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(A) Sexual documentary now on netflix streaming


Jeremy44

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According to Netflix this has been newly added to the streaming catalog in the USA (I know it differs in other countries what can and can't be streamed). One minor aside, unlike other movies in Netflix, this movie doesn't show me what others have rated it, so I think it might have just been added today (and no one has rated it yet!). It's an interesting film and certainly something I can relate to, particularly the second half of the movie.

I'm not sure if this is the place for this so please move it if it's in the wrong spot.

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Are there any links to this that can be viewed without a netflix account? I've been yearning to see it.

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The movie is how i found this place. I was skimming the recently added and read the discretion and from there i got to here.

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This movie was actually pretty good as a starter flick. I'm sad that they didn't even talk about aromantics though...

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I actually just watched the documentary tonight! I was really struck by the scene of David and the other aces trying to hand out literature at the pride parade and being ridiculed/insulted by participants. :( When I saw it, I really felt there was no hope of me coming out to my parents and them understanding. It was good though! ^_^

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I personally was more hurt by how David's network of friends slowly disappeared. It's one thing for total strangers to react badly, it's another thing to lose the people you care about the most. It makes me appreciate just how much David was willing to expose, his willingness to be open and honest about his life experiences was really cool. I don't know if David still lurks around in the forums, but for the second time, I'd like to thank him for what he built and how willing he is to be so open. So thanks David Jay, where ever you are!

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This thread has been moved to World Watch.

Qutenkuddly,

Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator

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I personally was more hurt by how David's network of friends slowly disappeared. It's one thing for total strangers to react badly, it's another thing to lose the people you care about the most. It makes me appreciate just how much David was willing to expose, his willingness to be open and honest about his life experiences was really cool.

Mhm, I found that part very sad and disheartening, but understand why it was in there.

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stillgirly1263

I just watched it ....that was how I found this site. I do have a Netflix account. It is sad towards the end about David feeling like he has to have sex to have a real relationship that is taken seriously. I think he is really onto something and is extremely brave to come out and talk about it.

I certainly wouldn't be brave enough to do so. I guess I am in the closet, but since I am 49 they (people) just think I am a "spinster" now and I could care less. I guess I would just like to have friends without feeling "pressured". Most males I meet just don't think that way and most females my age are quite involved with the traditional family setting.

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It is sad towards the end about David feeling like he has to have sex to have a real relationship that is taken seriously.

I'm confused. Are you saying it's sad that DJ was taken seriously about feeling like he needs to have sex to have a real relationship, or did you mean to put isn't taken seriously at the end of the sentence?

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stillgirly1263

I mean at the end of the documentary, David said something to the effect that sex was the only way to make a relationship be taken seriously. It seems he was disappointed. I think it would be best if he himself explained what he meant though.

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I actually sort of really hated the ending. Sure it was sad that his network of friends broke off, but I can't imagine why that would cause him to basically do a 180% with his feelings towards relationships and sex. The movie was basically like "don't need sex, relationships without sex, no sexual attraction" and then "Well, I am sort of lonely so I would probably have sex to please a partner." It sort of was like saying there's zero hope for asexuals to find happiness, the only way to do it is to have sex anyway. It sort of just shot all the credibility of the documentary down the drain. Of course, that's only my opinion.

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Sarcastic_Morteo

He did mention the difficulties when having an intimate relationship with someone that's not asexual. Despite one being married and the other being a lesbian the two Poonams were getting territorial about David, but in the end he's left alone. That's how I took it when I saw it. I've considered asking out or dating people in the past, but I know I can't offer them a physical relationship that people desire. I feel frustrated out that too.

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So the movie is a tear jerker? And the cowboy rides off into the sunset .... alone.

I'd be interested to hear what the folks who were actually in the movie thought of the final production. Did they want the viewer to pity them? Be happy for them? Be amazed by them?

Lucinda

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stillgirly1263

I don't think it is a tear jerker. I think perhaps they show the reality of us being 1% of the population.

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Well, I cried watching it, when that sex columnist guy was all "It's morally wrong for asexuals to be in relationships with sexuals." Because I apparently don't guilt trip myself enough about that, I had to hear it from him, too.

My rationally thinking half is glad that was included in the film as one of the many obstacles asexuals face, but I'm not gonna lie--that hit a sore spot for me.

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Well, I cried watching it, when that sex columnist guy was all "It's morally wrong for asexuals to be in relationships with sexuals." Because I apparently don't guilt trip myself enough about that, I had to hear it from him, too.

My rationally thinking half is glad that was included in the film as one of the many obstacles asexuals face, but I'm not gonna lie--that hit a sore spot for me.

Don't take it too personally, he clearly is an angry sort. No relationship is ever truly "fair"-- you just have to find what works. Even ignoring that point, even between sexuals there are different levels of intensity--does he propose that people have some sort of sexual intensity test and someone who is not within a given range of your own score gets automatically removed from the list? And even if that was the case, isn't that the sort of thing you are likely to discover while dating? It's illogical that he propose such a point on its face. Not saying that it won't be a struggle or even be something that would ruin a relationship, just noting that it's just an aspect that people need find compromise or move on if none can be reached. No different than one person who wants kids and another who doesn't or an introvert and an extrovert who get together and have different social needs. Just things to figure out and deal with.

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byanyotherusername

I just had a chance to watch it, and I liked it. I don't think David's transition shot the credibility, it was honest. He wants companionship, and he is willing to compromise for it. I found the dissolution of his community somewhat disheartening, and felt for him, but I think that community is easier in your twenties. While it may be harder to find people who are looking for it at older ages, once you do they tend to be more committed and sure of what they want out of life.

The film did showcase other experiences of asexuals, like the happily sexless asexual-sexual married couple, and the happily single aromantic. All in all, I think it is a good introduction, and will increase visibility and add to the conversation. :)

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Well, I cried watching it, when that sex columnist guy was all "It's morally wrong for asexuals to be in relationships with sexuals." Because I apparently don't guilt trip myself enough about that, I had to hear it from him, too.

My rationally thinking half is glad that was included in the film as one of the many obstacles asexuals face, but I'm not gonna lie--that hit a sore spot for me.

Don't take it too personally, he clearly is an angry sort. No relationship is ever truly "fair"-- you just have to find what works. Even ignoring that point, even between sexuals there are different levels of intensity--does he propose that people have some sort of sexual intensity test and someone who is not within a given range of your own score gets automatically removed from the list? And even if that was the case, isn't that the sort of thing you are likely to discover while dating? It's illogical that he propose such a point on its face. Not saying that it won't be a struggle or even be something that would ruin a relationship, just noting that it's just an aspect that people need find compromise or move on if none can be reached. No different than one person who wants kids and another who doesn't or an introvert and an extrovert who get together and have different social needs. Just things to figure out and deal with.

Heh, yeah, I'm just being oversensitive as usual. But I completely agree with everything you said--his statement was based in his (inaccurate!) judgement that all asexuals are exactly the same and all sexuals are exactly the same. I don't think he realizes that the entirety of (a)sexuality is a spectrum. I can't hold too much against him if he just isn't aware of that.
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Well, I cried watching it, when that sex columnist guy was all "It's morally wrong for asexuals to be in relationships with sexuals." Because I apparently don't guilt trip myself enough about that, I had to hear it from him, too.

My rationally thinking half is glad that was included in the film as one of the many obstacles asexuals face, but I'm not gonna lie--that hit a sore spot for me.

Don't take it too personally, he clearly is an angry sort. No relationship is ever truly "fair"-- you just have to find what works. Even ignoring that point, even between sexuals there are different levels of intensity--does he propose that people have some sort of sexual intensity test and someone who is not within a given range of your own score gets automatically removed from the list? And even if that was the case, isn't that the sort of thing you are likely to discover while dating? It's illogical that he propose such a point on its face. Not saying that it won't be a struggle or even be something that would ruin a relationship, just noting that it's just an aspect that people need find compromise or move on if none can be reached. No different than one person who wants kids and another who doesn't or an introvert and an extrovert who get together and have different social needs. Just things to figure out and deal with.

Heh, yeah, I'm just being oversensitive as usual. But I completely agree with everything you said--his statement was based in his (inaccurate!) judgement that all asexuals are exactly the same and all sexuals are exactly the same. I don't think he realizes that the entirety of (a)sexuality is a spectrum. I can't hold too much against him if he just isn't aware of that.

I don't know, someone claiming to be an expert in the subject, you'd think he'd educated himself before making such claims. I mean it is one thing for some guy off the street to react that way... but another thing for someone whose job it is to have some understanding of the subject to be spouting out such non-sense. He seemed bitter, angry or perhaps just interested in being better known (all publicity is good publicity type idea). Ultimately his ideas don't correspond with many of the experiences of many of the people on this forum. I'd say that's enough for you to ignore his opinion. :)

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I haven't seen it yet (hopefully this weekend), but it sounds like it has real life reactions to asexuality...from both sexuals and asexuals. As for compromise being right or wrong, I've heard sexuals say it's not fair for asexuals to be in relationships with sexual people, and I've also heard asexuals say an asexual should never compromise on sex (it's morally wrong and compromising your very self). These views are opinions, and it's probably fine to have them in a documentary as it will encourage people to think about those issues. Personally I feel the morality of it lies in the willingness of the partners involved.

I'm anxious to see it based on what I've read here.

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To be fair, Dan Savage has softened his viewpoints, somewhat, since that film, but, yeah, there's a bit of history there. It was an interesting choice by the film maker to include his perspective in the film... not that I've seen it yet, as it isn't available on Canadian Netflix.

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All I know is that there are many new members in AVEN due to this Netflix documentary. I am heartened by this, and haven't seen anyone post about a sadness in the "Welcome Lounge", but a (typical) 'Eureka moment' - stating 'I'm not alone', 'I'm not wrong', etal.

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