In Love With An Asexual?

[The Wanderer]

I am here looking for answers to a situation that I am currently facing in my own life.

On a personal level, I identify as a sexual human being. Lately, however, I have found that I am head-over-heels in love with someone who I am very close with. She identifies as asexual, although she does have romantic attractions to people of both genders.

I am open-minded about her sexual orientation, and she is very open and honest about it with me. Through conversations that we have had, I know that she has no sexual attraction to people and she feels as though this somehow ruins her chances of ever having a successful relationship.

Here's the thing, though: I am in love with her. I would like to have a relationship with her. Although I do not identify as asexual, I do not feel as though sex is something that matters to me. I have always valued love over sex, and I would give up sex for the rest of my life if it meant having a chance at true love. My connection to her is emotional, not physical. Her personality matters more than anything to me.

This situation has brought a few questions to mind, and I figured that AVEN may be the best place to find answers.

So I guess what I want to know is this:

1.) How do I let her know that I am interested in her for emotional reasons and not for physical reasons?

2.) In your experience, can relationships between asexuals and sexuals be successful?

3.) Is there anything that I may need to know about the asexual community in general? I try to be as open-minded about sexuality (and gender identity, for that matter) as possible, and I would not want to come off as uneducated or ignorant.

If I have said anything offensive or incorrect in this post, please feel free to correct or educate me. I am still new to all of this, and I certainly would not want to offend anyone.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate any input that I may get.

[Frigid Pink]

Hi Wanderer!

Welcome to AVEN!

1) Tell her just like you told us here.

2) Yes, with good communication and compromise, however, that's true for any relationship, regardless of sexual orientation.

3) Since people who identify as "asexual" are just as diverse as people who identify as "sexual," I suggest talking to her about who she is and what her preferences are.

[jojo2003]

Hello Wanderer and welcome,

You will notice there are quite a lot of sexual partners of asexuals active on this part of the forum. I am one of them and have had much use of the "tips and tricks" in this forum ;). To get to your questions first.

So I guess what I want to know is this:

1.) How do I let her know that I am interested in her for emotional reasons and not for physical reasons?

2.) In your experience, can relationships between asexuals and sexuals be successful?

3.) Is there anything that I may need to know about the asexual community in general? I try to be as open-minded about sexuality (and gender identity, for that matter) as possible, and I would not want to come off as uneducated or ignorant.

1) It seems she is very open about her asexuality. This means that you can be as well in my opinion. Even in relationships between two sexual partners I think it is a healthy start to be interested in someone for emotional reasons and not physical. In a "combined" relationship it is of more importance to stress more often where the borders of the physical are.

2) We have been building at such a relationship now for almost 16 years. So, yeah, I assume it can work. That does not mean that it is easy, but most of the time I tend to think that every relationship has it's own problems and ours is mainly at this limited part. Sometimes it is difficult to overcome the differences, but when there is enough to go forward for, please do I would say.

3) As you read through the post, I think you will discover as I have, there is no general asexual community. But if you want a general tip, talk to your ladyfriend. Let her know what your needs are and try to work out what her needs are. A combined relationship is one of compromises. (but isn't every relationship?).

If I have said anything offensive or incorrect in this post, please feel free to correct or educate me. I am still new to all of this, and I certainly would not want to offend anyone.

I have been there and done that as well. Of course we all don't want to offend, but sometimes miscommunications occur, even on this forum. Don't worry about it. I have said sorry a few times already :redface: :D