Daily Mail on Saturday acticle on Asexuality

[Jetsetter75]

Reading today's Daily Mail, in particular Bel Mooney's relationship page. A gentleman, identified and labelled himself as Asexual, Como g to terms with the reality of the future.

Hopefully it's another avenue where readers/public can become understanding to asexuals and less judgemental.

[Cymry]

Is it not online?

[Janus the Fox]

It is online, here the link--- Daily Mail - Bel Mooney - Sex disgusts me but I'm desperate for love scroll down a bit for the article quoted here with a response.

Sex disgusts me but I'm desperate for love

DEAR BEL

I am 39 and have never had a girlfriend, let alone a relationship.

For me, sex is out of the question. I’ve never been attracted to men, so I know I’m not gay. I love women and appreciate good looks, but I’ve never tried to have sex because the whole thing disgusts me.

I’m affectionate and don’t mind hugs, cuddles and kisses, but that’s as far as I will go in any relationship. There’s no dark secret (such as abuse) in my past.

I don’t remember sex ever being discussed at home — my parents were probably too embarrassed, though they showed affection to me.

They divorced when I was 12 and I lived with my mother, who never had another relationship. Occasionally my dad would ask, ‘Are you still a virgin?’

Kids talked about sex at school, but sex education at 14 alienated me still further. After watching an educational video in a lesson, I thought, ‘I’m never doing that!’ Not much has changed since.

I think I am probably asexual but would like to be in a celibate relationship.

I read in the Mail (Femail, January 31) that only one per cent of people are asexual. Of this one per cent, half of them are gay and the other half men. Does this mean there are no asexual women?

Am I going to be single for ever? I am desperate for a loving relationship with a woman as long as it is celibate. Is there any advice you can give?

Knowing you are in such a minority must be very isolating, especially as we live in such a highly sexualised society.

My recent postbag also contained a letter from a 50-year-old lady who writes: ‘I am an attractive, vibrant, lovely woman and am so scared to get intimate with a man because I’m scared of total rejection as I can’t DO THE SEX THING.’

She believes this is due to a medical condition; yours is a mental state.

Both letters are cries from lonely hearts and I feel very sorry for the pain they express.

But I am going to start by giving you some advice you may find strange.

You wrote to me on two small sheets of lined paper, which can only mean you do not use email. A man of 39 who is not computer-literate is, I’m afraid, an anomaly and I sincerely suggest it’s time for you to do something about this.

This is the point: through the computer you will find information as well as help and possible companionship.

So the best thing I can do is to urge you to invest your last penny in a laptop or tablet and either get a friend to teach you or find a local course — and start living more ‘widely’. Trust me, you won’t regret it. Do it immediately.

Once you’re online, you can visit a very interesting website: platonicpartners .co.uk.

This is an information/meeting/dating site for people just like you.

They even have a ‘traffic light’ system so that people you may meet know exactly how you feel about physical contact — for example, some people don’t even want hugs.

You will also be able to follow links to essays on platonic love as well as sites like asexuality.org. This is American, but I think it will interest you.

One more thing — you tell me you have never had a girlfriend or a relationship then say that hugs and cuddles are as far as you will go in any relationship.

You say your parents never talked about sex, then quote your father’s crude, tactless question.

Something doesn’t add up — yet I am sure your letter is genuine. As well as learning computer skills, I feel it would be a good idea for you to seek some counselling (you could ask your GP about this, until you can look online) to try to sort out some of the confusions which beset you.

One day you may well find that, in a loving relationship with the right person, hugs and cuddles will lead to the tender expression of mutual love which is sex at its best.

Or maybe not . . . but either way, you have to put in some work to help yourself on the journey towards a happier life.

[crime_fighting_kitten]

Okaaaaaay

So you have to be online or you're not living. I don't think its a necessity to be computer literate to live a happy life...saying that, I have 5 computers.

Asexuality is a 'mental state' - this just gets me feeling all wrong. Not quite sure how to phrase it but it just doesn't sound like something I'd personally like to say about myself.

Then again, this is the Daily Mail we're talking about. I read it with low expectations.

[tristifere]

awww man, reading that letter breaks my heart :( I hope that man can find his way to AVEN or some other asexy community or a dating site so he won't feel so alienated. I had to lol a little bit though when he wrote that half of the asexuals are men, and the rest are gay, so all asexual women are lesbian.

As for the response.... well it's the daily mail. What do you expect? At least they tried to help the guy and did not totally reject the idea that he is asexual. Though the whole "go see a GP and hopefully you'll be able to enjoy sex!" rubbed me the wrong way. Of course that solution is only possible when you meet the right person....