BDSM, Kinks, and "Asexual Fetishes"

[LauraSusanJohnson8888]

This was actually one of the biggest things that kept me thinking I wasn't asexual, lol. I have a bondage fetish, but only with clothes on. I can't stand the whole naked thing, simply because it normally leads to sex or torture porn with these bondage vids. So I stick with the clothing-only bondage vids, and I spend a lot of time on DeviantArt.

My fetishes? Hmm:

Bondage

Voreaphilia (that's the one with people being eaten, either by animals or other people, right?)

I'm sure there's one about strangulation (not happening to me, but to others but without them dying. Is that that autoerotic asphyxiation thing?) If there is, that's another.

Obviously, I watch a lot of crime shows as a result of my fetishes, and I write them in my stories as well. (Attempts maniacal laughter only to be interrupted by coughing fit) Okay, I'm gonna get that one down one of these days...

Oh, and in terms of the fantasies I have with people tied up with clothing on, well, its better if its fancy clothing (evening gowns, Sunday best, etc. Even a freaking prom dress....)

I have a thing for m/m gay porn, gay fiction etc. I love watching one man dominate the other, esp. if the other is smaller. The sexual chemistry in the movie SUNSHINE btwn Chris Evans and Cillian Murphy was a huge turn on. I'm not alone on that. Fantasizing about Evans tying Cillian up, handcuffing him, etc. is quite fun. I don't know if this counts as a fetish or just a regular good time! I love it when one man is masculine and muscular and the other is androgynous and petite, yet still you can tell he's a male.

[Kestin]

I'm as asexual as it gets (repulsed-a, aromantic, nonlibidoist), but secretly I guess I do sort of have a fetish. Kind of. Maybe. But I really don't want to say what it is. I'm hoping to take it to the grave. ^^;

[marselluswallaceornot]

I've read the entirety of this thread and I think asexuals seem to be a whole lot kinkier than most of the other sexualities! It is entirely possible, as was theorised earlier in the thread, that we get an extra dose of kinkiness because we don't experience sexual attraction. You can of course approach it from a reverse standpoint and suggest that we all have fetishes so strong they actually override any sexual desires. There doesn't really seem to be any evidence to support either proposition, and since scientists still can't come up with a definite answer on what causes fetishes in the first place, we're unlikely to find out the truth any time soon :lol:

[Winter Hill]

This was actually one of the biggest things that kept me thinking I wasn't asexual, lol. I have a bondage fetish, but only with clothes on. I can't stand the whole naked thing, simply because it normally leads to sex or torture porn with these bondage vids. So I stick with the clothing-only bondage vids, and I spend a lot of time on DeviantArt.

My fetishes? Hmm:

Bondage

Voreaphilia (that's the one with people being eaten, either by animals or other people, right?)

I'm sure there's one about strangulation (not happening to me, but to others but without them dying. Is that that autoerotic asphyxiation thing?) If there is, that's another.

Obviously, I watch a lot of crime shows as a result of my fetishes, and I write them in my stories as well. (Attempts maniacal laughter only to be interrupted by coughing fit) Okay, I'm gonna get that one down one of these days...

Oh, and in terms of the fantasies I have with people tied up with clothing on, well, its better if its fancy clothing (evening gowns, Sunday best, etc. Even a freaking prom dress....)

I have a thing for m/m gay porn, gay fiction etc. I love watching one man dominate the other, esp. if the other is smaller. The sexual chemistry in the movie SUNSHINE btwn Chris Evans and Cillian Murphy was a huge turn on. I'm not alone on that. Fantasizing about Evans tying Cillian up, handcuffing him, etc. is quite fun. I don't know if this counts as a fetish or just a regular good time! I love it when one man is masculine and muscular and the other is androgynous and petite, yet still you can tell he's a male.

For a moment there, I thought you meant the Ginger Cornflake....... !

[Nolan Kryptonite]

Formal suits and tuxedos, and bondage/humiliation, specifically guys in suits...

[Castiel]

Clothing.

Ohhh my god, clothing.

I love love love men in suits, vests, suspenders, pointy toed shoes, military uniforms, priest collars, round glasses, ties, etc. Women in elegant dresses or hotpants, floral print layers, stockings and tights, lace, etc.

I just love well-dressed people, and sometimes, as in the case of hotpants, I like women who are dressed sexily but not...graphically?

Also, I love long skinny legs, on men and women, red hair, dark-skinned girls with brightly colored hair, hourglass figures, and crazy haircuts like mohawks etc.

ALSO haha, to go with the person who had the hair fetish, I have such a desire to brush long, pretty hair.

...yeah I have a lot of fetishes for someone completely uninterested in sex. OTL

I have the same 'fetishes.' Especially men in suits (actually, most of the things you've listed).

@JDBentz: hahaha I thought that it was just me.

I don't find the human body repulsive, but it's nice just to look at people with clothes on. lol

And BDSM. I adore dominant/sub relationships. I hope to be in a D/S relationship in the future (but with low-key sexual attraction). Well, I don't mind if they get off on it, but I'd rather enjoy their company in the bond. I guess, it's kind of like, "I get off on other people's happiness." And that's enough for me. :)

[Nolan Kryptonite]

Clothing.

Ohhh my god, clothing.

I love love love men in suits, vests, suspenders, pointy toed shoes, military uniforms, priest collars, round glasses, ties, etc. Women in elegant dresses or hotpants, floral print layers, stockings and tights, lace, etc.

I just love well-dressed people, and sometimes, as in the case of hotpants, I like women who are dressed sexily but not...graphically?

Also, I love long skinny legs, on men and women, red hair, dark-skinned girls with brightly colored hair, hourglass figures, and crazy haircuts like mohawks etc.

ALSO haha, to go with the person who had the hair fetish, I have such a desire to brush long, pretty hair.

...yeah I have a lot of fetishes for someone completely uninterested in sex. OTL

I have the same 'fetishes.' Especially men in suits (actually, most of the things you've listed).

@JDBentz: hahaha I thought that it was just me.

I don't find the human body repulsive, but it's nice just to look at people with clothes on. lol

And BDSM. I adore dominant/sub relationships. I hope to be in a D/S relationship in the future (but with low-key sexual attraction). Well, I don't mind if they get off on it, but I'd rather enjoy their company in the bond. I guess, it's kind of like, "I get off on other people's happiness." And that's enough for me. :)

Suddenly I feel it's a lot more common... :P

[mikiwota]

Not sure why I'm suddenly feeling the need to utterly embarrass myself and post here but... here goes lol (this is totally getting spoiler tags, XD)

Ever since I was young I've been fixated on the inside of womens' mouths and fantasize about shrinking down and going inside. I'm obsessed with tongues, throats, uvulas, saliva and all that other good stuff~ To this day I can't help but stare whenever a girl yawns or does something else that gives me a glimpse of her oral cavity . As I got older this sort of evolved into an interest in both GTS and vore when I realized that being swallowed alive by a giant woman really appealed to me.

As of now I sort of have two separate fantasies. One which I feel horribly guilty about liking at time: unwilling vore, specifically seeing pretty girls be swallowed alive by a giant person whilst struggling and trying to escape. This is admittedly the only thing I know of that turns me on per-say and is basically my equivalent to porn/masturbatory material :redface:

And then the one I don't feel bad about: Being swallowed alive by a woman I love and being safe inside of her

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

Not sure why I'm suddenly feeling the need to utterly embarrass myself and post here but... here goes lol (this is totally getting spoiler tags, XD)

Ever since I was young I've been fixated on the inside of womens' mouths and fantasize about shrinking down and going inside. I'm obsessed with tongues, throats, uvulas, saliva and all that other good stuff~ To this day I can't help but stare whenever a girl yawns or does something else that gives me a glimpse of her oral cavity . As I got older this sort of evolved into an interest in both GTS and vore when I realized that being swallowed alive by a giant woman really appealed to me.

As of now I sort of have two separate fantasies. One which I feel horribly guilty about liking at time: unwilling vore, specifically seeing pretty girls be swallowed alive by a giant person whilst struggling and trying to escape. This is admittedly the only thing I know of that turns me on per-say and is what I masturbate to :redface:

And then the one I don't feel bad about: Being swallowed alive by a woman I love and being safe inside of her

Somehow the last part is pretty cute.

Doesn't do much for me, but I'm analysing it psychologically, as I do with everything, and I think I kind of understand it.

Somehow, it's almost romantic. XD

haha

And don't be embarrassed about fetishes, the whole sex business is embarrassing so as far as I see it, fetishes are kinda just as weird as sex in general. :P

[Kaukomieli]

For one reason or another, I find that pregnancy/belly/birth stuff including m-preg to some extent is the only thing that really turns me on. :/ And I sort of find it disgusting at the same time, but what the heck, I guess fetishes/kinks don't have to make sense. If you want to get to the psychological stuff, it probably has something to do with the human instinct to reproduce or something, but the funny thing is, I'm still pretty certain I don't want kinds, and I don't want to be pregnant myself (what with one of my most intense fears dealing with vomiting - I have a mild-ish emetophobia, which is also why babies/small children terrify me and I would not like to deal with a sick one). So In Real Life I basically find all that stuff not all that interesting and I don't want it for myself, but in fantasy-land it's suddenly hot. I don't even know.

Other kinks I have are blindfolding, and pair acrobatics. Something super sensual and exciting about watching a skilled pair of acrobats doing their act. The visuals, the skill, the uncompromising, stone-hard trust it requires - both in yourself and the other, and so on. I could totally do pair acrobatics as a romantic act (though I wouldn't want to go anywhere with it), if I had the right partner. :) And if I was better at acrobatics, that is. I'm more of a juggling/balancing girl myself. Now that I think of it, contact juggling as a pair with a single ball would be interesting as a romantic bonding thing type of kink. :D Actually, anything that requires a lot of trust and working in perfect harmony, like a single being.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

For one reason or another, I find that pregnancy/belly/birth stuff including m-preg to some extent is the only thing that really turns me on. :/ And I sort of find it disgusting at the same time, but what the heck, I guess fetishes/kinks don't have to make sense. If you want to get to the psychological stuff, it probably has something to do with the human instinct to reproduce or something, but the funny thing is, I'm still pretty certain I don't want kinds, and I don't want to be pregnant myself (what with one of my most intense fears dealing with vomiting - I have a mild-ish emetophobia, which is also why babies/small children terrify me and I would not like to deal with a sick one). So In Real Life I basically find all that stuff not all that interesting and I don't want it for myself, but in fantasy-land it's suddenly hot. I don't even know.

I think often with kinks, is there is an internal conflict which heightens arousal. I know my kink is pretty much of things I don't like but kinda almost like in a way. The not liking it makes me like it more; with the right person and the right way of going about it. Some things will completely ruin it. Like I'm being a sub right now, if my Dom ever called me a slut it'd ruin it there and then. Kinda hard to call a saintly asexual like me a slut anyway. lmao

[qlimax7749]

I like hands especially the thumb bendier the better,also i like the feel of a ladys hands around my neck :D

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I like hands especially the thumb bendier the better,also i like the feel of a ladys hands around my neck :D

I didn't think I would like hands on the neck but when my mate made out with me and did this, it really heightened the mood.

It's the first time I've really wanted to kiss someone and really enjoyed it even if I still had no idea what I was doing and kept ruining the moment. heh

Guess it can be powerful with the right person.

My dom has stronger hands and puts on more of a grip so I'm not interested in it. I kinda like how my friends grip was soft enough to kinda be comforting but enough to let me know it could be tightened any moment I guess.

Was kinda cute...

[Pyro Yoshi]

I already replied to this, but I have a couple additional kinks I haven't covered. I don't know why, but I like looking at women wearing high heels. This isn't a foot fetish, because a if you show me a picture of a barefoot woman with emphasis on her feet, I'll just shrug and be like, "It's a picture of a woman." With heels however, I'd look at it and think, "Ah! Very sexy shoes and legs!" I love wearing heels as well, and I often like to pretend that I'm wearing sexy hooker heels and walking on a hard surface.

Also, this is really odd and I don't think this kink even has a name, but I really like it when a guy will crawl around on all fours like a dog. On his hands and feet, not on his hands and knees, and the closer his body is to the ground, the better it is. I don't mean this in a submissive way either, more in a "Hmm. I feel like running around on all fours, so I think I will." kind of way.

I might be developing a bit of a medical fetish, as I occasionally fantasize about male patient/sexy female doctor (me, in the fantasy) scenarios. They can range from being as simple as drawing some blood to performing unneeded surgery on him. There's just something very sexy about that.

[Zenatyra]

I'm Panromantic/Demisexual but the Demi part is quickly getting chipped away so I'll answer here anyways.

I have a metaphor fetish... I'm an author but that sounds odd even to me but if an aspect of a person or a relationship would have a specific meaning in a book I attribute that to it in real life. This has gotten me into some messy situations but no regrets.

It causes me to adore androgyny, and any person that can write a character in the opposite gender convincingly...

Yeah an author fetish... that one is weird :P

also hair, specifically long hair on guys or girls, this may or may not tie into my metaphor fetish but its not so much a sexual feeling, more a wish to be close and admire them and possibly run my fingers through said hair. In the metaphor case I find a wish to write stories with them and get inside their mind and let them inside mine...

[GenAJ]

Back when I had a sex drive I was into macrophilia/microphilia various different variations of macrophilia and voraphilia, but I was never attracted to anything real.

[CloakedSchemer]

Hmm... Well my fetishes consist of voraphiliia, some sort of preganancy/huge belly thing that I don't understand myself, and Dom/Sub stuff.

The dominance and submission is my big one though. If the person even gives off an aura of dominance around me and I notice then I get those wierd butterflies that I suppose I'm supposed to feel when I like someone, but it's only for that feeling/aura itself. I even sort of get this instinct to listen to them or something temporarily.

I'm pretty good at hiding this sort of stuff though so I'm quite suprised with myself as I'm typing this.

[MrMagpie]

The dominance and submission is my big one though. If the person even gives off an aura of dominance around me and I notice then I get those wierd butterflies that I suppose I'm supposed to feel when I like someone, but it's only for that feeling/aura itself. I even sort of get this instinct to listen to them or something temporarily.

I feel exactly the same way! This is really the only way I am able to experience what I imagine to be 'sexual interest' in another person - but in reality I have no romantic or sexual attraction towards them as an individual, only in their 'aura of dominance'. In fact, all of my other little kinks really stem from this Dom/sub fetish of mine. When I tried to explain to a friend what I thought 'romantic attraction' was for me personally, I ended up giving her that exact hypothetical situation - meeting someone whose words and advice I would instinctively listen to.

What a strange world we live in.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I understand the aura thing. I got that the other day when my friend asked about any fetishes (was so random...) then mentioned he liked the idea of being dominate.

I kinda knew it was going to happen but eventually we were play fighting and it was so much fun knowing we were both in the same kinda headspace. ^_^ He seemed way more attractive and that made me enjoy making out with him.

I think the only other time I enjoyed making out with someone was when they were taking on a kind of dominant role (but not aggressive, more like leading I guess?) IN any case, it can completely change the situation.

If someone can be dominant, but in control of themselves, and you allow them to be like that, you are showing trust, and building trust rapidly, in my experience. If they respect that, they're unlikely to make any stupid moves like forcing themselves on you, which makes experimenting much more relaxed and fun. And obviously you can focus on the fun head space rather than the 'what the fuck is this supposed to feel like!' as I for one, don't get a response out of kissing or many types of physical affection, and obsessing over it doesn't help. ^_^

[ignoranceisn'tbliss]

I understand the aura thing. I got that the other day when my friend asked about any fetishes (was so random...) then mentioned he liked the idea of being dominate.

I kinda knew it was going to happen but eventually we were play fighting and it was so much fun knowing we were both in the same kinda headspace. ^_^ He seemed way more attractive and that made me enjoy making out with him.

I think the only other time I enjoyed making out with someone was when they were taking on a kind of dominant role (but not aggressive, more like leading I guess?) IN any case, it can completely change the situation.

If someone can be dominant, but in control of themselves, and you allow them to be like that, you are showing trust, and building trust rapidly, in my experience. If they respect that, they're unlikely to make any stupid moves like forcing themselves on you, which makes experimenting much more relaxed and fun. And obviously you can focus on the fun head space rather than the 'what the fuck is this supposed to feel like!' as I for one, don't get a response out of kissing or many types of physical affection, and obsessing over it doesn't help. ^_^

Now that you mention it, my favorite kinds of macro fantasies usually have that kind of "allowed dominance" in them.

[Guiggy]

I've had an intrest in the idea of bondage/being tied up for a very very long time, before I even knew it was something people did sexually...it was more an idea in my head that I liked to fantasize in my head about but I thought was really weird so I never talked about.

I've sometimes wondered if maybe that links to my asexuality, like perhaps it replaced sexual desires in my mind? Perhaps I'm just a sexual person with a really strong kink XD Or maybe I just like the feeling of being restrained without getting any sexual enjoyment from it. I'm kinda filing it away as something I'll figure out when I have a partner I feel comfortable exploring it with though :]

Oh wow I can completely relate to this.

I have never told anyone this before...here goes... I fantasize about being bound and gagged.

I enjoy looking at pictures or videos of people being bound/gagged but only if its fictional (so like in a movie or TV show), art, and non-sexual. If the scene involves nudity or elements of BDSM, I become uncomfortable. If it becomes too real for me I don't enjoy it at all.

I think I am attracted to the distress and helplessness, but not the sexual aspect of it.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I've had an intrest in the idea of bondage/being tied up for a very very long time, before I even knew it was something people did sexually...it was more an idea in my head that I liked to fantasize in my head about but I thought was really weird so I never talked about.

I've sometimes wondered if maybe that links to my asexuality, like perhaps it replaced sexual desires in my mind? Perhaps I'm just a sexual person with a really strong kink XD Or maybe I just like the feeling of being restrained without getting any sexual enjoyment from it. I'm kinda filing it away as something I'll figure out when I have a partner I feel comfortable exploring it with though :]

Oh wow I can completely relate to this.

I have never told anyone this before...here goes... I fantasize about being bound and gagged.

I enjoy looking at pictures or videos of people being bound/gagged but only if its fictional (so like in a movie or TV show), art, and non-sexual. If the scene involves nudity or elements of BDSM, I become uncomfortable. If it becomes too real for me I don't enjoy it at all.

I think I am attracted to the distress and helplessness, but not the sexual aspect of it.

I kinda like pictures where one person is kinda on top of another. Or pinned against a wall.

I kinda like it when I experience it unless the person smells bad or is trying to kiss me. That said if it's like they're thinking about kissing me but aren't likely to, there's something about the situation that's arousing. It's just if they go for it I'd be out of the moment and bored or grossed out. =.= It's a delicate balance.

[SorryNotSorry]

Eyes.

Idk what it is but i love the look of a womans eyes.

Me too.

Specifically, big brown ones.

[Nomad in Stasis]

So I would like to know where a few stand on the like.

I myself am slightly Masochistic as well as submissive(romantically speaking) and I have an asexual fetish for elbows.

[Arf]

I am pretty kinky myself and since I am demisexual I feel like there's some connection between the two concepts, for me. Kinky sex and sex in general are only things I would like to do with someone I love and trust deeply and I love the emotional connection of both activities. BDSM for me, is not so much about the fancy equipment but the psychology. I think that is probably because I am more into d/s though, which of course is largely psychological.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

I've not tried any kinks out myself, so I can't say if I have any particular turn-ons in that regard (although I have a little bit of a thing for...sound, shall we say), but the psychology behind BDSM is so fascinating to me. It's something I'd definitely like to try, especially as a submissive - I think I'd be a great submissive. I don't mind pain either, but even then I'm not sure how I'd feel about someone being a sadist towards me.

[Qutenkuddly]

This thread has been moved to Asexual Q&A.

Qutenkuddly,

Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator

[RaisingCain]

*Giggles!* Vore buddies! Yays!

I'm also a voraphile, have been for the last year since I accidently stumbled onto my boyfriends porn collection ( Mind you, at the time I was freaking out! I was convinced he was planning to chop me up and eat my Hannibal Lecter style!)

[doggalogga]

I have had my fetish my entire life I reckon - probably due to neglect...emotional and physical.

I discovered the online world back in 1997 when I accessed the internet for the first time in High School...

I do not ever engage in it - I only peruse and enjoy. That is how I plan on it staying...

[scottimus prime]

An attractive, shirtless man chained up and roughed up is incredibly aesthetically attractive to me. I have no idea where the fetish came from or why I seem to enjoy the visual so much. I've always found it incredibly strange and, frankly, embarrassing. A good shirtless bondage/torture scene, so long as it's not gruesome or over the top, is quite enjoyable. There are gay BDSM/bondage sites out there, but unfortunately they always go for the sex/porn angle and then it's not interesting or enjoyable at all.