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Korgus

The Different Types of Attractions

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Korgus

I'm confused about the different types of attractions. Or, rather, the difference between all of them. Now these are mainly related to non-platonic feelings. But, anyways, I've analyzed my feeling I have towards certain people and I'm curious on if any of you can relate to the label I give each attraction. Now, this is more to help me put a pin on each feeling so I know what type of attraction I am feeling. So this is mostly hypothetical given the nature of the post. It is just so I can put labels on different feelings.

So, my question would be if someone could give their definitions and the differences between them of the following types of attractions: Sexual attraction, physical attraction, aesthetic attraction and emotional attraction.

I've provided my own bellow, if your curious.

Just so it's from an objective standpoint, the person who may feel these feelings will be called "Charlie" and the person Charlie is getting this attraction from will be called "Gabriel". Now these names were chosen for the sake of gender neutrality. But, because these observations are somewhat based on my own experiences, assume that Charlie is a guy and Gabriel is a women.

Sexual Attraction

Now, I have my doubts I've really experienced this more than the few times I have(hence my label "demisexual"). But, from this, I'll attempt to put it into words and see if any of you gray-as agree. So, from what I gathered, sexual attraction is the feeling to want to physically be with someone. Not, like, with them. But more along the lines to fill a sexual desire. For instance, Charlie might fantasize about Gabriel. So, he would feel compelled to be in physical contact with Gabriel just for the sake of feeling that sexual tension.

Physical Attraction

So, to me, this is somewhat similar to sexual attraction. But, rather, Charlie would be sexually attracted to Gabriel without the sexual part. So, Charlie would enjoy their overall body and even to the point of maybe becoming aroused. (From this point, I think it's sexual attraction)

Emotional Attraction

Now, this gets more personal to me because my "crushes". So I'm essentially describing what I feel might be emotional attraction rather than being the (what I think would be) traditional crush. This is basically Charlie wanting to be with Gabriel. He would feel really happy around said person and couldn't help but smile at them when conversing. So, there's a certain emotional connection that gets bridged. So, perhaps it can be classified as a traditional crush without the sexual and physical attraction attached to it.

Aesthetic Attraction

This is more along the lines of Charlie looking at Gabriel and appreciating his or her general body shape, hair. But, more like if he or she was looking at a painting. Now, I often compare this to when I look at a guy and appreciate certain aspects of his physic. So, it is by no means sexual nor is it emotional in nature.

Now feel free to comment on these definitions and, even better, provide your own. At this point, this is just my attempt to confirm my demisexuality or otherwise other labels that can describe me. Heck, for all I know, I'm indeed a sexual but I just didn't put the right label on the right connections and attractions. So, thanks!

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Janus DarkFox

This visual representation may help...

zlo2z.jpg

Plus try not to be too hasty with a label until you are sure what you are feeling. ^_^

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RoL34

I totally understand Aesthetic Attraction. There are plenty of people out there I think of as exteremely attractive and could look at for hours (I notice that Cumberbatch as Sherlock is quite appropriately in that example :P) and I don't think it makes you lean towards gay or bi if you think both genders are attractive in this way.

Sexual as I understand is when you look at someone and think "yeah, I'd tap that", but I've never separated physcial and sexual attraction before. I think what you consider phsyical may be better accurately described as sensual.

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Korgus

It's very rare for me to have that "I'd tap that" reaction. And albeit quite useful, the visual representations still leaves with a few questions. My hope, by asking the questions in the first post, was to determine if what I sometimes feel towards a certain person (Almost always of the opposite sex) is emotional attractiveness. Now, for the sake of everyone understanding each other, I usually name these feelings "crushes". But, I have my doubts it is by any means a crush.

As explained by PerfectlyDarkTails, a crush is a desire for a romantic relationship. Yet, I lack that desire. The main reason for that is probably my overall avoidance of romantic relationships. For instance, I do know I'll probably be with someone. (In other words, I'm the type of person who would really value a very long relationship that isn't solely based upon somewhat superficial values [like sex, for example]) Though, perhaps this is a pessimistic view, but, I don't see young relationships working very well because of the constant flux a teenage personality is in. Just feels premature to even think of a romantic relationship. So by no means would I call myself a aromantic. So, as I do have what I would call a crush, it rather feels like a desire to be with said person and get to know them to create human connections that are actually meaningful. I sometimes think this is a manifestation of my own loneliness seeing as I'm on a completely other wavelength compared to my immediate peers. But, I feel great when around that person. In fact, I don't feel lonely at all. Perhaps it's a facade; a lie my own mind is playing on me to keep an inner balance.

And the thing that brings me back to crushes is that when I get over one person, it's usually quick that I find another. Further enforcing the idea of my own mind creating these pseudo-feelings of companionship.

Though, this desire to make those emotional connections sometimes confuses me because, as of now, I've not felt like this towards any guy. Thus, it leads me to believe this is something connected to romance even though I don't strive for it. As well as feeling somewhat jealous when this person shows affection towards another person. So, it leaves me in a state of confusion when I can't put a label on what it is I'm feeling. But, I appreciate the replies;)

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Korgus
Plus try not to be too hasty with a label until you are sure what you are feeling. ^_^

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have doubts the demisexual label even applies to me now. So, as of now, my orientation is unknown. Basically back to square one. In other words, I may be a pomosexual for now.

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Janus DarkFox

Plus try not to be too hasty with a label until you are sure what you are feeling. ^_^

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have doubts the demisexual label even applies to me now. So, as of now, my orientation is unknown. Basically back to square one. In other words, I may be a pomosexual for now.
... Or just one U meaning you if its indescribable, good luck finding out :cake:

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Korgus

Plus try not to be too hasty with a label until you are sure what you are feeling. ^_^

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have doubts the demisexual label even applies to me now. So, as of now, my orientation is unknown. Basically back to square one. In other words, I may be a pomosexual for now.

... Or just one U meaning you if its indescribable, good luck finding out :cake:

Thanks. Man is human sexuality complicated...now time to eat some good cheese cake :cake:

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RoL34

I think I see your problem. I've had plenty of crushes before, and some of them I've acted on but once I did... I had no idea what to do. I had wanted to just continue our relationship as it had before, as buddies, but the guys had taken that as me friendzoning them, and when they pushed to further the relationship (not neccesarily sexually) I backed right the hell off. I don't know what to do with myself past the crush phase. It's like I like the idea of a romantic relationship, but I don't actually want to be in one. Does that make sense?

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Member1121245

You forgot mental and speciman-survival driven attraction.

Mental is when one's is attracted to one's ability to reason throughout logics and sometimes, it can be within emotional ranges as well.

Speciman-survival driven attraction is when one's is attracted to the survival of one's own race which may not even have to do with mental, sexual, aesthetic, and emotional attraction. Just basically have to do with the reasons of the will for the survival of one's own race. Reproduction can be initiated solely for this reason.

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Korgus

Frankly, I think what I'm looking for is companionship. Too long have I stood as an empty ghost walking in a world without conscious. My father once told me that I have the type of personality for a life-long companionship. Said companionship is maybe not necessarily romantic in nature. What I strive for and build from is human connection. And I've been literally suffocating because of the lack of it. So, perhaps, these feelings are not crushes at all. Maybe, my mind trying to keep itself open to possible "companions" or even a muse. Something that inspires me to be happy.

I noticed a vicious cycle I go in where if I don't have these feelings towards someone, my curiosity instantly goes into search mode for someone else to feel this towards. At this point, I'm just thinking out loud. But, maybe I've been looking at the wrong places. But, I'm just creating the oppositions I need to solve this problem.

*Edit*

Come to think of it, this concept makes me think of the Doctor in Doctor Who...

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RoL34

I think that makes sense, just wanting someone to be with. And I think you will be able to find someone. Honestly I find the whole game of romantic relationships to be tedious, I just want someone to hang and be comfortable with, it doesn't have to have romance in it.

I think the crush is just you wondering if that person can be your life-partner, which still qualifies as a crush if you ask me.

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Korgus

Perhaps. For all I know I'm a aromantic demisexual with a desire for strong and authentic human connections. I guess, for now, I can only leave it at that. Anyways, I appreciate your comments. Honestly, I don't think I would've found that out without the help;)

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Kitty Spoon Train
Sexual as I understand is when you look at someone and think "yeah, I'd tap that", but I've never separated physcial and sexual attraction before. I think what you consider phsyical may be better accurately described as sensual.

This kind of subtlety is pretty much the main thing that kept me from realising that I was different from the norm (I'm demi), until age 33...

People use "physical attraction" and "sexual attraction" interchangeably. And it's very easy to think that expressions such as "I'd tap that" are some kind of slang and exaggeration. It took me forever to finally realise that I don't actually find anyone sexually attractive on sight, not in the way that seems to be normal for most straight guys anyway.

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RoL34

Yeah, I can't understand how somebody can be sexually attracted just by looking at them without knowing anything about them. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

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Korgus

Feels quite weird to me. I've been shifting around the idea of me being demisexual for a few weeks now and the subtleties are really hard to identify. One aspect that contributes to this idea is the fact that I take sex quite seriously. Even I was completely sexual, I wouldn't be the type to have sex casually. For me, it's important to create a bond with a person(Though, I'm young, so it's probable that I haven't discovered some things about my sexuality). But, then, I think of where does demisexuality stem from. It seems to stem from almost hardwired variables. Like how homosexuals are likely to stay homosexual for the rest of their lives (Albeit it can be seen as fluid). And I bridge to another idea being that my values would require me to create a bond with a person to even consider fantasizing about them. So, my question being, is sexual orientation even defined by hardwired factors or is it defined by personality. Or is it factors from both.

And to bridge with RoL34, I can't begin to understand the concept of having a crush with someone you've had absolutely no contact with (Like celebrities) or no emotional contact with (Like the girl who works at the corner store). So, one might stand to reason that it's exactly what a demisexual is. But, flip the coin, the I'm looking at this guy and can't help to notice that he's handsome. Now, this could very easily be aesthetic attraction. And I often feel this way towards most women. It's a shame that some don't see their beauty. Seems like beauty, now-a-days, have to be solely defined by sexuality.

Anyways, I'm trying to word my thoughts but it is one hell of a thing to shift through. But, my point being, it'll probably take me 20 years to find the answers I'm looking for. Perhaps I'm like Guzica. If it's the case, then great. I honestly feel as if primary sexual attraction can be a burden. So, if we take sexuality at one extreme and asexuality at another, it feels as if demisexuality is great balance between the two.

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RoL34

Yeah, acknowledging somebody is pretty/handsome is definitely aesthetic attraction, but what you're describing about crushes does sound like demisexual, but I guess you can't know if you're demisexual until you make that emotional bond, no?

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Korgus

I've made that bond with a few people, mostly people of the opposite sex. And sexuality does arise once a bond has been made albeit low at first. So, yeah, perhaps I'm demisexual. One thing for sure, I'll be throwing the idea around in my head for a long time.

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RoL34

I'm no expert, but that does sound like the definition of demisexual. If sexual attraction only occurs after developing an emotional/romantic bond, that's not quite heteronormal.

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Not My Area

This visual representation may help...

That cartoon chart was the best thing ever. Wish I'd found this years ago.

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nina324no

This visual representation may help...

That cartoon chart was the best thing ever. Wish I'd found this years ago.

I agree. This little illy shows me that no, I really don't have a sexual attraction. I cannot think of anytime I desire to be sexually touched. In my head the romantic and crushes are more ideal. I enjoy thinking, but when it comes down to actually doing, I cannot.

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sableraven

Hmm the explanations and illustrations were helpful... but Im still confused! Define romantic! lol kidding. But I really dont know now how I feel. Its so hard to define for me. Im questioning the feelings I have for my husband now. Do I actually desire him physically, or is it just my mind? Is it just a need for emotive companionship? Is it fleeting crush? I know one thing at least, my best friend is a 'squish'! hahaha. Im going to have to mull over the rest. I wouldnt have married my husband unless I felt something amazingly movingly different about him than other people, and I do. So its romantic. But I have more love and respect and I care for him more than whatever happens in our sexual relationship. Although I really am beginning to think Im a Grey-A or a demisexual than an asexual...

Sorry, Im very scatterbrained and random sometimes.

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Murimus

Frankly, I think what I'm looking for is companionship. Too long have I stood as an empty ghost walking in a world without conscious. My father once told me that I have the type of personality for a life-long companionship. Said companionship is maybe not necessarily romantic in nature. What I strive for and build from is human connection. And I've been literally suffocating because of the lack of it. So, perhaps, these feelings are not crushes at all. Maybe, my mind trying to keep itself open to possible "companions" or even a muse. Something that inspires me to be happy.

*Edit*

Come to think of it, this concept makes me think of the Doctor in Doctor Who...

This is the problem I have been having. I look for a companion, someone with whom I can have a long-term bond and a meaningful connection, and "romance" is not necessarily a requirement. But with so many people, if you try to form a close connection with them they leap towards the sexual aspect, either because they do not understand that there are other types of deep connections, or because they are uninterested in close, non-sexual relationships. And this makes relationships terribly confusing and difficult to navigate when you "just want a mate" (as the Tenth Doctor said to Donna).

The illustration WAS very useful in explaining, and I am hoping it will help me in explaining my feelings to a certain person, however I am confused about the line between squish and romantic attraction. Where is the line drawn between super close friendship and non-sexual romance (a squish and romantic attraction)? I feel like those can be easily confused...

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