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BDSM, Kinks, and "Asexual Fetishes"


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One of the curious things I've learned about myself recently is that I've always thought of myself as more submissive than dominant. Certainly in sexual situations this has been true. However, I have recently discovered that the primary reason this is true in sexual situations is because they have always vaguely confused me and I've never had much interest or understanding of them. Thus, I'm far more comfortable letting my partner take the reigns because its primarily for them anyway. Outside of primarily sexual situations, however, it can be fun to be a little dominant especially when a bit of sadism is thrown in there for fun.

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Storm Dancing

I wonder how many people who identify as being asexual are into the BDSM scene? Interesting. When I was younger,I used to run and bike alot and I got into the Vegas BDSM lifestyle but it was more of an exhibitionist thing,on my part. I really enjoyed some of the private parties though because everyone is just so relaxed and accepting of everything, and there always seemed to be more chitchat going on, unlike some parties I've attended where everybody just stands around and looks uncomfortable. I never really found all the different types of play a sexual turn-on, even though I played hard. Also, a certain factor of thrill-seeking was involved. I was a switch and when I was submissive,I was known for whispering, "That all you got?" to some of the Doms. Which made me popular---and unpopular---at the same time. And then one day, I just stopped,none of it really appealed to me anymore. I got bored,I guess. I think I might have been looking for some sort of magic key that would unlock my sexuality and I could be like everyone else....well....everyone wearing leather or wrapped in cellophane. BUT..I do remember thinking it would just be so easy to throw myself into this lifestyle and be normal.

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Dendritic Trees

Reading this makes me so relieved! :cake: for you all.

I have some... I don't know if they are kinks or what have you, because there isn't really any arousal aspect to it, its more of an Intense and Inexplicable Fascination. I have a thing for hurt/comfort, which is a mostly a fantasy, not real life thing and actually, looking back, I've had that for a very long time, and there are just certain scenarios, scenes in books or movies or fanfics, that I just really like, I'll watch or read them over and over. Some are hurt/comfort stuff, but some aren't.

I like the idea of someone tying me up and not having their way with me, if that makes any sense, which is actually something I'd be interested in exploring if I ever had an amenable partner. I've done some reading about BDSM and some of the activities and things involved, and I don't find any of the rest of it particularly interesting, so I don't think I'd identify as submissive, or masochistic, its just that one thing.

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ignoranceisn'tbliss

Recently I've looked into my interest in being submissive with an H-game. At the same time, I've realized that, while I don't really have a fetish, I enjoy human-ish creatures (ex: lamia, slimes, etc.).

Edit: Oh, hey, thousandth post :P

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Butters the Great

I have a foot fetish and a tickling fetish. Both are sexual in nature and are the only things that turn me on... sex being a turn off. When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I don't think "I want to have sex with her" I think "I want to tickle her feet"... I'm messed up man.

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Miasmatic Muscaria

I have a foot fetish and a tickling fetish. Both are sexual in nature and are the only things that turn me on... sex being a turn off. When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I don't think "I want to have sex with her" I think "I want to tickle her feet"... I'm messed up man.

Same here! About the foot fetish at least. There's just something captivating about a woman's feet, assuming they're well taken care of. I see a nice pair of feet on a woman and think "Wow....what I would give to get to massage those!" Sex? Last thing on my mind when I'm admiring beauty. I'm a "weird" one, I guess.

I also like eyes. Some eyes have so much soul and beauty in them.

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I'm extremely kinky, but I don't like/have sex. I actually switch and I'm a sadomasochist. I really really like pain, power and psychological play.

Ooooo and electricity is big for me too. This is the really short version of the list.

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I'm extremely kinky, but I don't like/have sex. I actually switch and I'm a sadomasochist. I really really like pain, power and psychological play.

Ooooo and electricity is big for me too. This is the really short version of the list.

This is pretty much me too, except that I don't switch, I am always submissive.

I have a lot more fetishes, but the list is so long, I can't even remember all of them off the top of my head. ;)

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alpacaterpillar

I have this really bizarre sexual obsession with watching girls' skirts blow in the wind, particularly when it exposes their underwear. It's gotten to the point that I watch this stuff online. Curiously enough I think it is the movement of the fabric that captivates me; I have no interest in videos consisting of a camera looking up a girl's skirt. Yet I have zero interest in having sex and find the concept of girls' (or boys') private parts pretty disgusting.

I can't look up anything about this particular fetish because when I search it, all that comes up are porn videos...

I recall reading something somewhere on this site about (paraphrased from memory:) "as long as your sexual fetish doesn't involve attraction to an actual person, you're asexual". Does this mean I'm still asexual, or Grey-A?

I have a foot fetish and a tickling fetish. Both are sexual in nature and are the only things that turn me on... sex being a turn off. When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I don't think "I want to have sex with her" I think "I want to tickle her feet"... I'm messed up man.

When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I don't think "I want to have sex with her" I think "I want her skirt to blow up". :blush:

If you have a foot fetish, do you consider yourself asexual? If you do, then I guess that means I am too.

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I have this really bizarre sexual obsession with watching girls' skirts blow in the wind, particularly when it exposes their underwear. It's gotten to the point that I watch this stuff online. Curiously enough I think it is the movement of the fabric that captivates me; I have no interest in videos consisting of a camera looking up a girl's skirt. Yet I have zero interest in having sex and find the concept of girls' (or boys') private parts pretty disgusting.

I can't look up anything about this particular fetish because when I search it, all that comes up are porn videos...

I recall reading something somewhere on this site about (paraphrased from memory:) "as long as your sexual fetish doesn't involve attraction to an actual person, you're asexual". Does this mean I'm still asexual, or Grey-A?

Do you think it could be an almost aesthetic fetish? Is that a thing? If attraction can be aesthetic/romantic/sexual/etc., perhaps fetishes can be too.

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alpacaterpillar

(sorry, I don't know how to censor parts of my posts)

Quite possibly aesthetic, but it excites me in a way that I cannot think is anything other than sexual:

I get erections and it is only when viewing this kind of material do I feel any urge at all to masturbate. Curiously enough I do not like to masturbate naked, only with pyjama pants on. I think it is some specific kind of clothing fetish.

I recall when I was a child I was fascinated by open jackets blowing in the wind... Perhaps the skirt thing is a more sexualised version of that. I always like to imagine what it feels like, the feeling of the wind and the fabric on the skin, and that's generally what's exciting me I think.

And of course there is the eternal ambiguity of what sexual attraction precisely is. I searched definitions on google. From memory:

Sexual attraction: attraction on the basis of sexual desire.

Sexual desire: desire to perform a sex act with someone.

Sex act: having sex with someone.

So I guess sexual attraction is an instinctive desire to have sex with someone. I'm pretty sure that is not the case for me. So I must be asexual I think.

Aha, perhaps what I'm experiencing is sexual desire, not attraction. Hmm, I'm getting somewhere. Maybe. Can anybody make anything of that?

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I've not tried any kinks out myself, so I can't say if I have any particular turn-ons in that regard (although I have a little bit of a thing for...sound, shall we say), but the psychology behind BDSM is so fascinating to me. It's something I'd definitely like to try, especially as a submissive - I think I'd be a great submissive. I don't mind pain either, but even then I'm not sure how I'd feel about someone being a sadist towards me.

I forgot I'd commented on this! :D

I've been thinking about my kinks a lot lately, as I've realised that I DO have them, and really, I have several...but pretty much all of them are non-sexual in nature (although some of them can be sometimes, definitely).

My general list of perversion is as follows:

  • Slash fiction/yaoi/rampant male on male homoerotica. I absolutely adore it. Especially if both guys are quite masculine and rugged - it's why the Team Fortress 2 and the Marvel Comics fandoms are my favourites in regards to slash fiction. (having said that, Bara doesn't appeal to me so much - they're far too muscled for my tastes, it's off-putting).
  • Related to the above, cross dressing men. Mostly, elaborate women's lingerie. Corsets, suspenders, tights, frilly mini-skirts, that sort of thing. While I love it when androgynous guys do this, too, I prefer it when it's your typical masculine guy.
  • Aural Voyeurism. While I'd never deliberately spy on people, I love hearing people having sex or masturbating. In my sexy daydreams, it's often imagining the sounds which makes me like it.
  • Attractive voices. Related to the above, there's something about some kinds of voices that either relax me, make me all fluttery and fangirl-like, or are arousing as hell.
  • BDSM. The psychology behind it is magnificent, and I love the idea of being owned by someone who'll alternate between taking care of me and making sure that I'm safe, and using me until he's done with me. I would be the best submissive.
  • Gender play. This might be related to my androgynous ID, but I love the idea of having sex whilst crossdressed as a man.The idea that someone would let me do that is a big plus.
  • Androgyny. I love androgynous men and women. SO beautiful.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about all of this because some of these points (mainly the sound related ones, and partially dipping into the BDSM point) have made me become quite fascinated with one particular man: Tom Hiddleston. I'm starting to really get a crush on this man, but the reasons for it make me uncomfortable. A friend of mine that DOES have a legit crush on him kept posting these audio clips of him from different roles he's played on her facebook wall, and at least two of them have appealed very strongly to my kinks; one of them is pretty much him moaning like a whore (from a BBC radio drama of Dracula - it's the scene where Jon Harker is being seduced by Dracula's wives), while the other one has him effectively whispering in your ear that you WILL belong to him, whether you're willing or not (I think it's from an audiobook he had to do? can't think of the name of it right now). But this really makes me uneasy. I admire him for being a fantastic actor and a very intelligent man, which is mostly why I like him, but I can't help but feel like I'm objectifying him whenever I listen to things like that. I guess this relates to that idea of "where's the line between being attracted to the acts that are being done to you and being attracted to the person who's doing them?". In this case, am I attracted to Mr Hiddleston himself, or merely his voice, his words? And where's the line between admiring a person and objectifying them?

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Hello This is my first post in these forums. I'm a 17 year old male and I've had almost no interest in sex/relationships for years.

But I was wondering, do any other asexuals have fetishes? I've seen a post similar to this already but I'd like more specific answers.

I'm interesting in voreaphilia.

If you have any could you please share them? Thank you

:cake:

Hmmm I am also a 17 year old male into voreaphilia. :)

I like BDSM, Erotic humiliation and Body Worship.

Oh and yes, I'm asexual :D

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I have an interest in omorashi

I admit I had to look this one up. Apparently, this entails liking people with full bladders, although honestly I can't see how you'd be able to tell...

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I have an interest in omorashi

I admit I had to look this one up. Apparently, this entails liking people with full bladders, although honestly I can't see how you'd be able to tell...

They're the ones looking really desperate and doing the peepee dance, perhaps? :P

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BazingaDragon

I was watching this forum for awhile before I posted. Part of it was curiosity, and part was that I was unsure of how much to reveal. If I'm not having sex, after all, there has to be some activity that is sacred between my partner (yet to be found) and me.

Here's the deal. I'm glad to find that fetishes are a part of asexuality. My own often made me wonder. In fact, I have a long list of them, starting with dragons (yes, I know this is a self-oriented one), and continuing to include a list of items.

Keeping in step with what I said, I won't detail them, but I will tell you they are sound and texture oriented, a result of my synesthesia. If anyone really wants to know, that's what the PM is for. :)

Finally, let me just say I am open-minded, as pleasing my partner is one of my fetishes. The only things that are out of bounds are physical bondage and that thing where you have people change your diapers after you've soiled them. That one just weirds me out, no offense to anyone here.

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I have an interest in omorashi

I admit I had to look this one up. Apparently, this entails liking people with full bladders, although honestly I can't see how you'd be able to tell...

They're the ones looking really desperate and doing the peepee dance, perhaps? :P

uh yeah... :redface:

qutencuddly has the idea, it may not be obvious at first but after a while somone who needs to urinate will start showing subtle signs of discomfort which then grow into obvious sings of desperation like "the peepee dance" and eventually if the person does not find a place to urinate in time, they will lose control of their bladder.

i like the idea of watching this happen to somone, and it happening to myself (though not necessarily in public). Pretty unusual fetish, i guess and i am a bit ashamed of it, but i suppose its just a part of who i am, and i just have to deal with it.

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murrietaelena

I guess there are a lot who are a bit ashamed by their fetish/kink ;) But hey, as everyone's being so honest, mine is weakness in strong men, sounds like a paradox? But I mean when they're ill or tied up or captured etc. I also like BDSM, being submissive. It turns me on but doesnt make me want to actually have sex..

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Bondage. Biting, soooo like biting. Also idk what you would call it umm "sensual torture" maybe? Like when the whole act is extremeley drawn out?

Also just really animalistic sex, it's just fascinating!

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Nomad in Stasis

Hm, "animalistic sex" is a term I hear used often, yet I do not understand. Usually animals just do it one speed, one position for a short time and that is it until the "urge" comes again. Is that what you view as animalistic, or is rough sex the term you are looking for?

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ignoranceisn'tbliss
Pretty unusual fetish, i guess and i am a bit ashamed of it, but i suppose its just a part of who i am, and i just have to deal with it.

I felt the same way when I first realized my fetish. After 7 years, though, I've gotten pretty used to it. And once it really started to sink in just how many artist were drawing/writing this stuff and how many people were viewing it, I started to realize it was fairly normal thing (well, as normal as anything sexual gets. Truly normal sexual things are pretty boring, IMO).

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I have a fetish for being held in long wrestling holds/locks by women. Especially using their legs (i.e. a 'scissor hold') I don't like really big muscly women, more slim/athletic women who are naturally strong. It must be a domination kind of thing, but I don't like the idea of being tied up/bondage, it must be using their own strength against me. I like the idea especially if the girl/woman isn't trying very hard either, like its easy for her, and she doesn't know its turning me on.

There seems to be a lot of websites out there for men who like this sort of thing, but there doesn't seem to be any women who do!

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The Astromancer

Proper grammar and spelling....

Snowboarding...

Science...

Fetishes.

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Proper grammar and spelling....

Snowboarding...

Science...

Fetishes.

I am confused. Is this a list of fetishes of yours? Does proper grammar and spelling arouse you? Is it the act of snowboarding or the snowboarder? Science? Is it the scientific method? Or perhaps a specific field of science like biology or chemistry or maybe botany? And your last word is "fetishes" does that mean any actual fetish is a fetish for you? Or maybe someone else having a fetish is a fetish? Do you avoid writing in complete sentences for the sake of keeping yourself turned off?

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. . .but there are sounds
Proper grammar and spelling....

Snowboarding...

Science...

Fetishes.

I am confused. Is this a list of fetishes of yours? Does proper grammar and spelling arouse you? Is it the act of snowboarding or the snowboarder? Science? Is it the scientific method? Or perhaps a specific field of science like biology or chemistry or maybe botany? And your last word is "fetishes" does that mean any actual fetish is a fetish for you? Or maybe someone else having a fetish is a fetish? Do you avoid writing in complete sentences for the sake of keeping yourself turned off?

I think it is worthy of note that a fetish need not be sexual. It is an object invested with a certain emotional power or significance. The OED cites several definitions of fetish and it is not until the fourth definition that the psychological definition revolving around sexuality is invoked. The first two are anthropological in origin and likely not what Rogue was thinking of, however, the third definition, "an irrational reverence" is perhaps fitting.

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Nomad in Stasis

Hm, in that case, I have a correct grammar and punctuation fetish as well. LOL

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Purnkin Spurce

Sooo I've noticed that I'm kinky. I would be quite the kitten if I was actually into sex. :blush:

There is a friend of mine on facebook and we kind of role play out what we want to do to each other in a dominance/submission type relationship. We both know I'm asexual (I think) and we both know he's not highly sexual either. He doesn't seem very interested. But he seems to have a dominance foot fetish and I seem to like the idea of someone pinning me down and gently choking me. I get aroused thinking about it but I never get aroused enough that I masturbate or actually want to have sex with him.

I watch porn and I've always been into the thought of being tied up and someone having their way with me. Mostly by a man. Even though I consider myself heteromatic, I've always liked the idea of a guy taking control of me sexually or physically. It's always aroused me.

BUT, as I've said, I never act on it. And when I'm in a situation where i can (which I have been) it's like all aroused feelings shut down and I'm not in the mood anymore. Being with someone in that way, involving sex doesn't do it for me if I were to actually be put in that situation.

I have homoromantic and physical desires for women, platonic desires for men. My only sexual desires are never directed at anyone, only ideas and thoughts. Like I'm attracted to celebrities and at rare moments, become aroused by the thought of being with them. But then again it goes away soon because I know I would never actually want to do those things in real life.

Make sense. Does anyone else feel this way or have been in any similar situations?

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MarshmallowNoise

I have a food/beverage kink and fetish. I dream of laying in a tub full of cake mix.

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