York, work in a museum or gallery as a curator. I have my own cozy apartment with a kitty or two, or maybe a loft filled with friends. We would all go shopping in cool indie stores and catch a foreign film. End the day cooking a delicious meal and just chatting about anything and everything. Also, lots and lots of travel, preferably with friends or family to share the experience with. As I get older though, I'd like a cozy little cottage somewhere by the sea, hopefully with a very close friend/companion. And lots of animals, cats, a Great Pyrenees dog, maybe a horse or two. Hopefully I'll figure out a way to make this all happen :)

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TheGreatConfuser

My plans are pretty flexible, really. Of course I want to stay single. I don't want children either; I'm not good with kids, nor do I particularly like most of them. Then again, that may just be the fact that so many of them are raised to be spoiled brats nowadays. Either way, I do want my career, either a modest house just outside of a large city or a nice apartment in the city. In addition, I wouldn't mind doing a bit of science fiction and fantasy writing as well as community service on my spare time. I don't really ask for much to be honest, although I would like to do enough activist work in civil rights movements to not fade into complete anonymity. Maybe that's just a delusional wish so many people have for the closest thing a realistic human could foresee to immortality. Now I'm rambling... sorry.

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I want to live on a farm and have lots and lots of horses!!!

I do like kids. Don't think I'd want any though. I'd love to be a teacher of some sort... either art or history ^_^ I'd prefer to work with teens, I'm not keen on snotty toddlers or squabbling Primary school kids :P. I kinda would like to think of myself as settled with a lover... *sigh* I don't know. But if I have lots and lots of ponies, and maybe a little dog, then who needs love? :P

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I hope I'm not too late for this thread.

The more I read, the more I think that instead of being a romatic, I am more of an aromantic, who wants a queerplatonic relationship. I have never felt comfortable with the notion of being in a romantic relationship and just can't 'see' those parts of my future.

Hmmm..........

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I don't want children. An ideal future for me would be my own house with a big garden and grounds with my family close by. Maybe with a dog or some other animals. Would want to stay in my house and grounds spending most of my time alone studying, sometimes being around my family, listening to music, being with my animals, online researching and occasionally going out places to eat or shopping etc. Not fussed as long as it's not anything to do with romance or relationships.

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I am so pleased to find this post as I have never wanted a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter. I personally feel It not worth the hassle and don't feel the need to have anyone in my life, family and friends is all I need. ( I now know I am aromantic so thanks for this.)

In the future I would like to have my own house with a huge garden, a career in languages because that's what I enjoy and I am currently studying. Also would like to travel all over Europe and having at least 5 dogs Alsatians (when done with travelling) because they can protect you when alone. Also there is no chance of me having children either as just don't want to be tied down. If get all this will be completely happy although family don't get it though they think Its sad, no matter what you tell them maybe one day they will believe me when I say I am happy being alone.

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I'd like a strong social circle to keep me going through the days. I hesitate on the idea of being with a lifelong partner, but that may be because I'm just too cynical to think someone could love me long-term. But then I realize I'd probably need the sex part of the equation filled somehow ideally, so I'd like the qpr to have that aspect covered. I wouldn't want to venture through life alone as I got older though - I'd like someone around just in case my chronic pain left me bedridden again. But that's just selfish thinking. I could probably get by being alone (I've managed so far), yet a strong foundation of a handful of friends would be preferable. (No kids, no pets. no unnecessary chaos from a job.)

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I would like a committed living companion(s), and a steady living situation. Really, there's a side of me that can be described as "traditional" despite all the ways in which I diverge; I want to settle down somewhere sooner than later, with a quiet yet engaged life inside and outside the home. Being asexual makes it harder, being aromantic makes it even harder.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Currently I'm working towards a long held dream (since I was in my teens) of buying a 30ft sailboat to live on. I want to learn to sail better and eventually be able to cross oceans. I'd love to see as much of the world as I can get to. In 2015 I'm going to attempt to walk across the U.S. for my first continent on foot, recreating a solo walk done by a woman in 1915. I've been in training for that for a couple years now. That's as far as I've looked into the future so far. I figure those dreams will cary me into my 40's. I've also always wanted to build a cabin in the woods, by hand, with hand tools. Not necessarily to live in permanently, perhaps just a couple years but just as something to do. That could be a good thing to do with my 50's. That's how I've always pictured my life, as a sort of wandering monk/adventurer. I'd like to die doing something active when I'm in my 70's at least, I'd rather make it to my 90's as I have a few ancestors who made it that far. I've always pictured myself getting hit by a truck while riding my bike, or drowning at sea or something. I feel like my position in life affords me the freedom to not give a damn about my future and just enjoy life. I also expect I may have to take some time in my 60's to take care of my folks as they aproach their own deaths. Gotta be there for family. I have many trades that I have learned that can support such a life style so onward 'till I can't go any further! :)

Hi! I'm new!

*gasp* Kellam, are you my doppelganger?!?

I also have the "build a cabin by hand" aspiration. Houseboats = <3

I'm pretty sure I identify as aromantic. My future life plans have never involved family or children (maybe taking care of my parents), but have always been happily solitary - preferably with a tenured faculty position at a good college somewhere!

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Single bliss with my daughter and cats.

I just view it as being independant and not belonging to another person.

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My dreams for the future shift a bit day-by-day, but no matter what, they will probably always involve music :)

Originally, I planned on starting a private teaching studio and eventually becoming a college professor, but I've also dreamed about pursuing ethnomusicology, and doing field work all over the world, especially in Brazil. Nowadays, I'm starting to wonder if composition is what I want to pursue further, and if I compose, I would love to be relevant as a percussion composer and a video game composer especially.

Part of me wouldn't mind living with a friend or relative, but I also would really enjoy having a place to myself filled with all the instruments I play. I would love to keep close friends and family in my life one way or another, and while I want to be successful in what I do, I don't necessarily want to be all that famous. My dreams shift, but as long as music is in my life, I'll be happy.

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I don't want a mortgage so I plan on avoiding that while being able to achieve other plans. I also do not want to live in america. It is a great country with a lot of different and cool places to be but since i have been here my whole life I am bored of the American lifestyle. In terms of location, right now My first choice would be Switzerland where I could speak english and french which I want to learn more of, then my second choice i think would be somewhere in the UK. I guess within an hour of London since that is the only place I am familiar as of now and i also consider myself an anglo-file and i like the british accent a lot. My next choice would be Australia or New Zealand or both. Well Ideally both, that would be really cool. In terms of living with someone, right now I hope and plan to never get married or be in any romantic relationship at all. I like having a lot of friends so I will live with my really good friends, hopefully i will know them well by that time. I would like to live with both males and females if possible. Honestly the only way I can comfortably imagine that working for me is for all of us to be aromantic or asexual. I cannot handle living with people who are clearly together. It will bother me too much, I wish to simply live with my best friends and for me that can easily be both females and males. I would love to live with a female friend as long as we have our separate bathrooms and that stuff. It would be cool if it is the two of us but I think it would be better/more fun if it was a small group of us.

I don't want any of the american living features or properties or any of that. i want to be different and very unique and hopefully develop my own living and developing HQ somewhere so I can travel for weeks or months and then be able to come to my HQ and be free to invent, experiment, develop and build. I want pets: a doxin, meerkat and maybe penguin.

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