Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

[A User]

I swear I've been fantasizing mlm relationships yet I basically look nothing like a man-

 

Women are weird to go into relations with. ew (no offense to women out there, yall are great!)

Being friends with women is fine, just not dating.

 

I could be counted as straight, but i feel like I'd want a man to view me as a masc figure rather than a girly girl

I can picture myself kissing a man, when I look like one

[VeryAsexyIndeed]

Ive always been jealous of gay girls because they got to date women lmao, and I thought I was straight before, ew. 

[VeryAsexyIndeed]

If you were confused about some of these, here’s the true meaning of them:

Spoiler

You’re welcome

[MinnieMouse]

Hi everyone! 
I'm 34 and I found out that I was into girls when I was in middle school. I've never doubted my romantic orientation and I came out to my family when I was 16. Or well, I didn't actually came out... I was outed by my younger sister. 😫 The little bastard had read my diary on a regular basis for about a month or so, and one day she simply told our mum that I was a lesbian. My mum asked my sister how she knew, and she basically told mum that she had read it in my diary. 😹 My mum got angry – not on me being attracted to girls but on my sister for reading my diary. I was completely accepted by my family, but when I started exploring the LGBTQ+ world I got the impression that it was a lot about sex. I didn't feel comfortable with that and I didn't know why until I started to suspect I was asexual. I never felt sexual attraction; thinking about that kind of physical intimacy did even make me feel disgusted. At first I thought it was just a matter of maturity, but now I'm 34 and I've still never felt sexual attraction and thinking of sex, or seeing sex scenes in movies, does still makes me feel disgusted. I'm now about 98% sure I'm asexual, but I yet haven't told anyone except other aces online.

[Floris]

On 8/29/2012 at 1:53 PM, Suzie-Q said:

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

 

I consider myself biromantic, since I was in a long marriage wirh a man, but now, I'm mainly interested in women.

How was it the process of discovering it?

I just realized one day that I am looking at girls on the street, thinking how beautiful they are. 😆

I 

On 8/29/2012 at 1:53 PM, Suzie-Q said:

 

Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

 

First I discovered that I like girls, but not so much in a sexual way. It took me many years to figure that I am asexual, since I was married, and didn' t know back then that asexuality existed for real. I thought all people are sexual, just some of us have slow libido.
Are you yet not sure?

I am sure.

 

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

No.

 

[Intrepidus]

I find men aesthetically attractive (on rare occasion), but I have only ever had emotional romantic feelings for women. I get initial "honeymoon" phase feelings of a romantic narrative I've created in my head, in which I've associated with a man's face, but when it comes down to actually getting to know him, that spark isn't there. I've always wondered if it was heteronormativity, that I just like the idea of falling for a guy from seeing it represented as the norm all of my life. Initially I never wanted a romantic relationship, but I was brought up religious and put marriage on a pedestal as a covenant I had to fulfill for God. Family values mattered a lot to me, that I was willing to make the "sacrifice" of learning how to be with a man. I put on a performance on a day-to-day basis, and I thought all women went through this. Whew lad.

 

I had very lesbian cues when young... I actually thought men were disgusting and I couldn't fathom why women, all of whom I thought were pretty in their own way, would be with balding, grease stained polo shirt, mansplaining, cheetodust fingers. I knew from a young age sexuality wasn't a choice despite my religious homophobic upbringing, LMAO. 

[Joy_chiqui]

Any "late-blooming" demi-romantics out there? Is that a thing?
 

I'm in my late 30s. I've more-or-less known that I was asexual since my half-hearted attempts in college to "awaken" my libido failed. Thanks to various lucky circumstances (including a lack of romantic feelings), I haven't thought much about my single-ness or had to defend it to others since college. But I ran across 2 audiobooks about asexuality this month. My first reaction was "Oh hey! There are others??" But now I'm getting more muddled...
 

Before learning about other people's asexual experiences, I thought of myself as "not heterosexual" and "not homosexual". From these labels, I concluded that I would always be single, alone, and fine with it. Until recently, I HAVE been single, alone, and fine with it. But at the same time, I have always had one really close female Best Friend (BF) - but they were always unequal relationships. The other woman was always heterosexual, and her loyalties were always divided between her male "significant other" and her other female friends, and me. And now my current Best Friendship is in trouble, I'm not "fine" with being single anymore. I'm tired of not being "my person" to someone else the way she is to me. I'm lonely, and I'm worried that I'll always be lonely.

 

As I think about my current desire to have a more-than-friends relationship, and as I learn that romantic and sexual attraction aren't the same things ... I wish that I could have romantic feelings for another woman. I don't think I've ever had romantic feelings for someone before, but I always assumed that I was an asexual heterosexual (ha!) ... so I never considered my Best Friends in a romantic way. And since they were heterosexual and I thought that I was too, we were never tried to be snuggly or anything. I assume that romantic asexuals have involuntary romantic feelings (they don't have to "give themselves permission"), so I suppose the fact that I never gave myself permission to have romantic feelings towards another woman is beside the point. I'm not romantic.

But maybe I'm demi-romantic? Maybe the romantic feelings would develop from the emotional bond, now that I'm open to the idea of it? Physical touch (even hugging) with other people is normally outside my comfort zone... but I love to snuggle with and touch my dogs. And for the first time in my life, I am starting to like the idea of being able to snuggle and touch another woman... as long as I know that there isn't going to be any pressure for sex.

 

I don't know what my question is, exactly. I want to be demi-romantic because being aromantic seems very lonely. At least, it has been for me.

[aneczyk]

On 4/12/2021 at 10:43 AM, A User said:

I swear I've been fantasizing mlm relationships yet I basically look nothing like a man-

 

Women are weird to go into relations with. ew (no offense to women out there, yall are great!)

Being friends with women is fine, just not dating.

 

I could be counted as straight, but i feel like I'd want a man to view me as a masc figure rather than a girly girl

I can picture myself kissing a man, when I look like one

Have you considered you might be gay and transmasc?

[A User]

23 hours ago, aneczyk said:

Have you considered you might be gay and transmasc?

maybe, maybe not

it's been about three months or something

I've gotten about half of it sorted

[aneczyk]

So I'm new to the lesbian thread! I am only tentatively identifying as a nonbinary femme lesbian right now and could be counted as gray spec considering I'm pretty content on my own a lot of the time and am just not very sexual, though I don't really identify with that because I'm tired of being put last in the aspec community and I consider myself a lesbian first.

 

I don't use the term homoromantic, and I actually started identifying as bi first before flipping back and forth between lesbian and bi labels and at times also aspec labels, and eventually realizing I actually don't really have any interest in being with men irl, that the majority of the small amount of attraction I do have to men is caused by comphet and trauma, and that I don't have to use the split attraction model if I don't want to. I don't want to lead people to think that lesbians can be with men if I turn out to actually be bi so right now I'm just telling people I'm gay or sapphic.

[Thujaplicata]

On 6/26/2021 at 3:31 PM, Joy_chiqui said:

Any "late-blooming" demi-romantics out there? Is that a thing?
 

I'm in my late 30s. I've more-or-less known that I was asexual since my half-hearted attempts in college to "awaken" my libido failed. Thanks to various lucky circumstances (including a lack of romantic feelings), I haven't thought much about my single-ness or had to defend it to others since college. But I ran across 2 audiobooks about asexuality this month. My first reaction was "Oh hey! There are others??" But now I'm getting more muddled...
 

Before learning about other people's asexual experiences, I thought of myself as "not heterosexual" and "not homosexual". From these labels, I concluded that I would always be single, alone, and fine with it. Until recently, I HAVE been single, alone, and fine with it. But at the same time, I have always had one really close female Best Friend (BF) - but they were always unequal relationships. The other woman was always heterosexual, and her loyalties were always divided between her male "significant other" and her other female friends, and me. And now my current Best Friendship is in trouble, I'm not "fine" with being single anymore. I'm tired of not being "my person" to someone else the way she is to me. I'm lonely, and I'm worried that I'll always be lonely.

 

As I think about my current desire to have a more-than-friends relationship, and as I learn that romantic and sexual attraction aren't the same things ... I wish that I could have romantic feelings for another woman. I don't think I've ever had romantic feelings for someone before, but I always assumed that I was an asexual heterosexual (ha!) ... so I never considered my Best Friends in a romantic way. And since they were heterosexual and I thought that I was too, we were never tried to be snuggly or anything. I assume that romantic asexuals have involuntary romantic feelings (they don't have to "give themselves permission"), so I suppose the fact that I never gave myself permission to have romantic feelings towards another woman is beside the point. I'm not romantic.

But maybe I'm demi-romantic? Maybe the romantic feelings would develop from the emotional bond, now that I'm open to the idea of it? Physical touch (even hugging) with other people is normally outside my comfort zone... but I love to snuggle with and touch my dogs. And for the first time in my life, I am starting to like the idea of being able to snuggle and touch another woman... as long as I know that there isn't going to be any pressure for sex.

 

I don't know what my question is, exactly. I want to be demi-romantic because being aromantic seems very lonely. At least, it has been for me.

Hi, have you considered that you might want a QPR? Queer platonic relationship. Not romantic but committed and exclusive (I think.)

[thanhtam]

On 6/15/2019 at 9:04 AM, BlueSpruce said:

I identify as panromantic, but for the longest time I just thought I was straight. My parents are super homophobic, so when I was younger I was scared to be anything else, and I basically just assumed I would end up liking guys. The first time I got a crush on a boy, I thought it was proof. But later I had a couple of crushes on women too, and when I looked back, I realized that it hadn't just started; I had crushes on a couple of girls when I was younger. I guess because they were just romantic feelings, nothing sexual - and because of my family - I brushed off any feelings for girls by telling myself I just really wanted to be friends with them. The argument in my head was that if I didn't want anything sexual with them, I wasn't actually attracted to them, right? Except then I realized I didn't want anything sexual with any of the men, either. It took me a long time to figure out that you can feel romantic or aesthetic attraction without also feeling sexual attraction. 

Sorry I have to quote a post from 2 years back but I find myself from your experience so just want to share a bit for my journey.

Ever since I was a kid, I developed attraction to girls but I never want to admit even with myself that I'm a Iesbian. I'm growing up hopefully I can fall into man like "normal" woman but also with a fear that I may never able to do so. I just keep it to myself and never disclose my inner feeling to anyone. My last defence, based on my research, is that since I don't have sexual attraction I may not really lesbian, now I know that they are different things.

In my 30, after struggling with my inner feeling for so long, I have to admit that I'm attracted to woman and only can love woman. Aside from that, I always want to be a boy so I labeled myself as transguy. This make a lot of sense and more importantly with this gender clear out, I'm definitely "straight" if one may ask.

Very lately, I forget how I found about asexuality but it fit me just right! I never found so many people experience same things with me. I feel relaxed because I'm not the only one. Sometimes when I feel lonely because no one can understand me, I just went to aven to read your story. I found many of you are lucky as you have a girlfriend/partner because I never have one. Anyway, now I completely understand myself and I can live on without confusing that's big relief already.

[joyfulemma]

Hey friends! I'd love your thoughts.

I'm pretty sure I'm bi, but I'm also aro/gray so it's really hard to tell for sure haha. But the platonic, sensual, and aesthetic attraction I feel I feel pretty equally towards men and women. But I'm also religious, so I've never had sex and will definitely marry a man if I can. So it's a bit weird to be exploring this aspect of my attraction, and it's hard to honestly tell whether I just think girls are pretty and like watching them because I can insert myself in their place (I don't watch porn; just romantic movies and tiktoks and stuff), but I'm pretty sure it's more than that. But when I'm gray, it's hard to know anything for sure haha. 100% not homoromantic; I'm very definitely aromantic. A lot of the stuff I see in wlw tiktoks about how "you fall faster, you love more, and the breakup is worse" sounds completely unrelatable and undesirable (for me). But do I love to snuggle girls? Yes. Would I make out with one? Probably, though kissing's never top of my priorities. Does sex with a woman sound appealing? Nope. Have I fantasized about dating/marrying my friends and roommates? All the freaking time. And I think women are freaking freaking gorgeous. What little arousal I feel is, I think, aroused pretty equally by men and women. So. Yes. Thoughts?

[Rynn]

On 9/23/2021 at 2:16 AM, joyfulemma said:

Have I fantasized about dating/marrying my friends and roommates? All the freaking time. 

This does sound romantic to me. Or maybe it's alterous attraction? Maybe you'd prefer a qpr?

In any case, I wouldn't completely discard the possibility of having romantic feelings just because you can't relate to some specific expressions of it.

 

On 9/23/2021 at 2:16 AM, joyfulemma said:

Does sex with a woman sound appealing? Nope.

Does sex with a man sound appealing?

[joyfulemma]

On 9/28/2021 at 6:26 AM, Rynn said:

This does sound romantic to me. Or maybe it's alterous attraction? Maybe you'd prefer a qpr?

Definitely would prefer a QPR! I can't even tell you how excited and relieved I was when I found the term. I identify as aromantic, but technically I'm closer to lithromantic, so that could be where the confusion is coming in.

 

On 9/28/2021 at 6:26 AM, Rynn said:

Does sex with a man sound appealing?

Not specifically; mentally, I'm pretty sex-neutral (to both genders), though in practice I suspect I might be closer to sex-positive because I really really love physical touch. But I thought I'd like kissing and I don't, so you never know. I think there's more to be stimulated with sex though, thus the greater likelihood of being sex-positive (with either gender, I guess). 

And I suppose a bit of the sex with a woman being/not being appealing is that I would absolutely never perform oral sex (I have hang-ups about bodily fluids and don't want them anywhere near my mouth, thus kissing not being high on my list of favorites either), and I know that oral sex is pretty big for wlw sexual relationships. I know there are a few other ways (straps, toys, fingering...?), but I don't honestly know much about it. 😂 Which of course makes it harder to determine. 

[Hadis Badamchi]

I'm a homoromantic asexual but I usually identify as gay or lesbian, and being asexual is something more personal to me. I discovered myself being gay first, it is something I always knew it, kinda. I had several crushes on my female friends and classmates. When I was little I thought it was something wrong with me and it will go away, but I realized I am actually gay when I was 15. Then I came out to myself as ace at 17, and to be honest, it was not something big for me. I am currently planning to come out to my family as asexual first, because I think it's more important for them to know (ya know, all the heterosexual marriage and stuff). I don't think coming out as a lesbian (better to say homoromantic) should be a big deal to me, But I kinda see myself in that spectrum because it's more general, and I guess, more than sexuality, at least for me.

[Hypnotic]

I feel like a phoney in the lesbian community.  Recently someone blocked me on my dating profile and and I'm paranoid it's because I mentioned that I am asexual.   I frequently feel like I don't fit in anywhere - in the heterosexual world or the LGBT world, like a little boat floating on my own in this world.

[DarkStormyKnight]

On 10/17/2021 at 3:47 PM, Hypnotic said:

I feel like a phoney in the lesbian community.  Recently someone blocked me on my dating profile and and I'm paranoid it's because I mentioned that I am asexual.   I frequently feel like I don't fit in anywhere - in the heterosexual world or the LGBT world, like a little boat floating on my own in this world.

Oof I used to be on the online dating platforms as well as it's HARD. Because people will do that and are like that. Which is really unfortunate, I'm so sorry that happened. There's a lot of horrible people on online dating sites, but I did manage to find my current partner there as well. So sometimes you get lucky!

[Hypnotic]

6 hours ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

Oof I used to be on the online dating platforms as well as it's HARD. Because people will do that and are like that. Which is really unfortunate, I'm so sorry that happened. There's a lot of horrible people on online dating sites, but I did manage to find my current partner there as well. So sometimes you get lucky!

Yeah I think you have to take the rough with the smooth. I feel much happier having it on my profile that way I’m open & honest about who I am and won’t feel pressured into anything I don’t want to do. It’s lonely sometimes but I try not to focus on it.  That’s so nice you met your partner online. I won’t give up hope  

Is your partner on the asexual spectrum too?

[DarkStormyKnight]

17 hours ago, Hypnotic said:

Yeah I think you have to take the rough with the smooth. I feel much happier having it on my profile that way I’m open & honest about who I am and won’t feel pressured into anything I don’t want to do. It’s lonely sometimes but I try not to focus on it.  That’s so nice you met your partner online. I won’t give up hope  

Is your partner on the asexual spectrum too?

Yeah! I had a similar tactic to you where I put on my profile that I'm asexual, and we talked about it early on. I don't think he really realized where on the ace spectrum he was at the time, but he clearly didn't care that I was, and by talking about it he's managed to figure out more about himself which is really lovely to see. I'm honestly not sure that I could date someone who isn't on the ace spectrum at this point, since I enjoy talking about attraction and things like that, but if you put that on your profile it SEVERELY limits who talks to you even more so I'm not sure I would recommend that. 😕 

[Tigertiger]

On 10/21/2021 at 4:37 PM, DarkStormyKnight said:

Oof I used to be on the online dating platforms as well as it's HARD. Because people will do that and are like that. Which is really unfortunate, I'm so sorry that happened. There's a lot of horrible people on online dating sites, but I did manage to find my current partner there as well. So sometimes you get lucky!

So you actually meet somebody online?! Thats cool. I assumed it was no point in going on dating sites cuz almost nobody is asexual.

[animalloverasui]

im an asexual lesbian i usually call myself homoromantic because i like scientific fancy words but i dont really care. yeah people often think that lesbians cant be asexual or that asexual people are all aromantic, but that is not true!  this is a nice space where you guys understand that romantic and sexual attraction are very different! yeah im out to everybody, though some people like to pretend im not. i dont reallt try to hide it or anything, i dont care. at first i just identified as lesbian, i never felt sexual attraction but i didnt know that was called being ace, knowing is really great though and i love the community

[a little annihilation]

I love the term bambi lesbian and I've embraced it and run with it because it's cute and I'm cute so it fits

[Tigertiger]

3 hours ago, løvely scary skeletøns said:

I love the term bambi lesbian and I've embraced it and run with it because it's cute and I'm cute so it fits

I have never heard that word before. I looked it up because it sounded cool. It seems to fit me to XD

I been looking for a word to fit me. Thanks.

[Tigertiger]

I am not sure of using the word lesbian tho. There should be like a gender neutral term for that 😕

[a little annihilation]

28 minutes ago, Murr said:

I am not sure of using the word lesbian tho. There should be like a gender neutral term for that 😕

Trixic is the orientation of non binary people who like women

[a little annihilation]

But I haven't seen many people identify with it

[Tigertiger]

1 minute ago, løvely scary skeletøns said:

Trixic

Cool! That is a cool sounding word. Think I am going to try using it

[Tigertiger]

People are so creative with labels this days

Im going to use that or Neptunic.

[Hypnotic]

On 10/24/2021 at 5:59 AM, løvely scary skeletøns said:

I love the term bambi lesbian and I've embraced it and run with it because it's cute and I'm cute so it fits

Oh yes I just looked that up & I feel it fits me too! I love it actually, I’m glad there is such a cute name for it 🥰