BDSM, Kinks, and "Asexual Fetishes"

[horseshoe]

I wonder if our kinks are any more pronounced, due to our lack of "regular" interest?

[Urban_Sidhe]

I wonder if our kinks are any more pronounced, due to our lack of "regular" interest?

Quite possibly. I think the body does need releases of the sexual type or else we wouldn't get turned on. We also get turned on less than other people since the normal stuff doesn't do it for us.

Yep, I am asexual but my whole life I have had a sexual attraction towards a specific scenario. The ritualistic torture and murder of a lion. I assure you I am not joking, trolling or being intentionally stupid. This is true, for my whole life this has been the only driving thing that has motivated what sexual thoughts I've had. It's kind of why I class myself as an Asexual Sadist, it seems the most apropriate label. When I was a kid I was also semi-turned on by the crucifixion of Christ. And for a guy who's quite a devout Protestant, that caused me a great deal of confusion.

So yeah, even an Asexual can have a boatload of screwed-up sexual quirks.

*Sigh* Well growing up I had a thing for Macros, i.e. gigantism. But it has evolved more to inflation and expansion, and lots of my fantasies deal with pregnancy. Not that I wish to become pregnant or even impregnate anyone. No idea why and it's just weird for a girl. I'm not even sure I want kids.

[Reika]

I have a fetish for people with fetishes.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I have a fetish for people with fetishes.

aha you're here to perv then.

I don't think my fetish/s are more pronounced due to disinterest in sex. I mean, in theory, used correctly I think they could help me enjoy and feel motivated to try sex. But so far people come at you with only sex on their mind and rarely mention fetishes so there's been no exploring this theory. I think if I were sexual it'd be about the same anyway.

Most of my fetish is a sort of intellectual or artistic one rather than a big drive. So I'm not overly involved or obsessed in it. It's not very pronounced for me.

Mine are kind of like the cultural boob fetish. It's there and occurs a fair amount but it's not a big thing in the persons life. Or something like that. *shrugs*

[vrazda verlaine]

I'm not sure if mine are more pronounced without an interest in sex. Sometimes I think the fact that there isn't a sexual motivation makes it more fucked up, though. :lol: If I were sexually attracted to people in certain situations, or sexually aroused by doing certain things, that would be kind of kinky, but not extremely out of the ordinary. The fact that I just like it for no clear reason, though, is... wat.

[Vampyremage]

I'm not sure if mine are more pronounced without an interest in sex. Sometimes I think the fact that there isn't a sexual motivation makes it more fucked up, though. :lol: If I were sexually attracted to people in certain situations, or sexually aroused by doing certain things, that would be kind of kinky, but not extremely out of the ordinary. The fact that I just like it for no clear reason, though, is... wat.

I think there are many ways to enjoy oneself and sexual is just one of those ways. I like to hang from flesh hooks, for example. While I'm not sure that I'd call suspending a fetish, exactly, I do like the entire experience of doing so. I like the feeling of the hooks entering my skin, I like the pressure in my skin as I begin to hoist myself off the ground, I like the freedom and sense of weightlessness and I like the adrenaline rush that it creates. None of that is in the least bit sexual and yet it is one of my absolute favourite things to do on a physical and emotional level. Its difficult to put into words exactly why I enjoy it so much but that doesn't invalidate the experience itself.

Most people wouldn't understand my love of suspending. I am, after all, literally hanging from hooks. But in the same fashion, I don't entirely understand how people can enjoy sex. I definitely enjoy suspending more than sex because sex, for me at least, is merely physical, I don't really get anything emotional at all out of it. Suspending, on the other hand, gives me physical, emotional and spiritual enjoyment. Its hard to imagine a sexual enjoying sex more than I, an asexual, enjoy suspending. Its not something that I do very often, but when I do it never fails to be a profound experience.

So no, I don't think its weird at all to have a non-sexual fetish. The idea of sexual pleasure trumping all other things seems kind of ridiculous to me. Maybe that's how most sexuals feel but for me, I feel as if I get the same quality of pleasure doing other things (like suspending) as sexuals get from sex, even if the nature of the pleasure is somewhat different.

[Hailtheplatypus]

Thats really facinating Vampyremage.

[Qutenkuddly]

@vampiremage: Have you checked any writing by Fakir Musafar?

[Vampyremage]

@vampiremage: Have you checked any writing by Fakir Musafar?

Yes, I am definitely familiar with Fakir Musafar. He is one of the very influential names in the body modification community.

[Qutenkuddly]

@vampiremage: Have you checked any writing by Fakir Musafar?

Yes, I am definitely familiar with Fakir Musafar. He is one of the very influential names in the body modification community.

I recall some of his discussions on the topic of the experience of suspension, which he described in terms of the spiritual as well.

[Kail]

not sure if any are actual fetishes or me just being a male. but i love boobs, i dont get turned on or anything, but i just think they look nice. i like necks and eyes as well.

[bunny_euphoria]

@vampiremage: Have you checked any writing by Fakir Musafar?

Yes, I am definitely familiar with Fakir Musafar. He is one of the very influential names in the body modification community.

He was at Thunder in the Mountains This year<3 him and Cleo are amazing:)

[selfunit]

Softly dressed males--Not fully crossdressed but a male with a feminine twist in clothing--Spandex, leggings, oh, throw in a skirt or two but not trying to pass off as the opposite sex just a "soft" person--(a feminine Metro-sexual?). These people are more sensitive and I believe more caring because they know themselves so I am drawn to them. :D I just wish more were Ace.

[Kelenken]

I'm a vore man through and through, I've never understood a relationship that was more complex than predator and prey. I'm also a bit of a sadist.

When I think through everything that I like and how disturbing and horrible it might be, I find it odd because I'm kind of a really nice person to know (well I hope I am!!!) and it used to disturb me quite a lot lol.

[Deremna]

I'm a vore man through and through, I've never understood a relationship that was more complex than predator and prey. I'm also a bit of a sadist.

When I think through everything that I like and how disturbing and horrible it might be, I find it odd because I'm kind of a really nice person to know (well I hope I am!!!) and it used to disturb me quite a lot lol.

Really nice people sometimes have aggressive fetishes. *coughmecough* I think it's a way to get out some of the aggression we may hold back in our normal lives. My boyfriend lets me punch him in the stomach, for instance. Which leads me to believe he's a bit of a masochist. I mentioned this earlier in the thread but I have this whole "I'm a werewolf" thing and I sometimes have very vivid fantasies/have written very detailed stories about hunting my prey down. It almost seems to me like the chase is symbolically intercourse where the catch is the orgasm, in my case anyway.

[Qutenkuddly]

Really nice people sometimes have aggressive fetishes. *coughmecough* I think it's a way to get out some of the aggression we may hold back in our normal lives. My boyfriend lets me punch him in the stomach, for instance. Which leads me to believe he's a bit of a masochist. I mentioned this earlier in the thread but I have this whole "I'm a werewolf" thing and I sometimes have very vivid fantasies/have written very detailed stories about hunting my prey down. It almost seems to me like the chase is symbolically intercourse where the catch is the orgasm, in my case anyway.

I find that I achieve a rather unusual state of consciousness when performing blocking exercises where I and a training partner repeatedly exchange forearm blows. It's painful, but, after awhile, I kinda zone out in sort of a state of euphoria. But aggression? Yeah, it's there also. It turns into a bit of competition amongst us to see who can resist/dish out the most impact when blocking.

I sometimes speculate as to the occurrence of sadism and masochism amongst martial artists... :P

[my_name_is_coco]

I have a fetish for European women, notably those with Russian,Montenegrin,Belarussian,Slovak,and Ukrainian looks.their faces make me sigh

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

When I think through everything that I like and how disturbing and horrible it might be, I find it odd because I'm kind of a really nice person to know (well I hope I am!!!) and it used to disturb me quite a lot lol.

Maybe it's all yin and yang.

The people who like candle lit dinners are probably the killers.

[Kelenken]

Maybe it's all yin and yang.

The people who like candle lit dinners are probably the killers.

Yes, it's the regular average Joes you have to watch out for.

[graven]

I like to hang from flesh hooks, for example...I like the feeling of the hooks entering my skin, I like the pressure in my skin as I begin to hoist myself off the ground, I like the freedom and sense of weightlessness and I like the adrenaline rush that it creates.

This is something I would definitely try someday, given the opportunity. I've witnessed hook suspensions several times, and photographed suspensions a couple of times as well. I find the whole process fascinating and would really like to experience it.

I do have several body piercings, so can relate at least on some small level to the feeling of the needle and the piercing, and the feeling of the metal under my skin. Much smaller scale, but gives me reason to believe I would find suspension to be an intense and positive experience.

[Hallowitch]

I wouldn't call it a fetish, but I like hugging guys in sweatshirts :)

[graven]

I think people are heavily confusing fetishes with kinks. A fetish is an extreme thing. You cannot be aroused or turned on or attracted without it.

I think it's really important to be clear about this when discussing 'fetish.' The term has come to include so many more casual applications in recent times. I think most people do mean 'kink' (as you've differentiated between them here) when they talk about 'fetish.'

I don't know if this thought has ever been voiced or not, but I could absolutely see where fetish and asexuality could (but would absolutely not have to) coexist. Here's why.

When talking about asexuality, if I'm interpreting the literature here correctly, we're talking about not feeling sexual attraction for another person. Yet I see it mentioned repeatedly, that this does not mean an asexual can not wish to, and have, sex with another person, for any number of other reasons. I think a fetish could be one of those reasons.

In a fetish, the attraction/arousal/desire is often for an object or situation. Not for a person. SOME fetishes revolve around attraction to certain body parts (feet, breasts, etc), and I won't get into debating whether this is or isn't an 'objectification' of a human that is or isn't the same as a sexual attraction to that person.

What I am talking about here, I see applying where we're talking about the fetishized object of one's sexual attraction being a literal object - say, the riding crop, or the shoes; or where the fetish is for a material, such as leather or latex (often worn as clothing), or where the fetish is for a condition, such as being humiliated, being dominated, or being in bondage. I would very easily equate this as being sexual attraction that is not directed at another person, but at the object of the fetish.

This said, I could see the expression of this fetish taking several forms. A person could masturbate with/to the fetishized item - the riding crop, or while dressed in leather, latex, a corset, etc. So in this case, the asexual fetishist still might not desire sex with another person to satisfy their fetish.

Or, a person could feel a desire for sex with anyone offering the fetishized condition - i.e. the person who will put them in bondage; the person wearing a leather outfit; the person wearing those high heeled shoes. Again, the reason for the attraction here isn't because of the person, it's because of the association with that object, their offering of the fetish, so to speak.

I can also possibly read asexuality + fetishism as another form of gray-A or demisexuality. The asexual person with the fetish does not ordinarily experience sexual desire to other people - but may be attracted to someone who expresses the fetish (like what I've described in a couple of examples above). Or to equate it more with demisexuality, the person may only feel sexual attraction to the person who expresses/offers/shares their fetish (i.e. instead of the emotional bond being the catalyst, it's the fetish that creates the attraction where none would otherwise be present).

I mention these as just potential examples. As I see it repeatedly asserted here on AVEN that asexuality can, fetishes can also take many forms. But given that we're talking about sexual attraction revolving around something other than another person - I think it's completely possible that asexual/gray-A/demisexuals could experience attraction to/for/based upon the fetishized object or condition, leading to a desire for sex with the person embodying that fetish, where there is still no actual primary sexual attraction to the person on their own behalf.

I think only asexuals with fetishes could say, really, if something like any of what I've outlined here would apply to them. I do not mean to speak for anyone, and am just offering possibilities that make sense to me in terms of what I'm reading here on AVEN.

[Vampyremage]

I think people are heavily confusing fetishes with kinks. A fetish is an extreme thing. You cannot be aroused or turned on or attracted without it.

I think it's really important to be clear about this when discussing 'fetish.' The term has come to include so many more casual applications in recent times. I think most people do mean 'kink' (as you've differentiated between them here) when they talk about 'fetish.'

I don't know if this thought has ever been voiced or not, but I could absolutely see where fetish and asexuality could (but would absolutely not have to) coexist. Here's why.

When talking about asexuality, if I'm interpreting the literature here correctly, we're talking about not feeling sexual attraction for another person. Yet I see it mentioned repeatedly, that this does not mean an asexual can not wish to, and have, sex with another person, for any number of other reasons. I think a fetish could be one of those reasons.

In a fetish, the attraction/arousal/desire is often for an object or situation. Not for a person. SOME fetishes revolve around attraction to certain body parts (feet, breasts, etc), and I won't get into debating whether this is or isn't an 'objectification' of a human that is or isn't the same as a sexual attraction to that person.

What I am talking about here, I see applying where we're talking about the fetishized object of one's sexual attraction being a literal object - say, the riding crop, or the shoes; or where the fetish is for a material, such as leather or latex (often worn as clothing), or where the fetish is for a condition, such as being humiliated, being dominated, or being in bondage. I would very easily equate this as being sexual attraction that is not directed at another person, but at the object of the fetish.

This said, I could see the expression of this fetish taking several forms. A person could masturbate with/to the fetishized item - the riding crop, or while dressed in leather, latex, a corset, etc. So in this case, the asexual fetishist still might not desire sex with another person to satisfy their fetish.

Or, a person could feel a desire for sex with anyone offering the fetishized condition - i.e. the person who will put them in bondage; the person wearing a leather outfit; the person wearing those high heeled shoes. Again, the reason for the attraction here isn't because of the person, it's because of the association with that object, their offering of the fetish, so to speak.

I can also possibly read asexuality + fetishism as another form of gray-A or demisexuality. The asexual person with the fetish does not ordinarily experience sexual desire to other people - but may be attracted to someone who expresses the fetish (like what I've described in a couple of examples above). Or to equate it more with demisexuality, the person may only feel sexual attraction to the person who expresses/offers/shares their fetish (i.e. instead of the emotional bond being the catalyst, it's the fetish that creates the attraction where none would otherwise be present).

I mention these as just potential examples. As I see it repeatedly asserted here on AVEN that asexuality can, fetishes can also take many forms. But given that we're talking about sexual attraction revolving around something other than another person - I think it's completely possible that asexual/gray-A/demisexuals could experience attraction to/for/based upon the fetishized object or condition, leading to a desire for sex with the person embodying that fetish, where there is still no actual primary sexual attraction to the person on their own behalf.

I think only asexuals with fetishes could say, really, if something like any of what I've outlined here would apply to them. I do not mean to speak for anyone, and am just offering possibilities that make sense to me in terms of what I'm reading here on AVEN.

I will also add that, at least for some of us here, the fetishes we mention are non-sexual fetishes, so maybe the traditional idea of a fetish isn't entirely accurate. My own fetishes for example, are entirely non-sexual. I love blood, blood play, bloodletting and everything to do with it (in a safe and sterile manner of course) but I don't have any interest in it leading anywhere. I love it for its own sake and its own sake only. Yes, in a certain way it excites me and I definitely enjoy it a lot although I suppose it could be said much of that enjoyment is psychological. But there is no desire for orgasm nor is there desire for it to lead to further sexual activities when I have the opportunity to engage in it.

This is only my particular experience, of course, but in reading many threads on AVAN, I am lead to believe that such is similar for many (but certainly not all) asexuals with fetishes.

[Vampyremage]

I like to hang from flesh hooks, for example...I like the feeling of the hooks entering my skin, I like the pressure in my skin as I begin to hoist myself off the ground, I like the freedom and sense of weightlessness and I like the adrenaline rush that it creates.

This is something I would definitely try someday, given the opportunity. I've witnessed hook suspensions several times, and photographed suspensions a couple of times as well. I find the whole process fascinating and would really like to experience it.

I do have several body piercings, so can relate at least on some small level to the feeling of the needle and the piercing, and the feeling of the metal under my skin. Much smaller scale, but gives me reason to believe I would find suspension to be an intense and positive experience.

If you ever have the opportunity I highly recommend it. The experience is truly like no other. Getting pierced might give you a taste, but it is only that, a taste. There is so much more too it when one is hanging from their own skin. Just make sure to find an experienced practitioner, of course.

[April92]

I have a few kinks; BDSM is probably the biggest (the idea of serving a dominatrix and not knowing what's going to happen is just something I really like), along with female masturbation (the clothed kind is really nice, along with machines which sounds really weird lol. I'm not really into the videos where the girl is talking to the camera saying stuff like "I wish..." though ). I also have something for Hentai, lesbians , and vampires (ties into the BDSM thing). I also have something for either red heads or unnatural hair color, goths, and non-american accents. I'm pretty sure that's all mine, but I could be forgetting something.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

It's hard for me to say what is and isn't a fetish. I can never tell when it'll have the same effect again. I just know humans on their own don;t have it, neither do body parts or anything. it's just situations or ideas, normally involving a type of struggle, often mental. Only thing that can have an effect on that weird old libido.

That said, the beard one is maybe a kink? I just love beards. *drools* Not all fetishes are considered sexual, some are just described as an obsession. So maybe people are right and wrong simultaneously, depending on how you look at it?

[Tals]

Nothing wrong with a healthy respect for facial hair *strokes beard*

[1Eleven1]

Oh wow, I was actually really nervous! I'm pretty darn sure I'm asexual but I do have a fetish (a rather innocent one but I would prefer not to say what it is). Glad I'm not alone (again)!

[Kathy The Highlighter]

I've had an intrest in the idea of bondage/being tied up for a very very long time, before I even knew it was something people did sexually...it was more an idea in my head that I liked to fantasize in my head about but I thought was really weird so I never talked about.

I've sometimes wondered if maybe that links to my asexuality, like perhaps it replaced sexual desires in my mind? Perhaps I'm just a sexual person with a really strong kink XD Or maybe I just like the feeling of being restrained without getting any sexual enjoyment from it. I'm kinda filing it away as something I'll figure out when I have a partner I feel comfortable exploring it with though :]

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I've had an intrest in the idea of bondage/being tied up for a very very long time, before I even knew it was something people did sexually...it was more an idea in my head that I liked to fantasize in my head about but I thought was really weird so I never talked about.

I've sometimes wondered if maybe that links to my asexuality, like perhaps it replaced sexual desires in my mind? Perhaps I'm just a sexual person with a really strong kink XD Or maybe I just like the feeling of being restrained without getting any sexual enjoyment from it. I'm kinda filing it away as something I'll figure out when I have a partner I feel comfortable exploring it with though :]

I just thought I liked play fighting like every other kid. But at some point it evolved I guess. bahaha weird...