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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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Depends on you and only you, whether you feel like this is something you want to share with others. Ask yourself if and why you feel the need to share this, will you feel better then, do you feel like you are lying otherwise? I would understand that, even though I do not see it like that. When they hear the term lesbian, they will think of homosexuality, which is simply because most people do not realize there are attractions which are not sexual. Being Greek, lesbian to me simply means a female with attraction of any kind towards other females - Or it could be a person hailing from Lesbos :D

I don't care if the term is sexualized, the core definition does not change just because people are ignorant. I could care less about suffixes and assumptions in this case, I would never "correct" somebody who calls me a homosexual. Everybody who knows me knows that I'm a Lesbian and that is very good the way it is - Whether I experience sexual attraction, have a libido or engage in sexual activity is a very private matter for me personally though and therefore won't be discussed with those people.

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  • 2 weeks later...

ahhhhh so much to catch up on coming in so forgive me I've not read everyones post I'm just now tuning in..

I came out as a Lesbian and described How I was more so based on romance. I crave love expressing love and feeling loved. like 80's and 90's romance candle lit dinners, dancing in the moonlight and just enjoying every moment given... I had a best friend in my younger years we did everything together it took years to realize I was in love with her but not sexually just romantically, I want to find that same passion and feeling someday I know it exists, I finally have a term HomoRomance I just learned yesterday after watching the film. I had no clue for a while I've felt like I was the only one who felt that way. I also go nuts over people with intelligence.

This is sooo new to me my feelings and everything I finally have actual words and definitions.

it's so tough being in such a sexual environment everyone is going nuts over everyone and I'm just sitting in the back corner praying no one touches me and someone like me comes along....

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

@Skulls sad.gif I can't name the thread gay time, because... oh well... wouldn't be the thing I want to discuses.

Haha, "gay time" sounds rather hilarious. Not sure why... but it reminds me of the fact that apparently there's an ice cream bar in Australia called "Golden Gaytime".

gaytime.jpg

I also am not fond of the term 'lesbian', and if I was strictly homoromantic/homosexual, I think I'd much prefer to go with 'gay' instead.

Those. Are. The. Most. Delicious. Creations. On. The. Planet.

One of the best things about living in AUS :D

As for the thread, if I ever do have sex again, though it won't be in a relationship (no waaaay), it would probably be with another woman, since my last experiences have turned me off sex in general, but particularly sex with men.

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I heard many (by their own definition) straight women say that the best sex they had was with another woman - best as in satisfying. I've always been very indifferent and so them trying to get me to join the club has not really worked ;) If you wouldn't mind testing the waters with another woman, why not?

My best friend (who happens to be one of the aforementioned straight women) said that, in general, sex with another woman is much more intimate and emotional than with a man. This is something I keep hearing. I, thankfully, do not have any kind of comparison, but I think I know where she's coming from. She even said to me that if she didn't feel sexually attracted to the male physique, she would only have sex with women.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

@Skulls sad.gif I can't name the thread gay time, because... oh well... wouldn't be the thing I want to discuses.

Haha, "gay time" sounds rather hilarious. Not sure why... but it reminds me of the fact that apparently there's an ice cream bar in Australia called "Golden Gaytime".

gaytime.jpg

I also am not fond of the term 'lesbian', and if I was strictly homoromantic/homosexual, I think I'd much prefer to go with 'gay' instead.

Those. Are. The. Most. Delicious. Creations. On. The. Planet.

One of the best things about living in AUS :D

As for the thread, if I ever do have sex again, though it won't be in a relationship (no waaaay), it would probably be with another woman, since my last experiences have turned me off sex in general, but particularly sex with men.

I want the ice cream now, is that wrong? :O lol

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Can I ask as an intruder a question?

Oh snap I just did! Anyways.....is it odd that I've always thought that being a hetroromantic male in a poly relationship with a lesbian girl would a perfect situation....because I wouldn't have to ever be afraid of sex as an option? I want to be the "fake" husband for a lesbian girl from one of those cultures that doesn't accept it and the "real" girlfriend/wife would live with us as a "roommate". I totally would love that!

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Can I ask as an intruder a question?

Oh snap I just did! Anyways.....is it odd that I've always thought that being a hetroromantic male in a poly relationship with a lesbian girl would a perfect situation....because I wouldn't have to ever be afraid of sex as an option? I want to be the "fake" husband for a lesbian girl from one of those cultures that doesn't accept it and the "real" girlfriend/wife would live with us as a "roommate". I totally would love that!

I don't think this poly relationship is perfect. My definition of a lesbian is a woman who wants to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with another woman. Lesbians are not romantically or sexually attracted to men. So in that scenario you would get no romantic love from the women. That sounds less than ideal for a heteroromantic male.

Cathy

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I don't want romance......I just want tax benefits and some great company. Also maybe holding.

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Lambda Corvus

I don't want romance......I just want tax benefits and some great company. Also maybe holding.

You do realise that legal marriage (with accompanying tax benefits) is not equivalent to a romantic relationship, don't you?

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Yeah!! Loveless marriage! Well physically loveless...you still can love someone and be aromantic .

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Lambda Corvus

Yeah!! Loveless marriage! Well physically loveless...you still can love someone and be aromantic .

In which way? "Love", as a word, has a few different meanings for different people. As being aromantic is about not feeling romantic attraction, I would say that precludes any sort of romantic love. Familial "love" is another thing, but that doesn't feel like love to me. It could for other people, however.

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I may just not know love....but for my own sake I hope there is a way I could love someone for just being awesome and nothing more!

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  • 1 month later...

Has anyone seen the Key and Peele episode where gay marriage is approved and one partner is not at all excited about it?

I felt like that would be me. I certainly don't mind living in a state that is super unlikely to approve gay marriage. Less pressure from my family to find someone and tying the knot.

Like others have said, great to see other homoromantic asexuals on here. Considering we are the 0.1%.

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Yeah, sometimes I feel like a minority in a minority in a minority :D Talk about being special :D

If we count in that my less than enthusiastic feelings about marriage, another minority can be added. (Don't get me wrong - I will support and do whatever I can for the cause of marriage equality as a principle, idea, and as a civil right that no one in love should be denied. But I personally really don't want to have anything to do with marriage, rituals and vows. Not my thing.)

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Yeah, I can understand that. I believe the option should exist for everyone, but I'm personally not sure that I will want to be married regardless of whom it is to. =/ If I ever did do it, I'd do it through a judge because I'm not big on the ceremonial aspect of it. (Besides why spend all the money on a ceremony when you could spend it on an extensive honeymoon!) I'd probably want a pre-nup too... I've just seen too many people hurt or screwed through divorces.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Non-Verbal Sam

i can only see myself in a sensual (maybe a little sexual) relationship with a woman

i have liked girls since i can remember, they seem prettier and friendlier and i want to hug them for hours while watching classic doctor who

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say hello: I also identify as asexual lesbian. I came out as a lesbian about ten years ago, but the ace thing is relatively new to me. I always just figured I hadn't met the right one yet, but the truth is that the attraction I feel to women is vastly different than the one other lesbians experience, as I've come to understand.

So here I am ^_^

I'd really like a partner, but as if being a lesbian didn't already make it difficult enough to find someone...

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belovedless

So, if a woman is only or primarily emotionally attracted to women, but not romantically or sexually, and is asexual, could this women still identify as an asexual lesbian?

I mean, of course anyone can identify how they want, but would it be an understandable (as in, needs little explanation) identifier? Just thinking of the aromantics here!

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If there's any kind of attraction to women (exclusively), the person in question is a lesbian. I personally don't get the emotional and sensual attractions some people speak of. I don't think I have ever felt emotional attraction in my life, only... Emotions. And those either build, depending on a situation, or are already very deep. It's a mystery to me. If this is going in the aromantic direction, then I of course understand what is meant. And in that case, again, of course that would be a lesbian. But I keep seeing asexuals using it and so I wonder.

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Question: what is the difference between being emotionally attracted to someone and romantically attracted to someone?

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  • 2 months later...

Question: what is the difference between being emotionally attracted to someone and romantically attracted to someone?

"Emotions" include a more varied spectrum than "romantic love", I guess? Romantic is one kind of emotional, but there are others? I'm just trying to guess, to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of labels.

There certainly will be more homoromantic asexual girls/women who have joined AVEN since this thread sinked, right?

Welcome, y'all!

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I'm 55 and when none of my relationships were working out, mainly because I didn't want sex,I finally knew I was gay but then realised, while I would love to find a girlfriend, I really wouldn't want to have sex with her. So I'm definitely asexual lesbian! Would still love to date a woman but I've looked on a dating site and it seems all the lesbians are so into sex, that I just say forget it.

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How on earth have I missed this thread?

I'm homoromantic or gay or lesbian or queer - I don't really mind but enjoy queer because to me it incorporates both gender fluidity and also political leanings

I knew I was a lesbian in my early twenties but it took a while to figure out because the lack of sexual attraction thing threw me, like I had crushes and fell in love with other women in my teens but it didn't ever click that this meant I was gay. Didn't discover asexuality till a few years later and previously had just got frustrated trying to find a thing that described me in medical books or the DSM.

I'm out as gay to everyone except my grandparents and out as asexual to quite a few people, however don't feel the need to tell everyone as it doesn't seem that relevant unless you're gonna be in a relationship with me.

Have had numerous girlfriends in the past and am currently with a wonderful human being who is amazing and understanding whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with.

I hope this doesn't count as necroposting - the thread is still relatively fresh, and I thought it would be better to bump it up than to clutter the forum with another one with the same purpose.

I'm finding it pretty hard to find people that I can discuss freely with issues of asexuality, especially since for some reason in the LGBT community around here sex is DA THING. It's everywhere and if by chance it's not present in one conversation or other, it inevitably gets smuggled in. So reviving the thread hoping that there are like-minded folks around who'd like to chat.

On topic, with the OP's questions:

I'm homoromantic, definitely. Probably have some bi-streak that rears its head now and then, but I think it's almost always a result of a sapioromantic tendency overriding my usual preference. I'm walking the path steadily - first had to come to the realization that only girls do it for me, then to the next one, that 'do it for me' has a different meaning in my case than that of most lesbians around me. Both realisations weren't a surprise ... but I'm having more issues incorporating the a(grey)sexual part in my life than with the homoromantic part.

Noth completely out of either closet yetb -mostly because I tend to think that this is personal stuff that only the concerned parties are interested in. Hence only my closest circle of friends and family know that I'm homoromantic (who else should care anyway?), and only one of my friends I can discuss asexuality with, without them going all "oh, you just need to relax and try to enjoy it" on me.

Now that last part is what I'm having trouble with. Anyone in a homoromantic relationship with sexual that has dealt with the issue of sex with their partner? I'd really love to hear how it went for you - I'm still not sure how to address the issue best.

I've had two main partners since finding out about asexuality, the first person was pretty upset about despite me telling her before we got together. I don't think she really understood at the start but I took her to an asexual conference in London and it really started to bother her, like she wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with me if we never had sex again and it bothered her that I could walk away from sex with barely a backward glance.

I'm now in a great relationship, my partner is very aware and understanding of asexuality and takes a lot of care to never pressure me into sex. One of the benefits (I think) of being in relationships with other women is that sex is a lot of the time based on turn-taking, which means I can have sex with my partner without having to pretend I want sexual contact. My current parter also understands that while I genuinely enjoy sexing her, I don't feel the same way about it that she does.

I'm happy to answer any questions people have about asexual/sexual queer relationships if you have any :)

Hi all, GingerFloof here,

Just wanted to add my unique perspective on this thread. It's been interesting to read what some of you have to say. I definitely agree that some bi girls are best left out of the equation if you are looking for a stable relationship- I was once one and it was a transitional phase. But for me it transitioned into full-on lesbianism.

Unfortunately this conflicted with my religion. I'm LDS, or Mormon, if you prefer. I had trouble reconciling my religion with my sexuality until I realized that not all relationships have to be about sex. I'm wondering if any of you lovely ladies have had similar experiences with your religion vs. your sexuality?

Right now I'm just feeling lonely and left out of the relationship loop because I know I could never sexually satisfy a man, and yet my religious standards forbid me from engaging in sexual relations with a woman.

This sucks, is Mormonism something you can leave? I don't really understand why you would stay in a religion that dictated you couldn't be who you are but then I'm not religious so just generally don't get it.

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  • 3 weeks later...
MarieAntoinette

Edited: Never mind, after experimenting these past months with romance I have come to the conclusion that I am not heteromantic nor homoromantic, I am 100% VERY VERY aromantic :lol: Just wanted to edit this to let yall know :cake: experimenting is sometimes necessary and now i know for sure!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

Are you yet not sure?

Have you come out of the closet as any of both?

1. I am indeed Asexual/Homoromantic.

2. Well, the process of my discovering that I liked the same sex around 5 years ago. I liked Men. I can't really describe how I felt back then. I fantasized a lot about romantic encounters with other guys, so that was obviously a big hint. I never really felt normal either. I mean that in, I didn't like to think about sex with guys. I didn't really even like to think about sex at all. Keep in mind that I was 16 back then. A 16 year old Male typically is all over that stuff. I didn't get it. A few weeks later, I started researching on the matter. I found Reddit's /r/asexuality subreddit, and from there I learnt about AVEN. I made an account on AVEN, but I lost the password when I was 19. I took a lot of time learning about Asexuality, and I just thought that this had matched me perfectly. Ta Dah.

3. I had told my friends about my love for guys late after discovering it. They were cool enough to accept that. I've told no-one about my Asexuality.

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I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

As you guys probably figured out, I had a much easier time accepting I was asexual than I did accepting that I was biromantic (or whatever word you want to use for it - ambiromantic?). I was harassed so much during high school for not being conventionally feminine that I think I closeted myself pretty hard - it was falling for my friend S that made me finally admit to it. I just didn't want to admit that they were right, or that something was so massively different about myself, even though nothing had really changed - I'd always been this way, I was just too stubborn to admit it.

(Btw - hi! I'm new!)

This is me all over. It was really easy to accept that I was asexual. When I found out that it was actually a thing, it fit so well that I just burst into tears of relief. I identify as...panromantic? I think? I have felt things for guys, but it tends to be much more common for me to have a squish/romantic feelings for women. About 90/10. I fought against it for years, and it's only be in the last few years that I've felt comfortable in that. I first felt something for my female friends (also an S! :) ) when I was about fifteen. I remember her brushing my hair away from my neck and I just felt something incredible, like a star bursting underneath my skin. It wasn't remotely sexual, I don't think... but it made me realise I felt things for her, and it freaked me out so badly I repressed it for years. I think it must have been the social stigma that made me do that, even though I live in a pretty liberal place.

As for the bi-girl thing everyone's talking about... Personally, I really get annoyed at the attitude to bi girls. I've been on the bad end of it enough. A former colleague, on finding out that I'd just got a new girlfriend (which was my coming-out at work) was relentless with stuff like 'but which sex do you really like better? No one is really bi' and 'don't worry, I still think you have a soul' and 'god, you must be greedy'. I also had a relative asking me 'do you ever think you'll go straight again?' AAAARGH! Unfortunately I also have a 'fake-bi' sister. We all thought she was bi for years, and supported her enthusiastically, but she then admitted she'd just been doing it to get attention from men in public. That's not to say that I don't believe in people being confused, of sexually fluid. I genuinely do. I just find the culture of pretending to be bi for the sexual gratification of others/to look more interesting really grating. I've been told to loosen up before, and have wondered if I've been overreacting, but spreading a misinforming stereotype of what some people really go through, to the effect that it changes how they've widely perceived and treated - I think that's genuinely harmful.

Whew! Rant over!

Like many others here, I also don't like the term 'lesbian'. I think it's many the societal implications that go along with it...people seem to expect a certain image or personality from it. I've heard so many people associate it with the 'butch' or 'dyke' image with the attendant behaviors - not that there's anything wrong with that, but there are so many people of homoromantic or -sexual orientation who don't fit under that label. I've been told I'm 'too nice' to be queer. Also I've had people try to set me up with people with people sheerly because 'she's a dyke too!' or dismiss the fact that I might be interested in someone because 'oh, she's queer too, but she's (the opposite of how I present) so you wouldn't like her'. People seem to assume so much when they see that label - sometimes they even seem to think it's ok to discuss your sex habits or ask other really personal questions! Labels can be useful but personally I just find them very constricting.

Ok, rant over NOW! ;)

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AshenPhoenix

Pinning this :)

AshenPhoenix, Romantic and Aromantic orientations moderator

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Also:

** Nervously pokes head in **

I'm biromantic, but I'm in a homoromantic relationship so I'd like to count myself in :P

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