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I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!


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On 7/7/2018 at 11:06 AM, RandomPerson17 said:

For me, finding out about asexuality was a big relief.  I had always known to some extent but I always thought 'oh maybe I'll grow out of it' because that's what people had always told me when I brought the subject up. I was curious one day and decided to look up if there was a "non" sexuality and finally having a word for how I felt and knowing that there were other people who felt the same way was SUCH a relief. 

I know! I felt the same way when I found out too.

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I'm going to be honest: I hate being asexual.  I want to be "normal" and have sex. More often than not, I make myself think about sex, and for a few seconds, I'm like, "Alright, that doesn't sound too bad at all." and then a second later, I'm like "Nonononononono, no way. I'd rather Netflix and eat pizza." My friends are sexual and they tell me about their sex lives (not too much detail, of course), and I'm so glad they're having that kind of connection. I am not repulsed by sex, and I think it's a great way to strengthen a bond but I don't need it. I don't want it. At all.

I hate feeling and thinking like this. I hate being called a "celibate" or people telling me "You'll find the right person and who knows, you may become sex-crazed." NO NO NO! I hate potentially not being able to have a meaningful relationship. I hate the prospect of dying lonely and alone. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want or need or care for sex? 

 

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The Anchorage

Hey @halfacat!

Welcome on AVEN - have some cake! :cake:

 

 

I'm sorry you feel this way. I guess most people struggle with being ace for one reason or another. I want to be able to say "I'm okay with my (a)sexuality", but on some days I'm annoyed too. :/ Everythings seems easier when you are sexual. I always comfort myself with the thought that if I were sexual, I would worry about something else (like: Am I performing right? Does he find me attractive? DO I SWALLOW??? :D ) I guess everybody stresses out over sex, whether they have it or not.

 

11 minutes ago, halfacat said:

I hate the prospect of dying lonely and alone.

I can relate to your post. This very minute I feel okay with being single. I have many plans and I think most people who are in relationships neglect their dreams for the sake of the relationship/their partner. In that aspect I'm glad not to be "bound" to someone. But there are moments when I think about being older (like 50/60/70/...) and still alone. That may sound freaky, but when I die I want to be taken care of and mourned by someone. I don't know whether (and how?!) I'm going to have children, but if I don't even have a partner, there might be no one who can/wants to take care of me :( 

 

I don't want to end this post with negative thoughts. I hope you will come to an understanding with yourself and feel better. Maybe those tons of AVEN posts and the friendly members will help you, after all we're all in the same boat ;) 

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It was honestly kind of funny when I finally spoke my feelings out loud. My sister and I were heading home with Chinese and we were talking about our futures and if we were going to have kids or not. She was super cool and said “Yeah, I’ll probably adopt a kid with my girlfriend”. I thought that was pretty cool and I thought about the concept myself. I want to be married and have children, but I want nothing to do with the process of making children, which is exactly what I told her. She smiled so big and said, “You’re asexual aren’t you?” And that’s when it clicked. I was like, “Yeah, I am.” I laugh at it now thinking that she got all the sexy bits of life and left me with nothing, but that’s totally fine with me

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I found at asexuality was a thing after reading a piece of fan fiction. I was about 25 and still waiting for some form of sexual attraction to hit me. When I read the tag it said AceDean and I thought okay, Dean is going to excel at something. When it turned into Dean not feeling sexual attraction I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe. He was just like me. I looked at the author profile and it had link to tumblr which lead down an entirely different rabbit hole. Eventually I found this site and realized that yes this was a thing and no it was not some creepy fetish. It’s been years since then but I’m so glad I decided to read that piece!

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Reading this has made me feel a lot better about how I, well, feel.

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I'd read about asexuality a few years ago and on some level I identified with it but I was in denial out of fear that that meant I was always going to be alone.  All  my friends were either in relationships or talking about the people they were sleeping with and I could never relate, but I'd fake it to try and fit in.  It was nerve wracking trying to fit myself into the 'sexual' mould when all it did was make my skin crawl.  

 

It wasn't until the last two weeks that I finally had the courage to admit to myself that I am asexual and it was like a weight I'd been carrying around had finally lifted.  Finding this community has helped me realise that I'm not alone in my feelings and identifying as asexual doesn't mean I'm destined to be lonely.  I can have deep friendships and hopefully some day I'll meet that person who will be my platonic life partner and that is more than enough for me :) 

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  • 2 weeks later...

hello im alexis from singapore and im 14 this year! i think im asexual but honestly im not really sure because of my age and that my country is quite conservative (basically abstinence till marriage and people talk about sex more like as a baby-making process which is -.-) so yeah. im not sure but im going to call myself ace for now because that seems to be what fits me most but maybe when i grow older i'll find a label that suits me more? im not that worried about it.

 

also i use they/them pronouns and im very glad theres a community out here which provides so much information!! this is nice

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Neutral nerd

Hello and welcome to AVEN! 🍰

Use whatever labels make you feel comfortable, and if you have any questions just ask 😁

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Hi so yeah I've known I'm ace for like a 5years now and I didn't even realize it is a thing until I was 17-18 and as soon as I started reading about it online I got depressed(for real). I still have that fear that I'm gonna die alone and that I'm gonna get more depressed about this because I feel like nowadays everything is about sex etc. And it's hard to find partner or even friends who don't talk about it all the time. Even tho I'm not that active here, this helps a lot to read these comments 🙂

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3 minutes ago, Gatsogee said:

I still have that fear that I'm gonna die alone and that I'm gonna get more depressed about this because I feel like nowadays everything is about sex etc. And it's hard to find partner or even friends who don't talk about it all the time.  

This is true! My best friend keeps talking about how horny she is and her conquests (well not conquests) but her libido. She doesn't know im asexual, she being allosexual she wont get it and i kinda dont want to have to explain it to her? I did mention that i dont really have a sex drive and she was surprised. 

 

When i first heard asexual i didnt kniw what it is. Only last year i actually found this site and it was like, "Oohhhhhh." 😂 kudos to the admins and everyone on AVEN, you have all helped and i hope to be friends with some of you. ✌

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23 minutes ago, Gatsogee said:

Hi so yeah I've known I'm ace for like a 5years now and I didn't even realize it is a thing until I was 17-18 and as soon as I started reading about it online I got depressed(for real). I still have that fear that I'm gonna die alone and that I'm gonna get more depressed about this because I feel like nowadays everything is about sex etc. And it's hard to find partner or even friends who don't talk about it all the time. Even tho I'm not that active here, this helps a lot to read these comments 🙂

Don't worry about loneliness please! Try to do things that keep you occupied helps. I was 44 when I found out about asexuality (56 now) and I felt better about my life afterwards than before. I guess I knew that I didn't have to try to be 'someone' that in my heart I wasn't anymore.

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1 hour ago, AvatarRand said:

This is true! My best friend keeps talking about how horny she is and her conquests (well not conquests) but her libido. She doesn't know im asexual, she being allosexual she wont get it and i kinda dont want to have to explain it to her? I did mention that i dont really have a sex drive and she was surprised. 

 I have the same thing with my best friend! Well she knows the way I am but she really don't get it and she just keeps forgetting the fact that I'd like us to talk other things than her sexlife. And ofc she'd say that she understands but for real there's no way she would totally understand and that's what makes me sad most of the time.. 

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1 hour ago, AvatarRand said:

This is true! My best friend keeps talking about how horny she is and her conquests (well not conquests) but her libido. She doesn't know im asexual, she being allosexual she wont get it and i kinda dont want to have to explain it to her? I did mention that i dont really have a sex drive and she was surprised. 

 

When i first heard asexual i didnt kniw what it is. Only last year i actually found this site and it was like, "Oohhhhhh." 😂 kudos to the admins and everyone on AVEN, you have all helped and i hope to be friends with some of you. ✌

 

10 minutes ago, Gatsogee said:

 I have the same thing with my best friend! Well she knows the way I am but she really don't get it and she just keeps forgetting the fact that I'd like us to talk other things than her sexlife. And ofc she'd say that she understands but for real there's no way she would totally understand and that's what makes me sad most of the time.. 

Tell me about it!

 

I came out to my friend (had to explain my feelings) that I was asexual. I included a bit about hearing him talk about his conquests in the past. Well this spring we were grabbing a bite and he was talking about how this 'lady' he works with had offered him her phone number even though she knows he's involved with someone.

 

I don't know which part annoyed me more, him talking about the phone number incident or referring to a member of the opposite sex as a 'lady'. For some reason since he's been in his 30s, any woman that he has dated or

fucked

, he has referred to as a lady. "She's a nice lady, we went to see so and so play last night". I could see if she was twenty or thirty years older than him...

 

Jeepers it sounds like I'm talking to my grandmother. 

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The Anchorage
On ‎8‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 7:57 PM, will123 said:

I don't know which part annoyed me more, him talking about the phone number incident or referring to a member of the opposite sex as a 'lady'. For some reason since he's been in his 30s, any woman that he has dated or

  Reveal hidden contents

fucked

, he has referred to as a lady. "She's a nice lady, we went to see so and so play last night". I could see if she was twenty or thirty years older than him...

 

Jeepers it sounds like I'm talking to my grandmother. 

I think it's nice to know that guys talk about the opposite sex in a friendly/respectful/charming/whatever you want to call it way. I once had a very nice conversation with a date about how man and woman refer to their respective partners/love interests and it was very cute and charming when he told me, how he refers to women he likes ("Mein Mädchen"/my girl or "Meine Perle"/my pearl (that one doesn't sound quite as charming when translated)). Although we weren't in a relationship, it still made me feel very special and appreciated and I think if someone makes their partner feel this way, then they're doing a very good job ;) 

 

But I also understand how it makes you think about your grandma :D 

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I never had an interest in sex but it was a lecture last week for my 2nd year social psychology paper  on LGBTQIA+ issues that had me wondering. Reading up on asexuality and I feel it fits me.

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I’ve always been romantically attracted to men (I’m female) and had lots of crushes. Kissing and especially sex were always very difficult and extremely uncomfortable. The smells, the sounds, how it felt. I discovered vibrators and had orgasms, which were awesome, but certainly have never felt the need to have them. I’ve been married 20 years to my second sex partner. He has an extremely high libido. In the beginning we were having sexual constantly which was absolute hell for me. But having sex, and lots of it, is not only normal but part of married life and definitely encouraged in our society. I just tried to take it like a champ; I’d fake orgasms to get it over as quickly as possible, then I was relieved and able to relax for the week or so til he wanted to do it again. Poor guy. I never felt I could talk openly about disliking/not wanting sex with anyone because everyone else in my circle seemed to think sex was great. So I figured it was me that was abnormal. I thought maybe I was sapiosexual, but even men whose intelligence and sense of humor I’m attracted to I have no desire to have sex with. Well, my husband I suppose felt forced to find a partner who wanted sex and had an affair. We’re now getting divorced, my aversion to sex not being a small component. I’m relieved to know there are people out there like me, but sad because most people, especially men it seems, LOVE sex and I don’t believe there are many men willing to forgo it. So I’m just short of 50, and feel like I really won’t have anyone to grow old with. All in all my feeling re: discovering the existence of asexuality is one of enormous relief. This is my first post on this site btw. I’m hoping to make friends here and learn to be okay with my newly discovered sexual orientation.

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Welcome to AVEN Jen, sorry to had to go thru a marriage before finding out you were asexual. I muddled my way thru life until I was 44 before finding out about asexuality. It wasn't until last year when I was 55 that I jumped into AVEN with both feet so to speak. Posting here can really help a person get thru the trials and tribulations of our lives.

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Hi guys I'm new I'm 32 years and after doing a bit of research and reading posts in here I am asexual. Maybe a bit gray but my whole life I've looked at sex as a chore and chose to be single the majority of my 20s because sex is such a large part in relationships. Ive read about gray sexual. I've been with 3 partners my whole life and even them ( one was 5 year relationship and hot) haha not interested. I have never told anyone this in my life. Nice to know there is a community of like minded individuals. My name is Joe

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acethetically_amaceing

I'm fairly new to AVEN and the ace community, I've actually only known about the term asexuality for a year at most, and been identifying with it more or less for a few months. Apart from some members, I didn't have an 'aha-moment', really. Instead, it's been a bit of coming to terms with it. 

 

I heard the word asexuality, but it didn't exactly click anything in me. I don't think I ever had the feeling of being different, maybe because sex was something that wasn't much discussed in my friend group, but when it did, I always thought the people who seemed to enjoy it were the odd ones, not me. To me, my way of seeing things was the 'normal' way, and it never occurred to me that my way was different. I've always been a very private person and my friends thought I was just being secretive when they asked if I liked anyone, because I would always say no (hint: I was completely honest). I've only ever had one crush (or a squish, I'm still trying to decipher my feelings haha), but that was when I was, like, ten (I'm 15 now) and I thought it was normal for everyone to have crushes/squishes that rarely, but apparently it's not! My best friend actually suggested I might be asexual once, maybe a year ago, but in a joking manner and I brushed it off saying 'no, I don't think so' and not thinking much about it, because the way she phrased it, it sounded like being unable to love anyone in any way. I thought 'just because I'm not interested in getting a boyfriend, I'm suddenly unable to love anyone?' and I didn't want that, so I just let it go without giving it a second thought. 

 

I didn't think much about the possibility of me being ace until a couple of months ago. I started reading more about it and I thought 'this sounds pretty similar to my experiences, maybe I'm ace'. That sparked a period of questioning for me. I've never been in any kind of relationship, romantic or sexual, and I don't feel the need to either. Quite frankly, the thought of having sex even scares me a little, and definitely makes me uncomfortable. I feel aesthetically attracted to both boys, girls, and everyone in between, because I just look at somebody's face and think 'they're so pretty', 'they're gorgeous', 'I love their hair/eyes/other facial feature' etc., but I've never ever wanted to be physical with them — I like to admire people from afar, haha. I've noticed that I often just look at the face of the person and don't care much about the rest. The thought of a future without sex feels completely acceptable to me, and I don't care if others think I'm missing out on something — I don't want it, not now at least, and probably not ever. To me, humans are like artworks, and you don't have sex with artwork xD. It just seems dirty and sweaty and I could think of a million other things to do to show your love for someone, but I'm not going to shame anyone, asexual or not. Do whatever feels right for you! I also went into high school thinking I had to get my first boyfriend before I graduated, but now, with one year left, I no longer feel the pressure of that. I'm perfectly fine being single. I don't actively desire a relationship in any form beyond platonic. It's fine. 

 

It's only in the last few weeks that I'm coming to terms with being ace. I still doubt myself very much — what if I'm faking it? What if I'm not really ace? What if I'm just a late bloomer? — and I think I'll continue to doubt myself, but I feel like the label fits me (for the moment; although I don't think it's going to change in the nearest future or even ever, I'm open to re-label myself based on my feelings at that point, if need be) and I'm pretty comfortable using it by myself. Most times I even feel proud to be ace!

 

I'm glad to have found this community, it's answered many of my questions. I also love the minor obsession with cake that's going around the forum, and the idea of the dragon being a symbol of asexuality; I think it's really cute. Small stuff like that makes me feel comfortable and proud in my own identity, and the fact that there's other people like me helps too. I've also heard of the ace ring and I think I'm going to get one at some point, but I'm still closeted so I can't ask my parents xD. I'm only out to one friend, who's ace as well, and since I don't really know any good way to get it said (also because I think my parents would just tell me it's a phase), I'll just wait and see if the right moment arrives. It's no rush, I know, I'm just curious about myself and right now I'm trying to figure out my romantic orientation. But for now, I'm comfortable using the label and, even, proud to be ace. It's a part of me. If it changes in the future, that's fine, because it means that I've changed. If it doesn't, that's fine too. But right now, identifying as ace feels right for me. So that's what I'm going to do. 

 

(I hope this didn't become ridiculously long? And also, if there are other teenage aces here, how are you feeling about yourself and your ace-ness, since we're being told we're just late bloomers and that we can't know that we're ace unless we've had sex and that we're too young to know? It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts! Hugs to all of you x) 

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7 hours ago, rambling-giants said:

I'm fairly new to AVEN and the ace community, I've actually only known about the term asexuality for a year at most, and been identifying with it more or less for a few months. Apart from some members, I didn't have an 'aha-moment', really. Instead, it's been a bit of coming to terms with it. 

 

I didn't think much about the possibility of me being ace until a couple of months ago. I started reading more about it and I thought 'this sounds pretty similar to my experiences, maybe I'm ace'. That sparked a period of questioning for me. I've never been in any kind of relationship, romantic or sexual, and I don't feel the need to either. Quite frankly, the thought of having sex even scares me a little, and definitely makes me uncomfortable. I feel aesthetically attracted to both boys, girls, and everyone in between, because I just look at somebody's face and think 'they're so pretty', 'they're gorgeous', 'I love their hair/eyes/other facial feature' etc., but I've never ever wanted to be physical with them — I like to admire people from afar, haha. I've noticed that I often just look at the face of the person and don't care much about the rest. The thought of a future without sex feels completely acceptable to me, and I don't care if others think I'm missing out on something — I don't want it, not now at least, and probably not ever. To me, humans are like artworks, and you don't have sex with artwork xD. It just seems dirty and sweaty and I could think of a million other things to do to show your love for someone, but I'm not going to shame anyone, asexual or not. Do whatever feels right for you! I also went into high school thinking I had to get my first boyfriend before I graduated, but now, with one year left, I no longer feel the pressure of that. I'm perfectly fine being single. I don't actively desire a relationship in any form beyond platonic. It's fine. 

 

It's only in the last few weeks that I'm coming to terms with being ace. I still doubt myself very much — what if I'm faking it? What if I'm not really ace? What if I'm just a late bloomer? — and I think I'll continue to doubt myself, but I feel like the label fits me (for the moment; although I don't think it's going to change in the nearest future or even ever, I'm open to re-label myself based on my feelings at that point, if need be) and I'm pretty comfortable using it by myself. Most times I even feel proud to be ace!

 

I'm glad to have found this community, it's answered many of my questions. I also love the minor obsession with cake that's going around the forum, and the idea of the dragon being a symbol of asexuality; I think it's really cute. Small stuff like that makes me feel comfortable and proud in my own identity, and the fact that there's other people like me helps too. I've also heard of the ace ring and I think I'm going to get one at some point, but I'm still closeted so I can't ask my parents xD. I'm only out to one friend, who's ace as well, and since I don't really know any good way to get it said (also because I think my parents would just tell me it's a phase), I'll just wait and see if the right moment arrives. It's no rush, I know, I'm just curious about myself and right now I'm trying to figure out my romantic orientation. But for now, I'm comfortable using the label and, even, proud to be ace. It's a part of me. If it changes in the future, that's fine, because it means that I've changed. If it doesn't, that's fine too. But right now, identifying as ace feels right for me. So that's what I'm going to do. 

 

(I hope this didn't become ridiculously long? And also, if there are other teenage aces here, how are you feeling about yourself and your ace-ness, since we're being told we're just late bloomers and that we can't know that we're ace unless we've had sex and that we're too young to know? It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts! Hugs to all of you x) 

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: 

 

It took me 11 years after finding out about AVEN for me to sign up. It wasn't the fact that I was upset that I realized I was asexual. On the contrary I was quite happy to know why I felt like I did.

 

And yes it is great to know that there are others around the world that share the same feelings.

 

Don't worry about the long post, I've had a few on here as well 😉

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acethetically_amaceing

@will123 hi and thank you! I never felt like I was broken before I realised I was asexual, and I don't feel broken now either. For me, it's just about clarity - 'so this is what I feel and this is why I feel it' - and discovering more and more about who I am. I think it's exciting 😄

 

The only aces and ace communities I know are online, I've never met another person who identifies as asexual outside the Internet. So discovering places like this where there's other people who can relate to me and who I can relate to feels really good and reassuring. 

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6 minutes ago, rambling-giants said:

@will123 hi and thank you! I never felt like I was broken before I realised I was asexual, and I don't feel broken now either. For me, it's just about clarity - 'so this is what I feel and this is why I feel it' - and discovering more and more about who I am. I think it's exciting 😄

 

The only aces and ace communities I know are online, I've never met another person who identifies as asexual outside the Internet. So discovering places like this where there's other people who can relate to me and who I can relate to feels really good and reassuring. 

The first part is just like how I would describe things as well. I've come out to two 'sexuals' and have met one other ace in the past year and a half.

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On 8/14/2018 at 11:15 AM, ACEthetically-amACEing said:

To me, my way of seeing things was the 'normal' way, and it never occurred to me that my way was different.  I've only ever had one crush (or a squish, I'm still trying to decipher my feelings haha), but that was when I was, like, ten (I'm 15 now) and I thought it was normal for everyone to have crushes/squishes that rarely, but apparently it's not!

Been there, done that, got that t-shirt! I think I'll pass on a repeat.

 

Quote

My best friend actually suggested I might be asexual once, maybe a year ago, but in a joking manner and I brushed it off saying 'no, I don't think so' and not thinking much about it, because the way she phrased it, it sounded like being unable to love anyone in any way. I thought 'just because I'm not interested in getting a boyfriend, I'm suddenly unable to love anyone?' and I didn't want that, so I just let it go without giving it a second thought. 

One of my friends did that to me too. Why must people constantly act like sex is the be all end all of everything? It's stranger to want it than not, at least to those of us oddballs.

 

Quote

Quite frankly, the thought of having sex even scares me a little, and definitely makes me uncomfortable. I feel aesthetically attracted to both boys, girls, and everyone in between, because I just look at somebody's face and think 'they're so pretty', 'they're gorgeous', 'I love their hair/eyes/other facial feature' etc., but I've never ever wanted to be physical with them The thought of a future without sex feels completely acceptable to me, and I don't care if others think I'm missing out on something — I don't want it, not now at least, and probably not ever. It just seems dirty and sweaty and I could think of a million other things to do to show your love for someone, but I'm not going to shame anyone, asexual or not. Do whatever feels right for you! I also went into high school thinking I had to get my first boyfriend before I graduated, but now, with one year left, I no longer feel the pressure of that. I'm perfectly fine being single. I don't actively desire a relationship in any form beyond platonic. It's fine. 

This is kinda creepy. It's like we're the same person. Same thoughts and feelings. Did you by chance stop by my head at some point? (Kidding, that would actually be creepy xD)

 

Quote

I've also heard of the ace ring and I think I'm going to get one at some point, but I'm still closeted so I can't ask my parents xD. I'm only out to one friend, who's ace as well, and since I don't really know any good way to get it said (also because I think my parents would just tell me it's a phase), I'll just wait and see if the right moment arrives.

I bought mine online for 99 cents without telling my parents. My mom told me it was just a phase,  and I told her that it may be, but right now it's my phase :) We don't really talk about it anymore,

 

Quote

(I hope this didn't become ridiculously long? And also, if there are other teenage aces here, how are you feeling about yourself and your ace-ness, since we're being told we're just late bloomers and that we can't know that we're ace unless we've had sex and that we're too young to know? It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts! Hugs to all of you x) 

I feel like teenager aces are always going to have that little voice in the back of their head, saying "maybe it's something else, maybe I'm not actually." I've known I am ace for nearly three years now (figured it out when I was 13, now a few months from being 16), and I still wonder if maybe there actually is something wrong with me. I keep thinking "Maybe I am just a late bloomer. Maybe there really is a medical reason. Maybe I'm just trying to be special." I hate it, but I'm not going to lie and say I don't. I've mostly ended up that I'm going to call myself ace for as long as it fits. A couple of my ace friends are both perfectly fine and at peace, so maybe it's just me who still is questioning years later.

 

I've been told that things will change, I'm too young to know something like that, and I can't know until I've tried it. Can't say I enjoy the frequent interrogations when people try to find something "wrong" with my "story" but I've gotten used to it. I usually end up asking them if they like getting run over by a car. When they say no, I usually respond with "Have you tried it? Then how can you know you won't like it?" Bad, I know, but they usually shut up pretty quick. It just gets more and more annoying.

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acethetically_amaceing

@Stripes840 hello (it's me, I've just changed my user name xD)! Gosh, it actually sounds like we're pretty alike! I think you're very right about the fact that most teenager aces doubt themselves in that way, perhaps more than older aces, if they have less experience. It's terrible for your self esteem, and constantly being told the same from people in your environment certainly doesn't make it any easier!

Just as there are young people who know they are cishet, there are equally young people who know they're not, the only difference is that only one of those groups gets questioned. 

 

19 hours ago, Stripes840 said:

I feel like teenager aces are always going to have that little voice in the back of their head, saying "maybe it's something else, maybe I'm not actually." I've known I am ace for nearly three years now (figured it out when I was 13, now a few months from being 16), and I still wonder if maybe there actually is something wrong with me. I keep thinking "Maybe I am just a late bloomer. Maybe there really is a medical reason. Maybe I'm just trying to be special." I hate it, but I'm not going to lie and say I don't. I've mostly ended up that I'm going to call myself ace for as long as it fits. A couple of my ace friends are both perfectly fine and at peace, so maybe it's just me who still is questioning years later. 

I've thought (and still think) almost exactly that too (Jesus, we really are the same person xD), and I've come to the same conclusion. For me, it doesn't matter if it changes in the future, I've been no less ace now if it does. But as long as I feel like the label can explain something about me and makes me feel proud and positive about myself, I'm going to use it! Oh, and I'll be sixteen too, in February 😆

19 hours ago, Stripes840 said:

I've been told that things will change, I'm too young to know something like that, and I can't know until I've tried it. Can't say I enjoy the frequent interrogations when people try to find something "wrong" with my "story" but I've gotten used to it. I usually end up asking them if they like getting run over by a car. When they say no, I usually respond with "Have you tried it? Then how can you know you won't like it?" Bad, I know, but they usually shut up pretty quick. It just gets more and more annoying.

No, I really like that metaphor! It's telling and, to be honest, actually quite similar to the experiences of a virgin ace, or to my experiences at least. I saw some other similar metaphor used on here, that was like, "I don't need to get shot to know that I don't like it", and that's pretty much how I'm feeling. I don't need to do it to know that I don't want to and don't like it. 

 

(if you're feeling bored some time, feel free to send me a message! I'm on AVEN pretty often because I don't really have a life and talking to like minded people makes me happy. x) 

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I can't remember when I first heard about Asexuality precisely but I do remember that I sort of offhandedly considered that that could be me. At the time I was still convinced I was heterosexual, mistaking a combination of aesthetic attraction and general teenage horniness for sexual desire and lust. After all I had never experienced the real thing so how could I know any better? However, when I revisited the idea years later, after a failed sexual experience with a girl I really liked, I looked much deeper into the topic of Asexuality and examined how I truly felt. The comics and stories I found of asexuals who had found love had a profound impact on me. This was what I had wanted and felt without ever knowing it, being able to put it into words, or even realize it myself. I am not a particularly emotional person but the revelation that it was okay for me to pursue a relationship where sex wouldn't be a motivating factor nearly brought me to tears. This forum was a particularly comforting discovery because I found so much I could relate to expressed in a way I had never before encountered.

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On 8/14/2018 at 10:15 AM, amaceing-ace said:

And also, if there are other teenage aces here, how are you feeling about yourself and your ace-ness, since we're being told we're just late bloomers and that we can't know that we're ace unless we've had sex and that we're too young to know? It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts!

You should come to the Teen Corner! We're in the Asexual Musings and Rantings forum, and the other teens there are wonderful and so helpful.

 

 I know that I've been through similar bouts of self doubt, but I've eventually come to the conclusion that I should trust myself and if anything changes (which I don't think it will), it'll be okay. I found this link to be really helpful in that questioning, especially the "Maybe I’m Not Really Asexual Because I Have No Idea What Sexual Attraction Is So How Do I Know If I’m Feeling It Or Not" section-- that was me in a nutshell a few months ago. Here's the link: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/category/an-exploration-of-doubts/ 

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I’m 32 years old, never had sex, (been on a couple of dates though). I’ve realized now in the past few months that I’m probably asexual. I have no desire to have sex with someone, I’m against marriage as a practice, and kids are out of the question. I can't recall when I learned what asexual is, I've known of the term for a long time but till recently did I think about putting the term on myself. 

 

I’ve been wondering if my asexual tendency is because of my social anxiety or if my social anxiety is just me putting too much pressure on myself that any time someone wants to get close I get nervous. I love doing things with friends and family and if a guy (hell even a women) asked me out I don’t think I would say no, but I would be afraid to have that conversation of telling them its probably not going to go further. 

 

I have enough to keep me busy in life, hobbies, photography, travel, I don’t need a man or a women to make me happy and I’ve accepted that with no hesitation. I’m not anti-social but certainly I’m an introvert, at the end of the day I need alone time. I'm always signing up for volunteer work, classes, I like meeting new people actually, but when it comes to having a one-on-one imitate relationship, there is no desire or need for it. Although at this point in my life, would be nice to try and have a neutral "relationship" with someone based on interest but not have sex, if that’s possible.

 

I've had this nagging thought now while I write this, that the years I've struggled with social anxiety it was made worst because I didn't understand why I felt different around people. There was a period in my 20’s when I could not be around people, I had pretty bad depression, yet when I was alone I hated it. Now that I’m into my 30’s, I’m far more mature, I have gotten better with people, I’m more outgoing, I've seen a therapist for my anxiety issues, but the fact still is the same, I don’t want any personal intimacy with someone. 

 

After reading the many comments on this site tonight I’m wondering if all this time I’ve been to hard on myself as a person and maybe all the years of struggling was my way of not understanding what my problem was. I have to say even after writing all this I have a small stone lifted off my chest :)

 

I just wrote this off the top of my head so I may have to clarify some thoughts later, but would love to hear what others think! 

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