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I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!


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Kk the artist

 Thank you for the warm welcome  are there other  fellow Sparks and Reno asexuals on the chat rooms?

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On 11/8/2019 at 11:10 AM, Kk the artist said:

 Thank you for the warm welcome  are there other  fellow Sparks and Reno asexuals on the chat rooms?

Welcome to Aven! Have some digital cake! I don't know the answer to your question, but an online community is a good start. 

 

Image result for CAke

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Kk the artist

 Thank you for the warm welcome I meant was is there anyone from Reno or Sparks Nevada that are asexual 

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Hi everyone!

Just another person trying to figure stuff (life) out. Luckily I happen to love cake - so this should work out just fine. 😉

I always thought that there was something wrong with me - so it's (nice doesn't seem to cover it) to know that I'm not broken and not alone.

Soooo... Hi again!

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3 minutes ago, Idaho said:

Hi everyone!

Just another person trying to figure stuff (life) out. Luckily I happen to love cake - so this should work out just fine. 😉

I always thought that there was something wrong with me - so it's (nice doesn't seem to cover it) to know that I'm not broken and not alone.

Soooo... Hi again!

How about a sense of relief? That's how I felt when I found out about asexuality. I instantly identified as asexual as it WAS me.

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40 minutes ago, will123 said:

How about a sense of relief? That's how I felt when I found out about asexuality. I instantly identified as asexual as it WAS me.

Definitely relief but also excitement, liberation, and a buttload of other emotions.

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3 hours ago, Idaho said:

Definitely relief but also excitement, liberation, and a buttload of other emotions.

X2 especially on the liberation. I think that's why I feel compelled to discuss certain aspects of my life without hesitation.

 

 

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If you like cake, there is definitely nothing wrong with you.

 

My apologies for the vanishing act. October/November is insane for my family. I'm still recovering from the anxiety of it.

 

I see there are new members. I'm new too! And still quite happy to know this forum exists. It seems I should explore a bit more as I fear we're spamming this one thread? Or no? *lost*

 

Pleasure to meet the new folk! Heteroromantic Asexual Military Princess right here. Yeah. Got that? 😂

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I’m a little wary about posting on a forum but hi. I’m here. I never really had crushes on anyone in my years so I assumed I was gay. Once I got to college, my friends were shocked to find out I had never explored my own body and information about sex. I just never thought it was necessary. I never wanted a relationship or had any sexual desires. I just can’t wrap my head around the joys of sex. Once I discovered this community I was so pleased to discover that I fit  in after struggling for so long trying to discover my identity. I’m glad to have found this website and am excited to continue learning more about myself. 

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4 hours ago, calyo said:

I’m a little wary about posting on a forum but hi. I’m here. I never really had crushes on anyone in my years so I assumed I was gay. Once I got to college, my friends were shocked to find out I had never explored my own body and information about sex. I just never thought it was necessary. I never wanted a relationship or had any sexual desires. I just can’t wrap my head around the joys of sex. Once I discovered this community I was so pleased to discover that I fit  in after struggling for so long trying to discover my identity. I’m glad to have found this website and am excited to continue learning more about myself. 

Welcome to AVEN :) :cake:

 

When I found out about asexuality and AVEN it really helped me understand why I was the way I had been, not interested in sex with either gender.

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Heyo, I recently had a sort of self-discovery and realized I didn't need a partner to be happy. One thing lead to another and I found out why I don't really want the sexy time :)

Perhaps I can talk to some like-minded people and see if there's anything else to me that would be good to know. 

 

and is this for me or do i give it out? :cake:

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1 hour ago, TheTurtleMan said:

...is this for me or do i give it out? :cake:

:) Hi, and welcome. :cake:

 

Usually, members give new members cake, but sometimes, new members also like showing their appreciation by giving out cake on their first post, particularly if they've been reading the forums for a while, before signing up.

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Trading cakes is a big thing on here :D 

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20 hours ago, TheTurtleMan said:

Heyo, I recently had a sort of self-discovery and realized I didn't need a partner to be happy. One thing lead to another and I found out why I don't really want the sexy time :)

Perhaps I can talk to some like-minded people and see if there's anything else to me that would be good to know. 

 

and is this for me or do i give it out? :cake:

Welcome to AVEN! :) :cake: 

 

Finding out why you aren't interested in sex can be a big relief. I came across an article about asexuality (and AVEN) and it made perfect sense. It took a huge load off my shoulders. 

 

Spoiler

Losing my virginity was a big concern of mine at the time.

 

I readily identified as asexual and that concern was removed so to speak from my bucket list...

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camillasmycat

Haven't been around for a while. My first post was very tough to confess......

Also forgot to ask a question. I am an XXY guy so I think that is why I am the way I am and wonder if anyone else is and feel similar??

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On 11/19/2019 at 5:42 PM, camillasmycat said:

Haven't been around for a while. My first post was very tough to confess......

Also forgot to ask a question. I am an XXY guy so I think that is why I am the way I am and wonder if anyone else is and feel similar??

You have Klinefelter's?

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I might have written a lot of this in my intro post, but in a way it almost felt like a visceral click of something falling into place. A recognition. All of a sudden I realized I wasn't broken, I wasn't less than, I wasn't failing as a human - all of the things I thought were faults were 100% explainable and more than that, okay.

 

I felt this pure, giddy relief. I remember sitting on the bus and wondering why I was crying, because I wasn't sad at all, just so happy to finally have figured it out. For the first time I felt empowered and proud, rather than ashamed, of my sexual history (or rather, lack thereof). I think it was the first time as an adult that I felt fully at home with myself.

 

It was also a huge relief and a sense of affirmation to come to these forums and realize that so many other people are in the same place in their lives. Knowing that I'm not alone in all of this is so affirming.

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I really wish I was able to have that "click" moment so many people seem to be having, or that moment of relief. It was really easy for me to be in a place where I told everyone that I am not interested in looking for intimacy/a relationship, and that maintaining my friendships is more important to me. That's it. But once I started thinking about asexuality and realizing that this label might be me, everything started be a lot more confusing, and it seems like I can't seem to understand what feels right.

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On 12/2/2012 at 7:45 PM, thylacine said:

Re: "At 50, I still don't know who I am. I'm still not sure what I truly like to do or what I feel obligated to do. That used to just apply to sex but now it's bled over into all facets of my life, why I don't know."

I think society does a lot of damage to people because of our culture's expectations of who and what we are supposed to be. People spend their whole lives thinking that something is "wrong" with them, and try so hard to "fit in," to appear normal, when really, it's society that is all mixed up.

Society is the culprit as usual. It is so very important for people like us to fight and resist society and just be ourselves. The tide is slowing turning and it is people like us who are causing that and making a difference. Let's just keep that mojo going and in the end we will come off victorious. 

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On 11/25/2019 at 12:53 PM, Catpaws said:

I might have written a lot of this in my intro post, but in a way it almost felt like a visceral click of something falling into place. A recognition. All of a sudden I realized I wasn't broken, I wasn't less than, I wasn't failing as a human - all of the things I thought were faults were 100% explainable and more than that, okay.

 

I felt this pure, giddy relief. I remember sitting on the bus and wondering why I was crying, because I wasn't sad at all, just so happy to finally have figured it out. For the first time I felt empowered and proud, rather than ashamed, of my sexual history (or rather, lack thereof). I think it was the first time as an adult that I felt fully at home with myself.

 

It was also a huge relief and a sense of affirmation to come to these forums and realize that so many other people are in the same place in their lives. Knowing that I'm not alone in all of this is so affirming.

That is such a great way to put it how you felt being asexual! :)

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11 hours ago, will123 said:

That is such a great way to put it how you felt being asexual! :)

Aw, thank you! :D ❤️  🍰

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4 hours ago, Catpaws said:

Aw, thank you! :D ❤️  🍰

You're welcome. When I found out about asexuality at age 44 (and promptly identifying as asexual) it was such a relief!!!

 

(more to follow)

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When i was in 8th grade, I was telling one of my friends how I felt about this guy I had a crush on. She said that i'm probably asexual because I said I wasn't sexually attracted to him or anyone else. I didn't know what that meant and went on with my life. 2 years later, i'm a highscool sophomore that's just coming to terms with being Ace. I'm just glad that I now know there are others like me😊

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Kk the artist

 Hello again Thanksgiving was wonderful but very busy .  Always know that I was different from other people when I was growing up   Felt different such a sex  wasn’t interesting to me but more romantic stuff was 

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@Kk the artist Hi, and welcome! :cake:

 

:) I saw your posts in this thread, looking for others in your area. Just to let you know, AVEN has a Meet-Up Mart Forum. Through AVEN's search box, I found at least one, recent thread from others in Reno, Nevada.

 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/187366-any-ace-in-reno-nevada/?tab=comments#comment-1063405650

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On 11/27/2019 at 5:24 PM, swinter said:

I really wish I was able to have that "click" moment so many people seem to be having, or that moment of relief. It was really easy for me to be in a place where I told everyone that I am not interested in looking for intimacy/a relationship, and that maintaining my friendships is more important to me. That's it. But once I started thinking about asexuality and realizing that this label might be me, everything started be a lot more confusing, and it seems like I can't seem to understand what feels right.

To be honest, at least for me, the epiphany came because I'd managed to not notice all of the (rather obvious) signs for years. And years. I would also tell people I wasn't interested or hadn't found anyone, but it felt vaguely like I was at fault somehow and I spent a lot of time blaming myself. I'm honestly kicking myself a little for taking so long to realize what asexuality even was.

 

If it's any consolation, I'm also still very confused about exactly how to describe myself, and what it means. Every time I read the forums I start questioning the specifics again, but I do hold to the asexuality as a surety - even if all of the details of it get more confusing every day. Even those of us who sound like we've figured it all out may not have. Or it may change over time, who knows. In any event, please don't worry about the click thing - it might just mean you're more in tune with your own self and didn't need a click!

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On 11/27/2019 at 8:24 PM, swinter said:

I really wish I was able to have that "click" moment so many people seem to be having, or that moment of relief. It was really easy for me to be in a place where I told everyone that I am not interested in looking for intimacy/a relationship, and that maintaining my friendships is more important to me. That's it. But once I started thinking about asexuality and realizing that this label might be me, everything started be a lot more confusing, and it seems like I can't seem to understand what feels right.

I think how a person reacts to finding out about asexuality (and how they react to it or how it applies to themselves) varies just like everything else about ourselves. Some of us are sex positive, others not. Some folks are touch adverse, some like to cuddle. There are those of us that are aro, while there are romantics among us. 

Spoiler

Some of us enjoy masturbating...

You get the picture LOL

 

To expand on my awakening or 'epiphany', I was quite happy/content to find out about asexuality and immediately identified as asexual. That being said even though I had visited AVEN, I didn't feel the need (at the time to join). I wouldn't read too much into it that you didn't have an "A ha!" moment. 

 

To me the feeling was that I didn't feel that I was compelled to have sexual relations with a person, to be 'normal'. I guess you could say it's emotional, but in a good way (at least for me it was). I could go on, but suffice to say, it's hard to describe.

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