Jump to content

Afraid of being forever alone?


Grumpy Alien

Recommended Posts

Grumpy Alien

If it makes you feel any better I have zero experience with sex and romance. I'm not really sure if I'm aromantic or not, I have also experienced that short-lived excitement over someone who I felt attracted to, but it's very rare for me and always fades once I get to know them better. I do worry about being alone because I really want to be in a relationship someday and get married and have children but I don't even like simple forms of physical affection so I don't know how I'd make a relationship work. But I haven't given up hope, I do believe there's enough people in this world that there's a match for everyone out there somewhere. Have you ever tried going to ace meetups? Getting to know other aces could potentially pave the way for a relationship that would work for you. I see you live in NJ, there is an ace meetup in NYC that meets twice a month if that's something you'd be interested in.

I'm very excited to try ace meetups! I unfortunately don't drive and to get to the train is still a drive. But I do plan on going to at least one in the upcoming months. It's a matter of working around my schedule and either getting my mom to drive or someone who's going into the city that day. When I finally get around to learning to drive (and getting a car) it'll be a lot easier. Again, I'm super excited to meet other aces.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Afraid of being forever alone? No. Disheartened at the likely prospect of never having anyone to share life with and having a very empty life? Very much so.

My feelings exactly.

When I was younger and imagined my future, it was always by myself and I wanted it to be that way. Now when I imagine what I'm going to be doing when I finish my degree I can see being perfectly happy with being with someone as well as being alone but I'd much rather share life with someone else. It even bothers me to entertain the very real possibility of never sharing my life with someone. I just don't want to have a sexual relationship with that someone, more of a companionship type thing I suppose. Everytime I think about that though or try to mention it to a friend I get snickered at and told that I'm old and dull. Well...outside of my wild drinking habits, it's not like I have overwhelming evidence to refute that claim. Though, I can pull off some impressive party tricks with my joints. =D.............Doomed. -__-;

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Arctic_Revenge

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

YES. Exactly!

Link to post
Share on other sites

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

I find sex, drugs, booze and parties boring. I have never understood what people find so interesting. I would much rather be at home doing my needlework, sudoku or reading a good book than going out partying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Arctic_Revenge

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

I find sex, drugs, booze and parties boring. I have never understood what people find so interesting. I would much rather be at home doing my needlework, sudoku or reading a good book than going out partying.

I love parties! My problem is that other people don't like to party the way I like to party.

They want booze, drugs, bad music, skimpy clothes and sexy times.

I want Disney movies, dancedance, fruitgushers, twister, water balloons and croquette.

It's an issue...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I love parties! My problem is that other people don't like to party the way I like to party.

They want booze, drugs, bad music, skimpy clothes and sexy times.

I want Disney movies, dancedance, fruitgushers, twister, water balloons and croquette.

It's an issue...

^ We should party some time! :D You'll have to teach me croquette though.

Tea parties are also fun.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol! I love your version of a party. I want balloons and silly party hats and board games :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

In my group of friends at school, I was always the one who had the traditional party games and water fights in the garden-type party, even up to my 17th. I think my friends enjoyed the change though to be honest: sex, drugs and booze parties get boring after a while.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

May I send you a train ticket to meet me at Union Station? :lol:

I don't do sex, drugs, parties, booze, or for that matter, petty crimes... I'm weird, but then, hey... who'd want to live in a world where everyone is identical? I *do* leave the house, but it's almost always to go to work or to buy stuff... still, there's nothing in another country that I particularly want to see. I do have a Scrabble game but nobody to play it with, I only use my TV for watching DVDs, and I'd loooooooove to have a kind, friendly woman who wouldn't mind falling asleep in my arms.

But I'm far from a boring, shallow person, controversial opinions nonwithstanding... I'm always game for making things, writing, and other creative stuff... and I helped pull a male friend back from the brink of suicide when a therapist didn't do him any good.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry
They want booze, drugs, bad music, skimpy clothes and sexy times.

I want Disney movies, dancedance, fruitgushers, twister, water balloons and croquette.

It's an issue...

I want a combo costume-potluck-bonfires-karaoke-poetry blowout. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

These sound like my kind of parties! If all parties were like that, I'd be a party monster. As it is, I think the last party-esque party I went to was in 8th grade.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Arctic_Revenge

This.

I am extremely boring. I don't go anywhere, do anything. No sex, no drugs, no booze, no parties... and yet I people categorize me as one of the most memorable and interesting people they know. I know I'm weird, but not on a scale that warrants that much attention. And I wish I did more stuff, but I never leave the house.

I also want someone (asexual) to share my boring with. Scrabble, tea, work, baking stuff, watching tv, cuddles, etc. Sadly, no can haz u_u

May I send you a train ticket to meet me at Union Station? :lol:

I don't do sex, drugs, parties, booze, or for that matter, petty crimes... I'm weird, but then, hey... who'd want to live in a world where everyone is identical? I *do* leave the house, but it's almost always to go to work or to buy stuff... still, there's nothing in another country that I particularly want to see. I do have a Scrabble game but nobody to play it with, I only use my TV for watching DVDs, and I'd loooooooove to have a kind, friendly woman who wouldn't mind falling asleep in my arms.

But I'm far from a boring, shallow person, controversial opinions nonwithstanding... I'm always game for making things, writing, and other creative stuff... and I helped pull a male friend back from the brink of suicide when a therapist didn't do him any good.

XDDDDD Sounds awesome except for the being cuddled bit. I'm a staunch cuddle-r, not a cuddle-e XDDDD

I classify writing, painting and non-social hobbies as "boring", cause that's how people view it. I don't *do* anything exciting, apparently :/

Ditto on the suicide bit several times over. Funny, since I'm clinically depressed O_o

As for everybody else's comments, CLEARLY we need to have a party.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

All this talk about parties got me over here! Exactly my kind of parties. :D

As for being afraid of being alone... I'd say right now, it's not much of an issue. I'd probably be much more concerned about it when I get older. My mid-to-late thirties or something.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in a relationship now but when I wasn't it was fine by me. As long as I have friends to talk to (doens't matter if I see them IRL or not) I am happy. And my boyfriend knows my friends always come first and that will stay that way

Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest, I’m in the same department! I’ve experienced both types of attraction at different times and I know many people who have more experiences in sex and romance than I do. There was only one person I knew who I had both attractions to (not at the same time); but, as for the other guys I used to like, they only received romantic attraction. To make a long story short, you are not alone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care about wealth, or power...all I really want is to find someone who I can journey with to find happiness...and if not find it; then make it ourselves; whatever cliche you care to use. Happiness for two, that's what I want in my life. It's my only real goal, my only real dream. Being in a secure, understanding, stable, and happy relationship with someone for the rest of my life.

So am I terrified of being alone? Yes, I am. I'm so afraid of never finding the right person, of missing them, or scaring them off; or finding them and not being enough, or worse finding the wrong person and letting them hurt me...and it's terrifying as all hell.

Link to post
Share on other sites
howyoufeel_org

I can feel alone even if I am married and have someone close.

For me that feeling is more about that you feel kind of outside of the "main stream" of people (do not missunderstand me, it is nothing wrong with it).

I can feel lonely on the planet, but I guess that we all are unique and what is a beautiful thing.

When I feel like that I do something I like, for example I love boardsports, so I grab my board, go out, have fun, and when I get back I forgot about the lonely feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Afraid of being forever alone? No. Disheartened at the likely prospect of never having anyone to share life with and having a very empty life? Very much so.

Wow...that is exactly how I feel. i'm 56 now and am happier now that I've been a single person for the last 6 years. But I do dislike the prospect of never having a special someone to share life with. I'm way too involved with community things for my life to be empty, but it would be oh so nice to have someone very close to me who enjoyed doing/sharing this journey with me. I do get tired of striking out on my own alone all the time. But I've learned that if I show any considerable interest in getting to know a man, they automatically think I'm sexually interested and then I find myself right back in that old "well this is what he wants me to do so I guess I'll do it" and it just isn't worth the compromise. I'm just discovering that there are other people out there who are like me. I'm still not sure if I am demisexual or asexual. All I know is, I'm really not interested in finding a sexual partner, but I would love to have a special someone to share with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I like "me" time, but I can't stand not having meaningful relationships with other people. I grew up in a crappy family that I am mostly estranged from at this point and I really want a chance to be a part of somebody else's family. Now that I've figured out that I'm ace, I feel like that leaves me with no "relationship value" beyond friendship and I definitely need more.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Reading through all of these...and I keep thinking, "WE SHOULD JUST ALL HANG OUT." And then I remember I'm in Alaska.

So. Yes. Doomed.

I don't drink or go out to bars. Nor am I big on outdoor sports. After that, there isn't much to do in this state.

I need to move.

Oh right, that costs money...

....

DOOOOOOOOMED.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Sage Nabooru

I have a group of friends, that's all I need. And they're not friends I call every day, maybe see once in a week or to. I'm not a very social person.

I'm kind of the opposite from some people here, I can kinda, sorta, see myself with someone in the future, but it's vague and quite honestly scares me. I have commitment issues but that doesn't bother me. I think I'm much happier alone with a few firm friendships.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Melmoth.

I've never had a relationship and have spent years near enough agonising over this fact, its got to the point where it was one of the things making me quite depressed. In the end I just came to the conclusion that I needed to stop putting so much focus on the fact I've always been single and just get on with my life.

Its pretty typical though, longing for something I've never had or experienced. I don't even know if I would enjoy a relationship. I've learned not to put too much focus on it now, I'm not so worried about being alone but the prospect of going through my whole life of never being with someone does make me feel down.

As long as I get to experience it that is the main thing, spending the majority of my life or at least the later years alone doesn't concern me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Absolutely- I'm terrible at being single and I have something in me that needs constant companionship . I loved being in a relationship when I had one, and was crushed when it ended. Now realizing why it ended, I don't know if another one will ever be possible and in a way I'm also afraid of being in a new relationship that I might constantly be drawing comparisons to my past one.

But I've always been the kind of stubborn bastard that doesn't quit on anything. (I'm a Taurus.) So as long as the slightest possibility of finding someone is out there, I'm not giving up. Hooray for being a thick skinned sponge for disappointment.

Link to post
Share on other sites

While my friends assure me I'm not dull, I feel incredibly so compared to other 20somes. They're either partying or working or dating/sexing (is that a word?) or studying... And I do basically nothing. With no one. Dull. I'm a dull person living a dull life even though I want excitement. I at least want someone to share my dullness with - sex or no sex. (Except maybe for babies?) Maybe I just need to meet other dull aces.

You sound like me, except I'm now 33. I've always been jealous of people who have an SO. All I know is I'm always lonely even around people because there's something I'm not getting that I want. I think the frustration is there's a cultural construct that a certain degree of physical/emotional intimacy is reserved for sexual partners. I want a person I can hold and love, even if I don't have sex with them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I've come to accept that I am most likely doomed LOL. Overall I feel pretty OK 'cause I've got very good friends n' all that but, yes of course everything around is trying to tell me how my life should be (you know husband, family...) and sometimes it gets to me

Link to post
Share on other sites
words are futile devices

On the average day, I am perfectly content with the way things are. Single, haven't had a boyfriend in almost four years (and he was my first boyfriend, and we lasted a whole month), zero dating prospects on the horizon. And a wonderful sense of liberation. Knowing I could up and move to a different country if I felt like that was the right thing to do, not being tied down to any specific place or person. Which may sound selfish, but I can't help how much I enjoy being independent and rather detached. I have a roaming spirit, and even though I haven't had many adventures so far in my 21 years, I do plan on living an epic life. For me, that life doesn't necessarily have to include a husband. The only times I get wistful are when I see wedding photos on facebook or hear about another friend who's gotten engaged. They seem to be dropping like flies around me lately, and it just gets inside my head after a while. Afraid of being forever alone, though? Nah. As long as I've got close, meaningful friendships, family, and at least a couple of cats, I've got everything I could want or need.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have always felt doomed when it came to this kind of stuff. im honestly glad I got in my relationship before I knew.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...