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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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RainbowAutistic

I always knew I likes girls, not in a sexual way, but in a romantic way. To be honest, I think sex sounds kinda gross.

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Dreamsofemerald

I definitely find girls more attractive and to be honest I have and COULD have sex with a girl (won't necessarily enjoy it )because our bits are the same so it grosses me out less you know? but I have never and will never sleep with a dude :s

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Dreamsofemerald

I just wish I could date another asexual! I know j shouldn't feel this way but I feel guilty if I'm with a heteronormative person like I should give them the 'normal' stuff but I can't.

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Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

Are you yet not sure?

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I am not homoromantic! I am asexual, but I am also a lesbian. The idea that I was asexual was planted in my head when I was a young teenager, but the fear of being a lesbian was always present in my life. My mother constantly made statements that I dressed / looked like a lesbian, constantly made comments about how I had a 'little boyfriend' (because I was a girl with a friend who was a boy) to everyone around me, asked me repeatedly if I was a lesbian (when I said no, she would give a large sigh of relief and say "thank god"), accuse me of being a cam girl (no, seriously she saw it on Dr Phil), accused me of having sex as a young teenager, never took me seriously when I talked about sexual harassment I received, etc. I was also bombarded with media and peers around me treating "lesbian" like a dirty word. So that sucked.

I'm not homoromantic bc I'm not really a romantic.. I think I might be demi romantic at the most. I prioritize women in all my relationships, and I'm platonically attracted to women (and have only felt romantic feelings for women when I do form feelings), have only had sex with women and cannot imagine having sex with men, etc. I prioritize women in my politics and in my visual arts (media produced by women for women etc). So by taking the label 'lesbian' i feel it's also political bc people hate lesbians. But the word "lesbian" doesn't describe me as much as "lesbian ace" or "asexual lesbian" because I am a lesbian, but I am asexual and that cannot be ignored it's like... equally important if not more so.

I "keep a straight face" around public / work unless anyone specifically asks (spoiler: nobody asks) and while my mum has been told multiple times I'm an asexual lesbian, she just hopes I marry a man and have his babies eventually. My dad doesn't really talk about it and is used to keeping these things within the family BC he's out to us as a family unit, but not out due to work discrimination / our homophobic family / etc. My mum doesn't want the rest of my family to know / told me to keep all my shit on the down low. I think they all assume I'm an ashamed, closeted lesbian because I live with another woman and we share a bed. Whatever.

I'm out to friends and in my general life / medical life / internet.

In this post: Women includes tran women because they are women.

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I'm beginning to think maybe I belong in this thread...

I'm quioromantic, probably demiromantic, so I haven't really "liked" people enough to figure out my romantic orientation, but I would definitely rather date girls and probably also marry a girl. I'm actually dating my best friend who appears female (some people even believe they're lesbian) but is actually gender fluid and usually goes by he/him (or they/them) pronouns to the friends they're out to. I was really against dating, and I think one of the reasons I am actually comfortable dating them is because I know when people see us together, what they see is two lesbians.

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Aaahhhh I don't know if I belong here D:

(Also sorry of something similar has been addressed I skimmed through most of the posts but I could have missed something)

Lately, I'm unsure of what to label myself (I know I don't *need* one, but I'd kind of like something that makes sense to me). For about a year, I've been going with aro/ace, but lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I do prefer the ladies and want to date them and could only see myself with another girl in the future, but at the same time I'm still aromantic!! I don't know where these feelings have been coming from... Maybe it's just that I feel safer and more comfortable with girls, but whatever the case I want to accept that part of my identity. So can I call myself an ace lesbian even if I'm aro? Is there some other term that exists? Do I even belong in this thread? Help!

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Loomish, I don't identify as homo-romantic (I used to think I was aro; I'm starting to think I'm a demi-romantic, if that), and I think it's fine for me to identify as an ace lesbian... so I'm sure it's fine for you too so long as you feel the label suits you!

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To be honest, I might be demi-biromantic. That or I'm confusing romantic feelings with admiration again and could be aromantic instead. I'm still questioning

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Ko + archery

When I was nine I had this best friend. A girl. A tomboy. We built dens and had sword-fights and made up secret languages, and everyone knew not to fuck with one of us without having to deal with the other. That's basically what I want from my adult partnerships: absolute-best-friendship. A butch-ish, outdoorsy, geeky, loyal woman who can put my Ikea furniture together and kick my ass at MarioKart, and hike in the woods talking about deep things no one else understands.

I feel like a good number of people get married and have kids without this level of intimacy. Without this level of friendship or closeness. I've certainly had a couple of relationships where the emotional closeness seemed to be patched over with sex, with that afterglow feeling of "no one does this with my partner but me."

It just depresses me to put years of my life into building such closeness, only to be broken up with for lack of sexual motivation. I'm still best friends with a couple of my exes, and it destroys me a bit to still basically be as close as we were while we were partnered, yet to listen to them glee over some random girl they hardly know, but who the sex is incredible with, and who they break up with a month later because of no common ground.

tl;dr = urgh, women. ;)

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AceInhibitor

Sorry this is probably a bad question but if I'm bi ace is it still ok for me to be here? I'm a girl and it would just be nice to talk to more ace girls who also like girls, most of my friends are either ace but don't like girls, or they're lesbian/bi/pan but not ace. And it's like, I might date someone if I met another ace girl, because I don't think I'd be able to date someone who wasn't ace because I'd feel guilty and I'd always feel on edge like they were expecting sex.

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AceInhibitor

When I was nine I had this best friend. A girl. A tomboy. We built dens and had sword-fights and made up secret languages, and everyone knew not to fuck with one of us without having to deal with the other. That's basically what I want from my adult partnerships: absolute-best-friendship. A butch-ish, outdoorsy, geeky, loyal woman who can put my Ikea furniture together and kick my ass at MarioKart, and hike in the woods talking about deep things no one else understands.

I feel like a good number of people get married and have kids without this level of intimacy. Without this level of friendship or closeness. I've certainly had a couple of relationships where the emotional closeness seemed to be patched over with sex, with that afterglow feeling of "no one does this with my partner but me."

It just depresses me to put years of my life into building such closeness, only to be broken up with for lack of sexual motivation. I'm still best friends with a couple of my exes, and it destroys me a bit to still basically be as close as we were while we were partnered, yet to listen to them glee over some random girl they hardly know, but who the sex is incredible with, and who they break up with a month later because of no common ground.

tl;dr = urgh, women. ;)

That kind of relationship sounds amazing. I basically just want an epic best friend relationship without sex. It amuses me that that is essentially unattainable.

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prairiegirlUK

@AceInhibitor, I would like to offer my greetings and say that from my perspective, you're absolutely welcome here.

And I agree with what you said about Ko+'s description of the best friend. I didn't have that kind of friend as a child, but as a teenager, I dreamed of it, and now, like you, I think it sounds like the perfect kind of relationship. I guess I just have to keep on hoping that it isn't completely unobtainable. But definitely very, very rare.

I've also come to the conclusion that dating another ace is the only way to go.

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I have such a hard time connecting with people on any level beyond friendship because I'm afraid I might fall for someone, romantically, and then that person will expect sex. It has certainly happened to me before. Anyone else feel compelled to do the same, just to avoid dealing with the ridicule? I wish it wasn't such a big deal to people.

(Bad english warning) Trying to explain this is hard. You just get the same old response everybody already knows. I usually say that I'm not interested in a relationship because I'm all about me, doing what it is that I want to, and some times I just say that people don't have enough brain.-tends to keep them in deep thought-

It is really hard to imagine having somenthing intimate without the "sexual act" involved. As hard as it is for me to find someone who feels like me.

I'm too "hiding" in this town; I don't want to fall for someone, because of course they will want sex... I can't even think about having the "lesbian" thing, because is pretty much the same.

It is difficult to deal with this situations, people asking, wondering, bugging... Not finding the right person or getting involved with someone but not the way you would want to... Doing this & that to try something out, but just fooling your self or just trying not to feel that lonely...

Haha, I guess I'll stay with the "make believe" part, since it did not worked out with men; and girls, well... It did work out, but having this failure at the "let's have sex-again-" part, kinda blowed up everything.

At least I can relate to Aeryn Gunn, and a lot of people in here... Sigh*

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Inactive123

This is wonderful. A thread for lesbians who are more into romance? Yep, that's my thing X3

I know I'm homoromantic, but I'm still very confused if I'm ace, demisexual, or just have a low libido. I dont even have any idea whether Ive actually experienced attraction, or if it was just asthetic attraction. I just know for sure romance makes more of a relationship than sex ever does. (And lesbians making such a big deal out of sex makes me feel kinda sad you know. It's hard feeling kinda alienated in a group you're supposed to belong to. >~< )

I guess I'll stick around here to chat .3.

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Huzzah for this thread :D I definitely have romantic attractions towards women and have had my fair share of crushes over the years, so I think I'm homo-romantic too :)

For years I thought that romantic attractions was the same as sexual attractions, until about a year ago when I found out that there is indeed a difference between romance/sexual attractions after reading up on definitions of labels and stuff. The only down side is that when I try to explain or talk about this to my close friends, I get a blank look before being told that I can't be ace and gay at the same time :I ah well - at least there's the internet with sites like this to know that it's not just me thinking this way \o/

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Just stumbled upon this thread and not sure if I belong here or not, but it certainly peaked my interest!

I'm definitely asexual, but I'm still trying to figure out if I identify as homoromantic or aromatic. I find the line between friendships and romantic relationships to be fairly blurry. I feel like it I were to end up in some type of relationship with a partner in the future it would be something more along the lines of queerplatonic relationship, but I also have friendships that cross lines into what some might consider a queerplatonic relationship but are strictly friendships (and I don't desire for them to be anything more).

I've never been in a sexual/romantic/queerplatonic relationship before, but all of my close friendships have always been with girls. I've had guys who were friends in more of an acquaintance-esque way, such as someone you would socialize with at school or work, but I've never felt close to or desired a close relationship with a man. I don't really know what that makes me, so I'm still trying to figure it out as a I feel I fall somewhere in-between the lines. Not that I really care about the label, I'm more so just trying to figure out who I am...

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Seraphina Willow

I definitely identify as an asexual lesbian.

I realised I was asexual first. I always knew I was different to my friends, but never knew exactly how. I'd never had a crush on a boy, and the one time I knew a boy had a crush on me was the most awkward experience of my life. I only started identifying as homoromantic a few months ago, I'd thought I might be biromantic, but I'm definitely not.

I've come out to my mother as ace, though she didn't believe me, but I can't imagine coming out to anyone else where I live, and that's just as ace. Coming out as romantically attracted to females scares the living daylights out of me. I'm fairly positive I'd be rejected by almost everyone that I know (most of whom I know through church and/or my christian school), and that's not a nice thought. I'll be going to Uni soon, and hopefully I'll get to meet a whole lot of people with broader horizons

I want a female life partner to love with all my heart, to share everything with, but not sex. I'm starting to doubt that will be possible, after all, with aces being rare as we are, and female aces who are romantically attracted to female aces being, by default, rarer, what chance do I have? Maybe I could settle for a best friend who had a sexual partner, but who wants to be second best all their life just because they don't want sex? I don't want to be less important than my partner's girlfriend. I want to be her girlfriend, and I don't want to feel guilty either.

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I want a female life partner to love with all my heart, to share everything with, but not sex. I'm starting to doubt that will be possible, after all, with aces being rare as we are, and female aces who are romantically attracted to female aces being, by default, rarer, what chance do I have? Maybe I could settle for a best friend who had a sexual partner, but who wants to be second best all their life just because they don't want sex? I don't want to be less important than my partner's girlfriend. I want to be her girlfriend, and I don't want to feel guilty either.

I relate to this so strongly.

The first (and only) person I have ever loved left me after a year together because she wasn't sure she could be in a relationship with someone who isn't sexually attracted to her. I'm sex-neutral and was always open to it, but she would feel guilty, so we decided to break it off and try to remain friends. I feel quite broken and so, so very hurt that I don't think I will ever want to try a mixed relationship again. But, like Seraphina Willow noted, the chances of finding another homoromantic ace seems so dismally low that I don't even know what to do with myself.

It just feels so isolating.

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Super confusing because I realized I was into chicks before I realized I was also asexual. I knew I went gaga for girls but not in the same way other lesbians did and I couldn't wrap my head around it. It took me a couple years to realize I was a romantic asexual who's got a preference for ladies. Now the only obstacle left to tackle is finding someone out there who fits, which is proving to be super difficult.

I'm the SAME WAY except attracted to fem, not just girls. but I'm not attracted to masculine at all. I think I've found my term to be polyromantic but i'm still searching for a label that fits me better : (

because i'm agender, saying asexual lesbian doesn't fit. aagh, the struggle!

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  • 3 weeks later...
words are futile devices

Didn't think I'd ever wind up posting in this thread, but here I am! Life is so amusing.

Up until this year, I crushed and squished on boys and boys alone. Time after time after time I'd go on dates, hang out with them, befriend them, and occasionally enter into quasi-relationships that would last no more than a couple of months (because I would end them). Things have not worked out with a single guy in whom I've ever been remotely interested. Most times my feelings faded rather quickly, especially once they'd expressed romantic interest in me.

I've reached a point where I couldn't be any less interested in the thought of dating a man. On the other hand... I started a new job back in June, and almost right away I began to develop feelings for one of the female employees. It completely surprised me at first, to realize what was happening. That I'd get nervous and even more awkward than usual around her, that hearing her voice would make my heart rate pick up, that her beautiful smile was enough to instantly improve my day. I don't know what I want, exactly. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind, as usual. Really, I'd just like the opportunity to know her better. We definitely have at least a few things in common, and I feel like we would get along well. Despite my nerves, I do try to strike up conversation whenever I can. She's always so friendly toward me (and everyone else), and sometimes I swear when she looks at me, her face sort of lights up. That could be in my head, though. And I don't know with certainty, maybe it's wishful thinking... but based on our interactions and what I've seen on her facebook, I have a pretty strong feeling that she may be homosexual and/or homoromantic. Regardless, I'm crushing pretty hard.

So... not sure if this makes me biromantic or if my feelings for this girl are a one-off and I'll never have another experience like this again. But if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I'll ever have romantic feelings for a man again, either. Maybe I've undergone a complete shift in romantic orientation? I just don't know!

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Yuri Daisuki

I define myself as homoromantic asexual, mainly because I heard that lesbian means you are sexually attracted to women (which I haven't felt) so that's why I stick with homoromantic asexual rather than asexual lesbian.

Had crushes on a few girls (the longest one about 2 years) but they were eons ago and I haven't liked anyone since (6 years) so I've been thinking I might be gray-romantic too

Haven't dated before as well, so I might be demisexual but right now I'm still an ace.

Totally agree with the folks above that it would be even more difficult to find a homoromantic ace. Sometimes, rather than finding "the one", I feel that having soulmate(s) would be enough for me (and the probability of finding her/them isn't high too); and that while I prefer romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are not bad as well.

Nice to meet you all :)

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  • 2 months later...

I think I might define myself as bi-romantic. 

It was only this past year that, for the first time, I felt, clear as day, romantic feelings for another woman. Although this made me go back and question some of the feelings that I had regarding my high school best friend, which I don't think I was able to understand at the time. 

The woman, though--I don't think I've ever felt like that about anyone. She was something else.

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I've known for ages, that I'm romantically, visually, sensually etc... more attracted to females than males, but there has been a couple of cases, when I was attracted to a guy, and I almost wish it never happened, because my romantic orientation (or lack thereof?!!) is too confusing as it is :o And if I go with "biromantic" (or "panromantic") it sounds like I'm attracted 50% to guys, 50% to girls, while it's more like 98% girls... :redface:

Oh, and I totally relate to everyone saying, that they'd basically want a super BFFs -type of a relationship, but I feel that it's nowhere near realistic for me to find that kind of a connection.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
On 12/27/2016 at 3:00 PM, sindi said:

I've known for ages, that I'm romantically, visually, sensually etc... more attracted to females than males, but there has been a couple of cases, when I was attracted to a guy, and I almost wish it never happened, because my romantic orientation (or lack thereof?!!) is too confusing as it is :o And if I go with "biromantic" (or "panromantic") it sounds like I'm attracted 50% to guys, 50% to girls, while it's more like 98% girls... :redface:

Oh, and I totally relate to everyone saying, that they'd basically want a super BFFs -type of a relationship, but I feel that it's nowhere near realistic for me to find that kind of a connection.

Same here. I'm romantically,sensually more attracted to men, but there has been a whole lot of cases where I was attracted to women aesthetically, sensually, and  rarely though,romantically. It is so fuckin confusing! When it comes to aesthetic attraction, I love women more then men. Damn... I am so confused.

 

2ne1-minzy-2012-i4.jpg

 

2ne1-cl-lee-chaerin-instyle-magazine-sep

Cl or Minzy, I'm always here for a cuddle party!  CALL ME!!!! :wub::redface:

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

Even though I have already posted, I am bored so...why not post one more time? ;)

 

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

Unsure. When I found out I was ace, I just called myself heteroromantic, but later on I found myself attracted sensually and aesthetically to women, esp. Butch chicks. So I then called myself androromantic. I just maybe biromantic. I'm not too big on labels, so I'm not to hung up about it.
How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

When I was 20, I noticed I liked girls even more aesthetically esp. Butch women. I do see myself being open to dating women.
Are you yet not sure?

As stated before, unsure. TOTALLY unsure. Especially being grayromantic, I don't experience much romantic feelings any way... :\
Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I came out as ace only to a handful of people. I haven't disclosed my romantic orientation yet.

 

As previously stated in my previous post in this thread, I find women more aesthetically attractive then men. Women are just so damn beautiful!!!! Men are cute and all...but women...:wub: they are just...WOW! I love how women's bodies are so beautifully sculpted by nature..…slim to curvy....so diverse. I don't care what race the woman is....black,Asian,white...don't care..I just am in awe of beautiful women!!!!!!!!!

 

But My Queens......

 

CL-image-cl-36365855-500-300.jpg

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The-Baddest-Female-lee-chae-rin-29439643

lee_chaerin__cl__by_alexxpark-d59szez.pn

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-Lee-Chaerin-CL-2ne1-38103949-473-384.gi

CL+Lee+Chaerin+2NE1+Half+Brown+Half+BlonCL-of-2NE1.jpg

 

tumblr_n5w38sWfq21s6vjiio2_250.gif

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original.gif

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former-2ne1-member-minzy-preparing-for-s

 

CL and Minzy!!!!! You 2 Still Have Not called me yet for the cuddle party!!!! The beauty you two posses should NOT Be wasted!!!!!!! I AM HERE to give you two the BEST cuddle party ever!!!!!! So CALL ME DAMMIT!!! This ace knows how to cuddle and kiss Queens!!!!Don't Miss this opportunity CALL NOW! You two WON'T regret it!!!:wub:

 

LMAO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I'm sex repulsed and homoromantic and never been sexual and do not want to be either, I've been homoromantic pretty much since I discovered I was different from all girls and males back when I was in middle school, that was in early 2000s too. I was going to go to a pride parade with a friend since she invited me but now I'm off to Yellowstone when it happens.

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I've gotten through catching up on the first half of this topic and the last page and a half... (eventually I'll get through the rest) Figured I should finally make my own post. Reading all the perspectives everyone has shared has helped me a bit to come to terms with what I'm feeling. I've been questioning myself on the topic of what romantic orientation I fall under for a long time now. I found out about asexuality 3 1/2 years ago and it was quite a relief (as a common feeling is to feel out of place or broken, compared to society). I've only ever dated males, and I thought I was straight. Two relationships, lasting 1 year, and 3 months, respectively. Other men have wanted to be in a relationship with me, but I turned them down, as I'd get very anxious about the thought of being with them. I don't dislike the idea of being in a relationship with a man, but it's not something I'm drawn to and have to have. I haven't dated in the 3 1/2 years since finding the word to how I felt about sex. With more reading into all the terms, I thought maybe I was aromantic (sometimes I'd like the idea about being in a relationship, but sometimes I'd be scared of the idea).

 

Anyway, for the past year or maybe two I've toyed with the idea that maybe I'm homoromantic. I enjoy my relationships with other women, but it's hard to know if it's the friendship relationship I want or a romantic one. I'm not very good at being able to self-analyze. So I'm a little confused with myself the past little while, as I've made a new friend over the past 3 months. We're very similar in our interests, and our friendship has grown. We talk openly to each other about anything (after a conversation that led to her telling me she's gay and I telling her I'm asexual). A different conversation happened a few nights ago, where I answered a question about my romantic preferences. I said I don't have a preference for my romantic partner. I was shocked it came out of my mouth, since I feel like I don't know what I want. I love being around her (but is it romantic feelings or just deep desire for a relationship since I don't have many friends). I wish I knew how she feels about me (I'd hate to ask since she's probably sexual, and wouldn't want to be forced into an asexual relationship (and I don't want to make our friendship weird by being turned down)). We ask random questions all the time to each other since we're both quite introverted and aren't super chatty (so questions is our way of holding conversation). She's asked what I look for in a partner, so something tells me I should just be forward with her about my feelings... but I'm scared to risk it. :(Even if she does like me, would I be able to uphold my side of the romantic stuff? My anxiety kicks in a lot when I'm that close with people. :/

 

Think I answered the Q's on pg 1.. other than coming out. My sister and a few friends know I'm ace. Just one person knows of my split romantic preferences. My parents are catholic and probably wouldn't like if I told them.

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  • 4 weeks later...

This is very much me! I went through a period in college thinking I was aro ace, because I knew I wasn't interested in men romantically or sexually, and I didn't realize that what I felt for women was romantic attraction--until it hit me over the head. I came out as gay, and I identify pretty strongly with the lesbian community, I just…don't want sex. And it even took me a while to figure that out, because even though I knew romantic and sexual attraction can be different, I still felt in my head that they should be the same, so I was like, "Okay, I'm romantically into women, I must want to have sex with them, too." And now I've just entered into my first official relationship with a woman I really like, but I've only very recently realized I'm still somewhere on the ace spectrum…so I need to tell her soon.

 

I'm still not sure if I'm ace or demi, so I don't know if I'd be willing/interested in sex at a later stage of the relationship. I also feel embarrassed about all of this, because I've spent the past year and a half coming out publicly as gay to everyone I know, and I'm going to be co-president of my grad school's LGBTQ student group next year…so no, I haven't come out as most-likely-ace to anyone other than a few very close friends. Whenever I can, I hint that I'm not a very sexual person, and I advocate for asexual inclusivity in my student group. But I'm still scared about coming out, because I worry I won't be taken seriously if I'm coming out for a second time.

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I had a similar experience to @Frodo. Came out to everyone as gay, only my best friend and girlfriend know about my potential asexual orientation. I am unsure if I am ace or demi. I have vague memories of possible sexual attraction, I often want to kiss girls but I don't really enjoy it. I wonder if I used to or if I was always just pretending, but I can't quite remember how I used to feel. 

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