I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!

[vonessen]

with age it has really been a relief not ever to stress about dating anymore, there´s a whole lot of stress factors involved in the sexual life!

timing with ovulation, birth-control, STD, impotence, buying underwear or other fetisches, finding the time to be alone if you have kids or parents, buying it costs money and one might get addicted and ruined, having problems with orgasms etc

- all these factors I have practically not given much thought, and I must admit I always secretly liked it this way. But in my teens it was harder cause the only word was FRIGID. How I hated that word.

Anyway maybe my asexuality is some kind of defence mecanism, cause I really have difficulties in handling stress and i opt certain things out?

Recently I heard about an old friend who wanted a second child and paid hormonal cures and whatever that´s called when the begotting is not done naturally - I think it´s awful if married ppl can´t get it done naturally then what the heck, skip the whole thing and do something else don´t ruin your life with these stress factors! But admitting they might be asexual, no way. "we are just unlucky". To me jerking off in a doctors´ office in order to generate is just as far from being human as we can get, and definitely not what we are created for. I´m rather alone and asexual

[Lady Girl]

with age it has really been a relief not ever to stress about dating anymore, there´s a whole lot of stress factors involved in the sexual life!

timing with ovulation, birth-control, STD, impotence, buying underwear or other fetisches, finding the time to be alone if you have kids or parents, buying it costs money and one might get addicted and ruined, having problems with orgasms etc

- all these factors I have practically not given much thought, and I must admit I always secretly liked it this way. But in my teens it was harder cause the only word was FRIGID. How I hated that word.

Anyway maybe my asexuality is some kind of defence mecanism, cause I really have difficulties in handling stress and i opt certain things out?

Recently I heard about an old friend who wanted a second child and paid hormonal cures and whatever that´s called when the begotting is not done naturally - I think it´s awful if married ppl can´t get it done naturally then what the heck, skip the whole thing and do something else don´t ruin your life with these stress factors! But admitting they might be asexual, no way. "we are just unlucky". To me jerking off in a doctors´ office in order to generate is just as far from being human as we can get, and definitely not what we are created for. I´m rather alone and asexual

My sister is gay and was impregnated by 'artificial' means and I certainly don't think of her as being far from human. Also, married people who cannot conceive do not need to admit that they are asexual because they may not be. Asexual doesn't mean you can't have sex or become pregnant...there are many asexual people here who have children. :)

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction or lack of desire to have sexual interaction, not the inability to have sex.

[meanreds92]

The idea of identifying as asexual has been on my mind for about a week. Having done research in the past few days, I can definitely say that I am asexual. I've always been extremely uncomfortable with physical contact. Cuddling, holding hands and hugs is about all I am comfortable with. Everything else makes me react with ughh why? Completely irrelevant in expressing affection in my opinion. I never considered myself asexual until quite recently because I never realised you could find people attractive and still be asexual. Identifying as asexual has been pretty much a non-event thus far. I just like having an official reason why I find physical contact gross and have zero interest in it and I never have.

[Egaeus]

For me it was the realisation that being asexual explained a lot of mysteries from my past, decisions I'd made that I didn't really understand why because no 'normal' (sexual) person would make the same decisions. So it made me feel less like a bad person who treated people unfairly and more like someone who just used not to understand themselves.

[amandaty]

One of my closest friends suggested that I might be asexual. That was the first I had heard of asexuality (as applied to humans) - amoebas and biology class aside. I was deeply uncomfortable with the label, and was furious with him for a week. Mostly because of the dawning realization that he was probably right, and it explained so many things, not least why I always ran in the other direction whenever some guy tried to pursue me. But the way that he had so matter-of-factly labelled me rankled: it made me feel abnormal and alone.

Then I decided to google 'asexuality' randomly one day. I found AVEN, and realized there was a whole world of people like me out there, and I think it's brilliant. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now. I'm still new to this, and still exploring, but my friends don't mind either way (I think), and it's nice not to have to bother with pretending in order to fit in.

[Kellam]

I've known that I'm different since I was about 6 or 7 years old, that there was a conversation I couldn't hear. That haunted me all through my childhood and teens and ended up seperating me from my peers. I felt like an anomaly so I learned to use my inner exhibitionist to pretend to be what I was expected to be. Through my twenties and into my early thirties I played "straight" but there were always people who saw through and questioned me. I just realized recently that aquaintences often thought I was straight edge because they're cellibate! I was a heavy drinker and that question had always puzzled me. I did end up abusing alcohol to deal with keeping up the persona of a hetero. When my third attemt at being straigh fell apart I got sober. I spent the next year and a half searching myself for my true feelings, that search ended when I found out that I wasn't alone.

I felt so much relief and joy! A litteral weight lifted from my mind over the course of a few short hours. Once I got online and started reading everyone's stories I experienced imediate certainty and an intense sense of belonging. I started sharing back immediatly and I haven't looked back since. Accepting myself finally was the best moment in my life, period. I feel very lucky to have gotten such a moment in my life. I feel like I know myself completely now, and that it is all good. I used to feel like I was moving forward in time but not in life, that has changed. I have a direction and a purpose to my life and I'm forever thankfull for that, to the Ase communinty for being here! :)

[portia elm]

This is so interesting, LOL. I have been asexual but trying to "fit in" until about 13 years ago. Previously, alcohol was the only thing that made sex possible. The reason for the LOL is that men, bosses, etc., have been hitting on me saying that their wives aren't interested in sex! My brother complained to me that his marriage had beome "sexless" and needed fixing for that reason. I have conversations with a lot of men who, when they hear that I am not interested in more than good friendship, lose interest at once. Too bad sex is such a deal-breaker...

[Kellam]

This is so interesting, LOL. I have been asexual but trying to "fit in" until about 13 years ago. Previously, alcohol was the only thing that made sex possible.

When I quit drinking all I knew was that I had to stop. I didn't know the whys. The more sober I got the more I remembered why I had started drinking so heavily. I had always thought the "drink to forget" thing was just about getting faced, I had never taken it litteraly whilst living it in full. Denile is a bugger! :)

[TheFillerEffect]

Well, I am a newbie and this is my first post on these forums. I have read several posts here as well the FAQs section, so I think this may work for me. It's kind of weird talking about this, but I suppose I'll start out with how I figured I was asexual, as this site puts it, in a brief manner.

First of all, I'm nineteen and an extremely late bloomer (I started puberty around fifteen). Basically, growing up (and I mean ages between twelve - once I hit puberty), I use to wonder why everyone around me were so... different. Not just bodily wise, but mentally and emotionally. When in the boys locker rooms (middle and partially high school), I wondered why everyone was different (and this one I mean physically). They had hair, their bodies were larger and a lot of other things I don't really want to mention. This made me feel uncomfortable, and the sole reason I failed PE in ninth grade- I did not want to dress up. I hated being in there. Anyways, as I was growing older, many boys (since I am male, I had more guy friends than girls, yet I talked more to girls) use to talk about sex, the girls they liked and whatever. They would always ask me who I liked, but never once did I have a good answer.

Okay, so before I started growing hair for myself, I use to wonder why I was never physically attracted to women. It wasn't until I finally hit puberty for myself (again very late), that I started to grow bodily-wise. It was here too, that I thought, finally I can be like the big boys, as they say. Meaning that I would experience the same thing every other guy was. It was also the time I grew more self-conscious.

Enough of that. Anyways, as the years passed (once I entered puberty), I began to worry. I couldn't figure out why I still wasn't attracted to anyone. There was a point in my life, when I begin to wonder, "Am I gay?" I really thought I was from ages seventeen to eighteen. I thought, "if I'm not attracted to women, then I must be to men". For a good year and a half I thought it was the most reasonable logic. It must have been. But I knew it wasn't true, but at the time, it seemed to be. So, I tried looking at men more. I tried seeing whether I could feel anything... there? I even went as far as allowing myself to believe there was. It wasn't until one day about a year ago that I grew tired of wondering. There wasn't anything there for men either, as much for women.

I never really thought about asexuality (until today actually)! I always thought, maybe I'm just different. I have always told people, "I don't like men nor women, am I weird?" Of course they'd always give me the same response, "you're still growing". It's true though. I'm still in puberty! But that didn't change the fact that I didn't like anyone. It wasn't until I found this site and after reading some many things regarding this, that I finally came to the conclusion- I am asexual.

For many years I wondered that one day I would grow out of it, but after reading so many comments on this, as well FAQs, I have to say, all of them fit me perfectly. They say all men think about sex, but I don't find myself doing that. I don't find myself looking at neither men nor women with a sexual response. I don't find myself having these "urges"? There was even a time I joked about it, saying things like, "Maybe I came out wrong" or "I probably did something wrong when I was younger". Nonetheless, I can safely identify as asexual.

That doesn't mean I don't love other people. Just... not in that way. Okay, so there's my story, and believe it or not, it's brief. I went through a deep psychoanalysis of my life growing up, and still am! I'm only nineteen.

[Kellam]

Well, I am a newbie and this is my first post on these forums. I have read several posts here as well the FAQs section, so I think this may work for me. It's kind of weird talking about this, but I suppose I'll start out with how I figured I was asexual, as this site puts it, in a brief manner.

First of all, I'm nineteen and an extremely late bloomer (I started puberty around fifteen). Basically, growing up (and I mean ages between twelve - once I hit puberty), I use to wonder why everyone around me were so... different. Not just bodily wise, but mentally and emotionally. When in the boys locker rooms (middle and partially high school), I wondered why everyone was different (and this one I mean physically). They had hair, their bodies were larger and a lot of other things I don't really want to mention. This made me feel uncomfortable, and the sole reason I failed PE in ninth grade- I did not want to dress up. I hated being in there. Anyways, as I was growing older, many boys (since I am male, I had more guy friends than girls, yet I talked more to girls) use to talk about sex, the girls they liked and whatever. They would always ask me who I liked, but never once did I have a good answer.

Okay, so before I started growing hair for myself, I use to wonder why I was never physically attracted to women. It wasn't until I finally hit puberty for myself (again very late), that I started to grow bodily-wise. It was here too, that I thought, finally I can be like the big boys, as they say. Meaning that I would experience the same thing every other guy was. It was also the time I grew more self-conscious.

Enough of that. Anyways, as the years passed (once I entered puberty), I began to worry. I couldn't figure out why I still wasn't attracted to anyone. There was a point in my life, when I begin to wonder, "Am I gay?" I really thought I was from ages seventeen to eighteen. I thought, "if I'm not attracted to women, then I must be to men". For a good year and a half I thought it was the most reasonable logic. It must have been. But I knew it wasn't true, but at the time, it seemed to be. So, I tried looking at men more. I tried seeing whether I could feel anything... there? I even went as far as allowing myself to believe there was. It wasn't until one day about a year ago that I grew tired of wondering. There wasn't anything there for men either, as much for women.

I never really thought about asexuality (until today actually)! I always thought, maybe I'm just different. I have always told people, "I don't like men nor women, am I weird?" Of course they'd always give me the same response, "you're still growing". It's true though. I'm still in puberty! But that didn't change the fact that I didn't like anyone. It wasn't until I found this site and after reading some many things regarding this, that I finally came to the conclusion- I am asexual.

For many years I wondered that one day I would grow out of it, but after reading so many comments on this, as well FAQs, I have to say, all of them fit me perfectly. They say all men think about sex, but I don't find myself doing that. I don't find myself looking at neither men nor women with a sexual response. I don't find myself having these "urges"? There was even a time I joked about it, saying things like, "Maybe I came out wrong" or "I probably did something wrong when I was younger". Nonetheless, I can safely identify as asexual.

That doesn't mean I don't love other people. Just... not in that way. Okay, so there's my story, and believe it or not, it's brief. I went through a deep psychoanalysis of my life growing up, and still am! I'm only nineteen.

Wow! Welcome and have some you deserve it. Thanks for sharing so much, I'm sorry you had such a rough time but glad you've found yourself. Every time I read about someone's teen years on here, wheather they just happened or they were years ago, I can't help but remember so much of my own experience. But I guess they say puberty is hard on everyone! :)

[Lady Girl]

Wow! Welcome and have some you deserve it. Thanks for sharing so much, I'm sorry you had such a rough time but glad you've found yourself. Every time I read about someone's teen years on here, wheather they just happened or they were years ago, I can't help but remember so much of my own experience. But I guess they say puberty is hard on everyone! :)

Oh it certainly is! Most people I know couldn't be paid enough to go through all that again. I would pay good money though for a day in the life of 10 years old in the summertime and riding my bike! :lol:

[crazy rat lady]

I tend to think my asexuality is most likely a product of my yucky childhood which was followed by some unpleasant experiences which has led me to where I am. The mind remembers bad things and you avoid them. Hitting yourself on the hand with a hammer is a bad experience, your mind remembers that and you don't do it based on your previous outcome of trying it.

Having said that, it does not bother me because I know it's ok to feel like I do now. I am happy and don't want to go to therapy to sort out issues over sex from my youth. I kind of liken it to a child who had a bad experience trying a new food - being told to keep trying it till you like it or trying it a different way - if you don't like it, you don't like it; people don't get therapy because they don't like a certain food (this is just one of what could be many examples). It doesn't really matter to me how I came to be, the fact is, I like who I am and I don't feel I am missing out because I don't like/want/need sex.

It's a great feeling to come to this realisation - now I can just get on with life and focus on other things :)

I am still only new here and trawling about the forums reading a lot of stuff and learning to understand this asexuality thing, which seems to have so many layers

Laura <:3 )~~

oh, and I hate being told "someone will come along one day and things will change"

[Derp-D-Derp]

I must tell you, as I've been following these posts, that one of the best things I've related to is the cake! Throughout my entire life, people tell me that I get a special *look* on my face or in my eyes when I describe something. They say if it was a different topic, they would describe my reaction as *orgasmic,* but it's usually when I'm talking about chocolate, candy, or food.

I don't eat a lot, probably not as much as I should, but when I find something that *I loooove,* I know how I describe it. I smile, make jazz hands, my knees go weak, etc.

I've never felt that way about another human being. Although, I do enjoy eye-candy the same way.

Thanks, all .. for being here.

[J_22]

for me hearing about asexuality has been a big relief, and from a bit of reading around these forums, that seems pretty common.

it's also been bad timing, because at the moment my life is pretty busy and stressful, and I've not really had much space, or time, to think about all of this properly. it's not easy to manage a very demanding job, a possible change in career, and a fundamental change in the way I think about myself, all at once.

but I've been reading bits in scraps here and there when I can fit it in, and thinking, yes, this fits, this makes sense. it's like seeing my whole pattern of life differently. I'd always been a bit worried about following the path I thought I should - about finding a partner and settling down, waiting for my life to properly start, because that was what everyone else seemed to be doing. but now I realise that actually, in terms of my relationships I am happy with what I have now. I'd like some more friends who are geographically closer to where I live now, but I don't really want a sexual relationship. What I was seeing before as waiting for the right time, the right person, I am now seeing as a choice. I am reasonably fortunate, I know - I'm bright, and independent, and generally confident, and usually, if something is important to me, and I want it, I work hard, and I get it. if I really wanted a sexual relationship, I could have one. I don't want one, and that's ok.

stupid things, like those equal ops monitoring forms everyone fills in for job applications and things, where there's a section for sexual orientation - I always found that question ridiculously difficult to answer, and I realise now it's because my gut answer is, well, none of these boxes.

I am still periodically a bit shocked at myself that it's taken this long to have this realisation. I've not talked to my friends or family about this yet, and probably, unless they ask, I won't, because I sort of feel like my sexuality isn't anything to do with anyone else - and after the reading I've done recently, I am starting to see that that very feeling is probably quite asexual! but I think they probably wouldn't be very surprised.

so, um, I suppose in short, hearing about asexuality has been simultaneously "phew" and "well... duh"

[Derp-D-Derp]

I enjoy reading these posts. For years (my life), I've always just considered myself, "unique." I've never had a problem flirting, and when I was younger, I could "manipulate" male attention from whomever I chose (I thought), but the fact was, it was because I didn't care. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, "because I could."

I've never felt a "physical 'bond'" with anyone. I don't know what it is to "ache" for "the act." I can handle a lot (not all) up to that point, but as long as a guy has to unzip his jeans, I'm not interested. Never have been.

I had a very strange childhood .... giving a kid access to too much information is almost as dangerous as giving them none at all. I sort of learned that "all men will hurt you," so I developed an invisible shield. I feel a greater spiritual connection with women, but the people I hang out with are guys -- that understand I'm just a "friend." [i'm not adverse to hanging with womyn, I just don't know any my age right now.]

We may joke and sometimes even start, rumors .... but the "joke" is ours, because we're not doing anything other than surfing the Internet and watching TV till all hours. I get bored with "normal" people -- I enjoy those who "live on the edge." That's probably not a good thing -- but I've never really related (long term) with people my age. I can be very silly sometimes, sarcastic others. Then I pull it all together and turn into the professional I am (was) when the circumstance calls for it.

I think I just grew up numb ...... about a lot of things. I think that is why I'm such an advocate of so many things today.

Thank you all for being here.

[Cozen]

First let me say that reading through these posts have been an absolute joy.

I always thought that there was just something wrong with me because I wasn't sexually attracted to any gender. I thought that I was perhaps a human defect--left behind by my married peers. I then thought that my tastes were just really particular and I hadn't found anyone to match the criteria. But on rare occasions, I'd notice that I found someone attractive. I found them attractive, but I never felt like wanting to have sex with them. I reverted back to thinking that I was just a defect, and I was fine with that.

I have been labelled as a homosexual by half of my family; the other half thinks that I'm heterosexual and simply afraid of falling in love. Neither of those seemed to fit. "Defect." I would think.

I started researching sexuality in my free time. A term stuck with me. Asexual.
I have gotten in the habit of asking people that know me to give me a label. What orientation am I? I've gotten answers across the board.

Finally, I broke down and told someone that I trusted that I thought myself to be asexual. She insisted that I hadn't met the right person and that my past sexual experiences were not good enough. I just needed someone to show me how good it can be. This upset me considerably. I didn't know what to think other than, "Defect".

Curiousity got the better of me and I began to really research asexuality and look around at people that identified as asexual. Within this last week I've fully embraced my asexuality and am okay with it. I'm so very happy to be here. Not a defect, just one of many people who do not experience sexual attraction.

I feel so liberated to be among people who I can freely talk about this to and who aren't going to respond by telling me that I just need 'insert annoying ignorant item' to 'fix' me. I'm asexual and fine the way I am.
And by the way, you are all lovely.

[minolta girl]

Hi people, I'm new here. I discovered this whole asexual/AVEN thing about five days ago, and it just sort of clicked. I'm 21, and I all I have ever wanted for a relationship is a best best friend. I can't believe how wonderful it feels to realise that's okay, and it doesn't mean I'm (might be overused, but it's the best word that fits) broken. It's amazing! I'm amazed. I'm just so happy right now, so thank you everyone for being here and all that. Okay, I'm done now. :)

[Egaeus]

I always thought that there was just something wrong with me because I wasn't sexually attracted to any gender. I thought that I was perhaps a human defect--left behind by my married peers. I then thought that my tastes were just really particular and I hadn't found anyone to match the criteria. But on rare occasions, I'd notice that I found someone attractive. I found them attractive, but I never felt like wanting to have sex with them. I reverted back to thinking that I was just a defect, and I was fine with that.

I have been labelled as a homosexual by half of my family; the other half thinks that I'm heterosexual and simply afraid of falling in love. Neither of those seemed to fit. "Defect." I would think.

I started researching sexuality in my free time. A term stuck with me. Asexual.

I have gotten in the habit of asking people that know me to give me a label. What orientation am I? I've gotten answers across the board.

This is quite like my story, I do wonder what sexuality other people think I am, asking people what they think sounds fun!

[XiaoMei]

Last year I got into a debate over whether or not a person could live without sex or relationships and be truly happy, or if they were lying to themselves. At the time, I thought I was defending family members who live without sexual relationships, but I think I was arguing in my own defense as well without really being aware of it.

I saw a notice for a talk on asexuality, and it was the first time I'd ever heard the word used this way. I started doing research, and the more I read, the more I saw my own experience reflected in the stories. I'm pretty sure tears were involved. I had sabotaged relationships my whole life, and was never quite sure why. I could never imagine myself in a sexual relationship and couldn't figure out what the big deal was.

I'm still struggling a bit with what this means for me, but I think I'm finally at a point where I'm somewhat comfortable identifying as Ace. I'm teaching a unit using some of Bogaert's book in my gender and sexuality studies class, but I haven't decided whether or not I will come out to my students.

[Fiddler's_Green]

My whole thing started when I was talking to a friend of mine about who we thought were attractive and who we wanted to have sex with it became quite apparent that I didn't care that much about sex. I said that I didn't see what the big deal was and ultimately the whole enterprise of sexual conquest doesn't seem to be worth it. Why would I spend all my money and time to have sex with someone? What's the point? He described a certain psychological desire to do sexual acts with another person and I didn't really understand it. When we ended up talking about it again with more people he brought up as a novelty my opinion that sex wasn't worth it and eventually he ended up using the term asexual after I made it clear that I definitely wasn't gay, but I also didn't care that much about being with women. Some short time later I decided to just look the term up and see whether or not I fit into it. While I am not entirely sure that I am asexual, (I am pretty sure I am, but it hasn't been that long), it certainly has been a bit of a relief.

[Cozen]

I always thought that there was just something wrong with me because I wasn't sexually attracted to any gender. I thought that I was perhaps a human defect--left behind by my married peers. I then thought that my tastes were just really particular and I hadn't found anyone to match the criteria. But on rare occasions, I'd notice that I found someone attractive. I found them attractive, but I never felt like wanting to have sex with them. I reverted back to thinking that I was just a defect, and I was fine with that.

I have been labelled as a homosexual by half of my family; the other half thinks that I'm heterosexual and simply afraid of falling in love. Neither of those seemed to fit. "Defect." I would think.

I started researching sexuality in my free time. A term stuck with me. Asexual.

I have gotten in the habit of asking people that know me to give me a label. What orientation am I? I've gotten answers across the board.

This is quite like my story, I do wonder what sexuality other people think I am, asking people what they think sounds fun!

Do it! I try to be coy to throw them off. Have fun with it. I'm sure that you'll be surprised with the answers. ^_^

[tucker_nichelle]

I first found out about asexuality when reading a biography of The Smiths, one of my favourite bands, when it mentioned Morrissey being asexual so naturally I was curious and had to research it. When I found out what exactly asexuality was I had this moment of "whoa" because it described me so well and it all made sense after that(:

[natalee]

Hey (: I'm new but just saw this thread and felt like putting in how I first discovered this and how I felt.

I really wasn't sure what was happening to me, when everyone else was getting involved in sex, and I felt nothing. I just figured my body hadn't matured yet (I'm almost 20. That's a pretty silly thought.) and shrugged it off. But my older sister messaged me and said "Hey I think you're asexual" and sent me a link to some information. Days later a friend also said the same thing, and then another. Hearing this more and more, I really delved into checking out what asexuality was and meant, and...it fit me to a tee. I finally feel like I'm not alone in this.

I find it a battle though...it's really rare, at least for me, to find someone to date that understands. Most people my age look for a sexual component, and...it's just not happening.

Well, that's my experience, anyway!

natalee xxoo

[ShinePlume]

I'm only pretty sure i'm ace. But realizing that i probably was made me understand others more than myself.

I used to think all the guys at my school were abnormally aroused, but then realized that i just wasn't.

[MGS]

I always felt weird when someone wanted to talk about sex to me. I was never interested in it. I never wanted to be in a relationship at all. I researched to see if anyone else felt the same way and I heard of something called asexual. Now I know what it is and there's this other website about being asexual and it matches me and that's how I knew I was an asexual. And I also noticed my emotions are different. I'm not the type to get jealous over anything. I don't have sexual feelings towards anyone. And there were girls that wanted to go out with me and wasn't shy I just didn't want to talk to them because they liked me and they wanted sex which is disgusting.

[tinydancer684]

Been struggling with this for a while now - relieved that I'm not alone!

I got married young (early 20s) to my college boyfriend, but we split up because, over time, our relationship got less and less sexual and he strayed from the marriage. It's been over for quite a few years but I haven't really been in a relationship since then - I've dated a lot, but once it got past a few dates I realized I wasn't attracted to them sexually and stopped seeing them. I had been chalking it up to just not finding "the right one" but then had a conversation a few months ago with my best friend when she questioned my feelings of not being attracted to the last guy I went on dates with. I started exploring the idea of not being sexually attracted to anyone and realized that I had little to no sexual feelings about the same or opposite sex. Dug deeper, more research, and here I am, feeling like asexual is a term that I identify with.

Not sure what the future holds but I am definitely still feeling like I want a life partner, someone to share my life with, but not sexually.

[Bayleaf]

I noticed that I was asexual around my early teens. I really thought I was in denial and just being scared of others around me. I was asked out a lot in high school and each time I rejected it and many people in my class felt I was either a closet homosexual or weird. I forced myself into thinking that I didn't have these feelings by attempting to watch various pornography of either sexes, just I never felt anything at all. I tried various other stuff in high school like going to prom, just I felt nothing. I was pretty anti-sexual and was pretty hostile to others for flirting at me or talking of sex near me. Over the years I'm not bothered by this and my girlfriend has helped calm me down. I feel since my relationship my sexual frustrations I had can come to past and I can move on.

As for what I feel of others I can like both sexes. So I guess that would make me bi? Just I like females more since I've meet more who have a much kinder character than any males I've encountered so far. Also most males I've meet even if they be gay or bi seem to handle emotions of others not as-well or feel scared to show emotions.

I've noticed after reading many others on the forums over the past few days that feeling broken is really common... I feel a bit happy in knowing that others feel this way too.

I have a similar story to yours. I don't really date and my peers are starting to think it's odd. When I do, it only lasts a day or two before I start getting frustrated with them for reasons I can't typically fathom. I just thought I was weird and easily agitated.

[Chococat]

I had always been confused with why all the girls around me were swooning over the guys while I just stood there. I never understood and yes, I did think I was "broken" because I wasn't attracted to anyone like I was "supposed" to be. When my sister asked me if I thought I was asexual, I honestly had no idea what asexuality was. When I looked it up I sat there reading different posts from people and just kept nodding my head agreeing with what I was seeing. It was amazing. All of the sudden I realized I wasn't alone, and I was instantly filled with relief. I have liked the idea of a lifetime partner, but was always frustrated with how sex was such a major part of any relationship...I didn't want to give in and feel "obligated" to have sex to keep my partner happy. I'd always assumed I would never have a relationship of any kind because I drew the line where most people would want to cross, it never occurred to me that there would be many other people who had that same line as I did. To understand that there is a whole community of people who feel just like me is more relieving than words can say.

So, I just think you are all awesome, and I am just tickled pink to meet you!

[Verdande]

I am one of those with the inverted epiphany. I discovered that the majority was sexual.

When I grew up I was very lucky that my friends all belonged in the geeky teenagers group, thus the talks rarely fell on boys, we were far to busy with school work, books and (in my case) games.

My first doubts came when I got to the last of my teenage years and I began wondering whom all the sex in tv-shop, advertersing, books and so forth was directed at, because in my opinion sex seemed... so non-important that I just wondered who it all was directed at, but I bought into the 'you will understand when you meet the right person' statement.

And then I met that person and I discovered that I found sex uncomfortable, incredible boring and I didn't aboslutely not understand the thing I was supposed to understand. It broke our relentionship.

After that I was confused and begang listning more closely to my friends when they were talking about their boyfriends/girlfriends/crushes and I began to feel abornomal when I realized that they all described a kind of attraction I had never felt.

Luckily I stumbled over the term asexual, something clicked inside my head and that led me to AVEN.

It was such a relief to find this place relatively shortly after my perception of the world had been shaken.

[Dread]

My thoughts:

"Huh, interesting. I wonder how much math homework I have to do for tomorrow."

Honestly, for me it wasn't a big 'reveal' kind of moment, and to this day, when people ask me about my sexuality, my sincere answer is still: "damned if I know. Pretty asexual, I guess."