Emotional attraction to women, Physical attraction to men

[lily300]

I've noticed that I have a much more difficult time trying to connect to men emotionally. I also feel like I could have a relationship with a woman (haven't had one though) but more than likely there would be no sex involved. I've always found men to be attractive, have had crushes on them, but there seems like there is something missing. Sometimes I think I just haven't met the right guy yet, but I don't know.

[Asha]

lol You and most of the rest of the world's females. It's the differential gender conditioning. Society tries to make the sexes much more different than they really are and then people wonder why the divorce rate is so high, when females are socialised to be sensitive to feelings and expressing them, and males steered in the other direction. Similarly, you'd have been socialised toward looking for attractiveness in males. I was falling in love with females as well as males from a young age. Back then, same-sex r/ships were not a recognised option as now, so I sort of blocked out 'attraction' toward the females as it didn't fit within the schema given me of how the world HAD to be. I then spent most of my life with men (all of whom I picked as physically attractive), whilst being almost magically attracted to certain females and feeling I had to suppress it. When I finally had sex with a woman, it was like having my eyes opened for the first time. I finally realised what all the fuss was about re: sex. But then I became asexual.

You say there'd likely be no sex involved with a woman, but I'd have though that went without saying. Aren't you asexual? Would you be having sex with a guy?

(Btw, there are varying levels/types of physical intimacy to be had with a woman.) If I were you, I'd be considering that you could just be manifesting your gender conditioning in focusing on males as objects of attraction, at the same time as reflecting on whether if there weren't such societal expectations, if you'd be finding any type of females in particular more attractive to you than others. Remember also, the divide doesn't have to be black and white. You may relate well to a few males who are more sensitive, yet prefer physical intimacy with certain types of women only, if you had it.

[Guest]

Hi and welcome to AVEN, lily :)

Some people have mismatching sexual/romantic orientations. If you're romantically, but not sexually, attracted to women, you would be homoromantic by definition. If you're sexually, but not romantically, attracted to men, then you'd be heterosexual. And yes, you can be a homoromantic heterosexual.

Or maybe your physical attraction to men isn't sexual? I can't gather that from your post, but you get the idea - nothing's wrong with you. Also, remember that it's up to you to decide whether you use any of these terms to describe yourself or not, no matter what the definitions say.

[lily300]

Well, I haven't had sex with a man either but I don't feel any urgency to. Some women are attractive to me but they are the ones who lean toward the androgynous side.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Some people have mismatching sexual/romantic orientations. If you're romantically, but not sexually, attracted to women, you would be homoromantic by definition. If you're sexually, but not romantically, attracted to men, then you'd be heterosexual. And yes, you can be a homoromantic heterosexual.

Yep, and this is far more common than people think.

[Hebi_Kon]

I got confused about this sort of thing too. I find myself attracted to women romantically, and I fantasize about having romantic relationships with people regardless of their gender, but usually I'm more physically/sexually attracted to male identifying people. So I class myself as a panromantic demisexual. The being attracted to males thing seems to contradict the 'pan' part, but there is a massive glaring difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction that I'd never noticed before. I haven't been intimate with either gender, and don't really desire to. I've dated men before but always felt my partner was lacking something vital... I think its easier for women in general to connect with women (not saying this is the case in every instance) because that's what's expected. Most women are more comfortable opening up to another woman rather than a man, so I guess its easier to make an emotional connection.

[Veeri]

I don't think it's a female-only thing. I knew this guy in college, who went by bisexual, but mostly gay. He said something very similar-- he preferred to have sex with a man, but would rather have a relationship, emotionally, with a woman. Apparently a lot of other queer guys in their Alliance echoed the sentiment.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I don't think it's a female-only thing. I knew this guy in college, who went by bisexual, but mostly gay. He said something very similar-- he preferred to have sex with a man, but would rather have a relationship, emotionally, with a woman. Apparently a lot of other queer guys in their Alliance echoed the sentiment.

"Men who have sex with men".

It's a huge subculture. They don't call themselves "gay". They just like having sex with men. It's a great example of how society's lack of differentiation between affectional and sexual orientations confuses people. Indeed they aren't really "gay", in the romantic relationship sense. In the wanting to marry a man sense. They just like having sex with them. And often they truly are only/mostly emotionally attracted to women.

Society doesn't get this yet. Most people think these men are simply all out gay but trying to be closeted. But it's not quite that simple and straightforward. In most cases, it's actually a case of romantic and sexual orientations being out of whack to some extent.

[Squick]

Interesting...I've been romantically and physically (but not sexually?) attracted to men, but the closest I come to sexual attraction is to women, who I have no emotional attraction to. Basically, I've enjoyed getting lap dances, and I like looking at women in that sort of environment (e.g., table dancing in a casino), but I don't want to have actual sex with a woman, and I don't want to date one.

[TheNaughtyNeutrois]

I have a lot of sex with this one guy, I'm emotionally & physically attracted to him but the idea of being in a relationship with him is both...exciting and scary. Thing is, we've dated before. He still has feelings for me and he understands that I have trouble experiencing romantic attraction. I do love him, god, so much, I'm just not in love with him.

In the circumstances of ladies, I can get aroused by femdom situations but otherwises, there's not really much of any kind of attraction going on. It's more the domination aspect the female displays or forces against me that sexually excites me. I actually enjoy performing sexual acts on females but actual sex won't happen because I can't stay aroused long enough to orgasm.

I don't desire to date either gender but if I were to be in some sort of relationship without any attachments or commitments forced upon me, I'd be really happy with that.