limegreenshoes15 Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 We have a question for you all! if you are with someone who is not asexual and your partner wants to have sex do you have sex with them even though its not pleasureable for you? or is that disrespecting? :oops: no offense --bumblebee Link to post Share on other sites
Hexpiral Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Depends on the person, and how much they're willing to compromise. Anyway, I'm moving this thread to Asexual Q&A. Link to post Share on other sites
biggreenmonkey Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Well, on the assumption I really loved my partner, I would want them to be happy, so I would. However, that's just theoretical. I haven't had sex, so perhaps it would be something so horrible for me I couldn't undergo it for anyone. I doubt that would be the case, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 I think I would probably enjoy sex. I'm just not attracted to anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Dargon Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 While I doubt it would be exciting for me, if I were in a relationship with a sexual, I would not deny it to them. Link to post Share on other sites
mimi212 Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 I won't dare to do it... too scary. Link to post Share on other sites
Latin Rose Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 I did one time and didn't like it. It just seemed pointless and sort of nasty. I mean, i did love him and i loved cuddling with him, but the sex.....i can do without :? Link to post Share on other sites
Opel the Old Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 i just put off sex with my gf last nite, ans she was pissed again..... i guess she is more frasturated than i am. Link to post Share on other sites
AmoebicMe Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 In theory (I'm with bgm on this bit) if I loved them enough, sure. Why not. I don't really *want* to, but I'd probably want him to be happy. ...yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 I wouldn't and I would resent a person who claimed to love me pressing the point. I wouldn't ask a person I sincerely cared for to do something they found completely unappealing. I also don't think it's fair to keep a person from doing something they love and since I'm not into polyam I just won't get romantically involved with a sexual person. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Vicious Trollop Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Because I'm just as happy to be on my own, I'll wait for someone who doesn't mind not having sex. If I did try to have sex, even with someone I really loved, I'm afraid I would become disgusted by and resentful of him or her. I would feel bored at best and literally violated at worst -- and there are some things (well, a lot of things, actually) I just couldn't sacrifice for love. Link to post Share on other sites
Schala Zeal Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 We have a question for you all! if you are with someone who is not asexual and your partner wants to have sex do you have sex with them even though its not pleasureable for you? or is that disrespecting? :oops: no offense--bumblebee It is rather simple, I would not be with someone in a type of relationship that commits towards sex. I cannot engage in an activity I don't consider my innerself as being in accord with. It feels wrong, and not really in a moralistic way, rather in a personal way, I see sex as no more of a way to express yourself then a conversation without the need for words with someone you know very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Yes if I loved someone nad they loved me I wouldn't see a problem. Some asexuals even have been known to actually enjoy it. But it has to be love, always love...... (oh yes Hex has exercised his modly powers again! Yay!) Link to post Share on other sites
Shivers Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I'm willing to meet halfway.... but sex itself is not pleasant for me, so it certainly wouldn't be a frequent thing. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 My partner would be asexual so it wouldn't be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
floo Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 i'd try and find an sexual partner, but if someone came along and totally and utterly knocked my socks off and just happened to be sexual, then in theory i'd try it to make them happy... but like most things, in theory it all sounds fine but who knows in practice!!! Link to post Share on other sites
honeyandthemoon Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I'm in a relationship with a sexual, and I've tried to have sex to make him happy, but I just can't go through with it. I thought something was seriously wrong with me until a few months ago, when I learned about asexuality. I'm glad there's nothing wrong with me, but like Cate Perfect said, this situation isn't fair to either of us, so we'll have to figure out what to do now... :( Link to post Share on other sites
Alizarin Crimson Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Kate is dead-on. I just got out of a relationship because I just couldn't force myself to have sex anymore, and it wasn't fair to him because he was a very sexual person. I was beginning to resent him, and it wasn't fair to either of us. I learned from this relationship that sexual compatibility is VERY important in a successful relationship. Sure, you can try to compromise, but it only made me depressed and resentful, and it made him frustrated. Honeyandthemoon, I think you are in the same situation I just got out of. I don't know if it would be the same with you, but the moment I broke up with my boyfriend and realized hey, I won't ever have to have sex EVER again, I can't tell you how excited and happy I was. Now I know that in the future I must be in a relationship wih an asexual because compromising just won't work, at least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Friendly Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 If I was ever with someone and they wanted to have sex with me, I'd have to find a way of letting them down gently. I've never had sex, and I don't feel a personal need for it. I'd also rather not have it - it involves too many risks and practices that I don't feel comfortable with, especially since I'm female. As a female, let me put it in the simplest terms I can think of: I don't even use tampons, so sex is not even on the edges of my big picture. Link to post Share on other sites
myra Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 I don't feel safe in a sexual relationship. So as other people here stated, I would never get involved in a relationship with someone who needs sex to make the relationship work. After all, having sex when you hate it, affects the partner too and makes them feel bad about wanting sex. Link to post Share on other sites
emmaseek Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 I'm inclined to say 'no' right now, because I just got out of a relationship in which this was a problem. I don't know if my views would change if I were really in love with a person who wanted sex, but I honestly can't see myself being okay with it in the long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
bug Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Some people here are saying they might have sex just to please their sexual partner. But if you are male and don't want it, i.e. you don't feel aroused, how are you going to do it? And if you are female and don't feel aroused, wouldn't that be painful or even impossible? Personally I just don't seem to have room for anything that big!! Ha ha!! Link to post Share on other sites
emmaseek Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 And if you are female and don't feel aroused, wouldn't that be painful or even impossible? Well, when we say "sex" we might not be talking full-on male/female intercourse, i.e. maybe an asexual woman in a relationship might feel all right with other forms of sex play that don't involve her body directly. In this same vein, the degree of arousal isn't necessarily an issue if we're talking about lesbian sex :). Link to post Share on other sites
cutenycgirl20 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I probably would have sex to keep him/her happy. But it would be difficult as the relationship progressed because my partner would crave sex while I didn't. Our sex would probably be pretty sporadic. I mean, I've had sex before, and it's not so bad... but it's nothing that I really WANT to do. I feel like if I *really* love someone, then maybe I'd actually want to have sex with them once in a while. But I'm not sure if it's just because I live in a sex-crazed society. I don't know. I feel like sex is just... there. I don't desire it. I don't crave it. It's just like grocery shopping... its something I feel like I have to do to survive, it can be (sorta, kinda, maybe?) fun sometimes, but it feels like a chore. You know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Tero Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Well, if a woman wanted to have sex with me, i think i would have to make a deal with her. She would have to eat two packs of 10 unflavoured rice cakes, then i would go through with it. Being that we both have gone through something we dont care for, i would consider it an equal trade. Link to post Share on other sites
Chozo Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I'm going to be another one siding with Cate here. I did, and didn't like it. Now I don't think I would. I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to wipe my backside after I took a dump, so why should I have to tend to her unpleasant biological functions. The point is though that's unfair and so I probably wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who wanted sex all the time. I'd only be interested in a relationship with someone who didn't want any sex at all. Link to post Share on other sites
cait Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I don't have a partner, so that I don't have to negotiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Megmac Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I don't think I would/could have sex just because my partner wanted it. I think I'd feel violated, like I was being forced into it. Therefore, if I ever do enter into a relationship then it will have to be with another asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
cynic81 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I think that I could have sex with my partner if it was for the purpose of showing love and being intimate. If they needed that kind of connection now and then to feel like I cared for and appreciated them then I am willing to show my love in that way even though I would obviously rather show it in a million different ways first. However, if sex between us is just something that comes up because he is horny when he goes to bed that night, he might as well take care of himself in the shower. I think I would feel used if the only reason for it was lust. Link to post Share on other sites
Endraca Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I would not have sex with that person and I have been in the sitsuation and got hurt cause my partner didnt understand where I came from. But I guess it depends on the reason why you see yourself as an asexual. Having sex or not having...as long as you respect yourself... If you find it repulsive...then say so and dont get self-sacrifice If its out of disinterest...then just make sure its the right person... Or thats how I feel about this... Link to post Share on other sites
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