Guiggy Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 This film sounds amazing and I really wish there was a way to see it without a Netflix account :/ I'd like to contribute to the filmmakers, so I wouldn't want to pirate it. I think this documentary is definitely having an impact on people and giving them a better sense of understanding. I've noticed that many new members on the Welcome Boards are mentioning it in their introductions. Link to post Share on other sites
philosophykitten Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 It was how I got here. ^^ Actually, I was incredibly surprised when they showed Dan Savage. And that he was decsribed as a "sex columinist". I've identified as gay for the past few years, and there's a gay news feed linked to my Facebook page. Savage comes up a lot as an activist for homosexuality in particular - I wasn't aware he spoke with authority about sexuality in general. Perhaps this film was a learning experience for him too. The moments filmed at the Pride rallies really dissappointed me too. I've attened a few Pride days, and it always ticked me off that it was all about sex. It was like "okay, so I like other girls, do I really need to be subjected to mulitple porn ads and products?" In some ways, I get it. There's still a lot of anti-gay anger in the world, and there are some people - like, I believe, Mr. Savage - who take that anger very personally. In some countries is really a fight for the actual right to have sex with whoever you want to. To them, I can understand how asexuality is almost an insult. Which is very much how many of the Pride attendees seem to take it. What I thought was worse was the "pity". As someone that's identified as gay in the past, I've heard all that "oh, you're gay because you have no good male role models" - "Oh, that's because you've never met the right guy" - "Oh, did something happen to you?". Even actual shrinks have asked me these stupid questions. And in some ways, I expected better from the gay community since they've been through that sort of thing. But I love the idea of AVEN attending more Pride days. Because, yes, okay, it is getting to be an 'alphabet soup'. But that's what being human is, and with the population growing every day there are more and more people that will have to find ways to identify themselves. Anyway, I loved the documentary. I think it's important to spread the word about asexuality because there's people like me that have lived almost 30 years and never knew about it. At least, not as an identity. I can't say I'm any sort of expert on any one subject, but I've randomly researched athropology, philosophy, and psychology for years. I read like it's a hunger. It seems like asexuality is something I should have heard of, but before tonight I never knew about AVEN. Homosexuality is gaining wide spread support now, and that's great, but even before I knew about AVEN it use to bother me there wasn't a third choice - like people just assumed you had to be gay or straight. I knew I was more one than the other, but the truth was neither seemed to really match me. Which, of course, causes total confusion for me. But asexuality gives me that third option - the one that I think actually does match me. I wish I had known about it years ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 This film sounds amazing and I really wish there was a way to see it without a Netflix account :/ I'd like to contribute to the filmmakers, so I wouldn't want to pirate it. I think this documentary is definitely having an impact on people and giving them a better sense of understanding. I've noticed that many new members on the Welcome Boards are mentioning it in their introductions. Someone mentioned it's available through iTunes now too. I haven't verified this for myself yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Kail Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 you can also find it on amazon and rent it if you have money/an amazon account, and to be fair with the changing views, i think it was filmed over a few years, no one is how they were a few years ago Link to post Share on other sites
swankivy Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 For those wanting to know where else this movie is available: Netflix Amazon iTunes YouTube Vudu Xbox Live PlayStation For the person who said "I'm sad that they didn't even talk about aromantics though..."--I'm not sure why you say they don't talk about aromantics, because I explicitly identified that way in the movie and said that for me it meant I didn't want any kind of partner. For the people saying the ending was depressing regarding David saying he thought maybe he might need to have sex to establish permanence: I know exactly what you mean. I think it's not a good message to send (especially since SO many people think this is the case--that we should be expected to just understand this is "how it works" and get over it if we think we "deserve" a partner), and I worry about non-asexual people internalizing this message and using it against us. I wish there'd been more follow-up. But I think one message came very clear from David feeling that way at that time in his life: That even the most involved, most positive, most confident asexual people can suffer because of sexual expectations in this society, and when the world keeps teaching you over and over again that sex is the only way to keep a partner, even someone who's devoted so much of his life to spreading our message can be affected by it. But you folks who do want partners, don't lose faith . . . after all, sex doesn't guarantee permanence in non-asexual relationships either, and even if it's harder for us to find someone who will accept the kinds of compromises many of us will want them to make, lots of mixed-sexuality relationships have been established over the years. It's not impossible--and you should never believe for a second that you don't deserve access to intimacy if sex isn't something you can compromise on. Link to post Share on other sites
Vyanni Krace Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Personally I feel the morality of it lies in the willingness of the partners involved. I agree with you Lady Girl. Its not all that morally wrong to be in a relationship and not want sex. Whats morally wrong is to try and get someone who doesnt want sex to have sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Melethril Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Someone mentioned it's available through iTunes now too. I haven't verified this for myself yet. It is, I bought it a couple of days ago. You can also rent it through the iTunes Store if you don't want to buy it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Personally I feel the morality of it lies in the willingness of the partners involved. I agree with you Lady Girl. Its not all that morally wrong to be in a relationship and not want sex. Whats morally wrong is to try and get someone who doesnt want sex to have sex. This is saying I am morally wrong though. I meant my statement to go either way depending on the circumstances actually. My husband doesn't want sex. I try to get him to have it in a very real sense (we have an agreement). He doesn't want an open/poly relationship, or to split up. Ultimately, we are both trying to get the other to behave in ways we don't prefer. Link to post Share on other sites
Vyanni Krace Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Sorry, thats not what I meant. I agree with you're opinion. What I meant was when a partner persistently tries to get you to have sex when you've made it clear you really dont want it. If you're happy to compromise/ come to an arrangement then thats fine in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Vyanni Krace Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Im sorry if I offended you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Im sorry if I offended you. No way did you offend me! I just wanted to clarify. Two people who have been together a long time try to get the other to do stuff they don't want to do. I understand what you're saying, but I don't even know that I could say he's happy to compromise, this is just how it is for us. I think the morality of sexual compromise doesn't always hinge on wants or happiness, but sometimes simple willingness and perhaps even a certain (what some would perceive as sad) giving in. Some people are able to clearly lay down lines they uphold as boundaries for a relationship, some others of us blur the lines and do things we didn't think we would. Link to post Share on other sites
little_miss Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Is there anyway I can watch this? I live in Australia, and everytime I try to rent/buy, it says "sorry you are not in the correct geographical location." <_< 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Striped Sweater Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 I just watched (A)Sexual just a couple of days ago (unlike most, I found out about the movie here, rather than finding out about AVEN through the movie). I found the first half of the film to be interesting. I'm still in the closet, so I've never really brought the topic up to other people. It was astounding to see people's reactions to asexuality, and I couldn't believe how rude most of those people were. Especially at the pride parade scenes. I found it very disturbing that the LGBT community, people that have fought so long for acceptance and understanding, would turn right back around and spit in the face of asexuality. I'm comfortable with my asexuality, and even that really made me feel terrible. Like we don't belong anywhere. As for the second half, I have to agree with MangoTango here: I actually sort of really hated the ending. Sure it was sad that his network of friends broke off, but I can't imagine why that would cause him to basically do a 180% with his feelings towards relationships and sex. The movie was basically like "don't need sex, relationships without sex, no sexual attraction" and then "Well, I am sort of lonely so I would probably have sex to please a partner." It sort of was like saying there's zero hope for asexuals to find happiness, the only way to do it is to have sex anyway. It sort of just shot all the credibility of the documentary down the drain. Of course, that's only my opinion. If the whole agenda of the first half was to show how misunderstood asexuality is, then the second half made that obstacle a bit harder to overcome. Asexuality is hard enough for most sexuals to understand or even recognize as an orientation, so why include that scene of a major asexual activist questioning himself? I get that asexuality is a spectrum and people can change, but from a filmmaking and storytelling standpoint, it muddied the message of the documentary. Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I finally had the opportunity to see the film. There were things I did not expect. I expected Dan Savage to be more, well, savage. He wasn't. He was, in fact, quite tame compared to his previous commentaries in his column 'Savage Love'. I also really didn't see the seriously hostile reactions that people were describing. Compared to the average pile of comments following most any article on asexuality in the media, or one of Swankivy's podcasts, the negative comments by people in the film were pretty mild. (Seriously, check out her LJ posts regarding the 'asshole of the day' to get a good idea of just what kind of challenges we can face.) Link to post Share on other sites
Thraxis Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I saw it about a week ago when i re upped my netflix sub, thought it was a pretty good doc, covered a lot of the different aspects, its the kind of movie that would be good to show someone to help explain just what asexuality is. I did find the harassment that they got by some at teh pride parade discouraging but it presented it in a realistic light just how hard it is for sexuals to understand asexuality. I think DJ comes to the same place that many of us romantics coem to, we are lonely, we dont need or want sex but we want companionship, but sex may be a compromise we have to make to have a relationship. all in all i liked it, watching it got me to come back to AVEN and get more involved Link to post Share on other sites
tatersgramma Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I saw this documentary which brought me to this site. Well made in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxalis Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Score! Now I just have to get Netflix! XD Link to post Share on other sites
< retired > Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 ... why include that scene of a major asexual activist questioning himself? I get that asexuality is a spectrum and people can change, but from a filmmaking and storytelling standpoint, it muddied the message of the documentary. Did DJ really claim at the end of the film that a relationship lacking sex isn't as 'authentic' as its sexual counterpart? If so, that's like Jesus returning to Earth and claiming to be Muslim :) . I wanted to go back and re-watch that bizarre segment of the film, but never got around to it. :( My overall grade for the film is C-. It's a good start, and I'm glad it was made, but a great deal of potentially interesting and useful information was omitted; for example, material related to the nascent science of asexuality and the huge amount of research done on male/female sexual dysfunction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kristi.Shorten Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I actually just saw this documentary tonight and it actually reminded me that I was a part of this community page. I totally forgot about it. It is good to know that a person is not alone in this and all they have to do is go here and talk to people who know what that person is going through either through the good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Unfortunately, this is unavailable on iTunes or you tube in the UK at present Link to post Share on other sites
Striped Sweater Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 ... why include that scene of a major asexual activist questioning himself? I get that asexuality is a spectrum and people can change, but from a filmmaking and storytelling standpoint, it muddied the message of the documentary. Did DJ really claim at the end of the film that a relationship lacking sex isn't as 'authentic' as its sexual counterpart? If so, that's like Jesus returning to Earth and claiming to be Muslim :) . I wanted to go back and re-watch that bizarre segment of the film, but never got around to it. :( Okay, maybe I didn't word that very well or I just missed the point of that scene, but I thought it didn't belong in the film. To see and out-and-proud asexual be like "well...I guess I'll have to be sexual to be accepted..."(at least, that's what it sounded like) kind of got to me. Though I still respect the guy for all the work he's done to make asexuals visible. My overall grade for the film is C-. It's a good start, and I'm glad it was made, but a great deal of potentially interesting and useful information was omitted; for example, material related to the nascent science of asexuality and the huge amount of research done on male/female sexual dysfunction. I totally agree with your little review. I would have liked to seen some more stats or scientific studies related to asexuality. I like that sort of stuff. Who knows, maybe there'll be a follow up or somebody will make another documentary on the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Piotrek Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Netflix is not available in Poland (yet) and the YT link dissolves into an info saying that the film is not available in my location. I may try different options listed above, but I assume that they all involve me having to pay for steaming, renting or downloading it? Link to post Share on other sites
icelloe Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Netflix is not available in Poland (yet) and the YT link dissolves into an info saying that the film is not available in my location. I may try different options listed above, but I assume that they all involve me having to pay for steaming, renting or downloading it? yeah, it isn't free anywhere because it cost a lot to produce. I haven't gotten to see it either :( Link to post Share on other sites
Vyanni Krace Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 This is all fine and great but will it ever reach LoveFilm? Nah? Okay. -_- Link to post Share on other sites
tristifere Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Is there anyway I can watch this? I live in Australia, and everytime I try to rent/buy, it says "sorry you are not in the correct geographical location." <_< Same in France. Netflix isn't available, nor is YT, Amazon or iTunes - all thanks to not living in the US. Is there any way in which this documentary can be made available for people not living in the US? Link to post Share on other sites
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