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Charity sex - is it enough?


BJvirgin

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... when I hear people try to shame two people into staying together in a bad relationship it really aggravates me.

I think sex is one of those issues for many people that is a deal breaker because there isn't a healthy long term compromise, it ends up being a lose-lose situation.

I really appreciate this. I do tend to feel petty and selfish for even thinking about ending my marriage over unmet sexual needs. I find myself rationalizing as follows: 1. I can get a physical 'release' on my own -- I don't need another person for that. 2. It's doubtful anyone else would want me anyway. and 3. Everything else in the relationship is so good -- why throw it away because of a little thing like sex? So basically I picture myself being even more miserable on my own -- causing emotional pain for my whole family and still not getting any sex.

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Vampyremage

I think there are needs and wants in any relationship and its those needs that really can't be compromised on. On some level, for most sexuals, sex is one of those needs although the exact level and degree of that need varies. If the baseline degree of need is not being met by a partner then I don't think its unreasonable to end the relationship because of that. I have gone back to the example previously that one of my baseline needs in a relationship is a certain amount of non-sexual physical touch. If I don't have that regularly then it causes me a lot of distress and its not a functional relationship for me. That need might be different than the need for sex, but I think in a lot of ways it is parallel. I can compromise on it, to a certain degree, but only to a certain level and below that level its simply not going to work.

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