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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

The purpose of this thread it's to talk about the homoromantic or lesbian experience. Of course Bi girls and intruders are invited to talk too, but you will be an intruder :evil:, just like me :rolleyes: haha!

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?
How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?
Are you yet not sure?
Have you come out of the close as any of both?

Editeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! LOL

Please inform me if this need more editing for failing in labels :P

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Super confusing because I realized I was into chicks before I realized I was also asexual. I knew I went gaga for girls but not in the same way other lesbians did and I couldn't wrap my head around it. It took me a couple years to realize I was a romantic asexual who's got a preference for ladies. Now the only obstacle left to tackle is finding someone out there who fits, which is proving to be super difficult.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

Now the only obstacle left to tackle is finding someone out there who fits, which is proving to be super difficult.

I have no doubt at this point, no one else have joined the talk :o :lol:

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As I scroll merrily along, I'm always reading on various threads about asexual romantics who are 'into' dating, being room-mates, cuddling, hugs, maybe some (light) kissing, etc., just no actual sexual intercourse. I am sure that somewhere in those descriptions, there are different orientations with one solidly fitting a lesbian tendency; and if not - why not?

EDIT by runester: please allow me to alter my use of the word "intercourse" to "relations". That's all I meant. :)

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As I scroll merrily along, I'm always reading on various threads about asexual romantics who are 'into' dating, being room-mates, cuddling, hugs, maybe some (light) kissing, etc., just no actual sexual intercourse. I am sure that somewhere in those descriptions, there are different orientations with one solidly fitting a lesbian tendency; and if not - why not?

What does intercourse have to do with a thread for homoromantic asexual females? :blink:

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

As I scroll merrily along, I'm always reading on various threads about asexual romantics who are 'into' dating, being room-mates, cuddling, hugs, maybe some (light) kissing, etc., just no actual sexual intercourse. I am sure that somewhere in those descriptions, there are different orientations with one solidly fitting a lesbian tendency; and if not - why not?

What does intercourse have to do with a thread for homoromantic asexual females? :blink:

Now I'm thinking... those that means that the term lesbian isn't the right if you are an asexual female? Sorry... I yet don't know all the stuff and terms around. :redface:

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"asexual lesbian" is fine, i've seen it used by many people to self-identify both here and on aven-italy.

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intruder me :rolleyes::ph34r:

please yummy ignore this post :wub:

Are you asexual lesbian?

I'm aromantic but I'm a lesbian themed fiction writer XDD

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

I started writing lesbian themed fiction before I knew I was ace

Are you yet not sure?

I'm very sure all I want to write is girl on girl fics

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I'm outed ace and I'm outed femmeslash writer

I have to say that lesbian Aces ROCK (well all ACES ROCK) :wub:

I was only here to intrude :ph34r: :ph34r:

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I figured out that I was a lesbian and spent years trying to pretend I wasn't, figured out I was gray-a, and then (just recently) accepted that I was a lesbian. :blink: It still makes my head spin a little.

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As I scroll merrily along, I'm always reading on various threads about asexual romantics who are 'into' dating, being room-mates, cuddling, hugs, maybe some (light) kissing, etc., just no actual sexual intercourse. I am sure that somewhere in those descriptions, there are different orientations with one solidly fitting a lesbian tendency; and if not - why not?

What does intercourse have to do with a thread for homoromantic asexual females? :blink:

Hi, "ith"! Absolutely nothing, as I read what I posted over and over again! I was more answering to the post making the observation that there was a dearth of people replying to the OP, than anything else. I used a poor choice of words, as I was attempting to say that I was surprised there were not more posters on the thread.

It seems to me that there is a someone for everyone, here on AVEN; as it should be. Please believe that my intentions were pure. I guess I merely don't know the terminology today's lesbians use for the 'sex act'. I'm going to stop now, before I dig a deeper well to drown in!

EDIT: Please note I altered my use of the word "intercourse" to "relations", above. I hope that goes with the flow of the posting more sensibly. TY for your patience with me; and if I upset you, "ith", it was unintentional to be sure!! :)

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

intruder me :rolleyes::ph34r:

please yummy ignore this post :wub:

Are you asexual lesbian?

I'm aromantic but I'm a lesbian themed fiction writer XDD

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

I started writing lesbian themed fiction before I knew I was ace

Are you yet not sure?

I'm very sure all I want to write is girl on girl fics

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I'm outed ace and I'm outed femmeslash writer

I have to say that lesbian Aces ROCK (well all ACES ROCK) :wub:

I was only here to intrude :ph34r: :ph34r:

I can't ignore you!

35823i.jpg

:lol:

(...) but every once in a while I still have a major religious crisis over it

I wonder about this, if you are lesbian but asexual why would still be a bad thing seen from an "against gay religion" perspective.

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I can't ignore you!

35823i.jpg

:lol:

BUWAHHAHA I sure do the dirtiest ones since I'm a natural pervert :lol:

*noms on yummy because is yummy* :wub:

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

@runester Oh! I forgot to say, when I replied: I have no doubt at this point, no one else have joined the talk :o :lol:

I meant that I was amused of how few asexual lesbians or homo-romantic are in Aven, or maybe they just don't care to post :P not that I thought people should find someone in Aven.

I can't ignore you!

35823i.jpg

:lol:

BUWAHHAHA I sure do the dirtiest ones since I'm a natural pervert :lol:

*noms on yummy because is yummy* :wub:

You always make me laugh or smile :P

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You always make me laugh or smile :P

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

aaawww that's so great to know at least I make one person having fun, on the contrary with all those I keep on annoying >< :(

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It's great to see other lesbian/queer aces here!

There is actually an AVEN-related forum [here] dedicated to asexual lesbian discussion. It can get quiet over there, though. It would be nice to generate more interest and dicussion here.

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It's great to see other lesbian/queer aces here!

There is actually an AVEN-related forum [here] dedicated to asexual lesbian discussion. It can get quiet over there, though. It would be nice to generate more interest and dicussion here.

This is really interesting :) I didn't know of this forum ^_^

Thanks :cake:

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

It's great to see other lesbian/queer aces here!

There is actually an AVEN-related forum [here] dedicated to asexual lesbian discussion. It can get quiet over there, though. It would be nice to generate more interest and dicussion here.

This is really interesting :) I didn't know of this forum ^_^

Thanks :cake:

Me neither! :o I'll take a look* at it. Thanks

Edit: OMG I think I was sleeping when typed: I take a lot at if :lol:

Edited by Invisible Pumpkin
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Hi, I'm an intruder. :ph34r: I'm a biromantic asexual, and I identified as bisexual first.

I discovered that I'm bi last year, and just discovered AVEN last week. I was born and raised in a very strict/conservative Catholic environment, which I only just left 4 years ago. So I guess it makes sense that I figure these things out on years #3 and 4. The first two years were spent figuring out much less complicated things about myself.

It took me around 6 months to be sure and comfortable of identifying as bisexual. My story is similar to CBC.Radio.Girl's and I can really relate to what you wrote. For me, it started with a surprise crush on a female friend. I was married to my current husband at the time, so I'm glad my husband and I are poly - it would've made it all even more confusing if we weren't. She was straight, too, and very flirty with me. I tried to write it off as a one-time crush that meant nothing. Or that I was over-reacting and the feelings weren't as deep as I was acting like they were. I figured I just took the flirting too seriously or... something. But the more I was honest with myself, I realized none of that was true. I also wish I'd realized it earlier. I was 26 at the time. The people I hung out with in high school were so accepting of everyone, LGBT people included - I really could've had a chance to figure myself out then!

As far as being ace, I came here to see what the word "asexual" meant and it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. My thoughts were "so I'm not broken, and neither is my marriage?" After 2-3 days of thinking, debating, and worrying I was like Anne... you did this to yourself with the bisexual label. You've already had this discussion with yourself about that. Shut up, don't torture yourself about this for 6 months too. You know you're ace, so admit it and get used to it. So I did, haha. I'd say identifying as bisexual first made it easier for me to identify as ace. I already knew it was not a big deal to realize I "am" something or to accept a label. I'd done it once before, so I could do it again.

I haven't "come out" as in, announcing it to anyone. But I'm not quiet about who I am, either. One by one people have found out that I'm bi, just through conversation. There are people who don't know, but they've never asked and my conversations with them never lead to it. So it's not necessarily that I haven't told them, I would if it came up and it hasn't, is all. As for being ace, I don't know if I'd be able to admit that so easily. Not that I'm embarrassed, just that I would fear bad reactions. Not even so much bad reactions directed at me, I could handle those - but bad reactions directed at my husband! I'd be afraid that a) they would assume my husband is also ace, so it'd be like "outing" him as something he's not and b) they'd judge him or think he's broken or something. So we'll see, I'm not sure how I'll handle this yet.

35823i.jpg

I laughed so hard at this! I'm a huge perv. I can pervify so many sentences that people wouldn't even think could be pervified. I've wondered if that makes me hypocritical as an ace. I guess this means it doesn't. :lol:

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I laughed so hard at this! I'm a huge perv. I can pervify so many sentences that people wouldn't even think could be pervified. I've wondered if that makes me hypocritical as an ace. I guess this means it doesn't. :lol:

no that makes you a person with sense of humour, pervy Aces FTW :lol:

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I identify as an asexual lesbian yes but I usually tend to say that I love women and confide the asexual half to those I am close to.

I knew I loved females right from a young age - around 9/10. I had crushes on female teachers and then an unrequited love for my straight best friend for years. After I finally moved on fromher, I had on and off internet dates with other women and in Second Life under my male avatar I was in unrequited love with a best friend for over two years, found a girlfriend, dated her for months, we drifted apart and I ended things and then started dating a new girl whom in Second Life I am very much in love with.

I knew I wasn't interested in sex with anyyone from about the age of 9 or 10 as well but I didn't discover the term asexual until I read it in the newspaper at seventeen and then researched it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

There are some asexual lesbians around... a handful at least, but I'm drawing a blank on some names (and many are members who don't post much anymore). Scholastic, hi there!

My partner is lesbian and asexual, I suppose. Neither of us use the word "lesbian" because it's icky. I identify as "gay" when I'm forced to identify, but generally I don't identify as anything. People assume I'm straight until they meet my partner, then they get it and all's good. I prefer NOT having to disclose unless necessary.

My partner discovered her gayness long before her asexuality. It took awhile for her to accept the asexual thing, in part because she just never thought about sex. A lot of you felt like you were immediately different because of your lack of sexual interest, but I do think that coming out as gay takes some of the pressure off of that. There's a reason why you're sexually confused, and that reason is: lesbianism! If a lesbian isn't particularly interested in sex, it's because they're 1) a woman (come on, we know women don't like sex!), 2) repressed, 3) dealing with religious or moral shame. My partner thought she was just dealing with sex shame, but over the course of a few years, she has come to see that what she has is an indifference to sex... she's not ashamed of it or afraid of it, and she's had a lot of sex so she's not embarrassed or new to it.

We took a stroll back through her relationships once to examine the sex issue. I asserted that, contrary to her perspective, it actually isn't entirely normal to never want sex, always be "too tired" or otherwise engaged to want to have it. At first she said "but I haven't had much sex in any of my relationships!", but after looking through the mirror of the past, she realized that it was a major issue in each relationship she had... but somehow she just managed to overlook it. Possibly because women are much less pushy than men about sex? I'm always surprised when I hear stories from straight women about the bullshit their boyfriends will do and say to have sex.

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Kitty Spoon Train

women are much less pushy than men about sex? I'm always surprised when I hear stories from straight women about the bullshit their boyfriends will do and say to have sex.

When women want sex and a man doesn't put out, they just assume the man finds them unattractive...

But this is exactly what kept my acey tendencies hidden for so long: I happened to be involved with fairly conservative women, so the lack of sex in the relationships just never came up - especially in the case of my first gf, who didn't believe in sex before marriage for religious reasons. And I sort of earned a patient and gentlemanly reputation without trying - and without realising that there's actually something odd about a dude "putting up" with a sexless relationship for years. :lol:

EDIT: Oh and yeah, sorry for intruding! :twisted:

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

@Skulls :( I can't name the thread gay time, because... oh well... wouldn't be the thing I want to discuses.

EDIT: Oh and yeah, sorry for intruding! :twisted:

:o Intruder alert! *Alarm sounds*

LOL kidding... but maybe you could have faked to be a lesbian -_- :lol:

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I also am not fond of the term 'lesbian', and if I was strictly homoromantic/homosexual, I think I'd much prefer to go with 'gay' instead.

Same here. :)

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Mmm, I do wonder, if homosexual women are called Lesbians, are homosexual men called Gaybians?

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Hahaha I actually like that the title is like that, I have seen many new people identify as lesbian and either keep it or only after a while adopt the label homoromantic. So I think it's good for people to find it ^_^

:cake: to you for this thread

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clockwork bird

I'm another bi (or well, I usually say pan these days) grey-a, so also sort of an intruder? Heh. Sort of have gone back and forth on all of it a lot? But I was calling myself asexual as a joke (and then seriously) before I really realized I was not only not straight but more than just in the "I wouldn't mind being with a girl" way. I think I used to think I was like 90% straight, with some wiggle room, but I kind of realized that I've actually got more of an inclination for women than men, just I've also usually been interested in straight women who were definitely not into me that way, so those crushes never had a chance to go anywhere. Whereas a few of the guys I'd had a little interest in turned out to be interested in me, so I've had a chance to test that side of it out more.

Realizing I was into girls in some way was more surprising than realizing I was asexual, even though it did take me a while to realize I was in fact asexual and not just a "late bloomer." I think partly it's that I actually don't know many lesbians in person, so it seemed more natural to try to fit myself in with my straight friends, and it was able to be overlooked since I did have some interest in guys, even if it was incredibly low compared to my friends. I mean part of me is still unsure, because not having had a relationship/crush on someone I could actually bring it up with, it kind of remains to be seen how it'd play out, but.

I'm not really in the closet about being ace, though I don't really tell people unless it comes up either. Kind of the same about being pan. Closer friends know about both, but it's not usually anybody else's business.

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