Guest Scarlet Spider Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Guilty. And i'm not ashamed either, she's a very attractive woman! So me and my date (the woman i'll be dating soon) were hanging out Saturday night at the mall, we went and played some games at the arcade, shared a pretzel and then got some shakes at McDonald's. Anyway, that night i had met up with her at the mall (but we had plans to go Ice Skating), since we didn't find anyone to go with (double date) we just ended up hanging out that night. Since ice skating didn't work out i said why don't we just go bowling then, she said sure that sounds good. Except for the fact that we totally forgot we wanted to go bowling. Right after we went to McD's i asked her where she lived and i took her home, once we got there she said come in and meet "tucker", which is her really cute dog she wanted me to meet. I ended up meeting her parents and then we went downstairs and hung out for a few hours. She wanted to watch a movie so we decided to watch "Pitch Perfect." I had not realized our relationship was so close that she wanted to cuddle with me while we were watching it, but of course i've never cuddled before so it not only surprised me but i didn't even know what to do. She asked me, "is this new to you?" And i responded with yeah "slightly", so we were still sitting next to each other watching the movie and then i finally decided to put my left arm around her, at which point she finally brings herself closer to my chest and laid against me as i suddenly got aroused. I quickly grabbed a small pillow and put it over myself while resting my right arm over the pillow. I realize the closer we get to one another the more intense our relationship will be, i just didn't want it to be awkward, i really do wanna have sex with her but obviously when we're both ready. I can't help but to get sexually aroused when i'm in the presence of a beautiful woman. Besides, she should know that being that close to a guy will eventually get him aroused, especially since she's had two other boyfriends that she used to cuddle with. It was just a first time experience for me, and it felt surprisingly good either way. I just wanna know if there's an easier way to avoid that or not, tbh if her laying against me turned me on then imagine if we kissed, my god! I will surely have a hard time covering myself the next time we cuddle and watch a movie together. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Haha it's a normal reaction, so I don't think she'd get offended - many sexual women find it a compliment and are slightly amused, even being ace I don't get bothered by it. But, if you want to hide it... you could always wear some baggier pants. ;) I know some guys think of something gross, or a complete turn off to try to tamper down that reaction to more innocent acts as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scarlet Spider Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Haha yeah no kidding. And at least our relationship is going somewhere this time, unlike the last topic i made about this. Oh yeah, and she said, and i quote, "thanks for an awesome night, it was much better than bowling." So apparently she had a great night, and i did as well, so we're all set up to do it again this Saturday too. :) Though hopefully it's not awkward if she happens to lay on "it" rather than me. Because eventually she'll wanna cuddle against me while laying down, rather than sitting up. lol Link to post Share on other sites
AshenPhoenix Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Don't worry about it to much, if anything. You actually could be making it worse for yourself by worrying about it, since it kind of makes your body (maybe mind?) get "ready" or at least start preparing for intimacy if you think about it. Even if your worrying about it, your still thinking about it and therefore, your bodies gonna react. But I wouldn't pay it much mind, either I actually had the same problem with my last (first) girlfriend, whenever she got close to me or I got close to her I would start to become aroused (not a full on erection but still, I was fucking surprised to feel that happening). But as I got to know her a bit more and felt more comfortable in her presence I found that it sort of stopped itself. It was actually quite silly, now that I look back on it, not my bodies reaction of course. But the way I reacted to it, I started to get my mind reeling because it made me worry/confused me for no discernible reason Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 "Cuddle boners" don't necessarily mean that you actually want sex. But sometimes they do. It all depends. :lol: Damn things have minds of their own I tells ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Naosuu Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I wouldn't worry too much. If you're worried about... uh, poking her, you can wear some jeans and make it point to the side. If she's had some relationships before, I'm also sure she wouldn't care much at this point. If it's any consolation, during the early stages of dating my boyfriend he'd get aroused just by being around me. This reaction has pretty much went away, so I suspect your reaction will also fade away with time. :) Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I've been the girl in a situation like that and honestly it's just a body reaction and I've never been weirded out by it so I don't think she would be either. Obviously there's cases of it happening on the random right? So I never freak out about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Its a completely normal reaction, in speciality of actually desiring sex in this case. The body and the sub-conscious mind can play some tricks when least expect it. The mind is a good tool to use, is like "nope-not today - thinking cake today" but if it is a problem, maybe avoiding too much contact until ready, but there's no real problem either way. Good luck in the relationship and reap the rewards or whatever saying goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Awww don't be embarrassed you were with someone you obviously have feelings for its totally ok and just your body being your body, nothing to be embarrassed about! Lots of happiness to the both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Kenny_X Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 If it's really bothering you, my tip is... If you're reasonably sure you're going to be in a situation where you'll get an erection, try and rearrange things beforehand so that when it happens it's a) not going to be as noticeable and b) not going to be uncomfortable! I think getting an erection while cuddling is kinda cute! ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scarlet Spider Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 "Cuddle boners" don't necessarily mean that you actually want sex. But sometimes they do. It all depends. :lol: Damn things have minds of their own I tells ya! lol yes they do. Even the slightest touch or thought can sometimes activate it! :lol: I wouldn't worry too much. If you're worried about... uh, poking her, you can wear some jeans and make it point to the side. If she's had some relationships before, I'm also sure she wouldn't care much at this point. If it's any consolation, during the early stages of dating my boyfriend he'd get aroused just by being around me. This reaction has pretty much went away, so I suspect your reaction will also fade away with time. :) True, though i don't necessarily need the reaction to go away, but rather her feel that it's ok. Or her to acknowledge it on some level so i don't feel that it is awkward around her. I could bring it up but that would be even more awkward to discuss. ;o Awww don't be embarrassed you were with someone you obviously have feelings for its totally ok and just your body being your body, nothing to be embarrassed about! Lots of happiness to the both of you! Thank you! I guess i'd only be embarrassed if she fell on it or accidentally touched it and said, "wow, i really hope that's your cell phone." Otherwise i guess so far it's not nearly as awkward as it could be. So hopefully i don't jinx it in someway, but rather talking about it now makes me feel better and would therefore prepare me for next time. lmao And tbh the thing i really stress is that this all happened while it was my first time cuddling, so yeah.... otherwise it might not be that big of a deal. Because i've had a few girls in the past get that close to my "area" and i had became aroused as well. But those girls were just teasing me or really only wanted me for sex, it's much different when you WANNA be with someone, because you're also afraid to screw things up. >_< If it's really bothering you, my tip is... If you're reasonably sure you're going to be in a situation where you'll get an erection, try and rearrange things beforehand so that when it happens it's a) not going to be as noticeable and b) not going to be uncomfortable! I think getting an erection while cuddling is kinda cute! ;) I think i'll rearrange things beforehand. I still want that sorta connection with her on all levels, both physical and emotional, so if i can't get over the fact that she might feel a boner then i should stop hitting on her so often. I guess it also depends on how she is. She's a very unpredictable woman who likes loves to flirt with me and now that she wants to cuddle i'm getting ever so closer to starting a relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Don't bring it up and she likely won't either if she feels it, it's something that is there and not really talked about in my experiences. It happens, especially if a girl has her body against a guy spooning, or her head (or feet) in his lap. If she likes to flirt a lot she might remark on it from that, in a flirty way, or if she's interested in uhm, sexual acts she might remark on it. But, most likely she'll just not say anything. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It happens, especially if a girl has her body against a guy spooning Oh yeah. Good old "spooning turning into sporking". :D Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It's happened to me before (as me being the girl XD ), it's not really like they show in TV with "I hope it's your cell phone" :lol: It's natural and if the girl likes the guy it can be seen as cute, or as a compliment. I doubt she'd be weirded out, especially if she has had boyfriends before. Honestly, I think she might have understood when you grabbed the pillow (I know I would have and HEY I'M ACE AND OFTEN OBLIVIOUS! >_< ), I know I would have found your reaction terribly cute ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 The phenomenon is the biggest reason why I avoid physical/real life touch, and what gave the initial incentive for me to switch to an almost completely virtual social life... thankfully, I've found out around six years ago that typing "*hug*" and "*cuddle*" is so much more rewarding than putting up with the risk of this embarrassing mess. "Cuddle boners" don't necessarily mean that you actually want sex. But sometimes they do. It all depends. :lol: Damn things have minds of their own I tells ya! For me, it never means wanting sex... that damn thing's mind clearly is of the "evil arch-enemy" type. <_< As for Kiryu's opening post... it seems you (both of you) are ok with it and planning on sex together sometime down the road, so I kinda don't see the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scarlet Spider Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 As for Kiryu's opening post... it seems you (both of you) are ok with it and planning on sex together sometime down the road, so I kinda don't see the problem? I guess just the fact that it's an all new experience for me entirely, where as she's been in relationships before and cuddled. And assuming we will have sex, then you're right. I am indeed a virgin, and to my knowledge she is also a virgin. Though i don't think we're at that level yet where sex is a big issue, right now we're still in the baby stages of a relationship; hugging, cuddling, kissing, ect. (though we still haven't kissed yet). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 As for Kiryu's opening post... it seems you (both of you) are ok with it and planning on sex together sometime down the road, so I kinda don't see the problem? I guess just the fact that it's an all new experience for me entirely, where as she's been in relationships before and cuddled. And assuming we will have sex, then you're right. I am indeed a virgin, and to my knowledge she is also a virgin. Though i don't think we're at that level yet where sex is a big issue, right now we're still in the baby stages of a relationship; hugging, cuddling, kissing, ect. (though we still haven't kissed yet). Hmm, okay then. I guess then it's nothing to worry about... seems like a natural part of those baby stages. :) Link to post Share on other sites
KiddyKat Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Ok. I am extremely clueless on this topic so please excuse my naivety... But this is something that is common among ace and sexual men alike? And just because it happens, it doesn't mean that you are sexually aroused? Then what does it mean when that happens? Is it possible that it is a sign of sexual attraction but mentally you find some aspect if sex undesirable? Basically, is it a sign if conflicting feelings toward sex? Sorry to be the dunce in the room but if I ever try to enter another romantic relationship (not even sure that I want to at this point). Even an ace heteroromantic relationship, I want to know about this stuff so that I don't run like a girl with a pork chop stapled to her butt and a pack of wild dogs on her trail. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Personally I hate getting the damn things. Inconvenient and uncomfortable as hell, and their timing is always rotten. Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Ok. I am extremely clueless on this topic so please excuse my naivety... But this is something that is common among ace and sexual men alike? And just because it happens, it doesn't mean that you are sexually aroused? Then what does it mean when that happens? Is it possible that it is a sign of sexual attraction but mentally you find some aspect if sex undesirable? Basically, is it a sign if conflicting feelings toward sex? Sorry to be the dunce in the room but if I ever try to enter another romantic relationship (not even sure that I want to at this point). Even an ace heteroromantic relationship, I want to know about this stuff so that I don't run like a girl with a pork chop stapled to her butt and a pack of wild dogs on her trail. Erections happen for any number of reasons, many that have nothing to do with an actual desire for sex. Morning wood, for example. My partner wakes up with it almost daily and he is generally far too groggy to even think of sex or want it. It seems, in him, to be an indicator of needing to urinate. I have also seen him and my brothers get erections for absolutely no discernable reason, usually at awkwardly inconvenient times. Link to post Share on other sites
AshenPhoenix Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 What WTF said, they can happen for any number of reasons. A good amount aren't for sexual reasons TMI As WTF said, morning wood is a common example. Most men actually wake up with it in the morning, including myself. And I can tell you I have no idea why it's there, it just is. And it's defintly not a sign of desire for sex or sexual activity, it doesn't even want to make me masturbate. Yes, we're generally far to groggy (and easily irritable the reason I don't cook in the morning is because when things like me not being able to remember where the spoon drawer is I tend to flip out in the morning) or tired to be thinking of such things. In fact, once out of curiosity I actually did masturbate after I woke up to see if it did indicate such things, I felt practically nothing compared to usual. So yeah, no. Defintly not. At least to me And they can indeed seem to happen for no apparent reason, usually they happen more accidently when the guy is calm and laid back, and can sometimes occur from things as little as having your... item rub against the tight fabric of clothes (generally when your stretching when your relaxed... guys usually end up doing so in a way that rubs the head right against theirs clothes. Which is the most sexually sensitive part). At least, this is all my reasoning based on the general knowledge I know/learned and personal experiences I may not be right. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scarlet Spider Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 @KittyKat: Erections happen for any number of reasons, many that have nothing to do with an actual desire for sex. Morning wood, for example. My partner wakes up with it almost daily and he is generally far too groggy to even think of sex or want it. It seems, in him, to be an indicator of needing to urinate. I have also seen him and my brothers get erections for absolutely no discernable reason, usually at awkwardly inconvenient times. This. Basically this explains how an erection works for most men. Also, yes without a doubt it can be common among ace's and sexual men, i myself identify as a sexual individual (desiring sex). Although as per mentioned above i may also get an erection, but for a number of reasons, not all of them pertaining just to sex. Some happen for me during the most awkward of moments, or the most inconvenient times. Of course you're right, i do desire sex with this woman so you could easily argue that it was sex i desired when my erection occurred. However, i only desired sex after i got an erection and not during, i didn't even realize i was getting one until it happened, but it was how it felt to be that close to the woman i care about. It's not always implied that a man wants sex when he becomes erect. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Kiddy - it is really common and has nothing to do with sexual desire / attraction in many cases. Some guys get an erection if a cat or dog jumps into their lap because it rubs against them and I doubt they want sex with the family cat. :) Link to post Share on other sites
BreathSoBitter Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it. I'm ace and I wouldn't mind it. It's like...penis gon' do what penis gon' do. If that means erection...so be it! My boyfriend used to feel super awkward/uncomfortable when he got an erection while we were making out (aka it was pretty obvs to me) but then I told him I don't find it weird/don't mind at all and now like....s'all cool. Anyways, point being, I'm ace and it doesn't bother me so I wouldn't be surprised if she felt similarly. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Morning wood is actually a normal part of sleep patterns. I'm too lazy to look it up right now, but I think it happens in REM sleep (the "dream sleep"), as opposed to the other kind. You alternate between the two all night, so if you happen to wake up directly from REM sleep - you've got the "morning wood". So yeah, it's got nothing to do with sexual arousal, per se. It's literally just a hard-wired side effect of what REM sleep does to the nervous system. Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It happens, especially if a girl has her body against a guy spooning Oh yeah. Good old "spooning turning into sporking". :D :lol: This, I just laughed so hard at it ^ Ok. I am extremely clueless on this topic so please excuse my naivety... But this is something that is common among ace and sexual men alike? And just because it happens, it doesn't mean that you are sexually aroused? Then what does it mean when that happens? Is it possible that it is a sign of sexual attraction but mentally you find some aspect if sex undesirable? Basically, is it a sign if conflicting feelings toward sex? Sorry to be the dunce in the room but if I ever try to enter another romantic relationship (not even sure that I want to at this point). Even an ace heteroromantic relationship, I want to know about this stuff so that I don't run like a girl with a pork chop stapled to her butt and a pack of wild dogs on her trail. The erection is caused by increase heart-rate sometimes, while during something like a workout blood is needed for the muscles (workouts would be so awkward if boners started popping up >< ). If you are simply lying down and your heart-rate increases it's going to go the penis and create a boner. It has nothing to do with wanting sex, it's just the bodies natural reaction. I have gotten boners and not want sex or anything like that. So yeah, boners can be completely random. Link to post Share on other sites
sketcher Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Ok. I am extremely clueless on this topic so please excuse my naivety... But this is something that is common among ace and sexual men alike? And just because it happens, it doesn't mean that you are sexually aroused? Then what does it mean when that happens? Is it possible that it is a sign of sexual attraction but mentally you find some aspect if sex undesirable? Basically, is it a sign if conflicting feelings toward sex? Sorry to be the dunce in the room but if I ever try to enter another romantic relationship (not even sure that I want to at this point). Even an ace heteroromantic relationship, I want to know about this stuff so that I don't run like a girl with a pork chop stapled to her butt and a pack of wild dogs on her trail. Your post was really cute. :) Anyways... what other's have said is all true. You should read Stephen King. Practically every book has a character getting an erection when they think they are being chased by monsters. Link to post Share on other sites
KiddyKat Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Thanks everyone for explaining things for me and being patient. You really put me at ease because I always thought it was a sign if sexual arousal. Even "morning wood"...I thought was sexual arousal due to a "happy dream". Sorry, I didn't mean to high jack the thread. Hah! Who would have ever thought that I'd be comfortable and even happy discussing erections. I'm growing as a person! Ok sorry... Sketcher...that sounds most inconvenient! Wouldn't that make running a lot more difficult? (Serious question) Kiryu...the night seemed like it went wonderfully for the both of you. She either didn't notice or did notice and isn't as clueless about these things as I am, or takes it as a compliment. If it does become an issue, just explain it to her like you did for me. Even if sex is in the plans but just not yet, it will still make her comfortable to know that there is no rush. If you ever cuddle laying down like spooning, could you stick your tush out so that your pelvis isn't touching her? Sorry...it's like the blind trying to lead the dude with a scratch on his glasses with me. Just want to be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 If you ever cuddle laying down like spooning, could you stick your tush out so that your pelvis isn't touching her?That would be highly uncomfortable to hold for any length of time and make spooning really awkward lol :D Easier to just wear tight undies under your pants and make sure it's angled to the side before cuddling, that way it doesn't erm, poke your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
AshenPhoenix Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Sketcher...that sounds most inconvenient! Wouldn't that make running a lot more difficult? (Serious question) Well, that depends... Think of it kind of like a womens sports bra, that bra is made so that while excersiseing/ doing sports womens breasts don't "flop around". I don't really think it hinders it that much because a fully erect guy won't tend to really... "flop around". It can be embarrassing as hell because the running motion is able to put on display what was noticeable before, but unless your wearing tight clothes ( which becomes tighter and more restricted/resisting) I don't see it as being that big a problem. although it does kind of make running a bit more awkward. And honestly I think it's much worse for a guy when he's flaccid, all the weight but it would flop around And actually, if the guy in the book had an erection because he was fantasizing about something else, that'd actually be more covienent oddly enough! Since men who fantasize about sexual acts seem to have a much greater pain tolerance, as much as 200%! I know, weird, but true Link to post Share on other sites
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