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BDSM, Kinks, and "Asexual Fetishes"


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Qutenkuddly

I've had an intrest in the idea of bondage/being tied up for a very very long time, before I even knew it was something people did sexually...it was more an idea in my head that I liked to fantasize in my head about but I thought was really weird so I never talked about.

I've sometimes wondered if maybe that links to my asexuality, like perhaps it replaced sexual desires in my mind? Perhaps I'm just a sexual person with a really strong kink XD Or maybe I just like the feeling of being restrained without getting any sexual enjoyment from it. I'm kinda filing it away as something I'll figure out when I have a partner I feel comfortable exploring it with though :]

I sometimes wonder what full enclosure would be like.

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Lorelie Lee Long

Uh. I have a serious affinity for water. Submersion bondage is my particular kink, with emphasis on breathplay using water. I get more turned on swimming than thinking about intercourse.

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my_name_is_coco

Uh. I have a serious affinity for water. Submersion bondage is my particular kink, with emphasis on breathplay using water. I get more turned on swimming than thinking about intercourse.

yep me too... I get more "excited" just thinking about immersing myself in a swimming pool with cold water.

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Bondage, wax play, spanking, blindfolds, biting...

I'm also on Fetlife and my girlfriend doesn't call me a 'kinky little thing' for nothing. ;D

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  • 2 weeks later...

First of all, I'm once again thankful I joined this forum. It feels like a place I can talk freely without anyone judging me, people are so open-minded here!

Anyways.

I wouldn't say it's much of a fetish. But after my boyfriend introduced BDSM to me and let me try out the dominatrix-role, I have to say it must have been one of the best experiences I've had within that field simply because... we can have a good time without me having to do anything directly sexual. To have the complete control over the situation just made me feel safe and confident in myself.

And other "harmless" stuff. I like body hair. Both on men and women, makes them look so cuddly! ^__^

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Blood Angel

Not that I think about fetishes all too often, but I have a memory of being tickled when I was younger, that was exciting and non sexual, although I kind of get aroused by the idea now I guess it will count as a fetish.

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Gho St Ory Qwan

Not that I think about fetishes all too often, but I have a memory of being tickled when I was younger, that was exciting and non sexual, although I kind of get aroused by the idea now I guess it will count as a fetish.

ahaha a tickle fetish! That's cute XD It's sort of like play fighting which can turn sexual for some, so I guess it can link with fetishes (both sexual and non sexual, as it's all just a type of arousal right?). ^_^

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I watched some porn and laughed too hard after yack reflexion was over. Such a weird thing to do... :wacko: No any understanding or interest to that. Just wanted to see what action is. Could not care less.

Me too, I think porn is a comedy for me :lol: , I just laugh to see it, and made ​​me dizzy, as wondering "How'd they do that!?." :wacko:

I can relate to that. Hentai is much better than 'real' porn because of the same reason.

And don't worry because I think asphyxiation is a common one!

I love yaoi, but sometime I watch gayporn because I'm curious~

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I do have a giantess fetish. The technical term would be "macrophilia". It's strictly fantasy and completely harmless, but I constantly wonder where the hell it came from.

Mainly I'm into queening which I guess could fall into the BDSM category. I've never been able to tell anyone I've dated about this though. I've just been worried about the reaction I might get if I tell a girl that she can sit on my face anytime, but I don't want to have sex with her... Ever. So I've avoided all things like fetishes and talk about sex related subjects in past relationships.

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These might not count as fetishes but I have oddly strong feeling towards voices/sounds, hair, feet, good smells, hentai/yaoi etc.

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Guest member25959

Or, a person could feel a desire for sex with anyone offering the fetishized condition - i.e. the person who will put them in bondage; the person wearing a leather outfit; the person wearing those high heeled shoes. Again, the reason for the attraction here isn't because of the person, it's because of the association with that object, their offering of the fetish, so to speak.

This...is really interesting.

You think this could happen and the person is still ace? I never even thought of this possibility.

I'm trying to dissect why I've started feeling sexual attraction towards a specific person I know next to nothing about, and it's a combination of his voice, build, and other things about his appearance. I find the same things attractive on other people - anyone with a voice like that also draws me in, that build as well...and it depends on the things with the appearance.

So this is a weird line to draw - anyone else have any thoughts on when it stops being about the fetish and starts being about the person?

I've thought about this. I do think that I could at the very least enjoy sex in a 'certain situation' or maybe even desire it? I think it's possible, minus sexual attraction

Edit: How do I English

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So it switches from you not being sexually attracted to people to you being sexually attracted only to very few characteristics in people?

I'm a fairly boring sexual so far. I'm not actually into BDSM but there's some stuff I'd love to try...

Graven and vampyremage, some of your posts on page 3 have made it much easier for me to understand the compatibility of asexuality and fetishes; thanks.

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vrazda verlaine

My experience with fetishes is questionable in that aspect. Most of mine have to do with seeing people in certain situations. I enjoy it most when the person involved is somebody I find attractive anyway. When I do find somebody attractive, I fantasize about them being in these situations. And, of course, thinking about somebody in the situations can make me more attracted to them. It's impossible to deny that there's some sort of attraction to people involved in mine, but the thought of doing anything sexual with them still isn't appealing at all. It's like seeing or thinking about them in situations I have fetishes for is what's satisfying to me.

I also used to think I could use it to become sexually interested in somebody enough to have sex with them. I always sort of had an underlying feeling this wasn't the case, and then I finally had it tested in person in just about the most accidental and luckiest way possible, and ta-da, no sexual attraction or desire, just the same stand-alone fetishy enjoyment as always.

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The word fetish used to mean becoming sexualy aroused by an object instead of a person.

I cross dress a bit, but it's not a sexual thing.

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SorryNotSorry

Skin-tight clothing (on women), and the more it covers yet reveals, the more I enjoy looking at it. Especially footed leggings.

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never odd or even

errr... i like being bitten... and biting people....

i also like wresting... and winning. but only if the fight is fair. i dont like someone letting me win.

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never odd or even

So it switches from you not being sexually attracted to people to you being sexually attracted only to very few characteristics in people?

I'm a fairly boring sexual so far. I'm not actually into BDSM but there's some stuff I'd love to try...

Graven and vampyremage, some of your posts on page 3 have made it much easier for me to understand the compatibility of asexuality and fetishes; thanks.

well its more that you are turned on by said kink or fetish.

i dont think that it would induce them to want sex, its just a turn on. it may lead to sexual activity though, depending on the person.

it could just be an extreme attraction to said kink, whether it turns them on is a different thing altogether.

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Eratosthenes

The word fetish used to mean becoming sexualy aroused by an object instead of a person.

That's how I see it, but I say a fetish could also be an idea rather than an object.

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SorryNotSorry

When I was in my 20s, I had a male friend who had a fetish for women with bad teeth (hey, don't ask me...)!

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I have had the opportunity to try my non-sexual blood fetish in a sexual context.

Possible TMI.

I was with a partner at the time who also had a blood fetish, although his was sexual. He cut himself (it was shallow and it was done in a safe and sterile manner) and allowed me to drink the blood from the cut. That was pretty much all I wanted out of the situation and it was everything I hoped it would be. For him, however, it turned him on quite a bit and, as this was in the stage of my life when I was still willing to be sexually active for the sake of my partner, we had sex afterwards. I can't say I was really much more into the sex after engaging in my blood fetish than I normally had been, but he certainly was.

Just my experience in the matter.

Actually, at the time I thought that I still was sexual and so misinterpreted the non-sexual fetish as a sexual fetish, so it was a little confusing that it didn't actually make the sex seem any better to me nor was I really any more into it.

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guitar sunshine

Having someone granb my wrists to pin me down or something like that. My wrists are uber sensitive, plus i like to be a bit submisive

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Yep, some of my nonsexual fetishes are now sexual ones.

Like that deep, aesthetic, emotional attraction to certain music?

Yeah, um, it's not just aesthetic and emotional anymore. :redface:

Really?! Do tell.

I know you've been desensitizing yourself to your sexual repulsion. Does your experience imply that, like a gay man attending "Colonel Liberace's Macho Camp," we can be cured of our "affliction?"

Seriously, though...congratulations on your progress! I hope it's what you wanted/expected.

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Then, randomly, I started experiencing sexual feelings for someone...there's a post up there in this thread about it actually.

I don't know, any input on that would be awesome. I'm not sure what's going on.

Well, it sounds like you've undergone a big change. Assuming it's something you find positive, CONGRATULATIONS! You've reached a stage in your life which I have never even considered possible.

The analytical part of me does want to point out that any significant change in behavior and attitudes, and especially when it's as sudden as you describe, *could* be indicative of a problem with your health. Hormonal shift, for example. Head trauma, maybe. Or a fun-loving wizard. You might have a doctor check you out, just to be on the safe side.

P.S. You're still very young. Looking back, I don't think I finished puberty, in its entirety, till I was in my late 20s. Heck, I didn't stop growing till I was 27! And, yet I'm still only 5'9" tall.

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I'm in a BDSM relationship with a very sexual (possibly hypersexual) man. He's a dom, I'm a sub. I don't get any- or rather, very, very little- pleasure out of sex. What I do enjoy is everything leading up to sex. Our 'play' so to speak involves him giving me orders of a rather non-sexual matter. Cleaning the house in a certain way, disciplining me, that sort of thing. It brings me satisfaction in a way that isn't necessarily linked with sexual arousal. I'm not sure how to describe it, I'm fairly new to discovering my asexual identity, but I guess maybe you guys kind of understand?

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