Sexuals: Why are sex so important? And why do you have to do it "all the time"?

[Lady Girl]

LadyGirl: How would you classify non-penetrative mutual masturbation?

I would classify that as foreplay or complete sexual interaction with another person, it could be either or.

[sailorsenshi]

Whoa sorry I missed the warning. I understand what you mean more now.

I agree with the poster about generalizations. Wow.

1. It's a societal thing. It depends on the country and generation you are with that decide if being a virgin is bad or not. Most people I come across don't care either way.

2. I think with people being picky about that is once again social stigma. If you sleep around people associate that with being dirty. You may have stds or are "loose". I think people that prefer more virginal or pure qualities would be picky about too many partners. As long as the person is careful and clean it shouldn't matter to them. I see more people say that more partners equal more experience so they are better lovers. It's just personal preference. As long as the many partners wasn't due to cheating and they will be loyal in the relationship I don't care how many partners they have had. Though if I think about it if they date around a lot they could come off as fickle in their feelings. So maybe that's part of it.

3. Think of it like this. If your partner was a terrible cook, but never let you cook wouldn't that bother you? That's a horrible analogy. The point is if you have sexual needs and someone isn't meeting them that is one point you are incompatible on. If you met someone who met your sexual needs, but couldn't provide emotionally you wouldn't blame them for breaking up. Sex is part of the relationship. Do I think you should just break up? No. If you love them you make comprises and work out what pleases you both.

For couples that think they have to have sex all the time and the relationship isn't healthy if they don't. If sex is part of the relationship and linked to desire and love then lack of sex is seen as a problem. It would be like you stop saying I love you as much or doing whatever couple things people do. If both people are fine with less sex and feel happy without it then that's their choice. Nothing wrong with it.

A friend of mine said it something you would appreciate though. He said, " I love her so much I don't even care if we had sex. As long as I got to be with her and such that's all that matters." Its a nice sentiment and idea. I think it's possible to have a nice, loving relationship without sex. If that desire is there and it's not being met..it can be a bit frustrating. People like to have gratification.

I personally wouldn't have sex be the main point in a relationship, but I don't see anything wrong with it being a big part of it. I agree with what Forever said.

4. Haha. I think this just lies in people having conflicting views of sexuality. New generation seems to support being open and out there about sexuality. Older generations are more conservative and see that as shameful. That it's something done behind closed doors. So you have a clash of ideas being put out. Friends say go have sex it's not a big deal and parents freak out. That's a generalization, but you get my point.I wouldn't call them a slut for having lots of sex, nor would I call them a prude. As long as they were responsible with their sex life who cares.

5. I wouldn't have just casual sex. I prefer having it in a relationship only. That being said..no I don't want sex all the time. That would be exhausting. I have things to do with my life that I would rather focus on. Jobs, food, books, tv shows, or whatever people like. It's not just sex 24/7. Someone like that would be a sex addict or a nympho and they have therapies for that.

Yes, read my warning.

1: Everyone from 14 to into the 30's think it is "bad" to be a virgin. Have heard: "He [22 of age] told me he is a virgin. I do not know if I want our dating to develop". However it seem that it may be more a porblem here. Maybe it is because we learn from children schools that ALL (they literally said all) boys watch porn, and all normal persons have sex.

I'll stick with what I said. I don't see everyone seeing virginal as bad. It is normal to get harassed a bit. Most people assume if you haven't had sex it's cause you haven't dated anyone or hooked up. It just boils down to what's a social norm. Not dating, not having sex goes against what is the norm. So of course people see give you a hard time. I would say that's changing though. People do more of what they want now. You can't just destroy the pressures that are already set though. I would recommend not being offended by things like all normal persons have sex. Asexuality isn't very visible. So they are ignorant and only know what is the average. I will say though I have never heard normal people have sex. I have heard it is normal to have sex though.

2: Yes I have thought about that. However if you check yourself for diseases - and you are clean - should the x numbers of sexualpartners count? Or is it more about you want to feel special i.e that your partner only want to have sex with.. uhm.. the chosen ones.

Oh you mean multiple partners like they hook up a lot? As long as they would stay loyal in the relationship I wouldn't really care if they had a lot of hook ups previously. If they were in and out of a lot of relationships I would question how true their feelings are though. Not to say you can't love a lot of people. If it was honest to god love every time that would be one thing, but just crushes no. I would be worried I was just a crush and wonder when they would dump me. If they are clean and safe I don't see why it matters how much sex someone has.

3: I didn't understand how the chef-analogy applies. Yes I agree that you can have a relationship without sex, and that sex is often an important part of a relationship. However if you are sexually frustrated, why cannot you just mastrubate? Why do you need to have sex with a person? Is it because of that starrynight explains?

Haha ignore the chef analogy. It was a bad one. >__>;;

Masturbating isn't the same as sex. Personally I find masturbation boring. Now I can go without sex or masturbating, but I can see how it would be frustrating. I wouldn't disagree with what starrynight said. I see it differently though. First off this might go TMI so warning just to be safe. Masturbation is boring because you are doing things to yourself. Yes you can fantasize, but that's all it is. Fantasy. It's your hand or whatever you use and just you. It's sort of lonely. There aren't any surprises and it's just that. You are just doing something to get rid of arousal. I haven't ever been like oh man I love myself so much let's masturbate! It's just a task like washing dishes because you need a clean dish..another horrible analogy sorry.

It feels much better to have someone doing things to you. Feeling their warmth and whatever else. Especially if you have an emotional connection with them. Like how when you are at a concert and you get amped up with the crowd. Or if you are around someone who is glum and you feel glum. I think you can kind of feel and get caught up in the emotion another person is putting out. If that makes any sense. Not to say sex always feels better...some people are just not good at it. If someone is doing something to me just to get me off it doesn't do much for me. I can do that myself. I want the emotional and physical connection together.

4: I agree. But only in part. As I have seen this double standard many times. The same people who say a girl is prude for having too little sex, or a boy looser for having no sex. Will again say that girls and boys that have too much (where is this magic line?) sex are sluts and cheap.And then judge both of those two groups and talk behind theire backs.

I would agree it's dumb. People can be judgmental and foolish. I've heard more than three partners is too much, some say more than five. Personally I don't see why people care so much about others sex lives to the point that they get that rude.

5: Yes I understand that. However as I wrote in the start, it does not literally mean 24/7. It is just a way of simplyfying it, instead of all the time write something like: "when you feel the desire to engage an intercourse with your partner or to have a one night stand with a random stranger" and change the definitions in accordance to the situation.

I do not beleive you always want sex and think about sex all the time and are sex machines.

Yes sorry I missed that.
So why would I have sex? Is that what you mean?

I wouldn't completely know how to answer that. If I have sex it's due to mutual arousal between both parties I would think. Hmm I would have to think on this more..

[ThaHoward]

Not all sexual people engage in casual sex by a long shot. However, the emotional need of being desired can be fulfilled by a total stranger. It is probably not an enduring thing, but could lead to that for some people.

For most sexual people, sex is very different from masturbation. In fact, masturbation is different than sex for asexuals too...

Aha, thank you. Think this may be the root to the confusion. That I have not understood that casual sex is also to make bonds etc. So having sex is about confirming that you are attractive/desired and that you in a way establish a sort of special and intimate relationship with someone? Then I see, for then it is not about lowering/chessing you libido, but something entireley else. Thank you very much.

[Lady Girl]

Not all sexual people engage in casual sex by a long shot. However, the emotional need of being desired can be fulfilled by a total stranger. It is probably not an enduring thing, but could lead to that for some people.

For most sexual people, sex is very different from masturbation. In fact, masturbation is different than sex for asexuals too...

Aha, thank you. Think this may be the root to the confusion. That I have not understood that casual sex is also to make bonds etc. So having sex is about confirming that you are attractive/desired and that you in a way establish a sort of special and intimate relationship with someone? Then I see, for then it is not about lowering/chessing you libido, but something entireley else. Thank you very much.

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

[TonyG]

LadyGirl: How would you classify non-penetrative mutual masturbation?

I would classify that as foreplay or complete sexual interaction with another person, it could be either or.

Wise woman speaks again. I'm lucky to know you!

[MadRat]

Not all sexual people engage in casual sex by a long shot. However, the emotional need of being desired can be fulfilled by a total stranger. It is probably not an enduring thing, but could lead to that for some people.

For most sexual people, sex is very different from masturbation. In fact, masturbation is different than sex for asexuals too...

Aha, thank you. Think this may be the root to the confusion. That I have not understood that casual sex is also to make bonds etc. So having sex is about confirming that you are attractive/desired and that you in a way establish a sort of special and intimate relationship with someone? Then I see, for then it is not about lowering/chessing you libido, but something entireley else. Thank you very much.

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

Which often makes them sad because casual sex is what it is - casual sex. It´s not wise to hope for something more.

[Lady Girl]

I agree MadRat. I don't think people should count on that, but I do think a lot of people hope for it nonetheless.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I've seen people, both guys and girls, go into massive casual sex phases after going through a bad breakup. Often after being cheated on.

I can't really untangle the psychology of it, but there seems to be some kind of sense that they feel the quantity will be like a substitute for quality. As in, being desired superficially by lots of people will make up for having been jerked over in one meaningful relationship. They rarely actually seem to get much out of it really, or look back at that period as something positive. But at the time they often say it's fun.

When I think about it - I don't think I've ever known anyone who was into casual sex for it's own sake. It was always some kind of negative trigger that set them off.

[Member54880]

Not all sexual people engage in casual sex by a long shot. However, the emotional need of being desired can be fulfilled by a total stranger. It is probably not an enduring thing, but could lead to that for some people.

For most sexual people, sex is very different from masturbation. In fact, masturbation is different than sex for asexuals too...

Aha, thank you. Think this may be the root to the confusion. That I have not understood that casual sex is also to make bonds etc. So having sex is about confirming that you are attractive/desired and that you in a way establish a sort of special and intimate relationship with someone? Then I see, for then it is not about lowering/chessing you libido, but something entireley else. Thank you very much.

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

I wonder why a lot of people attempt that? Shouldn't it be obvious that sex is not a stable foundation for beginning a relationship?

About that difference between partnered sex and masturbation, I think that explains some of the arguments I got in with a friend of mine who wanted a sexual relationship with me. I told him it would be okay for him to cheat if he wanted sex so badly, since I can't connect sex and love, and he said 'cheating is bad under all circumstances' and 'wouldn't you [me] feel betrayed?' I told him I wouldn't, but he just couldn't understand, but I couldn't understand his perspective either. I didn't assume there was any emotional aspect with sexual needs. But are there people whose sexual needs are entirely physical vs. those who require emotional connection, and does that affect their willingness to open relationships or other compromise?

[Lady Girl]

I think there are people who don't feel okay with open relationships because it feels like a betrayal on so many levels. It's not just a physical thing for most of the people I know.

As for hoping casual sex will lead to something more permanent, I can only think that to those people it's really not actually casual. That maybe it's an attempt to lure the other person into a relationship.

[anon_anonymous]

I've seen people, both guys and girls, go into massive casual sex phases after going through a bad breakup. Often after being cheated on.

I can't really untangle the psychology of it, but there seems to be some kind of sense that they feel the quantity will be like a substitute for quality. As in, being desired superficially by lots of people will make up for having been jerked over in one meaningful relationship. They rarely actually seem to get much out of it really, or look back at that period as something positive. But at the time they often say it's fun.

When I think about it - I don't think I've ever known anyone who was into casual sex for it's own sake. It was always some kind of negative trigger that set them off.

i think it would be strange to say that all the guys i know who have had scores and scores of sexual encounters were looking for a relationship every time. whatever turns you on, really, but i assumed the opposite and that usually people that don't want casual sex are worried that it disparages or undermines their own concept of 'love'.

yeah this [hopefully] doesn't happen during a relationship, but i'm pretty sure that some people can be fairly satisfied [sexually too] without a significant partner. personally, i probably want casual and romanticized sex pretty much to the same extent [functionally not at all], it's just that i have a dismebodied wish to love someone again. this is part of sexual attraction for me, the fantasy of wanting to take someone home or whatever.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

i assumed the opposite and that usually people that don't want casual sex are worried that it disparages or undermines their own concept of 'love'.

Well, for me it's sort of like this: the only way I actually feel the concrete need to connect with someone sexually is through love in the first place. So I can't really comprehend how casual sex actually works, emotionally. I can only understand it on a totally intellectual level.

So when I think of other people having casual sex, I'm mostly "whatever floats your boat" - but it does tend to effect how I'll see them in terms of what kind of relationship I can have with them. Not because I think there's something wrong or dirty about them, but I just can't see how that emotional-sexual axis connection will be of the right type for me to actually connect with them. It would be like saying the same word in different languages that neither of us understands.

[anon_anonymous]

Well, for me it's sort of like this: the only way I actually feel the concrete need to connect with someone sexually is through love in the first place. So I can't really comprehend how casual sex actually works, emotionally. I can only understand it on a totally intellectual level.

oh, sorry - i thought you were talking about sexuals. i guessed that was what demisexual meant :)

[Guest]

Not all sexual people engage in casual sex by a long shot. However, the emotional need of being desired can be fulfilled by a total stranger. It is probably not an enduring thing, but could lead to that for some people.

For most sexual people, sex is very different from masturbation. In fact, masturbation is different than sex for asexuals too...

Aha, thank you. Think this may be the root to the confusion. That I have not understood that casual sex is also to make bonds etc. So having sex is about confirming that you are attractive/desired and that you in a way establish a sort of special and intimate relationship with someone? Then I see, for then it is not about lowering/chessing you libido, but something entireley else. Thank you very much.

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

I wonder why a lot of people attempt that? Shouldn't it be obvious that sex is not a stable foundation for beginning a relationship?

Hahaha. A cup of coffee, a trip to a museum, and a superhero movie aren't "stable foundations for beginning a relationship" either, but they're fine for a first step. Geez. Unless you believe that humans are unable to form emotional connections to people after coitus occurs, I really don't see your complaint. Whether or not two people have sex on a first date says absolutely nothing about the future of their relationship.

[ThaHoward]

Whoa sorry I missed the warning. I understand what you mean more now.

I'll stick with what I said. I don't see everyone seeing virginal as bad. It is normal to get harassed a bit. Most people assume if you haven't had sex it's cause you haven't dated anyone or hooked up. It just boils down to what's a social norm. Not dating, not having sex goes against what is the norm. So of course people see give you a hard time. I would say that's changing though. People do more of what they want now. You can't just destroy the pressures that are already set though. I would recommend not being offended by things like all normal persons have sex. Asexuality isn't very visible. So they are ignorant and only know what is the average. I will say though I have never heard normal people have sex. I have heard it is normal to have sex though.

Hehe that is okay, I was maybe not to specific, and I do not mean to sound aggressive.

or looking down on (hetero, homo, bi or pan -) sexuals in any way. It is more of a language barrier.

Mhhm that is what I thought that virginity is more a norm. Thanks for clearing that up.

Oh you mean multiple partners like they hook up a lot? As long as they would stay loyal in the relationship I wouldn't really care if they had a lot of hook ups previously. If they were in and out of a lot of relationships I would question how true their feelings are though. Not to say you can't love a lot of people. If it was honest to god love every time that would be one thing, but just crushes no. I would be worried I was just a crush and wonder when they would dump me. If they are clean and safe I don't see why it matters how much sex someone has.

That is exactly what I mean :) So you would in other words be skepticial because you might just be one of many?

Haha ignore the chef analogy. It was a bad one. >__>;;

Masturbating isn't the same as sex. Personally I find masturbation boring. Now I can go without sex or masturbating, but I can see how it would be frustrating. I wouldn't disagree with what starrynight said. I see it differently though. First off this might go TMI so warning just to be safe. Masturbation is boring because you are doing things to yourself. Yes you can fantasize, but that's all it is. Fantasy. It's your hand or whatever you use and just you. It's sort of lonely. There aren't any surprises and it's just that. You are just doing something to get rid of arousal. I haven't ever been like oh man I love myself so much let's masturbate! It's just a task like washing dishes because you need a clean dish..another horrible analogy sorry.

It feels much better to have someone doing things to you. Feeling their warmth and whatever else. Especially if you have an emotional connection with them. Like how when you are at a concert and you get amped up with the crowd. Or if you are around someone who is glum and you feel glum. I think you can kind of feel and get caught up in the emotion another person is putting out. If that makes any sense. Not to say sex always feels better...some people are just not good at it. If someone is doing something to me just to get me off it doesn't do much for me. I can do that myself. I want the emotional and physical connection together.

I understand that analogy. You are in other words just mastrubating for the sake of mastrubation? Like you are only doing it because you.. well are horny. While sex is way more intimate? It is the feeling of being loved and/or desired and that it is uch more personal?

I would agree it's dumb. People can be judgmental and foolish. I've heard more than three partners is too much, some say more than five. Personally I don't see why people care so much about others sex lives to the point that they get that rude.

I fully agree.

Yes sorry I missed that.

So why would I have sex? Is that what you mean?

I wouldn't completely know how to answer that. If I have sex it's due to mutual arousal between both parties I would think. Hmm I would have to think on this more..

Yes I think this is what all boils down to. However you have said much with like "Felling theire warmth" or "having an emotional bond". So thank you very much :)

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

Do you think (or did/do you for that sake) that people go and have casual sex in hoping it to develop more? Or is it something more... subconsiounsly (wrote it wrong, hope you understand it)? Or is it a mix between both?

[Lady Girl]

Yes, some people engage in casual sex hoping that it will lead to something more permanent.

Do you think (or did/do you for that sake) that people go and have casual sex in hoping it to develop more? Or is it something more... subconsiounsly (wrote it wrong, hope you understand it)? Or is it a mix between both?

It's probably more of a secret hope, not something they would tell their friends. Although I could see it going either way. You know young couples used to marry or were forced to marry if a girl got pregnant. It was probably like that for thousands of years. I kind of think it could be a subconscious leftover from those kinds of situations.

[sailorsenshi]

Sorry for not quoting this if it's any trouble.

Yes ThaHoward. I would probably be a bit skeptical. I have a hard time trusting people as is. I think actions speak louder than words so I generally will judge people by what's done versus what's said. Not to say actions can be misunderstood. Communication is important to make sure things aren't mixed up.

I thought about your question about why do I have sex and really all I could think of was it's like an appetite thing. I can desire/ crave it, but that doesn't mean I have to do it. For me personally there has to be some kind of stimulus to be there, such as a lover, to initiate that arousal. Once you feel aroused you can either a. do something about it, sex or masturbate, or b. move on with yourself. Like I can crave apple pastries and I can either get off my bum and make one, or just decided to eat something else.

So many food analogies @__@

Something I will say while it may hold no place to in this, but who knows. I used to previously identify as asexual. I guess by the terms on here I would be considered demisexual. I have noticed that there are times that while I would be aroused I have no desire to have sex or anything. So I guess I am trying to say that arousal doesn't always mean desire. So both have to be there in order to have sex, for me personally. It's not just I'm horny let's screw. (I do so hate the word horny)

[sound_the_bugle]

Your third question relates to this article I just stumbled upon:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/16/why-men-cheat_n_3093750.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl7%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D300386

I find it interesting. I'm not opposed to open marriages, especially when it's a mixed relationship, but I'm confused as to why people would cheat without discussing it ahead of time just because they don't feel satisfied sexually. So I guess I'm throwing a slightly different twist on the same question in here. And it may have already been answered, I don't know. I'll actually read through the entire thread tomorrow when I'm more awake.

[Notte stellata]

Your third question relates to this article I just stumbled upon:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/16/why-men-cheat_n_3093750.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl7%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D300386

I find it interesting. I'm not opposed to open marriages, especially when it's a mixed relationship, but I'm confused as to why people would cheat without discussing it ahead of time just because they don't feel satisfied sexually.

I can think of at least two reasons:

First, because of the prevailing mono-normativity, most people would freak out if their partner said "I want to have sex with someone else" or even "I'm attracted to someone else". Simply being attracted to someone else equals "not loving one's partner anymore" to many people. Of course, this doesn't justify cheating, but from the cheater's perspective, it's much easier to be sneaky than to deal with all the drama caused by the "I want to have sex with XYZ so can we open our relationship up" discussion.

Second, many people find cheating exciting precisely because of its sneaky nature. They're even turned off by ethical non-monogamy, because everything is open and there's no thrill of secrecy.

[cerenatee]

Hi, usually I just read and lurk but I can't see any harm in answering your questions. Just know this is for me and not a representation of everyone sexual.

1: It's not bad to be a virgin, per se, unless you don't want to be a virgin. That's when there's a problem. Usually it's because the person is really shy or uncomfortable around the sex they're attraced to or just not that attractive themselves. The reason behind why they're virgins makes it a problem, not being a virgin in and of itself. And when it comes to dating a virgin guy, it's because good sex has a learning curve and some women don't want to be practiced on. Most guys with no sexual experience fumble and orgasm quickly and it's just not that good. Then they're apprehensive about their performance and that sucks too (assuming they're out of their teens. Teens have the ignorance of youth and are usually very cocky even though they suck).

2: Some people want sex to be reserved for them and think if you've had a lot of sexual partners, sex doesn't mean that much too you. You don't have the same values they have so they move on. Some people are insecure and jealous of you being with other people. In that case, they need to either get over it or move on. As far as too little sex, see 1 above.

3: For most people, sex is more than a bonus. Sex is one of the primary attributes in a relationship, depending on your age. It seems to fade in importance as people get older, which makes sence. The desire to procreate fades with age also. I would compare sex to joy. Yes, there are other positive emotions I can have, many other ones, but joy is important to me and I don't want to live my life without it. Or it's like having kids. Even if I have 10 kids that I love, the loss of one would hurt and affect my relationship with all the other ones. If sex is important to you, sex is more than a way to bond; it's important in its own right.

4: I think it's only bad to have too little sex if you want to have more sex or your partner wants to have more sex and you don't. As for why too much sex is bad, see 2 above.

5 Sex is like eating. I want to eat on a regular basis and I want to have sex on a regular basis. It's pretty biological really because a lot of people that go on SSRI antidepressants completely lose their sex drive.

Now back to lurking.

[The B]

1. Why is it so bad to be a virgin? Have many times seen people who think of themselves as loosers since they are virgins at the age of for an instance 20 years of age, or that if someone is in love with a guy, but founds out he is a virgin he becomes less attractive for not having a lot of experience.

There's a flip side of virgins being considered more attractive/desirable too, especially virgin women. In a relationship, if one person is much more experienced than the other, that can be helpful and attractive on both sides. The less experienced partner is being guided and taught and opened to a whole new world of experiences, and the "teacher" (if you will) is enjoying the genuine first reactions to it all from the "student".It's less fun when there's guilt attached for whatever reason. Maybe someone feels like they "should" have experience because they're attractive, smart, funny, whatever - they see themselves as a good match, so why haven't they been fucked yet? Some people are perfectly fine with never being fucked, because they chose it for some reason. Other people don't want to be virgins because they want to prove something to somebody or themselves. Outsiders can wonder what's "wrong" with somebody if they're "still" a virgin when society thinks they shouldn't be anymore. It can also feel weird to be in a relationship with a much more experienced person if you don't want them "teaching" you. Even worse if they just THINK that they know everything and won't acknowledge that you might still know some things even though you don't have the experience. It's like you read the book and went to the lecture but haven't done the labs or had the field experience yet. It can happen.

2. I've also seen someone who want to know how many theire current, or potential, partner have had sex with, and even dump them if they have had too much sex or too little. Why should this matter? Shouldn't you be living in the moment?

It can signal some things about the other person that might be important, depending on how you see people. If having sex is important to you and someone admits that they've been in loads of long-term relationships but only had sex with a tiny number of them, it might mean it'll be tough for you to get some out of them. On the flip side, if someone's been with loads and loads of people, and sex isn't a huge deal to you, you might wonder if they'll just see you like a sex object, expect sex, etc. And there's the whole cornucopia of diseases they might have, random children that could pop up, etc. if they're especially promiscuous.

3. Why is sex so important in realtionships? Many times (at least from my experiences) people break of because of too bad sex or to little sex. Like for example: I love him (blah blah blah ...) but his penis is too small, I think the realtionship is failing. Why should sex matter so much? If you are in love with your partner, shouldnt that count and sex just be a pleasent "bonus"? I can see that sex is personal, bonds you togheter etc, but why should this matter so much when you also have many other things you can do together and express your love?

I think a lot of it boils down to our monogamous culture, personally. I'd venture to guess that most girls have a penis size they find preferable (big isn't always better), or even a shape or girth. Getting the right kind of satisfaction can be a big deal. And, it's usually important for a good majority of your sexual preferences to mesh. If you like oral and your partner doesn't, that'll be tough if you start to really want it. If you're never able to cum because your guy's penis just isn't quite the right length or girth, that can be tough to deal with the lack of satisfaction of it all. Sex isn't always completely about the person involved, there's also a sort of selfish "hunger" of a desire to acheive maximum enjoyment...a craving...almost like an instinct? And if you're not getting there, you can start craving something else and finding flaws elsewhere in the relationship, or, flaws in the relationship can make sex problems seem like a bigger deal.

4. Why is it bad to have much sex? Why should not people have so much sex they want and not be named a slut? And the other way around, why is it taboo to have to little sex?

No idea. I don't buy into most of that crap. The worst opinion that I have is that I mostly consider it kind of "slutty" to have sex way too "early" in a relationship (like, before the fourth date I guess), but that's just because I worry that it's more about the lust and the sex itself than the love involved (and people always lie and say "no I love him", not "nah, I really just wanted to fuck somebody!"). I think the dishonesty of it all bugs me most. If you just want to casually screw around, do it, and own it. Don't pretend you fell in love with everything about the person you barely know.

5. and lastly (for now): Why do you want to have sex "all the time"? Both in and out of relationships? Is it like you are having it terrible out of hornyness (like abstinences from tobacco or heroin) or is it just something you would like to do to please yourself?

Sure, it can be kind of like an addiction. But I think it's more of an instinct. I read somewhere something like, "a lot of people think that it's an instinct to breed, but the instinct is more to have sex, and the having kids is a side effect of the instinct." I agree with that idea. It's fun, feels good, releases good stress-relieving chemicals in your brain, promotes peace and partnership (arguably) - look up the studies on bonobos and what effect their casual sex has on their socialization. They're a very peaceful, fun-loving species. For me, it's mostly about seeking my own personal pleasure. I do like pleasing my partner, but if I don't get my satisfaction I am NOT happy.

[Lindja]

Disclaimer: Unless I say that I know people like this or that I have personal experience, anything I say is my own (potentially uninformed) opinion or theory.

1: Why is it so bad to be a virgin? Have many times seen people who think of themselves as loosers since they are virgins at the age of for an instance 20 years of age, or that if someone is in love with a guy, but founds out he is a virgin he becomes less attractive for not having a lot of experience.

I think being more/less attracted to virgins is not as one-sided as this question implies. Some people desire virgins more highly for a slew of psychological or practical reasons: because they long to return to the perceived innocence virgins hold (maybe inspired by guilt or shame about sex/sexuality); because they enjoy the paternal/maternal experience of guiding someone through a new, intimate experience; because of physical reasons (tight vagina for females/potential for multiple sequential orgasms for males) -- to name what I can think of right now. Some people prefer experienced sexual partners for an equally varied spectrum of reasons: because they think there is a correlation between quantity of past sex and sexual capability; because they function under the assumption that if someone was capable of having sex they would have, so they must be undesirable/incapable. Society pushes sex as THE fulcrum of life, and many people buy into it because it feels really good (and the desire for sex is much like the desire for food - basic, difficult to ignore, pleasurable to indulge, increases with abstinence). This idea can become ingrained and used as a premise for arguments people are unaware they're making. I believe guys also strive for macho-ness and commonality, both of which contribute to viewing sex as a socially shareable achievement rather than an intimate expression of attraction, desire, or love.

2: I've also seen someone who want to know how many theire current, or potential, partner have had sex with, and even dump them if they have had too much sex or too little. Why should this matter? Shouldn't you be living in the moment?

If you wanted to bet on a horse, you would look into its performance in past events to see if you thought it was capable of winning the race. When your horse doesn't win, it's very frustrating and your investment is lost.

If you want to have sex with a person (let's assume this is for the sake of the sexual experience, not a romantic experience), you would want that person to be capable of performing. To know this, you would want to see if they have done so in the past. The number of partners metric is probably flawed, though, as attracting a partner is not as simple as presenting a persuasive powerpoint on your sexual capabilities. Attracting a sexual partner is often a matter of confidence, physical beauty, and some other combination of attractive, non-sexual factors (wit, perceived empathy/sincerity). Regardless, people still use this as a rule of thumb: "If someone has never had sex, it's probably because they are incapable of finding someone willing to have sex with them rather than because they choose to be abstinent." Again, this is based on the assumption that sex itself is desirable.

3: Why is sex so important in realtionships? Many times (at least from my experiences) people break of because of too bad sex or to little sex. Like for example: I love him (blah blah blah ...) but his penis is too small, I think the realtionship is failing. Why should sex matter so much? If you are in love with your partner, shouldnt that count and sex just be a pleasent "bonus"? I can see that sex is personal, bonds you togheter etc, but why should this matter so much when you also have many other things you can do together and express your love?

Many people that I have met are superficially focused for any number of reasons (being hurt in the past, being afraid of commitment, actually being superficial people >.>). If you are not particularly interested in anything as deep as love, sex is a nice way to pretend to be in love because it is an incredibly strong, primal feeling (though it ebbs and flows). Usually people feel that a purely sexual relationship is wrong because of guilt that they have or pressure from society. Sex as an end rather than a means is still a relatively new concept for society. Some people expect things to go with sex (cuddling, breakfast in the morning, dinner dates, romance) because of what they personally want other than sex and can't separate from it or because of media and social portrayals of relationships.

4: Why is it bad to have much sex? Why should not people have so much sex they want and not be named a slut? And the other way around, why is it taboo to have to little sex?

'Slut' may be an idea that was invented to enforce male dominance and female subservience or it could be a projection of envy (or, more rarely, disapproval at spending too much time on a nonproductive activity). Having too little sex can lead people to subconsciously believe the person is somehow averse to sex (which is not understandable and hence fear-worthy) or that the person is incapable of having sex. This belief has the same premise mentioned before: that sex itself is desirable.

5 and lastly (for now): Why do you want to have sex "all the time"? Both in and out of relationships? Is it like you are having it terrible out of hornyness (like abstinences from tobacco or heroin) or is it just something you would like to do to please yourself?

Personally, I have sex for reasons of intimacy and exclusively inside of relationships. The fact that it feels exquisite is a very nice bonus (and part of the intimacy). Outside of relationships (or inside relationship with communication), I think masturbation is a perfectly good way to get rid of the (real) negative side effects of pent-up sexual desire. In answer to your last question, yes. Most people really enjoy sex and also can become somewhat irritable without it due to chemical imbalances.