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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

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MarieAntoinette

Edited: Never mind, after experimenting these past months with romance I have come to the conclusion that I am not heteromantic nor homoromantic, I am 100% VERY VERY aromantic :lol: Just wanted to edit this to let yall know :cake: experimenting is sometimes necessary and now i know for sure!

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TheOannal

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

Are you yet not sure?

Have you come out of the closet as any of both?

1. I am indeed Asexual/Homoromantic.

2. Well, the process of my discovering that I liked the same sex around 5 years ago. I liked Men. I can't really describe how I felt back then. I fantasized a lot about romantic encounters with other guys, so that was obviously a big hint. I never really felt normal either. I mean that in, I didn't like to think about sex with guys. I didn't really even like to think about sex at all. Keep in mind that I was 16 back then. A 16 year old Male typically is all over that stuff. I didn't get it. A few weeks later, I started researching on the matter. I found Reddit's /r/asexuality subreddit, and from there I learnt about AVEN. I made an account on AVEN, but I lost the password when I was 19. I took a lot of time learning about Asexuality, and I just thought that this had matched me perfectly. Ta Dah.

3. I had told my friends about my love for guys late after discovering it. They were cool enough to accept that. I've told no-one about my Asexuality.

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starlings
I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

As you guys probably figured out, I had a much easier time accepting I was asexual than I did accepting that I was biromantic (or whatever word you want to use for it - ambiromantic?). I was harassed so much during high school for not being conventionally feminine that I think I closeted myself pretty hard - it was falling for my friend S that made me finally admit to it. I just didn't want to admit that they were right, or that something was so massively different about myself, even though nothing had really changed - I'd always been this way, I was just too stubborn to admit it.

(Btw - hi! I'm new!)

This is me all over. It was really easy to accept that I was asexual. When I found out that it was actually a thing, it fit so well that I just burst into tears of relief. I identify as...panromantic? I think? I have felt things for guys, but it tends to be much more common for me to have a squish/romantic feelings for women. About 90/10. I fought against it for years, and it's only be in the last few years that I've felt comfortable in that. I first felt something for my female friends (also an S! :) ) when I was about fifteen. I remember her brushing my hair away from my neck and I just felt something incredible, like a star bursting underneath my skin. It wasn't remotely sexual, I don't think... but it made me realise I felt things for her, and it freaked me out so badly I repressed it for years. I think it must have been the social stigma that made me do that, even though I live in a pretty liberal place.

As for the bi-girl thing everyone's talking about... Personally, I really get annoyed at the attitude to bi girls. I've been on the bad end of it enough. A former colleague, on finding out that I'd just got a new girlfriend (which was my coming-out at work) was relentless with stuff like 'but which sex do you really like better? No one is really bi' and 'don't worry, I still think you have a soul' and 'god, you must be greedy'. I also had a relative asking me 'do you ever think you'll go straight again?' AAAARGH! Unfortunately I also have a 'fake-bi' sister. We all thought she was bi for years, and supported her enthusiastically, but she then admitted she'd just been doing it to get attention from men in public. That's not to say that I don't believe in people being confused, of sexually fluid. I genuinely do. I just find the culture of pretending to be bi for the sexual gratification of others/to look more interesting really grating. I've been told to loosen up before, and have wondered if I've been overreacting, but spreading a misinforming stereotype of what some people really go through, to the effect that it changes how they've widely perceived and treated - I think that's genuinely harmful.

Whew! Rant over!

Like many others here, I also don't like the term 'lesbian'. I think it's many the societal implications that go along with it...people seem to expect a certain image or personality from it. I've heard so many people associate it with the 'butch' or 'dyke' image with the attendant behaviors - not that there's anything wrong with that, but there are so many people of homoromantic or -sexual orientation who don't fit under that label. I've been told I'm 'too nice' to be queer. Also I've had people try to set me up with people with people sheerly because 'she's a dyke too!' or dismiss the fact that I might be interested in someone because 'oh, she's queer too, but she's (the opposite of how I present) so you wouldn't like her'. People seem to assume so much when they see that label - sometimes they even seem to think it's ok to discuss your sex habits or ask other really personal questions! Labels can be useful but personally I just find them very constricting.

Ok, rant over NOW! ;)

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AshenPhoenix

Pinning this :)

AshenPhoenix, Romantic and Aromantic orientations moderator

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Kanenas

Well, since you put it that way.

Heeeeeeey, ladies ;) Hey, hey, heeeeeeeeey :wub:

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AshenPhoenix

Also:

** Nervously pokes head in **

I'm biromantic, but I'm in a homoromantic relationship so I'd like to count myself in :P

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AshenPhoenix

Does the poking of the thread.

I was thinking maybe we could do some questions or something like that for others to try and keep the thread alive (like they do in the transwhatevers thread and such over in gender discussion)

However, I'm horrible at that so I'll just go ahead and insert a generic question here

What's your "newest craze" hobby right now, as in, what kind of shows are you watching, any new activities you're doing, etc.

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ithaca

To all of the lesbian aces, do you remember your first kiss with a girl? Would you share the story?

Also, though I may have already asked this and forgot, do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

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Stained Glass

Intruder here :0!

I identify as panromantic but first went by asexual. For me, romantic emotiions were just so rare, It took me awhile to realize my romantic orientation ^_^

When I'm asked i say Panromantic ace to my sexuality-educated friends.

but I may just say bi to the normal person because I get shy explaining things like pan and ace :redface:

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Kanenas

do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

Both in equal measures, inseparably. But my romantic attractions and feelings occupy my mind more than my non-existant sexual ones ;) I would say that my lesbian identity is one of introversion and extroversion, while my asexual one is more of an introversive one. It starts to occupy my mind a lot more when confronted with the sexuality of others. Within LGBT I do feel very strongly as asexual. But we all know why that is.

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Per Aspera Ad Astra

I identify as bi/panromantic, even though I believe romantic attraction is so much more than that. I believe we fall in love with someone for who they are as a person, and their sex or gender has got nothing to do with the feelings we develop. At least, that's what happens for me. I still find myself to be more attracted to women, or I find it easier to imagine myself in a homoromantic relationship rather than a heteroromantic relationship. I think it has to do with the fact that most women are more in touch with their feelings than men are, and that is definitely something that appeals to me. But it will have nothing to do with the fact that they are female, just the fact that they are sensitive. I could as easily fall in love with a sensitive man.

It took me a while to realize my romantic attraction. At first, I thought I was just heterosexual/heteroromantic. Then I realized I could easily see myself being in a relationship with a women. So I labelled as bisexual/biromantic. Then I realized I was asexual. Then I realized that sexual attraction and romantic attraction were two very different things. Then I realized I didn't care for the gender of the person I would fall in love with, so as long as they would be kind and good persons. So I decided to label myself as panromantic (with a slight tendency towards the homorantic side of the spectrum).

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TheLandsBeyond

I identify as panromantic. I've only ever been in a hetero relationship, but I'm now lithromantic towards men. I can't deny the fact that I do still have occasional feelings for males, but I can't see myself being in a relationship with anyone other than females (or possibly genderqueer people) for a long time.

Depending on the context, I'll either say I'm asexual or pan- (without specification of romantic or sexual). I discovered my attraction towards girls before my asexuality. Here's a brief summary, if you're interested:

My first crush was a girl, if I look back to when I was about 7. I thought she was insanely beautiful, and I knew at first sight that I needed to be friends with her. A couple months later, I told my mom that I had a crush on her, and she laughed at me. So I went on repressing any non-hetero feelings until high school, believing I was straight. Then, when I was 15, I developed such strong feelings for another girl that I couldn't ignore them, so I explored them and realized that I found the idea of having sex with her repulsive. On a whim, I typed the term 'Biromantic' into Google and discovered that other people had also separated their romantic orientation from their sexual orientation, though most of them were asexual, which I didn't even consider for myself. So, for months, I identified as biromantic heterosexual. I only told one person - my best friend - about how I was attracted to girls, and even that was so coy that I don't know if she caught on. Anyway, about two years ago, I started rethinking my labels, trying to decide if I was asexual. I browsed through AVEN without making an account and then realized that I was definitely somewhere on the spectrum. I was so afraid of being wrong about it that I didn't come out to anyone for some months, at which point I decided that I didn't care if I turned out not to be asexual and that it wasn't anyone else's business. I'm still not 'out' to my family, but I'll mention it casually in conversations with friends, so a decent number of people know at least one part of my orientation.

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cdrdash

To all of the lesbian aces, do you remember your first kiss with a girl? Would you share the story?

Also, though I may have already asked this and forgot, do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

I do remember my first kiss with a girl. It was before I figured out I was asexual but after I had come out as a lesbian. I didn't really want to kiss but we were sort of in that stage of our relationship where it was time to kiss. So we kissed. I found the kiss to be "meh" but I didn't tell my girl friend. I kept kissing her hoping that I would start to enjoy the kissing. I never enjoyed it. It became just a way to show my love rather than something I wanted to do because I enjoyed it.

I ID as an asexual lesbian or homo-romantic asexual. In the lesbian social world I only come out to others as asexual if the subject comes up naturally or if someone seems interested in a potential relationship with me. On the other hand in the asexual community I'm very open about being homo-romantic.

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ghoul

So I know for sure that my gender is female, and that my sexual orientation most probably is greysexual.. But I feel my romantic and aesthetic orientation might be a bit here and there.. But I feel I might be about to discover that I might be what this thread describes? I rarely find men attractive, and I just find women to be really, really attractive. Sometimes I feel I can easily call myself a lesbian, well grey-lesbian. I suppose only time will tell, though, maybe I'll find the right man, or maybe I'll figure out how attracted I actually am to men. I like to keep an open mind, after all, I have identified as bi and pan most of my life, since I was 10, maybe, and only recently concluded that men might not be my cup of tea, and therefore I stopped saying I am pan, but if I am homo or just bi with a great preference, not sure... Haha.

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AwkwardAntelope

To most people I identify as a lesbian (to many people, I just say I am a "huge homo"), even though I hate the word and I am not indeed, a lesbian. I have a preference for women or agender folks. I can't quite explain it well, but my first few relationships were with men and I just did not enjoy them. Even disregarding the blatant objective of sex, I just didn't seem to click with men. Then I had my first relationship with a woman and oh my goodness. It was like night and day. I actually enjoyed being in a relationship! I just tend to click with women or non-gendered individuals moreso than dudes.

It is just easier for my own sanity to say I'm a lesbian to the uneducated. I could say I was straight but people would take one look at me and not believe me haha.

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Kanenas

Antelope, you have made different experiences and saw for yourself how you felt with them. If you are attracted to women in one way or another, there is absolutely no wrong in calling yourself a lesbian. Only if you want to, of course. I'm asexual and always have called myself lesbian. Nothing could change my affirmative feelings for that term.

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Ko.

To all of the lesbian aces, do you remember your first kiss with a girl? Would you share the story?

Also, though I may have already asked this and forgot, do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

I don't really think of myself as asexual, which is partly why it's taken so effing long for me to start posting on these boards lol. Being a lesbian is something I can grasp; I like women, I think they're emotionally beautiful and I do have an attraction to some. Being asexual seems like defining myself by something I'm not though; like saying I'm anti-summer when really I just love snow.

I kissed my first girl on the playground when I was 9. We might have been pretending to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or possibly Thundercats... or maybe just on a secret treasure island somewhere, but in the process of this game we kissed. I'm sure it was an incredibly romantic scene. I don't really remember though. What I do recall is it got us a lot of attention from everyone else on the playground, so she kissed me again... and again... and while I saw our whole live helixing out to adventures where we lived together alone in the forest and rode horses and shot arrows, she apparently just did it for the brief, fickle fame of kissing another girl. Facebook told me she got married to a guy recently. A part of my heart still stings. :mellow:

I've only really come out as asexual to my best friend, who's also my ex (urgh, cliche lesbian, I know). I imagine telling most people I don't like sex is akin to saying I dislike the ground and want nothing further to do with it, but really I doubt most of my friends would care. I do identify primarily as lesbian though.

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Cimmerian

To all of the lesbian aces, do you remember your first kiss with a girl? Would you share the story?

Also, though I may have already asked this and forgot, do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

I've been meaning to check this thread for months and keep missing/forgetting to!

I primarily identify as asexual when dealing with AVEN groups but I typically identify as bisexual in LGBT groups, although I did break that "rule" not too long ago and am still deciding if it was a good idea. Socially I'm more likely to just say bisexual overall when asked since I'm more interested in a romantic relationship than people understanding my sexual orientation-- I won't address the asexual portion unless it becomes relevant or somehow sex comes up directly. When I think of myself I vary between which one I primarily identify with, but I think I identify by my romantic orientation a bit more because that's what my initial attraction is through and most relevant to starting relationships. Of course if sex has been a focal point that day I identify more closely with the asexual part... :wacko:

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Cimmerian
I've only really come out as asexual to my best friend, who's also my ex (urgh, cliche lesbian, I know). I imagine telling most people I don't like sex is akin to saying I dislike the ground and want nothing further to do with it, but really I doubt most of my friends would care. I do identify primarily as lesbian though.

That's cliche? XD Good to know! Here I thought it was a bit strange that I consider my ex a good friend.

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dunhauren

hello, people. i have two inoccent questions that have been in my head some time ago. (i also would like to add that i might be lesbian, maybe im aromantic and i have some other doubts other that the small ones i have but i dont feel confident enought to ask them. those could tell me more about myself. that, i leave it till i feel more confident to ask them here if i feel i can; i just wanted to say that)

so lets begin with the questions, both i dont get them. (maybe soon i will ask the other important questions): ive watched some tv shows and i dont know why, theres a cliche of the dj girl thats lesbian, like if its a girl, she is lesbian or bi. those shows i mean tend to be around lesbians (at least the ones i remember). its curious theres are no straight dj girls

the second one, ive heard theres a relation between tumblr and lesbians, like thats a thing a lot of lesbians have, or so ive heard. i have tumblr, but i dont see the relation between lesbians and tumblr

thank you for the answers. please dont get me wrong if any of what i wrote sounds bad

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Danni_B

Before I discovered that I am asexual, I thought I was a lesbian because I'm attracted to women more than men. I've only ever been with 1 person in a sexual way and she is my most recent ex. I didn't want sex, only to cuddle, kiss and hold hands but I did it to make her happy (which didn't last in the long run as she called me frigid, unloving etc.) I'm actually a very loving person and am always showing affection through hugs but seed doors nothing for me; watching it, doing it, talking about it doesn't turn me on. I think I would class myself as an asexual female who's interested in a romantic but not sexual relationship with another woman :-)

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Worry! At the Theatre

I came out as bisexual at age twelve. Something like that anyway. It was a big deal back then, the entire Midwest exploded in shock, but people gradually got used to it and I lived through middle school and high school without killing myself or being bullied too much. It surprises me to read about all this bullying today's youth experience, because I did go through that to some extent in middle school, but I was lucky enough that it sort of resolved itself once I switched up my friend group. I also feel that now that youth are allowed to use Facebook (in my day you had to be in college to register) it opens the door to a lot more bullying. But then if it wasn't Facebook, it'd be Myspace or some other thing.

ANYWAY (sorry, rambling) I came out as bisexual at twelve. In college I pretty much only dated men... ironically it was always a long-distance relationship. I suspect the subconscious reason for it was that in a long-distance relationship, sex would only come up once every couple of months, leaving me free the rest of the time to focus on academics and work and all the gay culture / women's studies things that happen in college. I didn't feel much disconnect from the GLBT group with regards to my straight relationship, to me it was like I was culturally queer but in practice I was with a man at that time. However I wasn't actually physically attracted to him, nor was I attracted to a majority of the men I was "with", but it was a good way to pass the time and I wasn't entirely anti-penetration.

Details! Woof. I had a few girlfriends, but it was just like... kissing and that sort of thing, no sex. I felt like a poser dyke for a while because of it and figured since I wasn't ever going to please a woman or find one that shared my distaste for sex, it was easier to be with men.

Now I'm single and since I can do whatever I want now I decided I'm just going to say "yolo" and find a nice asexual dyke to raise hell with until we settle down or whatever.

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xSkylar

I've only dated men but the strange thing is, I can't think about going anywhere further than kissing them. With women... Well that's a different story. I've never been with one though, so I'm not sure if it's just pure curiosity or something else.

The sad part is, I don't think I'll ever have an experience dating a woman because I don't want to come out as 'gay' or whatever because in my world it's gonna wreak havoc around me, and I know that my relatives will treat me differently (upon having seen that reaction to another family member). So yeah, being in the closet and having an interest in the same gender kind of sucks because it's like being highly allergic to chocolate and freaking LOVING chocolate. Ugh.

On another note, This thread is awesome!

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Bronte

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Cimmerian

Details! Woof. I had a few girlfriends, but it was just like... kissing and that sort of thing, no sex. I felt like a poser dyke for a while because of it and figured since I wasn't ever going to please a woman or find one that shared my distaste for sex, it was easier to be with men.

Now I'm single and since I can do whatever I want now I decided I'm just going to say "yolo" and find a nice asexual dyke to raise hell with until we settle down or whatever.

That's interesting because I'm the opposite! I'm bi but I always figured it'd be easier to find a female partner who would be okay with my distaste for sex, or at least who would be okay with my personal limits regarding it, than a male partner.

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9Lives

For the last few years, I have been trying to convince myself of the fact that I'm a lesbian, or at the very least primarily attracted to girls. But now I'm not so sure anymore. Looking back, I find that I never truly wanted to have sex with any of the girls I dated, had crushes on or was in love with (funnily enough, I also find that I never dated a girl I was in love with... coincidence?). Same with guys, though. I had a few crushes and dated two boys. I thought I wasn't that into them because I preferred girls. Now I'm not so sure anymore.

I still like girls. Of that, at least I'm sure. Women are lovely, fascinating creatures. I'm just not sure if I'll ever want to have sex with one of them.

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kiaroskuro
That's interesting because I'm the opposite! I'm bi but I always figured it'd be easier to find a female partner who would be okay with my distaste for sex, or at least who would be okay with my personal limits regarding it, than a male partner.

Same here. I think I'd also be more willing to compromise with a female partner, whereas sex with a male partner is completely out of the question.

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Kanenas

Oh my. We do need an asexy lesbian bar. We do! And in typical dyke manner, we shall start building it ourselves from scratch!

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Dreamsofemerald

To all of the lesbian aces, do you remember your first kiss with a girl? Would you share the story?

Also, though I may have already asked this and forgot, do you identify primarily as lesbian/gay, or as asexual? I mean both in social circles, and/or when asked, etc. AND when you think about yourself.

Well I've only just recently made peace with my grey asexuality (I say gray because I have had sex in past relationships but a lot of that time I didn't enjoy it/want to or initiate it.)

My first lesbian kiss was actually spin the bottle haha but I didn't have a proper one till I fell in love with my best friend when I was 17!!

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Dreamsofemerald

I want to be prt of this bar! I may just end up the local drunk though haha

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