Asexual friend doesn't want to be asexual.

[Coco The Filly]

So Im new here, I just made an account so I could try and get some feedback on this topic, I hope that is okay.

So I have a friend who is transgender (identifies as a girl but is physically male, no hormones or surgery), asexual, and from what she can tell, aromantic. We have been good friends for a year or more now but here recently (past 4-5 months) the strength of our friendship has really skyrocketed. We talk every day for up to hours at a time and we talk about cuddling a lot. We both noticed this, and we often think of eachother as partners, but there are a few things wrong, I definitely feel romantic feelings for her but she cant seem to feel any for me, she wishes so bad that she could though. She has told me before that often she cant stand being asexual or aromantic. And that if it were her choice she'd either be a straight girl or a homosexual girly boy (which is what she is aiming for right now) and she often gets really depressed thatshe cant feel any romantic feelings for me or anyone.

She also tells me that she gets no pleasure from masterbation, but does it just as a sort of release, but has no drive to do it. She has a few things that do "turn her on" or give her an erection but they are both related to her thinking about crossdressing herself or being a girl. But nothing besides that.

So, what to do for an asexual and possibly aromantic who doesnt want to be either?

Thanks.

[RoL34]

Not all that much I'm afraid, if she's looking to "fix" herself. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, there is nothing to fix. You can't just "wish" yourself to be sexual anymore than a gay dude can wish himself straight. I do feel her pain though, I wasn't all that pleased with finding out I was asexual, and being unable to develop romantic feelings certainly puts a damper on relationships, but she has to understand that she doesn't neccesarily need these things to have a good relationship. There are plenty of asexuals and aromantics here who are in committed relationships, sometimes with other aces, sometimes with sexuals, and they make it work.

If you two really like each other, then just do what you want. If she wants to be more than friends with you, she doesn't have to be all gooey-romantic about it, I'm sure she has other ways to show her affection for you, or you wouldn't feel like partners already, right?

This is who she is, the best thing for her to do is to accept that and be okay with it. Then learning to work with what she's got becomes a lot easier.

[Coco The Filly]

( I hope this is okay)

Update: after lots and lots of talking to me she has found that she actually does really like me, so we're dating now, and it's been really great so far, thank you RoL34 and the rest of the forum. :)

So now she's re-thinking the thoughts she had about being aromantic, apparently she just needs to be really comfortable with someone before she starts feeling feelings for them, which is completely understandable. Good things. :)