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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

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StomachGod
25 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I'm really sorry to for you but that's life. Everything happens for a reason. The perfect match is still somewhere out there... waiting for you. 

 

You just have to keep going :)

Ahaha, it's okay, it really blindsided me so I guess I just jumped into things without thinking. (lesson learned? maybe?)
I duno about a "perfect match" but I guess that is a nice thought 😃

I'll just sit and wait then XD

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StomachGod
19 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I totally agree with you. I'm still struggling between staying single or start searching again. Being alone for over 13 years now is slowly taking its toll on me. I'm getting more and more depressed and gloomy lately. 

If you don't really want one maybe there is something else to help you? Friendships maybe?
Not that it's my business but it would be really sad if you sank into depression. No one deserves that...
Take care of yourself k?

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StomachGod
7 hours ago, Mewtwo said:

A relationship sounds exhausting right now. I think it will be a while. A long while.

Then wait a while until it seems more feasible! You don't HAVE to get a relationship right right right now 😃
If you want to wait, it can wait =D

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Chihiro

Panromantic here. Dunno how I never noticed this thread before. So, hello!

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Denoscar

Hello, just here to say hi. 🍰

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Acebooklove

Hi! hahaha

 

I noticed I like girls first, sexual feeling (or non feelings heheh) later.

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Denoscar
28 minutes ago, Acebooklove said:

Hi! hahaha

 

I noticed I like girls first, sexual feeling (or non feelings heheh) later.

Mine's a long story, honestly. I don't know if I should post it here or make an entirely new thread for it. What do you think?

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Acebooklove
1 hour ago, Denoscar said:

Mine's a long story, honestly. I don't know if I should post it here or make an entirely new thread for it. What do you think?

I´d say make a thread! :)

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Lightning107

So I've identified as ace for about a year now... That in and of itself took multiple years to get to once I started questioning. But then there was romantic attraction to add to the mix. I've had a few squishes/crushes along the way that I had a difficult time determining which it was. I thought that maybe I was still aro tho because overall I'm not interested in dating, until I fell hard for my best friend. Unfortunately, she is very straight and not at all interested in any kind of relationship beyond friendship. She was interesting case, because I had a hard time figuring out if I was in fact feeling romantic attraction. It was a bit heartbreaking, but also helped me better figure out my orientation. At that point I knew I was some sort of demiromantic, which honestly makes sense since I can remember as a middle schooler thinking that everyone should get into a relationship based upon personality, not looks. Being attractive always seemed like it should be irrelevant for everyone (obviously its not, but its my orientation coming out there a bit).  

 

I've also had some more recent developments as well. The thought of dating a person had previously crossed my mind a grand total of 3 times in my life, and I was always very uncomfortable with the thought. However, my friend and previous roommate who is a lesbian and knows I'm ace and basically everything else about me has been joking around about us dating/getting married a lot lately. We also get a tad flirty with each other, and to my surprise, I'm ok with it. I've been seriously considering dating this person and I'm actually comfortable with the thought, which is a very new concept for me. This may or may not lead to my first time dating, which is something I honestly didn't think would happen, and its weird because its also a completely different feeling from what I got when I fell in love with my best friend. I have kinda felt like trying dating with a guy once, but it was also a very uncomfortable thought at the same time. So I have to wonder if its just the specific circumstances and I am still a bidemiromantic or if I am a lesbian demiromantic. However, I have lately been thinking that realistically I feel like I'd be much more likely to date a girl. 

 

This turned out more long winded than I intended, but basically I'm still trying to figure it all out. Feelings are complicated, especially when they are new and unique. But until I work through them, I'll know that I'm a proud demiromantic ace of some kind.

Edited by Lightning107
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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

@Lightning107 That's totally ok.  Life's nothing but a personal journey with lots of turns after all. Don't stress yourself too much over trying to figure things out. It will come to you in time. We're always her to listen and talk to if you feel like it though.

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PolgaraTheSorceress

How do you find your romantic identity? I've only dated one guy but I find myself staring at girls unconsciously, is this a sign of attraction or just aesthetic appreciation? I go to quite a conservative school so I don’t really know what to think

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Karoushi
On 3/2/2019 at 9:35 PM, PolgaraTheSorceress said:

How do you find your romantic identity? I've only dated one guy but I find myself staring at girls unconsciously, is this a sign of attraction or just aesthetic appreciation? I go to quite a conservative school so I don’t really know what to think

It's quite the process. It could just be aesthetic appreciation but it could also be some attraction. Can you picture yourself dating a girl? Doing anything romantic with a girl? If yes to either of those then yeah you could be attracted to girls. Being in that kind of school environment does push you to think that being attracted to the same gender is abnormal but don't be afraid to experiment 

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catra

i suppose i always found girls a lot prettier, but i didn’t come to terms with the fact i was attracted to girls until 5th grade. at first, i thought i was bi (because i guess boys can be pretty too), but i soon realized boys just don’t interest me in anyway. so, of course, i realized i was gay before i realized i was ace. it’s been a few years and i’m still only out officially to four people, but it’s nice being able to think of girls without feeling this crushing sense of confusion and difference. 

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confused_slytherin
On March 18, 2019 at 9:23 PM, Karoushi said:

It's quite the process. It could just be aesthetic appreciation but it could also be some attraction. Can you picture yourself dating a girl? Doing anything romantic with a girl? If yes to either of those then yeah you could be attracted to girls. Being in that kind of school environment does push you to think that being attracted to the same gender is abnormal but don't be afraid to experiment 

I'm having this problem as well. I always figured I was heteroromantic, maybe demisexual, but dating boys, I have never enjoyed kissing or anything more than cuddling. I've started having dreams about kissing girls in the last year or so, and have had a few romantic impulses with some female friends, but it's so new to me. At this point I don't know if I even am attracted to guys, or if I've just been raised to think of straight relationships when I think about romance.

 

I'm also attracted to authority/power and approval from authority, and I recently realized that's a big part of why I always valued relationships with men. I think I have no trouble establishing relationships with women and gaining their respect, and that somehow I feel that in order to gain men's respect I have to demonstrate that men (either in my family or in relationships) approve or respect me. This has been entirely subconscious and a very recent realization for me, as if somehow being in a relationship with a guy validates my power and authority with the male gender. 

 

Am I actually homoromantic, but without the exposure and exploration to recognize it previously? 

 

I was talking to a trans, nb, pan friend (my platonic soulmate) and described my sex repulsion, and it pretty much completely revolved around male bodies and the idea of penetration. When I finished describing it, they said, "Wow that was a really really gay sentence." My roommate has also confirmed she's secretly been thinking I'm a lesbian. 

 

And I mean, women are gorgeous and amazing and all of my best and most satisfying relationships are with women... is it aesthetic, is it platonic, can it also be romantic and I just haven't been conditioned to recognize it?

 

Alas, I am confused. 

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Denoscar
4 hours ago, confused_slytherin said:

I'm having this problem as well. I always figured I was heteroromantic, maybe demisexual, but dating boys, I have never enjoyed kissing or anything more than cuddling. I've started having dreams about kissing girls in the last year or so, and have had a few romantic impulses with some female friends, but it's so new to me. At this point I don't know if I even am attracted to guys, or if I've just been raised to think of straight relationships when I think about romance.

 

I'm also attracted to authority/power and approval from authority, and I recently realized that's a big part of why I always valued relationships with men. I think I have no trouble establishing relationships with women and gaining their respect, and that somehow I feel that in order to gain men's respect I have to demonstrate that men (either in my family or in relationships) approve or respect me. This has been entirely subconscious and a very recent realization for me, as if somehow being in a relationship with a guy validates my power and authority with the male gender. 

 

Am I actually homoromantic, but without the exposure and exploration to recognize it previously? 

 

I was talking to a trans, nb, pan friend (my platonic soulmate) and described my sex repulsion, and it pretty much completely revolved around male bodies and the idea of penetration. When I finished describing it, they said, "Wow that was a really really gay sentence." My roommate has also confirmed she's secretly been thinking I'm a lesbian. 

 

And I mean, women are gorgeous and amazing and all of my best and most satisfying relationships are with women... is it aesthetic, is it platonic, can it also be romantic and I just haven't been conditioned to recognize it?

 

Alas, I am confused. 

I've dealt with similar thoughts before. I think my story about discovering my romantic orientation could be helpful for you.
If you'd like to read it, let me know.

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hejsandra

hey guys, do any of you know any good chat forum for lesbians kind of like aven ? like not for hooking up just for talking abt stuff

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Life Of Tass

Hey, sapphic gray-ace enby popping by to ask if asexual lesbians are called "acebians"

 

On 4/13/2019 at 11:17 PM, hejsandra said:

hey guys, do any of you know any good chat forum for lesbians kind of like aven ? like not for hooking up just for talking abt stuff

If that's not a thing already we should definitely make it a thing.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

I just thought I'd wish everyone a Happy Lesbian Visibility day!

 

:cake: 🍰 🥛 🍧

 

 

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TavvyKat

Ah- I am a biromantic asexual, and I... I mean, figuring it out wasn't so hard? I've always been asexual, I just didn't realize it until I had a relationship and then I was like "Yeah, no. No sex, ever." And he spent all eternity being confused by that, while my best friend helped me out by letting me know what "asexual" meant.

 

As for being biromantic... That took a lot longer. I had always been told that I was supposed to date guys, so I had no idea what gay even was for a /really/ long time. And then when I found out about it I was like "okay cool, that applies to other people", and I had never considered it applying to myself. But then I found myself seeing girls in the same way I saw guys, and I began to question... And though it took me two years, I finally did some googling on it. At first I thought the term was "bisexual" but then I was like "nah, can't be both bisexual and asexual", so then I found the term "biromantic" and I was like "Yep, there's me"

 

Except I'm also scared of relationships, because I am pretty strict on the whole "no sex" thing, and I feel I'm just going to disappoint any potential partners. So yay- fear?

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Rhyme

I thought I'd finally figured shit out when I 'realised' that I was ace+aro, but now I'm back to questioning again.

 

I'm certain that I'm ace, but I now think I might be gay as well (I personally prefer gay over lesbian as a label). I don't know, I'm really confused, but I think I have some feelings towards some women that I can't explain away as 'just' platonic or aesthetic attraction? 

 

When I first heard about asexuality, the label felt right almost immediately. Aromantic has never felt like that, but gay feels... good. 

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aquariusabandoned

I’m demi-homoromantic asexual and mainly feel emotional closeness with people. I love feminine people.

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certified_space_ace
On 4/30/2019 at 7:36 AM, Rhyme said:

I thought I'd finally figured shit out when I 'realised' that I was ace+aro, but now I'm back to questioning again.

 

I'm certain that I'm ace, but I now think I might be gay as well (I personally prefer gay over lesbian as a label). I don't know, I'm really confused, but I think I have some feelings towards some women that I can't explain away as 'just' platonic or aesthetic attraction? 

 

When I first heard about asexuality, the label felt right almost immediately. Aromantic has never felt like that, but gay feels... good. 

This is exactly how I feel! I know that ace fits and feels right, but aro has always been a bit difficult for me to accept even though it seems to fit with my (nonexistent) romantic history. 

 

A friend recently pointed out to me that I talk about women a lot, and it does feel right to say I like women. But labels like “homoromantic” and “lesbian” are still scary to me. I’ve never had a full-blown crush (at least not one I’ve been able to acknowledge as such). Although I feel a desire for partnership and can see myself forging one with a woman, I worry that I’m not quite capable of romance and that adopting that label would be misleading. 

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Rhyme
On 6/4/2019 at 12:20 PM, certified_space_ace said:

This is exactly how I feel! I know that ace fits and feels right, but aro has always been a bit difficult for me to accept even though it seems to fit with my (nonexistent) romantic history. 

 

A friend recently pointed out to me that I talk about women a lot, and it does feel right to say I like women. But labels like “homoromantic” and “lesbian” are still scary to me. I’ve never had a full-blown crush (at least not one I’ve been able to acknowledge as such). Although I feel a desire for partnership and can see myself forging one with a woman, I worry that I’m not quite capable of romance and that adopting that label would be misleading. 

You are putting my feelings into words! I also have no 'experience' with romantic relationships, and I feel insecure about pursuing one because I don't know whether I'm even capable of feeling those things for another person. 

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certified_space_ace
4 hours ago, Rhyme said:

You are putting my feelings into words! I also have no 'experience' with romantic relationships, and I feel insecure about pursuing one because I don't know whether I'm even capable of feeling those things for another person. 

I feel so confused by the way people describe crushes, too. Like, I feel like I've had a lot of those strong I-just-want-to-be-around-this-person-all-the-time feelings with people in a friendship context. And I just can't figure out what makes romance different than that (if you remove all the sexual stuff). People are always like "when you feel it, you'll know." But I'm tired of playing wait and see. I'm an indoorsy kind of person...I have close friends who I spend most of my time with and I don't meet a ton of new people. I worry I'm never going to find something I'm not looking for. And it's hard to have a neutral "if it happens it happens" attitude about something so central to most people's lives. I'm sad about it a lot. I'm afraid everyone I know will pair off and I'll be left on my own.

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Homer van Simpsegem
5 hours ago, certified_space_ace said:

I'm afraid everyone I know will pair off and I'll be left on my own.

Fear is an unhealthy ground to base any kind of relationship on.

 

10 hours ago, Rhyme said:

I feel insecure about pursuing one because I don't know whether I'm even capable of feeling those things for another person. 

Wait, does that mean that you'd have a shot at a romantic relationship without romantic feelings being present? How does that work?

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BluenMoonn

Hey so I was thinking it would be great to have a discord for ace wlw, but I couldn’t find any on tumblr or anywhere else! Would anyone be interested in joining/starting one? A lot of the wlw discords are pretty darn allo-centric, and it would be a nice to know some other ace wlw! 

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Life Of Tass
6 hours ago, BluenMoonn said:

Would anyone be interested in joining/starting one?

That sounds awesome!

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Rhyme
 
 
 
On 6/9/2019 at 9:34 AM, Homer said:

Wait, does that mean that you'd have a shot at a romantic relationship without romantic feelings being present? How does that work?

The only one who can tell if you have romantic feelings is yourself, and if you're confused and no one else can tell the nature of your feelings... Idk, it's similar to me having 'friendships' with people I don't even really like. In the same vein, someone can have a sexual relationship without feeling anything sexual for the person. 

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Homer van Simpsegem

That's not a friendship IMO. Don't know what to call it... presence? Endurance? Sex is a bit different because it's an activity.

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BlueSpruce

I identify as panromantic, but for the longest time I just thought I was straight. My parents are super homophobic, so when I was younger I was scared to be anything else, and I basically just assumed I would end up liking guys. The first time I got a crush on a boy, I thought it was proof. But later I had a couple of crushes on women too, and when I looked back, I realized that it hadn't just started; I had crushes on a couple of girls when I was younger. I guess because they were just romantic feelings, nothing sexual - and because of my family - I brushed off any feelings for girls by telling myself I just really wanted to be friends with them. The argument in my head was that if I didn't want anything sexual with them, I wasn't actually attracted to them, right? Except then I realized I didn't want anything sexual with any of the men, either. It took me a long time to figure out that you can feel romantic or aesthetic attraction without also feeling sexual attraction. 

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