Do you have a non-sexual, non-romantic cuddle agreement?

[Oxalis]

Wondering if anyone out there has just such an agreement perhaps with a friend they are attracted to? I have someone in mind that I am not romantically interested in but I am somewhat physically attracted to and we have a "no sex" understanding. We don't see each other very often but I would trust him as someone to cuddle with on the occasional lonely night.

Has anyone experienced just such an arrangement? Comments?

[Ukulele Narwhal]

I do not have any current situation such as this, but I could definitely see the appeal of having a cuddle agreement with someone you trust!

I have some same-sex friends of mine that I guess there is a sort of unofficial cuddle agreement with, mostly because they're heterosexual so I know they wouldn't try anything with me, so I trust them.

For my other friends who might like me it would be harder for me to trust them like that, but not impossible. And it would be really awesome to have a long-term cuddle buddy. Although I know for me it would be difficult to not fall deeper for them romantically speaking if we were cuddling on a frequent basis.

[Hobbes!]

I'd love to have an arrangement like this, it's just the non-romantic part that would end up proving a sticking point :(

[SherbetLemons]

I have a kind of unofficial arrangement like this with my best friend. We cuddle a lot when we're together, and it isn't seen by us as anything romantic, it's just how we express our friendship and grow closer. I have jokingly called her my "hug-buddy" a few times. :lol:

[TechnoEA]

No I don't even like being hugged by friends I have to force myself to hug them. I certainly wouldn't want to cuddle with them.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I'd love to have a cuddle buddy.

Unfortunately the only person I can imagine this kind of arrangement working with is an online friend who lives on the other side of the world. Dawwww.

[Notte stellata]

That sounds like the asexual version of FWB, lol. The non-romantic part probably wouldn't work with me, because I don't desire physical intimacy with purely platonic friends. But I'm open to trying it under right circumstances and with the right person.

[penamat]

I actually tried this one time. It did not go well. The girl I was with tried something on me, and against my better judgement I went with it..... I did not enjoy it. Needless to say I have not seen her since. But I think if both people involved are on the same page (asexuals) it could be a fun thing. AWB. Haha!

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I think if both people involved are on the same page (asexuals) it could be a fun thing. AWB. Haha!

Yeah, I reckon for me it can only really work with asexuals. Either that, or with someone who has some very fixed and non-negotiable reason why she can't bring sex into it. But that scenario is probably very rare.

I've tried to get this kind of thing going with girls I met through standard dating (ie "sexual" girls). It didn't work. I just got called a "big tease" a lot and they gave up on me. :lol:

[Akabara86]

I'd love to have a cuddle buddy.... but alas.... no, I do not.

unless my cat counts? :lol:

[byanyotherusername]

I have had a lot of these over the years...It tends to start gradually with lots of hugs, one of us leaning a head against the other's shoulder while watching a movie, etc., until I feel the need to have "the talk" i. e. "no, I am not interesting in you sexually or romantically, I'm just a total cuddle slut." XD I've had some really nice conversations with friends who are just as frustrated as I am that physical affection is supposed to be limited to couples.

Before I made a point to have clear conversations in these types of arrangements (I foolishly assumed my intentions were understood), there were a lot of misunderstandings. Now I never assume this, and I also never assume that one conversation will suffice. I make sure to check in and restate my intentions regularly, especially if the types of affection increase or escalate in some way. But with good communication, it can work.

The first relationships I had like this were with a tight-knit group of male friends I had in high school, and because we hung out as a group and I cuddled with all of them at some point when the others were around (and sometimes in cuddle puddles with two or more of them at once, but most of them, being stereotypical males, weren't comfortable with that), none of them assumed it meant I liked them romantically. I had a reputation for being indiscriminately cuddly. XD

The main problem I run into these days, now that I have "good communication" down, is that I have trouble setting boundaries--everything feels platonic to me, so short of overtly sexual touching, I sometimes don't know where to draw the line. >.< I had to make a "no biting" rule with one of my friends, even though I didn't really mind the biting itself (though I felt no desire to reciprocate...), but because I didn't buy that the desire to do so wasn't somehow sexual--despite my friend's claims to the contrary. Still, I regularly doubted myself and wondered if I was being too close-minded. Sure enough, now that he has a serious girlfriend he feels that biting should be restricted to romantic relationships. XD I do believe he was genuinely confused, though, since our relationship was unlike anything he had experienced before. He wasn't sure where the line should go either. It doesn't help that I love massages, (fully clothed) spooning, and other forms of affection often reserved for romantic relationships...

[Scarlett-Raine]

I would absolutely love a cuddle buddy!! I have approached a couple of male friends about it recently, but all have said that they would find it too hard to limit to just cuddling, They are all too sexual for such an arrangement. My female best friend gets quite cuddly with me when she is drinking, which is nice. But she tends to want to touch my breasts a lot too, which is going a bit too far for me. Although I don't have any particular sexual association with my breasts, I fear that this may cause things to lead into something more, which I wouldn't be comfortable with. I wish I knew some Ace's in my area, because that would make things so much simpler!

[foxington]

Y'know, I never used to feel any sort of physical "lack" being sans cuddles all the time, up until recently. Now, I definitely would love it if I could find something like this- with an asexual buddy or whathaveyou, but it feels like it would be difficult to find that fit where awkardness and feelings, etc. didn't become an issue. Ha, barring finding someone like that I'll just be crossing my fingers this urge gets squelched in time. *puts on stone cold loner face*

[Tenebre]

I had to make a "no biting" rule with one of my friends, even though I didn't really mind the biting itself (though I felt no desire to reciprocate...), but because I didn't buy that the desire to do so wasn't somehow sexual--despite my friend's claims to the contrary. Still, I regularly doubted myself and wondered if I was being too close-minded. Sure enough, now that he has a serious girlfriend he feels that biting should be restricted to romantic relationships. XD

...A no biting rule? o.0 I barely understand biting in a heavily sexual context, how on earth does it work in a non sexual, non aggressive one?

But back to the subject of the thread, I do have a cuddle buddy like that. It's been a complicated relationship and sometimes has bordered on being romantic (but never sexual) but we never made it officially so and it's back to being strictly platonic. It started when we were both contact starved and just kept going. In the beginning it was confusing because we both started out assuming that we were straight until we started enjoying being with each other (we're both female) so there were definitely complicated times but it worked out in the end with lots of communication, lots of emails trying to figure out what was going on (because we're too shy to talk about it in person).

At one point our relationship was mostly based on being in the same room if not on the same couch together but our friendship has gotten deeper than that now which is fortunate because there's an ocean between us... I miss my friend a good deal, being on a completely different continent.

[Touchofinsight]

I would love to have this type of agreement but I have never found the opportunity.

[Oxalis]

Seems like it might work then... ;) I'm pretty certain he's not romantically interested in me and I've already insisted the "no sex" rule which he seems fine with. Luckily he lives a couple hours away from me so we'd have our space too. XD

[Mad]

I have to ask, what is so good about cuddling? I'm not saying this to offend anyone, just want to know.

[Tyrnis]

Mad, cuddling is a way of being close and sharing affection with someone you care about that many people enjoy. How much touch matters varies based on the individual -- for some people, it's very important, for others, it's not particularly important at all.

[Mad]

Well then, guess I'm not the cuddling type. :) Thanks, Tyrnis.

[Grace Barton]

I don't have an arrangement like this, but I sure wish I do! My friend and I occasionally discuss this sort of thing and from that I did look at cuddle-based relationships. In the end I decided it couldn't work, because the only people I like to have hug me are my parents, and for anyone else I would have to be romantically attracted to them in order to want them to cuddle me, and as I don't experience romantic attraction that kinda gets thrown out the window as an option.

But I can definitely see the appeal in a relationship based purely on cuddles or basic physical affection, or just an agreement for those lonely nights when you need a cuddle. It is something I would like to have if it were possible. Though it would be odd to send/receive texts saying 'fancy a cuddle'. I think I would either be uncomfortable asking or unable to suppress a giggle at the request.

[byanyotherusername]

I had to make a "no biting" rule with one of my friends, even though I didn't really mind the biting itself (though I felt no desire to reciprocate...), but because I didn't buy that the desire to do so wasn't somehow sexual--despite my friend's claims to the contrary. Still, I regularly doubted myself and wondered if I was being too close-minded. Sure enough, now that he has a serious girlfriend he feels that biting should be restricted to romantic relationships. XD

...A no biting rule? o.0 I barely understand biting in a heavily sexual context, how on earth does it work in a non sexual, non aggressive one?

Haha, he didn't bite hard. I don't think he really thought it through the first time. Like, he kissed my cheek then kind-of nipped my ear.

Me: Did you just bite me!?

Him: Um, yes?

Me: Why?

Him: I don't know. Because I felt like it? Did you not like it?

Me: I don't really mind, but I feel like I should mind.

[Did I mention I'm bad at setting boundaries? XD]

Him: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: Well, biting is considered pretty sexual. Friends don't bite each other.

Him: Well, friends don't usually cuddle either. Why can't biting be platonic?

Me: Um, I don't know? But I feel like this is crossing a whole new line, somehow.

...and so on. XD

[DrWatson]

Bah, I bite one of my platonic friends! :P Granted he did it first, and he's stupidly sexual, but still. I don't see it as sexual, and I hope he doesn't either.

[Naylien]

Eeeeek! I would never be able to cuddle with someone who I wasn't romantically attracted to!

But it's an interesting thought and I supposed it'd be awesome for those interested in it.

[Philip027]

No, but I don't think I would really want one anyway. It would feel kind of awkward if it wasn't a romantic partner, or at least an interest.

[byanyotherusername]

Bah, I bite one of my platonic friends! :P Granted he did it first, and he's stupidly sexual, but still. I don't see it as sexual, and I hope he doesn't either.

Haha, I think there are situations where I would be okay with it, but with that particular friend I didn't think it was a good idea. :P

[Cakey]

At one time, there were a few. one of them stayed recently, I hadn't seen them for a while, so the old cuddle thing seemed something from the past....It was talking about the old days etc, the only awkward moment came when we were retiring to bed and I put them in the bunk beds. I think they thought it would be the same as before, when they shared my bed. So they turned around and asked for a big a hug before we parted and the years just melted away away, for a moment. Then it was nite nites .

[yellowpanda64]

I don't have any "official agreements" with my cuddle honeys. All of my cuddle honeys are close friends of mine who I trust. They all know that I am asexual and would never try to make a move on me like that. Just be open and honest with them. Just be like "would it be okay if we friend-cuddled?" and "I would really like to cuddle with you. You make me feel so safe and happy." IDK kinda cheesy but the shit works!!!

[Oxalis]

I don't have any "official agreements" with my cuddle honeys. All of my cuddle honeys are close friends of mine who I trust. They all know that I am asexual and would never try to make a move on me like that. Just be open and honest with them. Just be like "would it be okay if we friend-cuddled?" and "I would really like to cuddle with you. You make me feel so safe and happy." IDK kinda cheesy but the shit works!!!

Sounds great! I just have a friend I trust too. Well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to consider him a friend... :lol: I think the fact that he kind of annoys me will keep me from developing any sort of romantic attraction to him, and that makes me feel safe for now. Thank you all for the feedback!

[DolceSweet]

I'm new to the idea of being asexual, but I've had a cuddle group for about three months involving a heterosexual male, a bisexual girl, two heterosexual girls, and myself (beginning to identify as an asexual girl) where we just cuddle when we're together. It's wonderful, because I love cuddling and I'm normally cold. We sometimes even all fall asleep together, or just a couple of us fall asleep together. It works well for me. My roommate doesn't understand how the cuddling doesn't mean anything more, but the lack of sexual attraction between us just made sense to me. Yay for cuddles. :)

[MrBigglesworth]

I actually tried this one time. It did not go well. The girl I was with tried something on me, and against my better judgement I went with it..... I did not enjoy it. Needless to say I have not seen her since. But I think if both people involved are on the same page (asexuals) it could be a fun thing. AWB. Haha!

I had a female friend offer to be a cuddle buddy. Tried it and she decided that it wasn't a good idea after all. Kind of weirded her out. Shame.