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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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YuriAmethyst

Hi I don’t know if I fit here or if there’s a name for my orientation 

 I have identified as a lesbian for years then as I came out as trans I reallized i can also feel romantic attraction to trans people but not to cis guys but what to call myself 

 I can find guys in fiction or movies cute or even  online but when thinking of dating them are really coming close theres just the feeling no way and everything evaporates 

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When my relationship with men weren't working out I started questioning whether or not I might be gay. After some thought, I realised that wasn't likely because I still found males 'attractive', so I then I thought maybe bisexual and that worked for a while but really didn't explain everything until I finally discovered I was asexual and my romantic orientation is bi-romantic.

 

I started going to lesbian bars but I have never had any luck. I don't know what it is about me but the only time I got picked up in a lesbian bar was by a male. Obviously lesbian bars aren't the only places to find women but it is still kind of off putting when no one is interested.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't know anymore...that is my sexuality.I like girls romantically and sexually.I rarely like some guys but I just find them attractive nothing more.I would not even dream being with a man which I don't know why.I just can't think of being with a man romantically,I guess.But I am also not so sexual person,I am into sex but not so.I think I am into thought of having sex which is great if you think but I am not into doing it physically.Would I ever want to do it? Maybe. Would I enjoy it? Probably. Do I care about sex? No. So I am really confused,I might be gray-asexual or just lazy not sure about that.But I am confused. 

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I realised that I was ace before I realised I was biromantic. Then, more recently, I amended that to triromantic.

 

My first heteroromantic crush occurred in 2012.

I had never been interested in sex, and I always knew I was different. But I didn't learn of asexuality and identify as such until 2016.

My first homoromantic crush occurred in 2016. I acknowledged it with resistance after a while. I didn't want to be biromantic.

Since then, I have come to accept my orientation, mostly. I have had a few little crushes on girls since then. I've only had two major crushes in my life, one on a boy and one on an androgynous person. But the attraction to girls is certainly there.

 

Most people who know me know that I am ace. I have casually brought it up a lot. Not everyone accepts it to be true, but most people know.

However, I have only come out to really close people that I trust about being triromantic. I tend to try to hide in my closet and present as heteroromantic because I am afraid of judgement. :ph34r:

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I've only been in love with a male once. It was really strange unexpected experience which forced to me change my view and personal attitude about sexual /romantic orientation in general. Yet it's still active, valid and daily challenging.

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_____-________-_

Hmm my first relationship was with a trans-girl mistress in a polyamorous relationship.. it was alot to take in. well not her being trans but the polyarmorous part.. i then went on to date 2 cis-females and one genderqueer guy. so... like i probably said before im attracted to femininity.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Gr-AceCaseLastInTheRace

Hey all,

This is my first post on AVEN **wave**. I've identified as gay/lesbian/queer/lady-loving-lady for a while now and that was all well and good.  But over the last 4 years I have been single and almost practically sexually inactive. While I kept watching my friends go in and out of relationships and seeing how sex-motivated they were I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel like anything was missing in my sexless life and had no desire to seek out partners. After research and introspection I've come to identify as gray-a. I do still crave intimacy and I looooove kissing but a sexual relationship beyond that, while still a possibility, really isn't important to my life and is almost counter to my romantic pursuits (of the homo variety), which have all be failing of late (read half decade) because of my lack of sexual interest. But now I'm here! And I'm understanding more of myself which is great. And learning that there are people out there like me. So if this message resonates with you and you want to connect hit me up! It will be nice to feel less alone.

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I'm pan-asexual, and I can't really say I give a damn about what someone looks like or what gender they are, as I don't really see the outside.

 

That being said, there are certainly times I feel...well...gayer[/] than usual. :lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm still not up to speed with all the terminology but I'd put myself in the biromantic category, but with a leaning towards girls. Though sometimes looks can be irrelevant if I'm drawn to a personality. 

Before realising I might be asexual I did think for quite a while I must be a lesbian.. and I have been in situations with girls where I could have easily have taken things further but something was always holding me back. So glad to finally be realising why.. 

 

I'm open to being in a romantic relationship with a person of either gender, it really depends on their personality and our connection. 

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I discovered asexuality a couple years ago and it just fit perfectly. For the longest time I identified as aromantic asexual because I also had no interests in relationships of any kind past friendship. I find both guys and girls aesthetically attractive but when it comes to more intimate relationships I don't think I could feel that with a man. I haven't ever had romantic relationships but lately there's been a growing desire to have someone in my life on a more intimate level. And when I think about what type of person I would be inclined to share a relationship with, it's always female. So I think I might actually be homoromantic. We shall see, as I try to work up the courage to put myself out there to try and find somebody. Something I've never done and am honestly a little intimidated about.

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This almost feels a little totally out there. But for me all of my past dating and stuff has been with men. I've always been kind of meh and they're always super shallow. (maybe that's just me or how they are?) And so for a while now I've found myself having stronger more relatable conversations with females and with those I don't grow bored with. Even though they grow bored with me I guess. But I guess I'm either an intruder. Or just finally coming out of the closet of liking women. 

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white crayon

Okay I don’t know if this is exactly the right thread to post this in but it kind of relates. 

 

Ive been really confused lately because I can’t tell whether my attraction to this particular girl is romantic or aesthetic and it’s bothering me because I’m acting in ways typical of someone who has a crush, but I don’t think I actually want to get to know her… but she’s so pretty and I keep catching myself staring. I know for sure that I’m asexual and have some level of attraction to girls but it’s really hard to tell where I fall on the aro spectrum. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
13 minutes ago, white crayon said:

Okay I don’t know if this is exactly the right thread to post this in but it kind of relates. 

 

Ive been really confused lately because I can’t tell whether my attraction to this particular girl is romantic or aesthetic and it’s bothering me because I’m acting in ways typical of someone who has a crush, but I don’t think I actually want to get to know her… but she’s so pretty and I keep catching myself staring. I know for sure that I’m asexual and have some level of attraction to girls but it’s really hard to tell where I fall on the aro spectrum. 

Hello Crayon,

 

I know the feeling but it doesn't make sense to stress yourself over trying to figure all these little details all the time. It's on your mind every now and then, maybe even bothering you but it's all just about labels. Nothing else. Highly overrated. All of us need or want to cling on to at least 1-2 of them to keep socially functioning in daily life but it's still not a major issue.

 

So yeah,  maybe you're homoromantic or aro ace. Everything's possible. The most important thing is, to watch and accept your feelings without pushing yourself too hard at the same time. Just go along and try to enjoy the experience if possible. Have you ever talked to this girl? It might be easier to figure yourself while spending some time with her. Just a thought. These things usually don't happen over night but take a lot of time and patience. 

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white crayon
4 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

Hello Crayon,

 

I know the feeling but it doesn't make sense to stress yourself over trying to figure all these little details all the time. It's on your mind every now and then, maybe even bothering you but it's all just about labels. Nothing else. Highly overrated. All of us need or want to cling on to at least 1-2 of them to keep socially functioning in daily life but it's still not a major issue.

 

So yeah,  maybe you're homoromantic or aro ace. Everything's possible. The most important thing is, to watch and accept your feelings without pushing yourself too hard at the same time. Just go along and try to enjoy the experience if possible. Have you ever talked to this girl? It might be easier to figure yourself while spending some time with her. Just a thought. These things usually don't happen over night but take a lot of time and patience. 

Thank you… I do know it takes time but I’ve been trying to figure myself out for so long it gets frustrating. Like, it’s my own brain. I should be able to understand it but every time I think I have my orientation figured out something happens that makes me question things all over again. I’ve been trying to let go of the need to find a label lately. 

Also, no I have never spoken to the girl, and I’ve never really had any urge to either, but who knows what will happen with that. Once again, thank you. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
16 hours ago, white crayon said:

Thank you… I do know it takes time but I’ve been trying to figure myself out for so long it gets frustrating. Like, it’s my own brain. I should be able to understand it but every time I think I have my orientation figured out something happens that makes me question things all over again. I’ve been trying to let go of the need to find a label lately. 

Also, no I have never spoken to the girl, and I’ve never really had any urge to either, but who knows what will happen with that. Once again, thank you. 

You're most welcome. I just figured my own true identity about one year ago so I think it's almost like a ilfe-long process. It will come to you in time :)

 

All the best & plenty of hugs :cake:

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm very likely ace.  I had previously assumed I was straight because I knew that I wasn't sexually attracted to women, but now that I realize I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, I'm wondering now if I could be romantically attracted to them.  I've never considered it before since the lack of sexual attraction would have caused me to dismiss any feelings. I think I might have a crush (or a squish or whatever) on a friend but it's hard to tell since I'm still new to identifying separate forms of attraction. Has anyone gone from believing they were heterosexual to realizing they were homo- or bi-romantic? Curious to know how you arrived at that conclusion.

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9 hours ago, Claire1983 said:

<snip>I think I might have a crush (or a squish or whatever) on a friend but it's hard to tell since I'm still new to identifying separate forms of attraction. Has anyone gone from believing they were heterosexual to realizing they were homo- or bi-romantic? Curious to know how you arrived at that conclusion.

In my experience a huge part of lgbt+ peeps have thought they were straight at some point - especially people around my age (30s) and people living in more conservative societies. Compulsory heterosexuality is a thing, and sometimes it takes more than a few years to free yourself from its constraints. I know of a few (blessed imo) folks who knew they were attracted to the same sex as soon as they were able to separate "I like this kid" from "I LIKE this kid" but imo it's been the rarer scenario up to this point. 

 

I grew up thinking I just haven't met a guy who clicks. In hindsight, I wasn't even noticing most of the boys/men around me because even with the lack of sexual attraction (which was a thing back then, I just thought I was still too young and it'll come with the right person) I was always more focused on women. Of course everyone around me was hetero so I thought I must be too - so the women I highkey crushed on were all someone I "admired very much" and "wanted to be like".  In my late teens I tried dating a bit (men), and everything seemed off. Then one girl came along and there was no denying that I was very much into her. It stayed completely one-sided but it helped me finally face that yeah, it's been women all along. 

However, the lack of sexual attraction imo doesn't stop you from developing and recognising crushes and being romantically / sensually attracted to women. If you're questioning it, I think you just need to stay open and see how you click with women - if it can happen, let it happen naturally.

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@caffeine Yeah, I'm 34 so I had never heard of asexuality until last year.  I grew up in a conservative area with (for the time) fairly progressive parents in a relatively liberal church.  So while I'm sure that's held me back a bit, it could be worse!  I also have social anxiety and I was very susceptible to peer pressure so the compulsory heterosexuality sounds pretty accurate to me.  My current social circle is very liberal minded.  Thinking back there may have been a few women I was drawn to, though I can't say in what capacity, but I'm not ruling out romantic/sensual attraction at this point.  It'll be interesting to see where that goes! 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 13/03/2018 at 2:11 PM, Claire1983 said:

Thinking back there may have been a few women I was drawn to, though I can't say in what capacity, but I'm not ruling out romantic/sensual attraction at this point.  It'll be interesting to see where that goes! 

This sums up something of how I feel. I am absolutely baffled as to what I want. I think its harder to define yourself if what you're feeling is nothing. It's easy to figure out that you're gay if one day you meet someone of the same sex who you're absolutely blown away falling head over heels in love (or lust, thats a feeling too!) with. When your feelings for everyone border on...nothing, or you can feel the same kind of...I dont know what the word is...respect, liking, enjoy being around them or spending time with them, etc for a person without ever really understanding if you'd like to go further than that with them, it's much harder to understand.

 

Im leaning more toward thinking Im gay. Or at the very least bi-romantic, as while I have known men I've loved and wanted to spend all my time with, the very thought of actually having to touch them in any kind of sexual way is horrifying. But again, Im unsure if that's a lack of sexual attraction, or just a fear of having to act on something Ive never done before. I remember going out on a date with a guy who had been my friend for a couple of years, and all leading up to it, my biggest worry wasnt about what would happen if dating went badly for us and didnt work...but all of my fears were 'oh my God what if it goes REALLY well and he wants to have sex?!?' 

 

But then Im funny about touching anyway, always have been. I dont like touching Im not ready for, it has to be on my terms so the thought of putting myself in a position where Im not in control of that is a terrifying thought, So again, is this a lack of attraction, or fear taking over and forcing me to swallow up any attraction I might feel, as being scared and hiding is easier. I havent got a clue!

 

As for girls...well same as men really. I feel attracted to them from afar (i.e. famous people, fictional characters, people who are married, straight girls etc), basically all people I will never have and will never have to act on any feelings with. I have an online friend (a guy) who I wouldnt say Im attracted to, but we talk a lot, we dont live really far away but its a very impractical distance, but that again makes him unattainable. And yet Im...curious for want of a better word. I wonder what we'd be like together, Ive thought about what it would be like to go out with him, though I havent thought for one second about sex.

 

Ive been attempting lately to use a dating app, as much as I absolutely despise them and most of the horrors who use them, but I honestly see no other way to meet people and figure myself out. Ive talked to a couple of people, normally more about shared interests in our profiles rather than any dating prospects, but still, I feel nervous and scared and horrified any time anyone tries to talk to me on there, or wants to meet me. The now now now attitude to dating doesnt exactly fit in with people like me who want to move slowly, a lot of people arent going to waste their time on a slow mover when they can chat to someone else and have a date tonight. 

 

So that got rambly...so yeah...for now I think Im gay...possibly bi-romantic...possibly asexual on top of that...or maybe just a massive coward! Who the hell knows!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am confused :huh:... I am asexual for certain point-blank... no phys attraction. Although if I were ever to have sex it would def never be with a woman... 

(I am a woman)

But I’m like mosttttly aromantic... I may become 2.889% more romantic when I get to like and know someone well... like more frequent physical contact :lol: just friendly though... but I feel like because I prefer females as friends I’d prefer a female partner... rarely have I ever wanted a male as even so much as a normal friend just because I look for people to kinda sit chat and co-ruminate with...

so I guess I’m struggling it’s the idea of preference of partner gender in the presence of being asexual and almost not romantic at all... cause I’m so unsure it’s tough to be like “I like women!” Cause... I don’t... Orr... so complicated

i might spend the rest of my life confused but at the moment I’m just making friends and if someone wants to be attached at the hip they will and that’s an indicator that ya might have something and u might wanna chat to them about you’re sexuality and what it means...

idk... I’ve had so much straight relationship experience points than I do asexual relationship ones

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I am confused :huh:... I am asexual for certain point-blank... no phys attraction. Although if I were ever to have sex it would def never be with a woman... 

(I am a woman)

But I’m like mosttttly aromantic... I may become 2.889% more romantic when I get to like and know someone well... like more frequent physical contact :lol: just friendly though... but I feel like because I prefer females as friends I’d prefer a female partner... rarely have I ever wanted a male as even so much as a normal friend just because I look for people to kinda sit chat and co-ruminate with...

so I guess I’m struggling it’s the idea of preference of partner gender in the presence of being asexual and almost not romantic at all... cause I’m so unsure it’s tough to be like “I like women!” Cause... I don’t... Orr... so complicated

i might spend the rest of my life confused but at the moment I’m just making friends and if someone wants to be attached at the hip they will and that’s an indicator that ya might have something and u might wanna chat to them about you’re sexuality and what it means...

idk... I’ve had so much straight relationship experience points than I do asexual relationship ones

lol id love to hear ur thoughts or what you’ve figured out in ur journey that might help me with this confusion

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um... if 

16 hours ago, Raiy_o828 said:

it’s tough to be like “I like women!” Cause... I don’t...

and 

16 hours ago, Raiy_o828 said:

if I were ever to have sex it would def never be with a woman... 

...I'd say you're most probably not homoromantic.

 

I mean yeah, people change but it doesn't sound like you have the preference. And in that case probably don't force it, just go with the flow and see what works for you. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
6 hours ago, caffeine said:

if I were ever to have sex it would def never be with a woman... 

 

...I'd say you're most probably not homoromantic.

 

I mean yeah, people change but it doesn't sound like you have the preference. And in that case probably don't force it, just go with the flow and see what works for you. 

I think, Coffeine's right but again it's no big deal. There's no need or reason to push or force yourself into anything. I could  never imagine to sleep with a male for real while most of current friends are boys at this moment. I usually prefer female company but I'm totally ok with the actually situation.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 2018-01-22 at 4:32 PM, caetxln said:

I don't know anymore...that is my sexuality.I like girls romantically and sexually.I rarely like some guys but I just find them attractive nothing more.I would not even dream being with a man which I don't know why.I just can't think of being with a man romantically,I guess.But I am also not so sexual person,I am into sex but not so.I think I am into thought of having sex which is great if you think but I am not into doing it physically.Would I ever want to do it? Maybe. Would I enjoy it? Probably. Do I care about sex? No. So I am really confused,I might be gray-asexual or just lazy not sure about that.But I am confused. 

Exactly my thoughts. I was thinking about it more tonight and said to my self, "am I just lazy?" confusion for sure.

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On 2018-04-03 at 6:06 PM, Smudge1985 said:

This sums up something of how I feel. I am absolutely baffled as to what I want. I think its harder to define yourself if what you're feeling is nothing. It's easy to figure out that you're gay if one day you meet someone of the same sex who you're absolutely blown away falling head over heels in love (or lust, thats a feeling too!) with. When your feelings for everyone border on...nothing, or you can feel the same kind of...I dont know what the word is...respect, liking, enjoy being around them or spending time with them, etc for a person without ever really understanding if you'd like to go further than that with them, it's much harder to understand.

 

 But again, Im unsure if that's a lack of sexual attraction, or just a fear of having to act on something Ive never done before. 

 

But then Im funny about touching anyway, always have been. I dont like touching Im not ready for, it has to be on my terms so the thought of putting myself in a position where Im not in control of that is a terrifying thought, So again, is this a lack of attraction, or fear taking over and forcing me to swallow up any attraction I might feel, as being scared and hiding is easier. I havent got a clue!

I flip all the time on what I am. Gay or Homoromantic? Confused is the only constant thing. 

I also have a thing about touching and a fear of acting on something i haven't done and not being in control of myself. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi! I am a newbie!! I literally just found this site after going through pictures of my friend at Pride and seeing the AVEN sign next to our colors :). So I have a couple questions for you guys, that kind of have to do with some problems of mine currently.

 

1) How do you know if you are Homoromantic? Like for me, I have always known that I was asexual, I just didn't have a word for it until last year. But romantic attractions have always been hard for me to figure out when 99% of people I know define attraction through a sexual point of view. I have always got along and been more comfortable with female presenting individuals, I have pictured my life with a female partner, and I have always been Aesthetically attracted to female presenting individuals, but is that enough to say that I am homoromantic?

 

2) This one I am VERY, and have always been, confused about. What is the difference between a best friend you would do anything for and a same sex partner for asexual individuals? When I ask my lesbian friends about it, they say there is a fine line there, and many times it is first drawn with sex, because you have sex with your partner, and don't with your best friend. But that's kind of not an option for me, unless its FAR FAR down the road.

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Claire1983
On 5/16/2018 at 9:11 AM, Azia said:

Hi! I am a newbie!! I literally just found this site after going through pictures of my friend at Pride and seeing the AVEN sign next to our colors :). So I have a couple questions for you guys, that kind of have to do with some problems of mine currently.

 

1) How do you know if you are Homoromantic? Like for me, I have always known that I was asexual, I just didn't have a word for it until last year. But romantic attractions have always been hard for me to figure out when 99% of people I know define attraction through a sexual point of view. I have always got along and been more comfortable with female presenting individuals, I have pictured my life with a female partner, and I have always been Aesthetically attracted to female presenting individuals, but is that enough to say that I am homoromantic?

 

2) This one I am VERY, and have always been, confused about. What is the difference between a best friend you would do anything for and a same sex partner for asexual individuals? When I ask my lesbian friends about it, they say there is a fine line there, and many times it is first drawn with sex, because you have sex with your partner, and don't with your best friend. But that's kind of not an option for me, unless its FAR FAR down the road.

Still contemplating this myself, though from the alternate side of having thought I was straight. The sexual angle threw me two and I realize now that there have been women that I felt drawn too, but had no interest in having sex with, so I dismissed the feeling all together.  Now I realize that there's a draw and I find someone intriguing, and would like to spend more time with them in a more than friendly way.

 

As for the difference.  Again, I think it's a little murky. but I feel like a romantic partner is someone who would make me a priority (and vice versa) in a way that even a very close friend might not.  Like if I were to move across the country, that decision would have to involve them, where as with a friend it would not.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I realized am asexual then I found out I preferred being with Ladies.Sex isn't my thing also it's not easy to find someone with the same orientation as mine here in Kenya. It wasn't easy to find LBQ+women in kenya.  Now that  i  am sure I am homoromantic it's harder to find other homoromantics but still I have hope. I don't mind being friends with anyone. I value friendship

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slice_of_pie

Quite a few homoromantic ladies on this forum going by the number of pages in this thread. I'm new here and thought this would be a good place to start.

Hi. 😉

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 6/11/2018 at 4:14 PM, slice_of_pie said:

Quite a few homoromantic ladies on this forum going by the number of pages in this thread. I'm new here and thought this would be a good place to start.

Hi. 😉

Sure!  Make yourself at home and enjoy your stay with us :D

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