will123 Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 11 hours ago, ScarletStar96 said: I remember a couple years ago I was by myself reading a pinterest thread about a character from a show I was watching and came across the word asexual and what it meant. When I read that, it felt like time stopped briefly. Like everything stood still around me while a bunch of different memories from my life flashed in my mind. It was like looking in a mirror, or finding my name under a dictionary definition. I definitely cried from both happiness and fear. I knew for certain now that I wasn't like everyone else I knew, and I felt more than ever that I was alone. But it felt so good to finally put a name to how I felt and to know that somewhere out there, there were other people like me. I wasn't broken, and I could now fully embrace this part of me. It's taken me a while to join this site and no one in my private life knows I'm ace, but I'm so glad to finally take another step in owning my asexuality and make some friends with others in the community! Welcome to AVEN If you ever want to chat, just PM me. I've identified as asexual foe almost 16 years now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheListener Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 On 1/7/2021 at 6:08 AM, løvely said: I really want a partner but I've very quickly realized that literally everything is about sex and it's making me question if I'm ever going to find someone who is attracted to me for who I am as a person because it seems like the only reason people want to talk to me is because they are attracted to how I look and they are only interested in me if I can provide them with sexual pleasure and as soon as they realize I'm not going to do that they don't want anything to do with me and half of me is upsetted because I want a meaningful relationship and it seems like there's no one who can provide that for me and the other half is just downright disgusted with society and wanting to give up on trying to find a significant other altogether You've kinda summarised how I feel. I want a partner and the "happy ever after" but I have a very low interest in sex. I think with the internet it might be possible to find someone who feels the same way (and who lives in the same country!) I wish you luck! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a little annihilation Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 On 3/1/2021 at 4:55 AM, TheListener said: I wish you luck! Thanks you too Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phoebe Gold Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 When I first saw the term asexual and read about it, something clicked with me, like everything made sense! I thought “wow, so I’m not alone”, i don’t just have ‘high expectations’, I’m not just a ‘picky person’, and it’s okay that I don’t really want that”. I always seemed to get overly uncomfortable when something sexual came onto a TV screen, even sometimes just a casual kiss scene! I’d look away or look at my family to see how they’d react, and when they looked totally unfazed, I was confused and embarrassed. When people talked about things sexually, I got easily uncomfortable, and I thought that it was just because it was so new to me and/or I’d never experienced it before and/or maybe I just had a “younger/innocent mind”, as most of my family and even friends call it. I felt like “yea, maybe I am just so ‘innocent and sheltered’ that I don’t want something like that”, or “maybe I’ll actually feel something when I experience something with someone I like/love”... but the thing is, I’m also lithromantic. Relationships are totally beyond me and whenever someone asked if I wanted kids, i could see myself having a kid so I said “yes”, but I don’t actually see myself conceiving one or having a partner to have one. I love the idea of adoption, even though my family says it’s risky. I don’t mind thinking about people I like in a sexual way, but the only reason I ever started thinking like that was because of highschool, and how people always seem to find a way to incorporate an inappropriate joke into a conversation. It disgusts me whenever I think this way though, or I make myself uncomfortable and I used to shame myself, since in middle school, I remember hardly thinking about even kissing someone I liked; so a lot of my thoughts changed once I learned about stuff in highschool, and that sorta annoys me because now I don’t always like myself. I don’t really have a desire to do anything but I guess I’m curious... so this also brings me to the question: am I asexual, or was I originally asexual and then highschool changed me and now I’m a lithromantic but not really a lithromantic ace? I feel like I identify with ace, I still am uncomfortable with sexual things whether on TV or conversation, but now I can’t seem to figure out if my way of feeling is an impulse I made into habit over time or if it’s actually how I feel since I do have more risqué thoughts now... even though I don’t feel much when I think like that... it’s more like a passing idea or a curiosity that I have little to no intention of making a reality... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 Welcome to AVEN Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Katie_G Posted March 4, 2021 Share Posted March 4, 2021 Hi Everyone, It’s great to finally find a crowd of people who understand. For so long I thought something was wrong with me, but now I realise that I’m fine just the way I am =] XxXx 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 7 hours ago, Katie_G said: Hi Everyone, It’s great to finally find a crowd of people who understand. For so long I thought something was wrong with me, but now I realise that I’m fine just the way I am =] XxXx Welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RosaleeLuAnn Posted March 7, 2021 Share Posted March 7, 2021 When I first heard about asexuality I didn’t immediately identify with it because I didn’t know about the split-attraction model. I had occasionally felt romantic feelings for people, and confused that with sexual attraction—I had nothing else to compare it to, how could identify the lack of something I hadn’t ever experienced the presence of? However, when I first heard the term demisexual my interest was caught, and I started reading more about the asexual spectrum and different types of attraction. I thought of myself as demisexual for awhile until I finally figured out the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction—you mean for most people it isn’t all about being emotionally/romantically close with someone??! So now I feel confident calling myself asexual demiromantic and I feel relieved that this type of experience is normal enough to have terms to describe it, if that makes sense. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Ivory Witch Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 When I first found out I honestly was horrified, I didn't want to believe that it was true, because if it was true that meant there was nothing wrong with me and I'd never get to experience what the others around me were talking about. I didn't really have anyone to turn to, I was alone and scared of never being able to properly fit in. This was 10 years ago, and for a long time I denied it. It took me until I met my best friend 4 years ago before I could even accept that I was on the ace spec, and until pretty much this week before I fully accepted that I actually was aro-ace. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 4 hours ago, The Ivory Witch said: When I first found out I honestly was horrified, I didn't want to believe that it was true, because if it was true that meant there was nothing wrong with me and I'd never get to experience what the others around me were talking about. I didn't really have anyone to turn to, I was alone and scared of never being able to properly fit in. This was 10 years ago, and for a long time I denied it. It took me until I met my best friend 4 years ago before I could even accept that I was on the ace spec, and until pretty much this week before I fully accepted that I actually was aro-ace. Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time getting to the point you were able to accept this part of yourself, but I'm glad you've managed to get to a place of acceptance Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Parvati Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 I first realized this last week. I had been forcing myself to have sex and be sexual for over a decade because of pressure to do so. That whole time, I also couldn't figure out what my sexuality was because, in that way, I didn't feel any differently about anyone. I believe it was ruining my mental health and many other things in my life. I feel like I've been let out of a cage and I'm much happier now. Asexual representation in media is a large part of the reason it happened, and if there were more of it, I think I would have realized that I was asexual much sooner. We need more representation in society. Have a nice day and stay safe, everyone. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 @Parvati Welcome to AVEN! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Parvati Posted March 17, 2021 Share Posted March 17, 2021 @will123 Thank you. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 On 3/17/2021 at 9:43 AM, Parvati said: I first realized this last week. I had been forcing myself to have sex and be sexual for over a decade because of pressure to do so. That whole time, I also couldn't figure out what my sexuality was because, in that way, I didn't feel any differently about anyone. I believe it was ruining my mental health and many other things in my life. I feel like I've been let out of a cage and I'm much happier now. Asexual representation in media is a large part of the reason it happened, and if there were more of it, I think I would have realized that I was asexual much sooner. We need more representation in society. Have a nice day and stay safe, everyone. Nice to meet you! The Outer Worlds is one of my favorite games, and I adored how they explored Parvati’s asexuality, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sandalwood Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Hello all I'm just feeling my way into this, I've only just read about being asexual but it clicks with me. Now I'm just going to be exploring this as it fits with my desires, I long for emotional connection and had assumed that sexual intimacy would be the price I'd have to pay to achieve that with a partner. The idea that I may be able to find someone with the same desires as me is really positive. Looking forward to exploring this group further. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Welcome to AVEN from over in Canada 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Parvati Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) @AceMissBehaving Thank you. I heard you've gotten a position among the mods. Congratulations, and thank you for your work on Aven. Edited March 28, 2021 by Parvati Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yuyu W Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 I was honestly so relieved to find out that other people experienced the same thing, and everything that I have felt just made so much sense to me. I have never been drawn to sex, and I always thought that something was wrong with me, because everyone around me talks about how great sex is and it’s so prominently shown in tv shows and movies. I just felt different and kinda left out, like I was missing out on an fundamental experience of human beings. I was so happy to see what other asexual peers were posting online, everyone made me feel so safe and understood! I have now accepted myself so much more, and I understand myself so much better! I am now really proud of myself, my depression symptoms have significantly decreased, and I hope I become even better in the future. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for speaking out about your experience being ace, you all have inspired me so much! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SnaccRacc Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 On 11/23/2012 at 11:03 PM, Kitty Spoon Train said: I had almost a stereotypical "*whew* I'm not broken..." reaction. Followed by months of poking around and discussion on AVEN and comparing notes with what others are saying. Mostly to work out if I might be subconsciously using it to cover up something - ie Not taking responsibility for some personal issues by labelling them an "orientation", etc. Now I'm pretty convinced that my sexuality is some kind of grey/demisexual, pretty close to ace for the most part really. I felt the same way! For me it was a slow process before it clicked, including me thinking something was wrong with me, or that I was just being snobbish or a prude, or that I was putting myself on a pedestal above people I should want to date, but discovering the asexual spectrum and its community was a major relief. I used Demisexual as a place holder before I really explored my own feelings, but once it really clicked it was a great feeling. Once I realized I was on the Aspec I did a bit more digging to figure out where I was, and right now I'm pretty sure I'm in between grey and demi for both romantic interest and sexuality. It is incredibly freeing and I cant wait to learn more! Thank you all for having me :3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hurta Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 I think this is wayyy to old but I’m really excited to have finally found a community so yeah! I always thought people exaggerated their sexual desire and was CONVINCED all those thirst twits were just an ongoing internal joke. I find people attractive and I’d tried one relationship before (it didn’t work out and now I realize it WAS me, not him), but I just didn’t get the hype that existed around sex. I even questioned my sexuality, but I thought heterosexual fit me well. And then... a not-so-close friend joked about being asexual and it all started to piece together. I did my research, both inside myself and on the internet, and finally found a term that fully described me. Am I still exploring? Maybe a bit, but I’m happy to have found something that does resonate with me and, even better, a community that truly gets me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hurta Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 On 3/28/2021 at 9:03 PM, Yuyu W said: everyone around me talks about how great sex is and it’s so prominently shown in tv shows and movies. I just felt different and kinda left out, like I was missing out on an fundamental experience of human beings. I THOUGHT THEY WERE EITHER JOKING, EXAGGERATING FOR THE PURPOSE OF DRAMA or that yes, I was broken. It’s refreshing, isn’t it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hurta Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 On 3/17/2021 at 9:43 AM, Parvati said: I first realized this last week. I had been forcing myself to have sex and be sexual for over a decade because of pressure to do so. That whole time, I also couldn't figure out what my sexuality was because, in that way, I didn't feel any differently about anyone. I believe it was ruining my mental health and many other things in my life. I feel like I've been let out of a cage and I'm much happier now. Asexual representation in media is a large part of the reason it happened, and if there were more of it, I think I would have realized that I was asexual much sooner. We need more representation in society. Have a nice day and stay safe, everyone. I crave to find rep! I’ve only ever seen a side character I a book, which may have even been just a nice thrown adjective, and Raphael from Shadowhunters. So TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT PLS Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sosunfreak Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 To me my asexuality comes with a bit of sadness. Like yes, I don't want to have sex, but I want to WANT to have sex... if that makes sense? I definitely have a long way in the path of accepting myself and my sexuality but there's definitely that feeling of something not being completely right with me. So much self doubt too! But it's all part of the way, I guess. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Linius Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Hello everybody. I learned about my asexuality only at 35 years old. And it’s so nice to understand what’s finally happening to me. I figure out what to do next. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 44 minutes ago, Linius said: Hello everybody. I learned about my asexuality only at 35 years old. And it’s so nice to understand what’s finally happening to me. I figure out what to do next. Welcome to AVEN! I wish I had found out about it around that age. It would've saved me from some anguish a few years later. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Linius Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 On 4/9/2021 at 10:07 PM, sosunfreak said: To me my asexuality comes with a bit of sadness. Like yes, I don't want to have sex, but I want to WANT to have sex... if that makes sense? I definitely have a long way in the path of accepting myself and my sexuality but there's definitely that feeling of something not being completely right with me. So much self doubt too! But it's all part of the way, I guess. Welcome to AVEN! 🧁 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nish Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 Hii! I'm new here and I just found out that I am asexual. I have been struggling with my identity over the past 3 years, I just turned 20. But after so much research on websites, blogs, you tube, I have relaized that I am definitely asexual. it does feel liberating, but mostly I'm just so so scared. I've never been in a relationship ever, I don't even have crushes (just realized that me liking someone was basically aesthetic attraction) and I do genuinely love my friends. But I wish I was like them. But I'm not and I know its okay. But I cannot imagine being alone for the rest of my life. I do really like the idea of having a partner to live life with, have fun with, love them and idk just be together. But I never realized that sex was such a big part of this lifestyle. Maybe, this community might help me feel a little bit less lonely. Ahaha sorry for the long rant. Hope you all are doing well and are safe. take care xoxo 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chalkozyn Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 When I first heard about asexuality, I thought it was interesting, but that it couldn't be me. I had issues in relationships and each time was suggested a therapy, like I was a problem to be solved. So when I actually read more about asexuality and understood what it really was about, I felt so relieved. Realised that I wasn't selfish or lazy when not really succeeding at "fixing" myself. Sometimes it hits hard when people claim that it's harmful or whatever, but nevertheless, I feel so much more at place. And also, from the other side, I hope thanks to this I won't hurt myself or others (as I discover who I am and what I am willing or not willing to do). 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Parvati Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 On 4/6/2021 at 11:47 PM, Hurts said: I crave to find rep! I’ve only ever seen a side character I a book, which may have even been just a nice thrown adjective, and Raphael from Shadowhunters. So TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT PLS Oh, it was Parvati from the game "Outer Worlds." She is a central character who travels with you across space. If you love ace representation, I suggest that you check it out. I play it on my Switch, but it's on Xbox and PC, too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yarnducky Posted April 27, 2021 Share Posted April 27, 2021 On 4/17/2021 at 1:09 PM, Nish said: Hii! I'm new here and I just found out that I am asexual. I have been struggling with my identity over the past 3 years, I just turned 20. But after so much research on websites, blogs, you tube, I have relaized that I am definitely asexual. it does feel liberating, but mostly I'm just so so scared. I've never been in a relationship ever, I don't even have crushes (just realized that me liking someone was basically aesthetic attraction) and I do genuinely love my friends. But I wish I was like them. But I'm not and I know its okay. But I cannot imagine being alone for the rest of my life. I do really like the idea of having a partner to live life with, have fun with, love them and idk just be together. But I never realized that sex was such a big part of this lifestyle. Maybe, this community might help me feel a little bit less lonely. Ahaha sorry for the long rant. Hope you all are doing well and are safe. take care xoxo Hi Nish! I'm new too and I think I get how you feel. My reaction to discovering my asexuality was questioning. I wasn't sure, since there's nothing that definitely says "you are asexual if..." It feels like the best fit though. I want a partner and to have someone to enjoy life with. Just without sex! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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