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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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On 7/24/2019 at 8:26 PM, SearchingScribe said:

Wow, I almost could have written this. I'm not 100% sure I'm asexual as I've never dated anyone before, but I've never wanted sex and taking that out of the equation of relationships just makes sense to me. I'm the same with the biromantic thing too. I grew up very conservative, thinking my 2 options were to marry a guy or be single. I don't want to be alone, but I get on much better with females than I do with men. Not that I don't find men attractive, but as I've thought about spending the rest of my life with a woman, I've begun viewing women in a much more positive light, and I get really excited about a potential future.

 

You wouldn't disappoint me at all, in fact I'd love to have a partner with a "no sex" rule. :)

This is so nice of you- and it feels really good to hear. It's nice to find someone who relates~

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SearchingScribe
On ‎7‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 6:33 PM, certified_space_ace said:

Wow...you just said so simply what I have struggled so hard to articulate to myself. I agonize over whether or not what I'm feeling "counts" as romantic attraction. But, at the end of the day, I know I form strong emotional bonds with women, I know I find women beautiful, I know I don't want sex, but I'd like a partner to share my life with. Could it just be that simple?

I would like to think it could be...now to meet someone of our persuasion in person :)

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SearchingScribe
On ‎6‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 1:58 AM, Lonely Lemon said:

That sounds like a dream come true. I'd be onboard for that.

How would one start this? I'm not on social media much, even Tumblr, and I've heard some interesting things about it...but I don't know. Where's a good place for this to be set up?

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DarkStormyKnight

Hi all! I'm so glad I found this group, I've been identifying as a pan/gray-ro + NB but I'm female presenting and definitely have a strong preference for a femme partner. You all seem so lovely ah!

That's all, carry on.

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Captain_Tass
26 minutes ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

Hi all! I'm so glad I found this group, I've been identifying as a pan/gray-ro + NB but I'm female presenting and definitely have a strong preference for a femme partner. You all seem so lovely ah!

That's all, carry on.

Ayy, another NB gray pan! Welcome!

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Is a AMAB enby welcome here who struggle how far they lean towards femme and if they are trans femmine. I can only tell that the relationship with my girlfriend is pretty gay to me. Also I could not be in a relationship with a someone seeing me as male.

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so there seems to be lots of biromantic people on this thread. does anyone know of a forum for biromantic people?

 

I've known I was asexual for a good few years now but it was only recently I discovered I was biromantic, and it's something I'm still getting used to.

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On 8/7/2019 at 1:26 PM, Amy94 said:

so there seems to be lots of biromantic people on this thread. does anyone know of a forum for biromantic people?

I don't know of any forum for biromantic people. May I ask why you're looking for one - do you think there are too few discussions on bi issues, or is there too little bi support on AVEN?

There have been quite a lot of threads created specifically for bi aces here, just browse through the forums. You are right, though, there are surprisingly many bi aces in this thread that was initially created for wlw ...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello - this a great thread, thank you. I'm pretty fed up with being homoromantic at the mo and tbh wish I could change it (don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, it's just how I feel at the mo). I find men easier to understand/get on with, we share a lot of the same hobbies and interests, the only issue being I have no desire to have a romantic relationship with one. I spent my twenties living a completely relationship free existence, I knew that I wasn't straight but decided it was just better/safer to ignore the whole issue. Then a woman started asking to meet up with me and from the beginning it had romantic overtones, anyway it resulted in this very unsuccessful on-off tussle for many years as she wanted sex and I didn't. Eventually we parted ways but only after I'd fallen for her. Ever since then I've gone back to my normal pattern of ignoring the whole issue again. I know that this is not the best thing to do but at nearly 40 it seems too late to go off and experiment. Those of you with a partner, how did you meet them? I went to a few LGBT mornings in my local area but it was pretty stressful and I really don't want to have the same experience again as a few years ago. As far as the other info - I knew that I wasn't straight in my teens after I started fancying a girl in our school showcase and called myself bisexual. Spent most of uni confused by the whole thing and then realised (very late on) at age 34 that when people talked about fancying someone they were having a very different experience to me, e.g butterflies in the stomach - something I just hadn't experienced. That was when bisexuality was replaced by asexuality. I'm out to close family and a few friends - have never been the girliest of girls so I don't think that they were that surprised...

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On 11/8/2018 at 1:17 AM, WabiSabi said:

I'm glad this forum exists. I thought I was the only one. 

I identify as homoromantic demi-grey ace at this point. 

It's been a HARD process of finding this out. I was in the mainstream lesbian/queer women's community and there were aspects of it that I just couldn't keep up with or didn't feel comfortable with. I slowly learned that the culture doesn't fit my values. I value interpersonal/emotional connection over physicality/sexual connection. 

I 100% feel the same way and glad I’m not the only one. I identify as Demi and it took me a long time to understand why I date the way I do.  Given how much our lesbian world is focused on sex, hookups and the infamous uhaul this is a tough world to navigate. I grew up in a very conservative household and am happy for it as my parents accepted my sexuality despite it. Hopefully we will all find our way. 

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DarkStormyKnight
On 8/19/2019 at 5:17 PM, hm76 said:

Hello - this a great thread, thank you. I'm pretty fed up with being homoromantic at the mo and tbh wish I could change it (don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, it's just how I feel at the mo). I find men easier to understand/get on with, we share a lot of the same hobbies and interests, the only issue being I have no desire to have a romantic relationship with one. I spent my twenties living a completely relationship free existence, I knew that I wasn't straight but decided it was just better/safer to ignore the whole issue. Then a woman started asking to meet up with me and from the beginning it had romantic overtones, anyway it resulted in this very unsuccessful on-off tussle for many years as she wanted sex and I didn't. Eventually we parted ways but only after I'd fallen for her. Ever since then I've gone back to my normal pattern of ignoring the whole issue again. I know that this is not the best thing to do but at nearly 40 it seems too late to go off and experiment. Those of you with a partner, how did you meet them? I went to a few LGBT mornings in my local area but it was pretty stressful and I really don't want to have the same experience again as a few years ago. As far as the other info - I knew that I wasn't straight in my teens after I started fancying a girl in our school showcase and called myself bisexual. Spent most of uni confused by the whole thing and then realised (very late on) at age 34 that when people talked about fancying someone they were having a very different experience to me, e.g butterflies in the stomach - something I just hadn't experienced. That was when bisexuality was replaced by asexuality. I'm out to close family and a few friends - have never been the girliest of girls so I don't think that they were that surprised...

Oh man I don't have any great advice but your story reminds me a lot of mine, I only have had one relationship with an allo woman (who I really shouldn't have been with) but didn't split until after I developed feelings. I'm just focusing on myself for now, not really looking to get into another relationship for a bit.

I guess it's never too late to experiment, we're always learning new things about ourselves, no reason why that should stop at any age.

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Captain_Tass

WARNING: Nonsensical ramblings ahead

 

Okay, so I've been questioning my romantic orientation yet again and I think that since labels are supposed to make things simple, I'm most likely a graysexual lesbian and not pan. However, I'm very hesitant to identify as such because I'm agender. I know that historically the lesbian community has been accepting of AFAB GNC people and nonbinary people and in general people who love women and have complex relationships with gender (Radclyffe Hall and Leslie Feinberg come to mind, at the top of my head), but all the info I find today is that "you have to be woman-aligned to be a nonbinary lesbian, no matter if you are butch or femme". See, that's the problem. I'm not a woman and I don't want to be seen as a woman. I'm not a man either. I do not align with any gender. I'm just me, and I love women, and that attraction to women is not straight.

 

See, I know I could identify with terms such as gyneromantic or nblw, but there is no significant community there. But if I identify with "agender butch lesbian" then I'm just a woman lite in the eyes of the world. And I don't want to be seen as a woman, lite or not. Am I making any sense? Of course not. I really don't want to let go of butch though. It has so much meaning to me. Are there any other butches here? I'd like to know your thoughts on... this trainwreck I just wrote.

 

Sorry for filling up this thread with my gender ramblings, I just didn't know where else to post this.

 

EDIT: Well, it took quite some time, but I finally found a label thst fits. Ammolic (in the same vein as sapphic, acchilean and diamoric). Ammolic basically means a nonbinary person who loves women and nonbinary people (regardless of gender expression and presentation. In other words, not just feminine nonbinary people or women.) It's not well known, but it fits and I finally have the language to describe how I feel without having to gender myself or exclude masculine enbies (I mean, butch women absolutely make my heart melt and I feel this way about many enbies with a masculine gender presentation as well.) Anyway, thanks for letting me host my ramblings somewhere! Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Edited by Life Of Tass
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On 8/24/2019 at 8:39 AM, Ministry said:

I 100% feel the same way and glad I’m not the only one. I identify as Demi and it took me a long time to understand why I date the way I do.  Given how much our lesbian world is focused on sex, hookups and the infamous uhaul this is a tough world to navigate. I grew up in a very conservative household and am happy for it as my parents accepted my sexuality despite it. Hopefully we will all find our way. 

Hi Ministry. Thanks for responding to my post. It made me feel seen that I am not the only one who has found this whole thing to be very difficult and strange. You date? How? Historically I have stuck to my guns and firmly decided that I won't masquerade as more sexual than I am, believing in the value of my authenticity. But lately I've been considering it because it seems like the only way to have any kind of value or attention in the community. "When in Rome do as the Romans" sort of thing. I fear that'll have some definite drawbacks to it too. 

 

On a slightly different note, I have taken on setting up a Google Hangout event twice a month for aces of color. I'm wondering if such an event already exists for this crowd. And if not would people be interested in having one? 

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Captain_Tass

I'm currently in Eressos (the birthplace of Sappho)!

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On 8/28/2019 at 5:56 PM, Life Of Tass said:

Okay, so I've been questioning my romantic orientation yet again and I think that since labels are supposed to make things simple, I'm most likely a graysexual lesbian and not pan. However, I'm very hesitant to identify as such because I'm agender. I know that historically the lesbian community has been accepting of AFAB GNC people and nonbinary people and in general people who love women and have complex relationships with gender (Radclyffe Hall and Leslie Feinberg come to mind, at the top of my head), but all the info I find today is that "you have to be woman-aligned to be a nonbinary lesbian, no matter if you are butch or femme". See, that's the problem. I'm not a woman and I don't want to be seen as a woman. I'm not a man either. I do not align with any gender. I'm just me, and I love women, and that attraction to women is not straight.

 

See, I know I could identify with terms such as gyneromantic or nblw, but there is no significant community there. But if I identify with "agender butch lesbian" then I'm just a woman lite in the eyes of the world. And I don't want to be seen as a woman, lite or not. Am I making any sense? Of course not. I really don't want to let go of butch though. It has so much meaning to me. Are there any other butches here? I'd like to know your thoughts on... this trainwreck I just wrote.

While your experience or situation doesn't mirror mine exactly, I do understand your struggle. I'm wondering whether I'm gayer than I thought, and I'm quite uncomfortable with the social role of a woman. In my mind I'm just me, genderless - or between the genders. And while I describe myself as a [gender-apathetic] woman, I feel odd and out of place in women-only groups. In my mind I sometimes picture myself as a feminine boy. Sometimes I low-key wish that I were butch.

You said that you're regretting that there's no community for gyneromantic people/enbies, what exactly do you wish for - an online, or rather a real life community? Anyway, it's great that you found a label that fits!

 

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2 minutes ago, kiaroskuro said:

You said that you're regretting that there's no community for gyneromantic people/enbies, what exactly do you wish for - an online, or rather a real life community?

Basically, I was referring to the sense of community that a label like "lesbian" gives. Ultimately, I found a solution to this problem. Since I have no need to physically transition, as my physical dysphoria can be significantly lessened (and ultimately disappear) by my wearing masc clothes of my liking and I think that in my case the adverse effects of hormones or surgery needed in order to transition would significantly outweigh the benefits, I have decided that offline I'll be going by "nonbinary butch lesbian (also open to partnerships with nb people)". For me, the words "butch" and "lesbian" aren't inherently connected to gender, but are instead powerful terms that ultimately describe me. (Also, by lucky coincidence, my mother's side of the family is from Lesbos and I spend most Augusts there, so I'm a lesbian both geographically and sexuality-wise).

 

13 minutes ago, kiaroskuro said:

Anyway, it's great that you found a label that fits!

Thank you! :)

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20 hours ago, Life Of Tass said:

Basically, I was referring to the sense of community that a label like "lesbian" gives. Ultimately, I found a solution to this problem. Since I have no need to physically transition, as my physical dysphoria can be significantly lessened (and ultimately disappear) by my wearing masc clothes of my liking and I think that in my case the adverse effects of hormones or surgery needed in order to transition would significantly outweigh the benefits, I have decided that offline I'll be going by "nonbinary butch lesbian (also open to partnerships with nb people)".

I see... I don't experience physical dysphoria, "only" social dysphoria, but personally I still have issues with this "wlw" term, if you know what I mean. And yet I wouldn't call myself a non-binary person or something. I simply don't care to use a label for something that is completely useless to me and that I don't even understand (that is to say: gender).

I'm repeating myself, but it's nice to hear that you found a label that you're comfortable with and that has a special meaning to you.

 

20 hours ago, Life Of Tass said:

(Also, by lucky coincidence, my mother's side of the family is from Lesbos and I spend most Augusts there, so I'm a lesbian both geographically and sexuality-wise).

That's so cool! In an Old Greek seminar at uni I learned about the historic dialect of Lesbos, and since then I've been thinking how cool it would be to be able to say "I speak Lesbian" (well, actually I think it's called "Lesbic") 😁

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am loving this area of AVEN. I am much more comfortable with talking to gay women online as I have been surrounded by women all my life, both socially and romantically. I am busy trying to catch-up with the 21 back pages on this thread!

 

This has perhaps been mentioned before here but I have just finished reading a brilliant fiction book with an asexual homoromantic lead in it. The book is called Perfect Rhythm by Jae and although it is fiction it has a lot of information in it that sounded believable and also seemed like my feelings of being a homoromantic. The two female lead characters are in their late twenties but I still enjoyed it although I am in my mid 60’s. 

 

Has anyone any other good homoromatic book recommendations? 

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On 9/28/2019 at 1:56 AM, Lanaril said:

This has perhaps been mentioned before here but I have just finished reading a brilliant fiction book with an asexual homoromantic lead in it. The book is called Perfect Rhythm by Jae and although it is fiction it has a lot of information in it that sounded believable and also seemed like my feelings of being a homoromantic. The two female lead characters are in their late twenties but I still enjoyed it although I am in my mid 60’s. 

 

Has anyone any other good homoromatic book recommendations? 

I have just downloaded this book, scroll through and found it interesting. Much obliged for prompting this to my attention! :blush:

In return, please, see if any of these books would fascinate you. 8)

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/25/2019 at 10:56 AM, SearchingScribe said:

Wow, I almost could have written this. I'm not 100% sure I'm asexual as I've never dated anyone before, but I've never wanted sex and taking that out of the equation of relationships just makes sense to me. I'm the same with the biromantic thing too. I grew up very conservative, thinking my 2 options were to marry a guy or be single. I don't want to be alone, but I get on much better with females than I do with men. Not that I don't find men attractive, but as I've thought about spending the rest of my life with a woman, I've begun viewing women in a much more positive light, and I get really excited about a potential future.

 

You wouldn't disappoint me at all, in fact I'd love to have a partner with a "no sex" rule. :)

More people like me! I have been the same grew up it was to be with a man or single, but I kind of freaked out when I realised I am a little more into girls ( I think). I’m still working myself out but I think I’m a biromantic asexual, maybe more into girls than guys. The problem is I’ve never dated I’m turning in a few weeks and I’m still not even interested 😂. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the kid who thought she was going to met the perfect guy and get married at 22 and start having kids at 24 😂. I still want to have kids, really want to have kids one day. 

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borderprincess

Still catching up on the previous 21 pages but just wanted to post here to say hi!

 

I'm a trans girl, have been a lesbian ever since I came out but recently figuring out the ace part - if I am asexual, what type (grey a, or demi etc). 

 

I've been enjoying these forums on my journey and I'm very happy to have found a lesbian ace space here, hey everyone :D

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Hi! I've known I've like girls for about four years now. I'm fully out as a lesbian (except to some family members we aren't going to tell) and proud to be it. I never really liked guys but I didn't really realize it and thought the many crushes I had on girls were just me being jealous. I'm very oblivious. I didn't know I was asexual until about a year ago when I was informed you could be asexual and romantic. After that it sort of clicked and I knew I was an ace lesbian. I haven't really told anyone except my close friends but I just put in my insta bio. No one has noticed so far or at least hasn't said anything. I think I'm just going to tell people if it comes up or I'm romantically interested.

 

I'm excited that this site exists and I'm excited to hear from other ace lesbians. Feel free to message me! :) 

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  • 4 weeks later...

hello world! I think i'm bi/pan/grey, but while I've had crushes every once in a while, dating isn't my style. Is it ok if I just sit quietly in the corner of the closet?

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DarkStormyKnight
10 hours ago, crazy ace said:

hello world! I think i'm bi/pan/grey, but while I've had crushes every once in a while, dating isn't my style. Is it ok if I just sit quietly in the corner of the closet?

Hi! I'm pan/gray as well! Welcome!! ❤️ 

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Never mind

Edited by antisocial_shut_in
I moved to another topic
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colorblind_sunset

I'm pretty confused about my sexuality and have been wondering if im an asexual lesbian... I have been romantically attracted to both guys and women my whole life but never dated women because I felt like it wasn't an option (religious upbringing, small, homophobic town)... I pursued relationships with guys because I liked the companionship but was never interested in sex... but I did it anyway because I felt like that's what you do to be normal... over the years I had some sexual encounters with women and they were pretty electric. but I just kind of happened into those situations...I never planned it or sought it out. the sex I had with guys was awkward and disappointing and uncomfortable, for the most part. long story short, after obsessively reviewing all of my past relationships and encounters, this is what I've concluded.... 

I don't think I'm physically attracted to guys at all but I am in love with one who I have sex with all the time because that's apparently what you have to do when you want a relationship with someone (it feels good, but it also feels weird, foreign and awkward, if that makes sense. it definitely doesn't feel "natural" to me. I feel like there's some guide book I missed)... 

I am definitely physically attracted to women when I watch porn and think about past experiences (I did not feel like I needed a guidebook in those instances...it felt hot and exciting)... but... if I was single....I don't think I'd actively pursue sex with anybody. so am I a repressed lesbian? an asexual lesbian? almost totally gay but a little bit bi? how can you love a guy but feel nothing when you look at his penis? I just don't get any of it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Updated my classification from bi-romantic to demi-polyromantic. I always wondered if there was a term for 'more than 2 but not all' and now I've found it! Everything else remains the same. 💜

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  • 1 month later...

I stumbled upon this thread while googling about being asexual and lesbian at the same time. I don't know I fully understand it yet. I just feel frustrated sometimes. I'm certain that I'm a lesbian, men and specially women doing sexy things turn me on, I masturbate, I feel sexual attraction towards women, but to act upon it, I mean I love my girlfriend but I love cuddling with her than kissing and sex. It makes me uncomfortable but I still do it because I don't want to deprive her, but at the same time it doesn't sit right with me, I just don't like it, maybe, it might depend on the person I do it with. I can't really tell since my current girlfriend is my first so I really have nothing to base from. I'm blaberring here since I don't feel like talking about this to anyone in my life yet...

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