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I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!


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Calliope13

I think I just felt curiosity, maybe? I sort of thought I might be ace, but honestly, I thought I would figure out what the big deal was someday when I was much older. I was still in middle school when I first heard about asexuality, and that might be part of the reason I didn't have this 'aha!' moment, but probably more due to the fact that I was raised Catholic. I thought it was normal for people to wait until after high school to date and after marriage to have sex. I didn't feel broken or weird because I thought the people going on dates and having sex were the weird ones. I think learning about asexuality might have actually been a catalyst for me to start questioning. Suffice to say, I'm really glad I learned about asexuality when I did. I think I avoided a lot of confusion and hurt.

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😐Hi there,

My name is Kathryn. This is my first time participating in this conversation. I am a 60 year old single female who really  needs emotional  support from others in order to help me to feel like I am NOT crazy just because I have never been in nor had any sincere desire to be in a serious sexual / romantic relationship with any man (or woman) at any time throughout my life.

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5 minutes ago, kathy331 said:

😐Hi there,

My name is Kathryn. This is my first time participating in this conversation. I am a 60 year old single female who really  needs emotional  support from others in order to help me to feel like I am NOT crazy just because I have never been in nor had any sincere desire to be in a serious sexual / romantic relationship with any man (or woman) at any time throughout my life.

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: You're not alone. I'm 59 and still a virgin, and never remotely close to being intimate with anyone, nor in a relationship. There are a few in the 60s thread, but a lot more asexuals in the 50s thread.

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Sarah-Sylvia
7 minutes ago, kathy331 said:

😐Hi there,

My name is Kathryn. This is my first time participating in this conversation. I am a 60 year old single female who really  needs emotional  support from others in order to help me to feel like I am NOT crazy just because I have never been in nor had any sincere desire to be in a serious sexual / romantic relationship with any man (or woman) at any time throughout my life.

Hi Kathy. There's both asexuals and aromantics here, so  I'm sure the site will be good to relate to others who feel like you and help with that.

Enjoy your time here. ;)

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1 hour ago, cheonbsonMi said:

Hi everyone! I'm new here) Thanks for hospitality :redface:

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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I love being asexual, this marriage/children blue print was never for me, the area i live in is very bigoted though.

 "Nope, if you don't conform to the blue print you are just weird and a freak and we will make your life hell for it."

16 years on and still being persecuted.

Can honestly say i have never seen a fully functioning family in my life and my parents put me right off it. Correction, a few families without money issues do ok, the rest as messed up as my local police make me out to be.

 

I didn't really have any "labels" attached to me before 2000. Just single white male.

 

Now i have got loads of labels! Exciting isn't it? "disabled" "asexual" "underclass" "flu denier" and then the negative ones.... So many of them.

 

i saw in a newspaper article a few days ago that some termite colony's in Northern Japan are totally asexual now, no males needed to fertilise the eggs. So if termites can do it.....

 

 

 

 

 

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51 minutes ago, KaiSan said:

I love being asexual, this marriage/children blue print was never for me, the area i live in is very bigoted though.

 "Nope, if you don't conform to the blue print you are just weird and a freak and we will make your life hell for it."

16 years on and still being persecuted.

Can honestly say i have never seen a fully functioning family in my life and my parents put me right off it. Correction, a few families without money issues do ok, the rest as messed up as my local police make me out to be.

 

I didn't really have any "labels" attached to me before 2000. Just single white male.

 

Now i have got loads of labels! Exciting isn't it? "disabled" "asexual" "underclass" "flu denier" and then the negative ones.... So many of them.

 

i saw in a newspaper article a few days ago that some termite colony's in Northern Japan are totally asexual now, no males needed to fertilise the eggs. So if termites can do it...

Did you find out about asexuality in 2000?

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26 minutes ago, MaryLouis said:

Asexuality is okay. And don't listen if someone tells you otherwise. All people are different.

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

 

When I came out toa friend a couple of years ago, she hadn't heard about asexuality. But she was really understanding, "In this over-sexed world we're in, not everyone is going to fit". I could've hugged her until the cows came home LOL

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ClumsyLizard72

Hi i'm Avery! (I'm actually on the younger side and would prefer not to say my age at the moment)

I'm new here and really glad I found a place like this! I've been questioning for a while know, and it's nice to get to know myself better.  All this alone time really made me step back and take look at myself. I mean what better way to search for who you are when your not crowned by social "norms". For the past couple of years i've tried to understand what it's like to really love someone, I tried to tell myself that "you will find the right one someday", but know I don't think I will, and i'm okay with that. I'm still trying to understand what it really means to be Asexual, and I really hope that my friends are able to understand that it's not a matter of waiting for the "right person". I used to think that I wanted to have a family with kids, but now I'm not so sure. Having a family and kids isn't the "perfect life" I thought it would be. My favorite part is that I finally have something to be confident about, I don't have to sit trying to "fit in" with everyone else, I don't have to pretend to understand what it means find the "right one". If I do end up finding someone on the way then thats great, but otherwise I'm fine with sticking to who I really am. 

(geez that was kinda a lot)

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hi @ClumsyLizard72. Maybe the 'right' person is someone who accepts you as asexual ;)

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11 hours ago, ClumsyLizard72 said:

Hi i'm Avery! (I'm actually on the younger side and would prefer not to say my age at the moment)

I'm new here and really glad I found a place like this! I've been questioning for a while know, and it's nice to get to know myself better.  All this alone time really made me step back and take look at myself. I mean what better way to search for who you are when your not crowned by social "norms". For the past couple of years i've tried to understand what it's like to really love someone, I tried to tell myself that "you will find the right one someday", but know I don't think I will, and i'm okay with that. I'm still trying to understand what it really means to be Asexual, and I really hope that my friends are able to understand that it's not a matter of waiting for the "right person". I used to think that I wanted to have a family with kids, but now I'm not so sure. Having a family and kids isn't the "perfect life" I thought it would be. My favorite part is that I finally have something to be confident about, I don't have to sit trying to "fit in" with everyone else, I don't have to pretend to understand what it means find the "right one". If I do end up finding someone on the way then thats great, but otherwise I'm fine with sticking to who I really am. 

(geez that was kinda a lot)

Honestly I used to feel the same way. I thought I’d be swept off my feet by some perfect person and carried over the threshold in a storybook ending. lol

 

You don’t need to stress yourself out over what may or may not be for you.🙂

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On 6/9/2021 at 3:59 PM, kathy331 said:

😐Hi there,

My name is Kathryn. This is my first time participating in this conversation. I am a 60 year old single female who really  needs emotional  support from others in order to help me to feel like I am NOT crazy just because I have never been in nor had any sincere desire to be in a serious sexual / romantic relationship with any man (or woman) at any time throughout my life.

Awww…you’re not crazy! Here’s a virtual hug and as much support as I can give from here. Hope you get lots more.

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Hi guys,

I've known for a while that I was different to everyone else in my friendship group. I wondered if I was a lesbian or bisexual, but I wasn't sure. But I was also scared. My family comes from a traditional background, and no-one else is in the LGBTQIA+ community. It's only recently that I started researching asexuality after seeing the term in an Instagram post, of all places! And I feel comfortable, saying that I am a biromantic asexual. I came out to my family, and they were surprisingly cool with it. My sibling even said that they felt the same! So, I know I'm super lucky to have the family I have around me. I know other people aren't in the same position and I'm grateful that my family and friends are caring. That's what gave me the confidence to tell them. That, and Queer Eye. By the way, does anyone know when that show is coming back? I miss it so much!

 

Thank you for sharing your stories,

K :) 

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Looking4mydork

I am, to say the least, conflicted. I have so many thoughts...I'm not going to try to organize them. Here they are:

I think I would identify myself as autochorissexual and aromatic.

Do I really belong in the LGBTQIA+ community? Or am I trying to insert myself to feel like a part of something?

Maybe it is just hormones or medication...

Maybe it is from my abandonment issues, my daddy issues, my body issues, or a combination of issues...

Why was I so overly sexual for a time? (A down-right slut)

Why did that switch off when I became pregnant? ((I have just been thinking it was because I was now bigger than myself--I was a mother, I was important, I had a purpose, I suddenly had confidence.))

Why are my LGBT moms trying to blame something or identify a cause?

Why do I activate a dating profile for 30 minutes? I know I'm not interested and I don't have time or energy I am willing to spare for a relationship.

Have I found a little spot that I belong? Is that all it is for--to belong?

Did it happen because I knew my daughter's father would flee?

Was I always this way? Maybe I was overly sexual to over-compensate.

Sometimes I feel lonely and rarely (but sometimes) I desire to be held by a warm, tender, strong man. Maybe I'm not really asexual.

What does this teach my developing daughter? She is 6 years old, has 2 grandmas, an asexual mom, her best friend's parents don't live together, her aunt and uncle got divorced. I think she will know that a "normal relationship" is in the eye of the beholder...but does that mean that ANYTHING is "normal"? Even being mistreated?

She has a good example of a loving female couple, but with a heterosexual relationship, what will she think is "normal" or HEALTHY?

I don't know if my moms' relationship is healthy...they are rarely apart from each other...am I just this way because I can't think of a single person that I would want to be with that much?

I guess I do feel broken...I keep referring to it as "this way" and asking why?

I guess, to some extent, I have had all those questions for a long time...

My first thought was, "oh hey, I didn't know that I had an "identity." That's cool." --I was care-free; maybe my stepmom would stop offering to pay for eHarmony.

Maybe I am so conflicted because I expected my LGBT mom, my best friend, who I accepted when she came out to me after being married to my father for 32 years (granted I was hurt that she had been keeping this from me for 10 years), to say 'welcome' instead of discount my new identity.

 

 

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I'm Riley, a young adult, and new here. I always knew I had no interest in sex, even before I found the word asexual. I'm a sex repulsed ace, romantic orientation unknown (probably either pan or aro), so whenever I came across anything sex related my reaction was (and still is) "eww, no thanks". I never really had an epiphany moment. I don't recall when I first found out about asexuality, but I picked up the identity name the same way one might absentmindedly pick up a cool rock: with no hesitation and no memory of doing so.

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BOHOCACTUSJUICE

Is there anybody out there? Hello, good morning?! Weird layout, no?? I found this site out of loneliness... Hiiiii! 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂 Nice to meet ya'll! New to forums in general or I should say I am new to posting on forums. Thank you!

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5 minutes ago, BOHOCACTUSJUICE said:

Is there anybody out there? Hello, good morning?! Weird layout, no?? I found this site out of loneliness... Hiiiii! 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂 Nice to meet ya'll! New to forums in general or I should say I am new to posting on forums. Thank you!

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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My husband sent me an article written by an asexual person. That's when I knew. 

Huge feelings of relief not to be 'broken'.

I was 40 years old when I learned about it, I always thought the term 'asexual' meant no sexual feelings at all ever. I wish I had known about it sooner and not given myself such a hard time about it. 🤗

So glad to have a forum to learn and share... 

Edited by YannaB
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Its okay to be ace

As a teenager and for many years I thought that I was broken I thought something was wrong with me and I didnt know what was going on I discovered the label while searching the internet I felt relief that there were groups out there for people like me so that I wouldnt feel alone in middle school the kids thought that I was gay but I was actually asexual not gay I also found many other labels that described me it was relieveing to find a label that described me because then I knew that I wasnt broken 

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Hi everyone.

I’ve just seen an article of what asexuality means.

I’m feeling all of a sudden lighter, but at the same time I wonder: ok; what do I do now?

I’ve got my answer, how do I break it to my partner?

for so many years I wondered, looked for articles, all of them saying I’m depressed, childhood issues, etc.

I have those too, but I’m trying to be better, while the sex thing was always on our minds, a discussion/situation  never solved.

 

They should teach these things in school. It’s all focussed on how to get the “job of your life” .

 

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The funny thing is that I didn’t "heard" about asexuality; I'm not that good in hearing things I have no intention of hearing :) ... Just one sunny day I thought : “it has to be a word for not being  interested in sex... it has to be; and it has to be people like me, maybe a little group of ...like twenty people somewhere... or less, scattered around the world; I should search for the word “asexual”. Genius I am, reinventing the wheel :D

I'm joking now, but I was seriously uninformed then, because of my prejudices about people in general ("they all want sex, it's coming with humanity").

After that linguistic "invention" of mine, a whole new world I discovered trough my twitter account ... 

(Thank you, AVEN community:)

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Quote

I’m feeling all of a sudden lighter, but at the same time I wonder: ok; what do I do now?

 

Welcome to AVEN :cake: I felt the same when I found out about asexuality and AVEN way back when. Even though I wasnt questioning my sexuality up to that point (looking back I describe myself as straight but not putting much effort into it) but it felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

 

Even though the article (see my signature) mentioned AVEN it wasn't until 2017 that I finally joined.

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I have been having sex since my 20s and hating it. I thought that was just me. I do have some medical issues down there that causes pain, so I thought my hating sex was a medical thing. It never clicked that I actually never even desired sex, it's always been a chore except for few times. And this few times were after an intense emotional connection/event with my late husband. I'm heteroromantic, so even when I heard about asexuality, I just assumed it wasn't me. Recently when talking with friends on how I'm dreading sex in future if I start dating and I would prefer a bestie than a sexual partner, it came out that I might be demi. Reading more on it, I'm more gray than demi. And also learned that just skimming through one aspect of something doesn't mean you outright dismiss it. 

Also, such a load off. 

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4 hours ago, purplewid said:

I have been having sex since my 20s and hating it. I thought that was just me. I do have some medical issues down there that causes pain, so I thought my hating sex was a medical thing. It never clicked that I actually never even desired sex, it's always been a chore except for few times. And this few times were after an intense emotional connection/event with my late husband. I'm heteroromantic, so even when I heard about asexuality, I just assumed it wasn't me. Recently when talking with friends on how I'm dreading sex in future if I start dating and I would prefer a bestie than a sexual partner, it came out that I might be demi. Reading more on it, I'm more gray than demi. And also learned that just skimming through one aspect of something doesn't mean you outright dismiss it. 

Also, such a load off. 

Welcome!  You are not alone!

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Imapersonhi

It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm only a teenager, but I always used to feel weird and alienated when people talked about sex. I hated sex scenes in movies, they always made me uncomfortable. I thought I was just a 'late bloomer' but even the idea of sex was disgusting and scary to me. I started telling my parents that when I grow up, I want to adopt children, giving them various made up reason, rather than the real reason, which was that I never ever wanted to have sex with anyone ever. I was so afraid that in order to ever find a boyfriend or husband, I would have to have sex. I was sure there was something wrong with me, or maybe everyone felt this way and hated the idea of sex. When I finally found out about asexuality, it was a huge relief. For a long time, I'd assumed I was heterosexual because I was romantically attracted to boys. I had a crush on some boys and I thought 'well that means I'm straight, so what's wrong with me?' It was a huge relief to find out that what I'm feeling is normal and okay and that there are others out there like me. 

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KirbyHawk95

I hate when they have sex scenes in TV or movies.  It is a waste of time for me.  It just turns me off.  I think society is obsessed with sex and it disgusts me.  

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6 hours ago, KirbyHawk95 said:

I hate when they have sex scenes in TV or movies.  It is a waste of time for me.  It just turns me off.  I think society is obsessed with sex and it disgusts me.  

I'm OK with sex scenes if they move the story forward in some way.  But most of the time they don't.

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