Beginning a Relationship?

[WeekendWarrior]

Hi there! As you may be able to tell, I'm new here. I've been visiting this site a lot lately as an interested ally in Asexuality, but (regrettably) I still have a lot to learn. Before getting down to the issue, I'd like to compliment this place on its ability to be thorough and the fact that it’s… just… awesome.

Okay! Moving on. I'm not sure how active these forums are, or if anyone will be able to help me, but I've run into an issue. I've known this kid at my school since last year, and I've been taking to him a lot more lately. We share interests and we laugh a lot together and we understand each other and blah, blah, blah. I'm sure you've heard it all before. I realized yesterday that I may actually like a relationship with this boy. Given how we get along, I didn’t think it would be too much of a jump to think he liked me too. Maybe.

Because it isn’t always safe to assume, I tried looking into his sexuality today and discovered that he identifies as asexual.

In the past, I’ve seen people try to pursue him before, and he told me he was very uncomfortable with relationships like that. Thing is, the girl that was after him is overly clingy and touchy and almost constantly invades his personal space, and I know he doesn’t like it. I figured he was referring to relationships with people like that. Now I’m worried.

Long story short, here’s my question: I know there are different types of asexuality and such, but… would there be any good way of approaching him on the subject? I’ve never had a relationship before, to be honest, and I’m certainly not looking for anything sexual. How should I ask if he’s looking for any kind of non-sexual relationship? And what about his preferred gender, if he has one? If I even get that far, what kind of things should we discuss to understand just what we need/want from each other? (But that’s ONLY if I make it to that point!!)

I’m prepared to step off if necessary, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable at ALL, but I’m genuinely ready to learn as much as I can and make an attempt (if possible). I’d just like to know where to begin. Thank you all in advance!

[Ecco]

Hello! To me the best thing to do is to just be upfront about it. Let him know you wish to pursue something further and just be clear in what you want. That way it causes no awkwardness or confusion and then if he lets you know he is not interested in any sort of relationship you can just stay friends and avoid the anxiety of not knowing. Or if he agrees to give it a go then you both can work out what each of you is looking for and can avoid any problems that commonly occur with a lack of communication.

I know not everyone feels comfortable with the blunt approach but it has worked well for me and so I hope it may help things work out for others.