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Best Friend Crushes?


OkayWithIt

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OkayWithIt

I am not speaking from experience by any means, I'm just curious. Do any of you here on AVEN find yourselves crushing on your best friends or closer friends? Whether it be a hetero crush, a homo crush, or anything. I'm aware "crush" can have many interpretations, so use your own interpretation. (As some people here can experience different degrees of attraction to various aspects of a person.)

So I'd like to hear people share stories if you have them please! :) Just to pique my curiosity, honestly.

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Oh gawd yes!
I have been friends with my best friend for like 4 years and we get along so well, but last year I started developing strong feelings for her... I'm pretty sure it was the only time I have felt sexual attraction, maybe not... Yeah I think I was just forcing myself to have sexual attraction, meh.
But the thing is she is hetro, and I'm here with a massive homo romantic/sexual crush on her! I never told her, but we did get drunk a few times and ended up making out and a few things, but we were drunk :P (Pretty sure she is curious)
After that I came out to her as bisexual (it didn't feel right but I said it anyway, since I didn't relise I was more on the asexual side of the spectrum), I'm thinking about mentioning that I feel like I am asexual and pan/biromantic, but it is hard to explain to her.
To be honest I don't know if it was just a crush or I somewhat starting falling in love with her? The sexual part has gone but I feel romantically attracted to her, still. Also I'm not really a social person but I just want to spend all my time with her and could just stare at her all day (aesthic attraction yay)
I have never had such feelings for someone before :) I know she doesn't feel the same but... sigh oh well!

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candicemon

Absolutely! I have several friendships that I consider to be crush-like in nature. I love and cherish my best friends deeply and when we're together we engage in physical intimacy, be it hugging, holding hands, and sometimes cuddling. I lived with my best friend for a couple of years and we shared a room with a trundle bed. We sometimes fell asleep holding hands. I have nothing but platonic feelings for these girls but we do have an extremely close bond. They give me friendship butterflies. :)

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Littlegrandma

Yeah, basically all of my serious crushes have had three main criteria.

1. I was a closer-than-average friend with them.

2. They were male.

3. They had a girlfriend.

And if this list of criteria isn't sad enough, the past tense is intentionally misleading. It... might... still be... ya know, going on.

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Notte stellata

I've had three close friend crushes in the past few years. The first two were friends in long-term monogamous relationships, and I knew that from the start, so my crushes weren't very intense or crazy, maybe more like squishes. I didn't want to steal them from their partners; I just enjoyed their company.

The third one was someone I met on AVEN. I liked his posts, so I PM'd him and we started talking. Soon we hit it off intellectually and became very close friends. Over time, my feelings for him turned from a squish to a crush. The transition was so gradual that it's hard to pin down when it happened. Eventually I confessed my crush and found out it was mutual. :wub: Best friend crush is one of the most wonderful feelings (especially if it's reciprocated, of course), and I doubt I'll ever have a crush on someone who isn't at least a closer-than-average friend in the future.

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I only ever had crushes on people who were really special to me, although I didn't call them "best friends". They were... more than that, even before I started having romantic feelings for them. I can't explain it properly.

It doesn't happen with people I really only consider friends, as in, I've had three or four best friends in the past (including my current one) whom I never grew romantically attracted to. I've also had "special" friends I had no romantic feelings for, and I considered them like siblings. My current best friend is my brother in every way except that we're not related by blood. We argue like siblings too. :P

But yes, I can't see myself ever having feelings for a person I'm not already close to, I just need trust and mutual support and understanding to be there first. That's how my crushes began. I've had four so far, all in different times of my life.

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The Astromancer

I can get squishes easily, if I'm friends with someone.

Like everytime I talk to my ex, I get squish butterflies, because he's such a good friend.

An actual crush, I've had one, for six years.

He's demi & I told him and it kind of freaked him out...

But anyway, takes me FOREVER to get a crush :P

Lots of squishes. :3

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I have one with a good friend of mine. :)

I have known her since before she became a woman. I don't class it as a true crush, because of the amount of to e I known her. She sends me pics and all of sudden I feel happy because of them. She's amazing, I tell her everything and she does me. I can talk to her till the sun goes out and still have more to say. :)

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Yeah, I had a rather major crush on a very good friend of mine for about four years. On the fifth year we 'escalated' our friendship to the level of exclusive drinking buddies, and nowadays we are in a rather serious romantic relationship.

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sound_the_bugle

I've had a crush on and off on my best friend for years. It was most intense and longest lasting recently, but now that's faded off again. It doesn't help that he's bi, leaning more towards gay. He's also one of only two guys to whom I've ever been sexually attracted. What's interesting is that while I'm not super aesthetically attracted to him, I ran into a professor who looked like him. Before I registered that he looked like my friend, I realized he was the most aesthetically attractive man I'd ever seen and I could stare at him all day. Then as we started walking and talking, I realized he looked almost exactly like my friend when he doesn't try to look good.

That sort of happened to me with the other guy for whom I'd felt sexual attraction - if I saw someone who looked like him, I'd want to stare at them and mentally change their features so they were identical to his and then just study that face for the rest of my life. I was also willing to just stare at the guy himself all day.

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KennelTechWithHipsterGlass

Definitely. ^^" The only two crushes I've ever had were on my two best friends. One was a girl, one was a guy.

I don't think I could have a crush on someone who I wasn't best friends with. But the thing is, if you're in a relationship with your best friend and you break up, then you don't have a best friend anymore... :(

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I think I'm in love with my best friend. I've talked about this guy on another topic I created a while ago. We have a very difficult relationship. A lot of my friends say that just by looking in his eyes, you can see that he's in love with me. He asked me a month ago if I'd move with him to his country if he didn't pass this important exam. The next day he posted on his Facebook a status saying he'd fallen in love with someone, and could not bear the thought of never seeing them again and never hearing this person's voice again. I asked him if he was in love with me, and he told me he'd give me a reply after his exam, next month, because he doesn't have time for a relationship right now. I told him I'd go with him if I couldn't find a job here in Japan, and since then he's been crazy busy working for his exam to the point that we barely ever speak anymore.

I started realizing I had feelings for him when he started to withdraw in order to study for his exam. That's when I started missing him like crazy. Now I can't stop thinking about him, worrying if he's ok, getting crazy jealous (being this jealous is a feeling I'd never felt before!) when I see him with other girls. I do all sorts of things to make sure he's ok, in good health and stuff (I went as far as writing him a letter encouraging him for his exam). He told me last week I was trying too hard, and asked me if I knew what the term "best friend" means. I feel very strongly about all of my friends, but with him it's like that times 10. I'm trying really hard to control myself these days so as not to push him away. I try to keep myself busy with work and stuff, but I have really strong feelings for him and it's really hard not being able to talk to him. I talk to my friends about it, and it helps a little. I decided to try to move on this week, and I've been feeling a lot better since. I've had crushes on guys before, but I've never felt this strongly about anyone before. It's such an overwhelming feeling of tenderness, of wanting to protect the other person... and it can be painful too.

My mother tells me that love fades quickly, and your life-partner should be a best friend before anything, a person you can see yourself spending your entire life with. I think I agree! :)

Anyway, just thought I'd share my experience. ^_^

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KennelTechWithHipsterGlass

I think I'm in love with my best friend. I've talked about this guy on another topic I created a while ago. We have a very difficult relationship. A lot of my friends say that just by looking in his eyes, you can see that he's in love with me. He asked me a month ago if I'd move with him to his country if he didn't pass this important exam. The next day he posted on his Facebook a status saying he'd fallen in love with someone, and could not bear the thought of never seeing them again and never hearing this person's voice again. I asked him if he was in love with me, and he told me he'd give me a reply after his exam, next month, because he doesn't have time for a relationship right now. I told him I'd go with him if I couldn't find a job here in Japan, and since then he's been crazy busy working for his exam to the point that we barely ever speak anymore.

I started realizing I had feelings for him when he started to withdraw in order to study for his exam. That's when I started missing him like crazy. Now I can't stop thinking about him, worrying if he's ok, getting crazy jealous (being this jealous is a feeling I'd never felt before!) when I see him with other girls. I do all sorts of things to make sure he's ok, in good health and stuff (I went as far as writing him a letter encouraging him for his exam). He told me last week I was trying too hard, and asked me if I knew what the term "best friend" means. I feel very strongly about all of my friends, but with him it's like that times 10. I'm trying really hard to control myself these days so as not to push him away. I try to keep myself busy with work and stuff, but I have really strong feelings for him and it's really hard not being able to talk to him. I talk to my friends about it, and it helps a little. I decided to try to move on this week, and I've been feeling a lot better since. I've had crushes on guys before, but I've never felt this strongly about anyone before. It's such an overwhelming feeling of tenderness, of wanting to protect the other person... and it can be painful too.

My mother tells me that love fades quickly, and your life-partner should be a best friend before anything, a person you can see yourself spending your entire life with. I think I agree! :)

Anyway, just thought I'd share my experience. ^_^

Awww. :3

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Adrian0015

Crushes - the word itself gives me a shivers. I sincerely dread the moment I start feeling a crush. Almost every time i brought me nothing but despair, depression and I was lost in emotional turmoil threatening to drown me. Yeah you might have guessed - I'm enjoying one right now (... see how happy I am? - glad I get hold on my sense of humor :) ). I have endured and survived 4 maybe 5 crushes over the years. It was always with someone very special to me (best friend may it be, but there was also some special connection, something more even before crush). To make my relationships even more complicated I'm homoromantic somewhere in gray area (usually telling people I'm gay - it's easier and until recently I had no idea there might be something more to it). I usually end up telling that guy how I feel, but not before I suffer for few moths in his presence trying to deny (first) and then overcome my feelings. Since ration Homo/Hetero is pretty much in favor of Hetero, odds are really against me. Except the last last guy everyone was hetero (what are the odds? :) ). The last one wasn't especially a win either - don't take me wrong he's a great/superb/amazing guy, but he's just not there for me - he's aro ace (and that's why I ended up here, by the way - but let's stick to the original story).

First crush I told hurt the most. That guy couldn't cope with my sexuality (I have to say he tried - but it was too much for him) and I ended up loosing my best friend. It took me some time, but I got over it. It really helped me he moved away and I haven't seen him ever since. Had he stayed here as a constant reminder of my loss, it would have been much harder. The other crushes were a easier to cope with. Not that there weren't a moments when I thought I lost my friend along with my crush (and to be completely honest, it was sometimes due to my mistakes I've made - but it's really very hard to think rationally under this emotional pressure). Thank god (not a specific god in particular), friend stayed and some even actively helped me to get over my crush. As for the last crush (I'm right in the middle of) I hope it ends up well. So wish me a luck - I have some stupid emotional stuff to overcome :D :D.

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Um, yeah. I consider my roommate to be one of my 3 best friends, and the amount I care about him is ridiculous. I don't know if its a "crush" or a really super massive "squish" because I don't really want what would be seen as a "traditional relationship." Basically, I'd just like him to know how I feel and maybe add in cuddling to our existing friendship, but I'm afraid of him misunderstanding and\or freaking out.

That said, I've probably had about 5-6 crush\squishes in my life so far, and every one was with a close (male) friend. And - I've never told them, because what I want didn't match up with what they wanted in a relationship. All but the current one happened before I knew asexuality existed also - which just made all the "conflicted" feelings worse.

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Not necessarily "crush", but I love my best friends in more ways than I could ever begin to describe. Some might tell me that I'm "in love" with them, and perhaps in my own way I am, but I don't consider my feelings "romantic" on any level. I simply cannot (and do not want to) imagine my life without any of them. And they are the only three people in the world that I would likely ever consider marriage for, though it'd be because they asked and they're the only ones I wouldn't kill while co-habitating with.

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I'm heteroromantic... but... I think I have a "girl crush" (squish?) on my nurse practitioner. She and I are really close - or so I perceive, anyway - and we've known each other for 7 years. It's not purely a professional relationship, as we both talk about our families and stuff. She's old enough to be my mom, and I definitely don't harbor sexual feelings towards her or anything like that... but I do want to emulate her when I am her age. She is such an excellent person, so kind and gentle, so wonderful really. And I can tell her anything. She was the first person I told about my being ace. She keeps me grounded when I get too anxious or too suicidal to handle things on my own. She is such an essential part of my care team. I can text her outside of sessions (I only see her once a month and often I go into crisis mode in between sessions, not because of being unable to see her, but because I am relatively unstable at times) and I often do so in order to vent.

I'm sad right now though because I can't text her and won't be able to see her again until July. :( And I don't know why she's taking a month-long medical leave. I hope she's okay.

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howyoufeel_org

It happens, but like once every 5 years and always some one I know pretty well, often pass pretty quiq but some feel like they evolve to a squish insteed, but only on womans nowdays.

When I was teenager I got crushes on girls and deep sqiushes on some guy that was my friends, so I identify myself as demi-panromantic (might be demi-hetroromantic) but I feel pretty genderblind when it comes to deep sqiushes. I think I could get a crush on anyone with right personallity if I know them well enoughe.

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OkayWithIt

It's super cool hearing everyone's different (or similar) experiences! This is very interesting to me!

I have two best friends: one I've known since elementary and one I met last year in my first year of college. I love them both dearly, in a way that calling them my "best friends" doesn't really cut it (fun fact: I've never fought with either of them). Even though we didn't see each other much this year, we still stayed in touch and stuff, and we're still just as close; getting to see her is awesome, since we're so similar and think the same! Whenever friends around us crumbled, we stuck together! My newer best friend...we've bonded over so much, and have truly been there for each other in our respective rough times. I know we both feel the same connection, because we've talked about it a few times; and it truly makes me happier than most anything. It's super hard to explain what we have, but I WOULDN'T call it a crush or squish. :)

Needless to say, I love both of these people...A LOT. <3 More than they will ever know, and more than words can express.

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sound_the_bugle

I actually had a dream about a best friend crush last night. Very lengthy thing, involving a dramatic war my entire high school graduating class was drafted to fight in. We were like one big unit, and the dream did involve a bit of war. And the dream had two endings (apparently my dreams support alternate endings :blink: ). In one, he told me that he likes me as friend, as a very close friend, but nothing more (I guess a friend of ours told him?) and that he read most of my hints incorrectly. In another, he whispered in my ear that he had always loved me, and then during a speech, one of our friend-couples got engaged, he muttered, "Damn, they stole my thunder" and then snuggled me. The people around us were all like, "WHAT" and then he kissed me and the person on the podium was like, "Well, there goes my speech" and everyone anyone near us was just like, "WHOA WHAT"

I was okay with what happened in both dreams. Actually, in the second ending dream me felt momentarily uncomfortable with the snuggle, and then got over it quickly. I take this to mean that I'd be okay with both alternate endings.

What's weird about the crowd's reaction is that most of them used to assume we were a couple. Now that's more on adults to assume that, I guess.

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I actually started to make research on asexuality when I realised I was romanticaly in love with best girl friend. I always thought I was hetero with really low sexual drive, so it was kind of disturbing. It was even more weird when I realised I was still in love with my ex, with whom I kept a really close relationship. Those two people are my best friends and I only want the best for them. :) that's why when they tell me about their own crush, I get butterflies too :D

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It really is cool reading about everyone's different experiences. ^_^ I think I have another to share, actually... although the exact definition of a "squish" is something I am uncertain of. ;) However, my best friend, who is gonna be coming out here in July (*squee* :D), for a week... she is so awesome. We've gone through so many similar experiences and we're so similar even outside of our problems (for example, we both struggle with depression, but we also love Harry Potter)... I dunno. When she came out to visit for the first time in January we clicked instantly and it was really, really cool. Plus, I was super comfortable around her - at the time I wasn't calling her my best friend, although she was; I had a friend who lives closer to me who I used to call my best friend, but I was never THAT level of comfortable around her. This friend, the one that is visiting in July, I can walk around the apartment in sweats and a sports bra and be comfortable with it. My ex best friend (nothing happened, we just grew apart), I'd be ashamed if she even saw my bra anytime, if it were on me or just in the laundry bin. So yeah. I don't know, it's not a squish quite I don't think, but it's close. The friend who is visiting is just... so much a part of me now - I have known her for 9 years, and she's supported me through a lot without shying away - and I love her so much (nonromantically)... I dunno. She's just super awesome. (And she was one of the first 2 people I told about being ace. ^_^)

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I've had a crush (and I feel guilty about saying this, even though my relationship with my boyfriend is an open one) on my female friend--she lives states away now--since middle school. I could never--still can't ever--tell her how I felt/feel. We were 13 then and we're 21 now and every time I get to talk to her online, I get these die-hard butterflies and this stupid smile (have on my face right now just thinking about her). She's just amazing. Always was, always will be. It hurts to know that she and I probably could never go out. She is either bi or lesbian (I think bi) but she's also, as of late, become very sexual. (That was really heartbreaking for me to find out... I hadn't seen her since I was 16, and she wasn't like how she is now. :/ ) But I still like her. A lot. She's always been beautiful and her personality is just amazing. And I could just go on a tangent about how I feel for her, but at the same time, I can't.

She's into pirates and likes pink hair; I'm into ninjas and love blue hair... biggest ongoing 'joke': we're gonna have purple pirate-ninja babies together.

^ That is the closest I'll ever get to a more romantic relationship with her... something that will never happen. (I love how I think it is appropriate that this circumstance is not only literally speaking, but figuratively as well.)

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YES. Holy cow yes. It's awful. You want your relationship to be in this unusual middle-space between friendship and a romantic/sexual relationship, and either they think you mean romantic/sexual and they freak out and the friendship ends or they think you mean romantic/sexual and they're actually into that but then you freak out and the friendship ends. I really need to learn to just keep my mouth shut and be happy with the friendship as it is...but yet I can't let go of my daydreams of what our friendship could be like...

(Obviously, from the vehemence of my response, I've been through this. Two times were what I'd call a squish: once with my teenage best friend, which involved me freaking out, though that friendship fell apart for other reasons, and once with my college best friend, though I handled it that time with enough grace that when I hinted at the crush, she hinted at freaking out, and we quickly and tactfully moved on. Twice more with what turned out to be all-encompassing, can't-stop-thinking-about-you crushes, identical in every way to all the stories and sappy music but for a lack of sexual attraction, manifested on close-ish friends who both turned tail and fled once they realized, but misinterpreted, the depth of my feelings.)

Because I simply do not experience sexual attraction, my brain understands relationships on a purely platonic level, so when I encounter someone saying "I want to be friends, but not that kind of friend," the only context for me to interpret that would be like someone saying "I'm okay being acquaintances with you, but we aren't friends." Cognitively, I know that most people have a sharp distinction between different types of attraction -- not to mention the fact that a sexual relationship with someone like me spells out "bad news" for both parties -- but the two times that my "you're awesome, let's be better friends!" enthusiasm has been misinterpreted as romantic/sexual, the rejection has stung in a way that took me a while to understand. While I'm sure rejection hurts worse for someone who does experience/understand sexual attraction, just because I don't want to kiss the person I'm crushing on doesn't make the crush any less potent.

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Ritchie333

I have quite happily admitted to fancying the singer in my band, especially when drunk. She's attractive and photogenic and I'd be lying if I tried to claim otherwise. We both know I think this, and my other half is best friends with her (who needs soap operas when you'd got real life?) It's never gone as far as proper romance but on one or two occasions (before I started my current relationship) it's gone rather close, particularly after a few drinks in tour.

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  • 1 month later...

I just wanted to say a small good news, juts because I want it. :3

A bit higher in this post, I mantioned I was romantically in love with my two best friends..well, my best boy friend just got into a relationship! :D I'm so happy for him, it's quite disturbing :blink: they look so cute together!! :D

As CatCat said, it's difficult to stay in this particular space between friendship and romantic relatiship. Some people can, but most don't understand what it is. I mean, there is no word to discribe that yet! But I was able to be in this kind of relationship with my best boy friend. ^^ His new girlfriend isn't too happy about that, but she knows I only want what's best for him, and she's okay with that. :)

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