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Afraid of being forever alone?


Grumpy Alien

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Grumpy Alien

I'm grey so I sometimes do feel sexual attraction and I'm heteromantic so I have felt romantic attraction...

But I've never felt both at the same time. At least not to anyone I know in real life. And definitely not toward anyone that feels remotely the same way.

It seems like a lot of people on here have more experience with sex and/or romance than I do.

I'm wondering if there's any other -aces that feels doomed in this department.

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I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

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Grumpy Alien

I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

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There are days, usually when people have been questioning me about my romantic entranglements, when I wonder if I will ever have a partner, as I haven't dated and I have no experience and that is a fightening thought, entering into a relationship when I have no experience.

Doomed to be single? It feels that way sometimes, but I do not want a sexual relationship and most of the time, while I would like the emotional support, it's doesn't feel like I'm missing anything.

I only seem to consider the possibility of a partner when someone else brings it up. I'm usually happy on my own.

My usual response is "Maybe one day, maybe" which usually means I just can't see it happening, but you never know.

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I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

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Grumpy Alien

I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

It's only happened to me twice. And both times, I knew them but wasn't close to them. The first time was an older guy I did a play with who probably never even knew my name. The second time was the best friend of the only guy to ever really like me. (The latter turned out to be a best friend.) But then I got to know him and it was like "Oh... You're really cool and everything but I like you as a friend." (And then we soon lost touch haha.)

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I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

The only time I am sure I felt romantic attraction to someone was when we did all our communication over email, messenger or skype. I thought maybe I would bring it up once we meet in person, but as soon as I met them my body and mind just went, yuck real person and all the attraction I felt died a sudden death.

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Grumpy Alien

I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

The only time I am sure I felt romantic attraction to someone was when we did all our communication over email, messenger or skype. I thought maybe I would bring it up once we meet in person, but as soon as I met them my body and mind just went, yuck real person and all the attraction I felt died a sudden death.

I think I might be allergic to real people... They're just not as good as what I chalk them up to in my mind.

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I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

It's only happened to me twice. And both times, I knew them but wasn't close to them. The first time was an older guy I did a play with who probably never even knew my name. The second time was the best friend of the only guy to ever really like me. (The latter turned out to be a best friend.) But then I got to know him and it was like "Oh... You're really cool and everything but I like you as a friend." (And then we soon lost touch haha.)

The first time for me was when I was 13. Was a guy in school. Never spoke to him. Second time was a guy working at mcdonalds and third time was a guy over a game. All three of them had traits that reminded me of people in my imaginary world, leading me to get very very curious I guess...When they have proven not to be at all like the people in my imaginary world I have immediately lost the interest. I have started to wonder if I ever will be able to fall inlove with a real person.

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Grumpy Alien

I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

It's only happened to me twice. And both times, I knew them but wasn't close to them. The first time was an older guy I did a play with who probably never even knew my name. The second time was the best friend of the only guy to ever really like me. (The latter turned out to be a best friend.) But then I got to know him and it was like "Oh... You're really cool and everything but I like you as a friend." (And then we soon lost touch haha.)

The first time for me was when I was 13. Was a guy in school. Never spoke to him. Second time was a guy working at mcdonalds and third time was a guy over a game. All three of them had traits that reminded me of people in my imaginary world, leading me to get very very curious I guess...When they have proven not to be at all like the people in my imaginary world I have immediately lost the interest. I have started to wonder if I ever will be able to fall inlove with a real person.

I've never been able to picture myself being in a loving relationship... Or any relationship. Even though I really want it.

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I have never felt sexual attraction, so I cant say anything about that part. But I am romantic and I would very much like to be in a relationship... I have only experienced the first sign of love (when you think you might have found "the one" and go all excited), but those moments rapidly fades off and Im left with cursing my mind about fooling me off like that.

I am probably doomed, lol.

When I have felt romantic attraction toward someone I actually know, that's exactly what happens.

Quite annoying, is it not? >.> It does not happen very often to me (have happened 3 times in my life), and for me its usually before I know the person, and when I start to learn to know the person its like "oh.. this aint right".

The only time I am sure I felt romantic attraction to someone was when we did all our communication over email, messenger or skype. I thought maybe I would bring it up once we meet in person, but as soon as I met them my body and mind just went, yuck real person and all the attraction I felt died a sudden death.

I think I might be allergic to real people... They're just not as good as what I chalk them up to in my mind.

If such an allergy exist, I probably have it too >.> The people in my imaginary world is what I want I guess, and they dont seem to exist in real.

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Grumpy Alien

And when I was a teenager, I confused mini-squishes for crushes once or twice.

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I always wanted a partner of sorts, and they were males, because I get along better with men than women. But that sex thing always had to be there and created a chasm. So, I have come to terms with my oddness in only wanting a partnership and sharing, and don't stress about it any more.

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Grumpy Alien

I always wanted a partner of sorts, and they were males, because I get along better with men than women. But that sex thing always had to be there and created a chasm. So, I have come to terms with my oddness in only wanting a partnership and sharing, and don't stress about it any more.

That's another thing I worry about. I can't imagine having the fortune to find a guy that'd be okay with my sexuality's part in the relationship. I don't know how frequently the average couple has sex, but I imagine it's a great deal more than I'd be willing to compromise on.

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I always wanted a partner of sorts, and they were males, because I get along better with men than women. But that sex thing always had to be there and created a chasm. So, I have come to terms with my oddness in only wanting a partnership and sharing, and don't stress about it any more.

That's another thing I worry about. I can't imagine having the fortune to find a guy that'd be okay with my sexuality's part in the relationship. I don't know how frequently the average couple has sex, but I imagine it's a great deal more than I'd be willing to compromise on.

Im not even gonna give sexual people a chance with me again x) The average sexual seem to want sex several times a week, and I cant even stand the thought of having it unless for baby-making purposes.

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I always wanted a partner of sorts, and they were males, because I get along better with men than women. But that sex thing always had to be there and created a chasm. So, I have come to terms with my oddness in only wanting a partnership and sharing, and don't stress about it any more.

That's another thing I worry about. I can't imagine having the fortune to find a guy that'd be okay with my sexuality's part in the relationship. I don't know how frequently the average couple has sex, but I imagine it's a great deal more than I'd be willing to compromise on.

Yes, and I have heard some "experts" say that lack of sex frequency indicates a problem in your relationship. I wish they would look at lack of intimacy instead...

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Arctic_Revenge

Good lord if this isn't the most FAQ!! XD Tons of AVENites feel the same way.

There are so many threads about loneliness and giving up hoping for love that I could make a blanket.

Yeah. I am pretty damn sure I'm going to be forever alone. Wish I was happy about that o.o

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I am grey-A and have no issue with sex. So during the very few encounters I've had with it I've been okay, which also might have helped me experience a bit more relationship-wise than most people who are iffy about it. Though people do tend to lose interest if I don't seem as eager as they are which pisses me off. Also I constantly fear cheating from the other part so that's kept me away from a real relationship so far.

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Yeah, any romantic attraction for me usually lasts seconds before I get to know them. But I do feel like I would be capable of a romantic relationship if I was interested enough, not so sure about the sex.

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Grumpy Alien

Good lord if this isn't the most FAQ!! XD Tons of AVENites feel the same way.

There are so many threads about loneliness and giving up hoping for love that I could make a blanket.

Yeah. I am pretty damn sure I'm going to be forever alone. Wish I was happy about that o.o

I know. :blush: I just never actually see any AVENites talking about it. Maybe in tea and comfort, but I wasn't really going for woe is me, just sort of general Forever Alone fears?

I wish I could at least be comfortable with the possibility, yeah.

I am grey-A and have no issue with sex. So during the very few encounters I've had with it I've been okay, which also might have helped me experience a bit more relationship-wise than most people who are iffy about it. Though people do tend to lose interest if I don't seem as eager as they are which pisses me off. Also I constantly fear cheating from the other part so that's kept me away from a real relationship so far.

I don't know if I have issues yet. [TMI] I seem pretty squeamish toward my own genitalia but I don't think I'd be that way with my partner's. I don't think I want a completely no-sex relationship, but I imagine it's hard to find either a sexual or asexual that's okay with a compromise or even harder, a grey or demi ace.

People lose interest if you're not eager? I wish that happened to me! I have the opposite effect. Like I'm not playing hard to get, I just don't want to be your friend/date you/whatever!

Yeah, any romantic attraction for me usually lasts seconds before I get to know them. But I do feel like I would be capable of a romantic relationship if I was interested enough, not so sure about the sex.

I feel capable of a romantic relationship and crave it sometimes, especially whenever I see someone that has that. But I have a hard time imagining it for myself because the romantic attraction has never lasted or felt very strong.

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I don't know if I have issues yet. [TMI] I seem pretty squeamish toward my own genitalia but I don't think I'd be that way with my partner's. I don't think I want a completely no-sex relationship, but I imagine it's hard to find either a sexual or asexual that's okay with a compromise or even harder, a grey or demi ace.

People lose interest if you're not eager? I wish that happened to me! I have the opposite effect. Like I'm not playing hard to get, I just don't want to be your friend/date you/whatever!

I'm talking sexually. :( Romantically I'm a bit clingy and that apparently isn't desirable either, but like hell I'll change that part of me just because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued.
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Arctic_Revenge
I'm talking sexually. :( Romantically I'm a bit clingy and that apparently isn't desirable either, but like hell I'll change that part of me just because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued.

I'm possessive, so I know how it feels when people avoid you for "clinginess". I've lost close friends because of it.

I don't see a problem with being clingy, really. Gratuitous sap is welcome. Just no sex, ever. That's all I ask.

Apparently, that's too much for the people where I live. *Forever Alone* @_@

Call it paranoia, but I feel that last bit was in reference to my profile O_o "because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued."

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Grumpy Alien

I don't know if I have issues yet. [TMI] I seem pretty squeamish toward my own genitalia but I don't think I'd be that way with my partner's. I don't think I want a completely no-sex relationship, but I imagine it's hard to find either a sexual or asexual that's okay with a compromise or even harder, a grey or demi ace.

People lose interest if you're not eager? I wish that happened to me! I have the opposite effect. Like I'm not playing hard to get, I just don't want to be your friend/date you/whatever!

I'm talking sexually. :( Romantically I'm a bit clingy and that apparently isn't desirable either, but like hell I'll change that part of me just because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued.

Oh no that makes me more scared about my future relationships then. They'd definitely lose interest in me in that case.

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Grumpy Alien
I'm talking sexually. :( Romantically I'm a bit clingy and that apparently isn't desirable either, but like hell I'll change that part of me just because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued.

Just no sex, ever. That's all I ask.

Apparently, that's too much for the people where I live. *Forever Alone* @_@

It's the same here. Can we have a commune of Aces?

(Kidding I swear)

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Arctic_Revenge

I don't know if I have issues yet. [TMI] I seem pretty squeamish toward my own genitalia but I don't think I'd be that way with my partner's. I don't think I want a completely no-sex relationship, but I imagine it's hard to find either a sexual or asexual that's okay with a compromise or even harder, a grey or demi ace.

People lose interest if you're not eager? I wish that happened to me! I have the opposite effect. Like I'm not playing hard to get, I just don't want to be your friend/date you/whatever!

I'm talking sexually. :( Romantically I'm a bit clingy and that apparently isn't desirable either, but like hell I'll change that part of me just because some people have the ridiculous notion that they'd rather pursue than be pursued.

Oh no that makes me more scared about my future relationships then. They'd definitely lose interest in me in that case.

Don't lose heart because of what I say! There are plenty of aces that desire joined-at-the-hip sappy relationships. Just check the romantic ace pages if you don't believe me! It's an infestation of cuddlebugs! XD

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Another thing is the risk of becoming embittered like me. I'm getting more satisfaction from humiliating potential loves-to-be by being disinterested rather than risking them humiliating me if I try. I'm tired of people. Though I can't live without them. But fuck them.

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Empty Chairs & Tables

Afraid of being forever alone? No. Disheartened at the likely prospect of never having anyone to share life with and having a very empty life? Very much so.

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I am an heteromonatic ace so I don't know about sexual attraction but I've been in love.

I was once in love with my best friend (who said he loved me too) but he then broke my heart. I really loved him, not just in-love with him. However, this made the heartbreak even worse. After this experience I've been in love two maybe three times. Each time I've been in love for months, but the guy either never made the move or end up breaking my heart.

I once made the first move and told a guy that I was in love with him. It was disastrous. He would have me as a rebound friend because he knew I cared about him. Yea, I know I was dumb enough to fall for it. But this only lasted a few months.

My problem is that I fall in love and then I get my hopes up really fast. And probably the guy doesn't even know I exist or only sees me as a friend. So, I fear that I will have to wait a long time before being in a relationship.

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Lol I raised myself not to feel lonely. How I accomplished this at age 5? I have no idea how exactly it happened. But giving it some thought, It probably had to do with not having any friends even though I was very nice and helpful to everyone in my class and shared all my toys. Then going home and having to deal with being the middle child pretty much did it for me I suppose. *sigh* In light of my childhood I am a really happy and confident individual.

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If it makes you feel any better I have zero experience with sex and romance. I'm not really sure if I'm aromantic or not, I have also experienced that short-lived excitement over someone who I felt attracted to, but it's very rare for me and always fades once I get to know them better. I do worry about being alone because I really want to be in a relationship someday and get married and have children but I don't even like simple forms of physical affection so I don't know how I'd make a relationship work. But I haven't given up hope, I do believe there's enough people in this world that there's a match for everyone out there somewhere. Have you ever tried going to ace meetups? Getting to know other aces could potentially pave the way for a relationship that would work for you. I see you live in NJ, there is an ace meetup in NYC that meets twice a month if that's something you'd be interested in.

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