"An asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction." Well. I don't know? What am I? -TMI-

[WHATAMI???]

Okay. So. I'm a male. I guess I like sex. Getting off is just dandy. But I feel as though my self-worth is tied up in having sex as opposed to me actually enjoying it. I'm attracted to people I guess, but knowing they enjoy my company and appreciate me is way more important. Like, I love going down on my girlfriend and making her orgasm more than I would enjoy an orgasm for myself just because I know she's having a grand ole time. I feel good and I guess important for making that happen.

I also enjoy that cuddling, open talking, cigarette smoking, time after sex way more than I do sex, I wish there was a way to fast forward to that but there really isn't.

I can look at a girl, talk to her, and appreciate that she's attractive, and want to have sex with her, but it's more that I want to have had sex with her, and I want that feeling of closeness and intimacy with her, even if I don't want a relationship, like instead of a sex addict, a post-sex-cuddle addict xD

I also think I don't have a real sex drive, as in I don't get hard easily, almost never unless I get touched first. Which I think is more of a physiological reaction than me being horny. I've tried to stop masturbating like some websites have told me to do, but I really don't think that's the problem.

I also don't think I feel a separation between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, which makes me think I'm lacking some sexual attraction most people have, like I can't close my eyes and think of someone I "have a crush on" and think about having sex with her. And I can be attracted to a face, or a personality, or an intellect. Like, "This girl likes the Pixies and Pulp Fiction? I should get to know her."

But. Like if a dumb girl has a nice ass, I can recognize that, but I'm not attracted to her. And I only like girls.

What would you guys call that?

And sorry if this was a pain in the ass to read or too pornographic I'm just trying to get a lot out in a limited space xD

[Ravako]

Question: Do you feel sexual attraction to people? If yes, then you likely are not asexual. If no, then there's a chance you are.

"I can look at a girl, talk to her, and appreciate that she's attractive, and want to have sex with her." Sounds like sexual attraction to me, but only you would know that for sure.

[AndyJH]

I was debating on wether to coment or not but I'm slightly confused with what you wrote but elaborating on what Ravako has already said

You do seem to have a sex drive as you said you enjoy pleasuring your girlfriend but yet you also say you have have have little sex drive to begin with

This is what is confusing me but then again I have never been in the same sittuation.

Maybe you could think that in order to keep your girlfriend happy that you need to have sex with her to keep her with you or interested

Or that if its anything to do with low self esteem or self worth.

But I cant realy say yes or no to your question because I think the answers lie with the person

[Ravako]

Andy, asexuality =/= low sex drive. Please do not confuse the two. A sexual orientation (or lack thereof) focuses primarily on the gender of the person someone is sexually attracted to. Plenty of asexual people have sex and enjoy it. Plenty of asexual people do not have sex and enjoy that as well. But what both of those categories have in common is that they do not feel sexual attraction to their partners (or people in general, I suppose), which is why I only had one question in my post: Do you feel sexual attraction to people? It has nothing to do with whether the person in question enjoys sex.

[shockkkk]

Andy, asexuality =/= low sex drive. Please do not confuse the two. A sexual orientation (or lack thereof) focuses primarily on the gender of the person someone is sexually attracted to. Plenty of asexual people have sex and enjoy it. Plenty of asexual people do not have sex and enjoy that as well. But what both of those categories have in common is that they do not feel sexual attraction to their partners (or people in general, I suppose), which is why I only had one question in my post: Do you feel sexual attraction to people? It has nothing to do with whether the person in question enjoys sex.

If he could answer that question, this thread wouldn't exist.

To the OP, there's no real good answer to your question. I would just read around on this site and see if you relate strongly to other people here.

[Ravako]

Andy, asexuality =/= low sex drive. Please do not confuse the two. A sexual orientation (or lack thereof) focuses primarily on the gender of the person someone is sexually attracted to. Plenty of asexual people have sex and enjoy it. Plenty of asexual people do not have sex and enjoy that as well. But what both of those categories have in common is that they do not feel sexual attraction to their partners (or people in general, I suppose), which is why I only had one question in my post: Do you feel sexual attraction to people? It has nothing to do with whether the person in question enjoys sex.

If he could answer that question, this thread wouldn't exist.

Yes, well, unfortunately that's the only question that really matters to be answered. It has nothing to do with whether they enjoy sex, and I felt that needed clarifying before the poor guy got even more needlessly confused.

But you're right, reading around the forum should be a great way to gauge whether the O.P. relates in that way if they cannot answer it themselves.

[shockkkk]

Andy, asexuality =/= low sex drive. Please do not confuse the two. A sexual orientation (or lack thereof) focuses primarily on the gender of the person someone is sexually attracted to. Plenty of asexual people have sex and enjoy it. Plenty of asexual people do not have sex and enjoy that as well. But what both of those categories have in common is that they do not feel sexual attraction to their partners (or people in general, I suppose), which is why I only had one question in my post: Do you feel sexual attraction to people? It has nothing to do with whether the person in question enjoys sex.

If he could answer that question, this thread wouldn't exist.

Yes, well, unfortunately that's the only question that really matters to be answered. It has nothing to do with whether they enjoy sex, and I felt that needed clarifying before the poor guy got even more needlessly confused.

While technically wrong according to AVEN's official definition, lots of people call themselves asexual for reasons other than not feeling sexual attraction. Other asexual websites do not use this definition. And I think its pretty obvious that the whole sexual attraction thing was what was confusing him in the first place. If you don't know if you feel sexual attraction, I think you're better off looking for other criteria.

[JR17]

Okay. So. I'm a male. I guess I like sex. Getting off is just dandy. But I feel as though my self-worth is tied up in having sex as opposed to me actually enjoying it. I'm attracted to people I guess, but knowing they enjoy my company and appreciate me is way more important. Like, I love going down on my girlfriend and making her orgasm more than I would enjoy an orgasm for myself just because I know she's having a grand ole time. I feel good and I guess important for making that happen.

I also enjoy that cuddling, open talking, cigarette smoking, time after sex way more than I do sex, I wish there was a way to fast forward to that but there really isn't.

I can look at a girl, talk to her, and appreciate that she's attractive, and want to have sex with her, but it's more that I want to have had sex with her, and I want that feeling of closeness and intimacy with her, even if I don't want a relationship, like instead of a sex addict, a post-sex-cuddle addict xD

I also think I don't have a real sex drive, as in I don't get hard easily, almost never unless I get touched first. Which I think is more of a physiological reaction than me being horny. I've tried to stop masturbating like some websites have told me to do, but I really don't think that's the problem.

I also don't think I feel a separation between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, which makes me think I'm lacking some sexual attraction most people have, like I can't close my eyes and think of someone I "have a crush on" and think about having sex with her. And I can be attracted to a face, or a personality, or an intellect. Like, "This girl likes the Pixies and Pulp Fiction? I should get to know her."

But. Like if a dumb girl has a nice ass, I can recognize that, but I'm not attracted to her. And I only like girls.

What would you guys call that?

And sorry if this was a pain in the ass to read or too pornographic I'm just trying to get a lot out in a limited space xD

You sound like the straight version of me. I consider myself grey-a which means that I would consider you grey-a also. You seem to fit the definition of grey-a perfectly.

[Sally]

Whatami, first, welcome to AVEN.

We really shouldn't -- and can't -- tell you what you are. That's one of the strongest "No's" about AVEN, because no one can label someone else. As others have said, read around AVEN and get acquainted with others' experiences. And remember that you don't need to label yourself -- you can simply let yourself think about it, feel it, and realize that label or no label, you're you. We're all different, and normal for ourselves.