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"Asexuality always existed, you just didn't notice it"


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Electric Barbarella

Wow, the comments are all sorts of let down. I scrolled down a fair bit and couldn't find a single positive one.

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Wow, the comments are all sorts of let down. I scrolled down a fair bit and couldn't find a single positive one.

True. With all the media visibility lately, I can't help but wonder if it won't lead to a backlash of some kind.

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The article is very well written, though ^_^

Re the comments, this one got me: "I tend to agree with damasene. Your article tells us very little about why you feel the need for recognition or how that recognition would improve your life."

I think we need more articles on WHY we need visibility and how we are discriminated against.

Edited by ithaca
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Empty Chairs & Tables

The article is very well written, though ^_^

Re the comments, this one got me: "I tend to agree with damasene. Your article tells us very little about why you feel the need for recognition or how that recognition would improve your life."

I think we need more articles on WHY we need visibility and how we are discriminated against.

While I do think there needs to be a strong argument for why we need visibility, I am very very hesitant to use the words "discriminated against." As a group, asexuals do not appear to be discriminated against in a wholesale manner, though of course individuals can experience discrimination. To me at least, it is more that asexuals are misunderstood and that there are too many assumptions/myths about what asexuality is, and these are the problems, not discrimination.

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Well erasure is a form of discrimination, in my opinion. So the classic "asexuality doesn't exist" is often out of ignorance, but sometimes it's not. In either case, people can feel discriminated against in this case. Also, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic and trans* asexuals can face discrimination in an easier way than cis heteroromantic asexual, and I'd be interested in knowing more about the intersectionality of being in more than one minority (so gay and ace, trans* and ace, etc)

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The article is very well written, though ^_^

Re the comments, this one got me: "I tend to agree with damasene. Your article tells us very little about why you feel the need for recognition or how that recognition would improve your life."

I think we need more articles on WHY we need visibility and how we are discriminated against.

While I do think there needs to be a strong argument for why we need visibility, I am very very hesitant to use the words "discriminated against." As a group, asexuals do not appear to be discriminated against in a wholesale manner, though of course individuals can experience discrimination. To me at least, it is more that asexuals are misunderstood and that there are too many assumptions/myths about what asexuality is, and these are the problems, not discrimination.

Agreed. I'm beginning to think that usage of this term isn't helping us as a community.

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Electric Barbarella
Wow, the comments are all sorts of let down. I scrolled down a fair bit and couldn't find a single positive one.
True. With all the media visibility lately, I can't help but wonder if it won't lead to a backlash of some kind.

Could happen. With how dismissive pretty much everyone was being, we should prepare ourselves to hear a whole lot about how much of a non-issue asexuality is.

The article is very well written, though ^_^Re the comments, this one got me: "I tend to agree with damasene. Your article tells us very little about why you feel the need for recognition or how that recognition would improve your life."I think we need more articles on WHY we need visibility and how we are discriminated against.

It's not a bad article, if a little vague, which I guess helped inspire those silly cliché comments. I wouldn't mind more in depth articles being written about asexuality. I only wonder at the capacity of people for being so totally unawares of how difficult/different life can be for others and then posting stupidity online. But I guess the internet does invite that kind of behavior...

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The article is very well written, though ^_^

Re the comments, this one got me: "I tend to agree with damasene. Your article tells us very little about why you feel the need for recognition or how that recognition would improve your life."

I think we need more articles on WHY we need visibility and how we are discriminated against.

While I do think there needs to be a strong argument for why we need visibility, I am very very hesitant to use the words "discriminated against." As a group, asexuals do not appear to be discriminated against in a wholesale manner, though of course individuals can experience discrimination. To me at least, it is more that asexuals are misunderstood and that there are too many assumptions/myths about what asexuality is, and these are the problems, not discrimination.

Agreed. I'm beginning to think that usage of this term isn't helping us as a community.

Putting out the message "hey, you have to listen to us so we can guilt trip you!" is rarely successful. Just ask the gays. Once we figured out that messages like "our love is just like your love" works a lot better than "stop being mean to us, meanies!", the gay movement made much more progress.

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sinisterporpoise

This is one of my complaints about mainstream media coverage of asexuality. I think reporters need to focus on asexual issues, rather than the existence of asexuality. The issue extends beyond erasure. Medicalization is an issue. Many issues that affect singles will also impact a large segment of asexuals. How do you sell products to a group that is, largely, not a group you can sell sex to? Then there are a host of academic questions. Are suicide rates higher in asexual communities? Do religious families react better or worse to asexual children? Are families more likely to send asexual teens to therapy? These are just some. Not to mention, what are we doing to help the older asexual who never married when the time comes for them to go to a nursing home?

This is a step up. Okay, we always have existed. It's better than suggesting we're a new sexual orientation. The Guardian article was at least different than most of the stories that came out after the release of Understanding Asexuality.

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Putting out the message "hey, you have to listen to us so we can guilt trip you!" is rarely successful. Just ask the gays. Once we figured out that messages like "our love is just like your love" works a lot better than "stop being mean to us, meanies!", the gay movement made much more progress.

What I observed is that once gays started saying "Hey, you have no good reason to deny us the same civil rights you enjoy", things started changing. That wasn't guilt, it wasn't "we're just like you are", it was a demand for legal parity.

Asexuals don't experience any lack of legal parity. We're not denied jobs, we're not denied housing, we can get married, we can adopt children, we can rent housing, and I doubt if there's any religious persecution (all of which have been experienced as discrimination by other minorities). Lack of understanding isn't discrimination.

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Asexuals don't experience any lack of legal parity. We're not denied jobs, we're not denied housing, we can get married, we can adopt children, we can rent housing, and I doubt if there's any religious persecution (all of which have been experienced as discrimination by other minorities). Lack of understanding isn't discrimination.

I've talked to people in chat who told me that in their countries they may face discrimination and abuse if they come out. I remember especially a girl from India told me this. Let's consider asexuality all over the world, where in some countries some women stll have no right to choose over their life, and some men also must carry on the family line.

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Interesting article, I found it to be well written, but rather short. Yes it explains why asexuality appears to be growing when it is actually just visibility like with homosexuality. The why could have been mentioned more though. And I would have to agree with ithaca on the legal parity, asexuals may be better off in the more "advanced countries," but there are still places where coming out could be just as harmful as if you had come out gay. As for the religious persecution, I know of some sections that believe it can't exist and are against it, but I am not sure they will openly hate it since asexuality visibility is still relatively low.

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wanderingscribe

Asexuality always existed, you just didn't notice it.

As I read this aloud on local radio a couple of weeks ago, it confirmed some truths I have long suspected. I inadvertently outed myself during a protracted online discussion about a tangentially related topic and concluded that, if I were genuinely interested in physical or emotional closeness with either man, woman or sheep, I would have done something about it by now. Instead, here's to a heightened self-awareness and acceptance.

Some of the comments below the piece are ignorant to irritating, but good for a laff nonetheless.

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I agree asexuality is not something new, and I am a little surprised of how many people say that they are, maybe some don't understand what it is or are going through a phase of sorts, don't know but I'm sure the more its talked about the better the chances we have to be understood:) :cake:

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The posts from a similar thread, named “The article that led me here”, have been merged to this topic. The OP has been informed.

Tadkitty- Temp World Watch Moderator

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This is one of my complaints about mainstream media coverage of asexuality. I think reporters need to focus on asexual issues, rather than the existence of asexuality. The issue extends beyond erasure. Medicalization is an issue. Many issues that affect singles will also impact a large segment of asexuals. How do you sell products to a group that is, largely, not a group you can sell sex to? Then there are a host of academic questions. Are suicide rates higher in asexual communities? Do religious families react better or worse to asexual children? Are families more likely to send asexual teens to therapy? These are just some. Not to mention, what are we doing to help the older asexual who never married when the time comes for them to go to a nursing home?

This is a step up. Okay, we always have existed. It's better than suggesting we're a new sexual orientation. The Guardian article was at least different than most of the stories that came out after the release of Understanding Asexuality.

That's a good point. I'm not sure how much companies care to market to asexuals, since we're such a small group, but they may decide eventually that we're worth courting. And the other questions are definitely worth considering. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people are still just amazed that the orientation exists; they're not ready to think about other questions relating to it. I really can't wait until they are ready. "Wow, look at these people!" is getting old pretty quickly.

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Dragonfly Ace

Asexuals don't experience any lack of legal parity. We're not denied jobs, we're not denied housing, we can get married, we can adopt children, we can rent housing, and I doubt if there's any religious persecution (all of which have been experienced as discrimination by other minorities). Lack of understanding isn't discrimination.

Clarification. Heteroromantic/Aromantic Asexuals don't experience any lack of legal parity. Those of us who are Homoromantic Asexuals still have to contend with that aspect.

But to your point, I agree that lack of understanding is not discrimination and I don't personally feel that I've ever been discriminated against because of my asexuality. But yet, I yearn for understanding. Despite the discrimination aspect of being gay, it's in some ways easier than being asexual because people understand what being gay is. They may not like it. They may consider it "unnatural" but a large part of society still accepts you and you feel you have a community. But it's hard to explain the lack of acceptance Asexuals feel even to gays. Sometimes moreso because their sexuality is a often tightly woven into their identity and the idea of someone who is Asexual is almost incomprehensible.

Here, in this little corner of the Internet, we can turn to each other and say, "Gosh it's hard. My friends and family don't understand. I'm so alone. etc." and we understand WHY that is. Not just HOW. But WHY.

Yes, sexual folk have their own problems and concerns. They have ups and downs in their relationships. Sometimes they turn to us and say, "Gosh it's hard." Do we say, "Well maybe you just haven't TRIED not having sex."

Sorry, it's late and I don't want to rant. To sum up. Some Asexuals do have to deal with discrimination since asexuality comes in many delicious flavors. Most days I still feel like a polka dotted unicorn in the middle of a crowd of brown bears. Bears with sad, confused expressions.

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DracoBorealis

As was stated before, the in-your-face guilt-tripping is hardly the proper way of getting visibility. It does get people's attention, but what kind of attention, that's a whole other matter.

Let me give you an example. A while ago I was involved in founding a childfree association, to promote the right to choose and the fact that the "everyone MUST breed" mentality is obsolete and stupid. We set out wanting to lower the age limit for sterilization and lessen the discrimination (not going to that here) against childfree people. However, the person who became the leader of this organization, went public with aggressive wording and allowing personal opinions represent the whole movement. Even I warned them against this, and many suggested having someone with at least minuscule PR experience handle the media. But no. How are statements such as "families don't leave us alone anywhere" going to help change the public opinion of childfree people being callous and selfish -among other things? It pretty much started an all-out war between the CF and childed people, and our organization is now seen either as a "hate club" or as a joke. I left the whole thing shortly after it went public, as I don't want my name dragged through the mud. Many did.

In other words, visibility should focus on solving the problems, not making more of them. Asexuality is something few people know anything about, and as such it is easily dismissed as a bunch of hooey. It either doesn't exist or it's a condition to be medically fixed, or simply a fad. This is the problem -people don't have their facts straight. That's what should be targeted instead of crying wolf.

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