Are You a Loner?

[newgirl]

After reading through all the responses, I've come to realize I am not a loner really. I don't need very much social interaction but I do need at least one friend I can trust and talk to. Thankfully, I have two and it makes me comfortable enough that making new friends is not important so I treat interactions with others quite casually. Ironically, that actually makes other people want to be my friend because I seem cool and relaxed or something.

"I don't need very much social interaction "

I wonder can loners and non loners "survive" without talking to people online (dating site ,online forum,Facebook,Twitter, Skype, Myspace.

[CocoPink]

People have called me a loner, despite having had a fairly active social life over the years. I have lived alone for 16years and could never think about living with other people. I also think I may have Asperger's as I score highly on the tests for it. I have a sort of social persona which I drag out of me for social situations but it's a real veffort and doesn't come naturally.

I'm wondering if something like Asperger's is connected to asexuality, it often feels as though sex is just too close to another person for me, I always feel awkward and a bit violated once a relationship becomes sexual and I have always tried to wait as long as possible before starting all that sex stuff with a boyfriend. I'd much rather have a sex free relationship and avoid all that inner conflict I have about sex.

[Guest]

"I don't need very much social interaction "

I wonder can loners and non loners "survive" without talking to people online (dating site ,online forum,Facebook,Twitter, Skype, Myspace.

I can just talk for myself... but I think I'd go suicidal within a small number of months without internet, at the very longest. On the other hand, I think I could go for years without face-to-face contact, if I had access to a StarTrek-style replicator and a few repair drones. :D

[Eggs]

I've become that way over time and I'm not entirely unhappy about it, mostly content. I really enjoy my own company but have to be around people most days due to voluntary commitments and being a carer for my mum. I have one good close friend and that seems to work for me. I have few casual friends who I tend to keep at arms length. I've lost a few friends too, which was either down to illness or the resulting bad behaviour.

[♫el]

I am definitely not a loner. I'm OK hangout by myself, but I really like spending time with other people. I'm quite extroverted and love the limelight.

[DracoBorealis]

After reading through all the responses, I've come to realize I am not a loner really. I don't need very much social interaction but I do need at least one friend I can trust and talk to. Thankfully, I have two and it makes me comfortable enough that making new friends is not important so I treat interactions with others quite casually. Ironically, that actually makes other people want to be my friend because I seem cool and relaxed or something.

"I don't need very much social interaction "

I wonder can loners and non loners "survive" without talking to people online (dating site ,online forum,Facebook,Twitter, Skype, Myspace.

I can. I have, in fact, deleted my profiles everywhere except AVEN, and think I'll leave this too. To me, internet is pretty much just a way to pay my bills. I've always found it overrated, and recently my quota became full. I was going to keep my artist page on Myspace but I fail to see the point.

[Karanna]

I am sort of a loner. According to Meyers-Briggs test results I am ISTJ a complete introvert. Prefer to be on my own, though I would like to have a partner that I can enjoy and share interests with.

[Blue Cat]

I think I am a loner, but I live with my mother right now, so she drags me into conversations and social situations I would rather avoid. I am not antisocial, but I do find myself not answering the phone because I don't want to talk or avoiding others I may know in public. I have small groups of friends from high school, college, and work, most of whom I keep in contact with via Facebook. I like the distance and privacy that social media allows.

[runester]

I think I am a loner, but I live with my mother right now, so she drags me into conversations and social situations I would rather avoid. I am not antisocial, but I do find myself not answering the phone because I don't want to talk or avoiding others I may know in public. I have small groups of friends from high school, college, and work, most of whom I keep in contact with via Facebook. I like the distance and privacy that social media allows.

Your posts are so vibrant and up-beat, I find it hard to believe you are a 'loner'!! :)

[daveb]

Your posts are so vibrant and up-beat, I find it hard to believe you are a 'loner'!! :)

why can't a loner be vibrant and upbeat?

[WünderBâhr]

One thing I dislike is when I have that positive day and people expect that as the norm. When I don't do that, people assume I am sad or angry about something. Sometimes, I'm just not in a gregarious mood. I'm only really "antisocial" when I feel hurt/overwhelmed, or when someone does something that makes me not like them as a person/upsets me. Why would I need to put on a pretense? Doesn't make sense to me. It takes awhile for me to "warm up" to people, but it does happen.

I've discovered that my bipolar moods are reflected in my results from the MBTI. I took it twice and came out ISTP and ESFJ. Go figure.

[Uraeus]

Yes. I date, but I am not a romantic and prefer being by myself and sleeping alone.

[pickles.]

When I don't do that, people assume I am sad or angry about something.

It's odd, isn't it? Sometimes when I'm out in public--contentedly thinking my own thoughts--some stranger will call out, "Smile!," as if my contemplative mood offends them. To my shame, I usually obey.

[Sockstealingnome]

When I don't do that, people assume I am sad or angry about something.

It's odd, isn't it? Sometimes when I'm out in public--contentedly thinking my own thoughts--some stranger will call out, "Smile!," as if my contemplative mood offends them. To my shame, I usually obey.

That happens to me, too. I find it really annoying like why exactly do I have to walk around smiling for no reason? Here's what I've noticed: it only ever happens to young women and the person saying to smile 9 times out of 10 is male.

[DracoBorealis]

When I don't do that, people assume I am sad or angry about something.

It's odd, isn't it? Sometimes when I'm out in public--contentedly thinking my own thoughts--some stranger will call out, "Smile!," as if my contemplative mood offends them. To my shame, I usually obey.

That happens to me, too. I find it really annoying like why exactly do I have to walk around smiling for no reason? Here's what I've noticed: it only ever happens to young women and the person saying to smile 9 times out of 10 is male.

Everyone assumes I am grumpy for 100% of the time --my basic, neutral expression seems that way apparently. Well, I cannot change the way my face is built, now can I?

And it bothers every goddamn one. So, am I supposed to wear a fake smile all the time? Bah.

[Samael]

Your posts are so vibrant and up-beat, I find it hard to believe you are a 'loner'!! :)

why can't a loner be vibrant and upbeat?

Precisely my sentiments as well. Does loner carry a negative connotation? Not where I come from, at least.

[FrenchDawn]

I really am a loner, and it's totally by choice. I'm like that since my early childhood. ^_^

[DexM]

I get more sense out of me.I understand me better and I adore my company.

My Ex firends never made any sense out of my life.They never understood me and at times being in my company was so sodding hard for them.

As much as people and family are baffled by my voluntary isolation,I'm equally as baffled by their affection towards going somewhere that a lot of the time they don't want to go to,with people they don't particularly like and are in desperate need of saving money."Just don't go then" I say to them.Their reaction is always one of absolute apoplexy.When the shoe is on the other foot and I'm being asked out and refuse to,when I get angry I'm labelled as being( insert )

[FrenchDawn]

I get more sense out of me.I understand me better and I adore my company.

My Ex firends never made any sense out of my life.They never understood me and at times being in my company was so sodding hard for them.

As much as people and family are baffled by my voluntary isolation,I'm equally as baffled by their affection towards going somewhere that a lot of the time they don't want to go to,with people they don't particularly like and are in desperate need of saving money."Just don't go then" I say to them.Their reaction is always one of absolute apoplexy.When the shoe is on the other foot and I'm being asked out and refuse to,when I get angry I'm labelled as being( insert )

I feel the same way. I don't understand why a lot of people do things they don't like. Personally I CANNOT force myself to do a thing I dislike. I think it's a bit foolish... But because of that people think I'm egocentric.

(and i also LOVE my own company, but it's difficult to explain that to "ordinary" people who hate or fear solitude.)

[DexM]

I get more sense out of me.I understand me better and I adore my company.

My Ex firends never made any sense out of my life.They never understood me and at times being in my company was so sodding hard for them.

As much as people and family are baffled by my voluntary isolation,I'm equally as baffled by their affection towards going somewhere that a lot of the time they don't want to go to,with people they don't particularly like and are in desperate need of saving money."Just don't go then" I say to them.Their reaction is always one of absolute apoplexy.When the shoe is on the other foot and I'm being asked out and refuse to,when I get angry I'm labelled as being( insert )

I feel the same way. I don't understand why a lot of people do things they don't like. Personally I CANNOT force myself to do a thing I dislike. I think it's a bit foolish... But because of that people think I'm egocentric.

(and i also LOVE my own company, but it's difficult to explain that to "ordinary" people who hate or fear solitude.)

One guy actually called me a Narcissist when I told him I loved my own company ^_^Coming from him,I was waiting for an ironic smile.I'm still waiting.

The whole forcing myself to do something feat is impossible for me.Try teling the person who is asking you to punch themselves in the face and see what reaction you get.Life is already very stressful and at times borderline horrific.Forcing me to do something like go for a meal with family members I can't stand or friends who aren't there for me,is torture.

They always play the mental health card

[FrenchDawn]

I get more sense out of me.I understand me better and I adore my company.

My Ex firends never made any sense out of my life.They never understood me and at times being in my company was so sodding hard for them.

As much as people and family are baffled by my voluntary isolation,I'm equally as baffled by their affection towards going somewhere that a lot of the time they don't want to go to,with people they don't particularly like and are in desperate need of saving money."Just don't go then" I say to them.Their reaction is always one of absolute apoplexy.When the shoe is on the other foot and I'm being asked out and refuse to,when I get angry I'm labelled as being( insert )

I feel the same way. I don't understand why a lot of people do things they don't like. Personally I CANNOT force myself to do a thing I dislike. I think it's a bit foolish... But because of that people think I'm egocentric.

(and i also LOVE my own company, but it's difficult to explain that to "ordinary" people who hate or fear solitude.)

One guy actually called me a Narcissist when I told him I loved my own company ^_^Coming from him,I was waiting for an ironic smile.I'm still waiting.

The whole forcing myself to do something feat is impossible for me.Try teling the person who is asking you to punch themselves in the face and see what reaction you get.Life is already very stressful and at times borderline horrific.Forcing me to do something like go for a meal with family members I can't stand or friends who aren't there for me,is torture.

They always play the mental health card

Oh, the mental health card! I know it! :evil:

Some people don't understand the word "no"...so when a person invite you and you reply "no, thanks" it's the complete drama. Now I've a set phrase! When people try to invite me to do a thing I don't want, I reply: "but you know, I'm an hermit, I love living in my cave head-to-head with myself" :lol: It works with people who invited me because they thought they were helping me.

[lux]

Well,I think that in the begginning,I used not to be a loner,but I always was shy and introvert,so the another children and later the another teenagers,let me alone in part for my special behaviour,so I had to learn to be alone,so with the past of years,I began to prefer being alone because I was more comfortable than when I was in the company of another people,alone,I can be myself,I don't need pretending be another person,nor my own family,neither friends,or colleagues,so,now,I prefer being alone,I live alone and my house is my castle,I charge my soul in my house,I have friends and ocasionally I go out with them,but when night finishes,I prefer the quietly of my home,without noises,without music,laughings.....only silence,for me is a little pleasure,I need lonely because I am an introvert person.If I were an extrovert person,I would need being all around from many people laughing,talking to me,dancing,music,and everything to be comfortable.In fact,when I go out with friends,I prefer going with 2 or 3 people instead of big groups of people.Am I a loner?,I don't know it.Perhaps.

[Samael]

"I don't need very much social interaction "

I wonder can loners and non loners "survive" without talking to people online (dating site ,online forum,Facebook,Twitter, Skype, Myspace.

I can just talk for myself... but I think I'd go suicidal within a small number of months without internet, at the very longest. On the other hand, I think I could go for years without face-to-face contact, if I had access to a StarTrek-style replicator and a few repair drones.

I primarily live inside my mind and my mental stimuli rarely come outside of my mind. It doesn't matter whether I live amidst people or alone, these external factors have zero effect on me. Given the choice, I'd be alone all the time because I like the peace and quiet. I want to concentrate on the task at hand and I'd only have to waste mental energy on maintaining barriers to fight off distractions in a crowd. Despite my natural preference, if the situation demands it I can be an active and productive team member as well. At times I've even been selected to take the lead on projects so I'm not incapable of effective social behaviour, but it's just not something I naturally thrive on because I'm not an extrovert.

I remember reading about a research done to measure the effects of prolonged isolation. Most test subjects felt it was increasingly displeasing the longer the isolation continued. I never could relate to the results.

[dandkluvr]

I consider myself as shy, introverted, and a hermit. I think a lot of mine is both circumstanses and my asexuality. I had a bad childhood and preferred to be alone instead of being seen. After I grew up I would never date because I always thought they would want more than I can give them. Now, besides work, I prefer to be by myself. I don't like crowds and after being with my family or others for a while I need to get home just to be by myself. I get lonely sometimes but I still want to be alone. I have my Yorkie and my books and things to keep me company. My family thinks I need to get out more but they just don't understand.

[Someone89]

I feel like people are sucking out my energy, if I spend to much time with a group I get really tired, I need my alone time. You can only fill a cup until it's full, my cup of social interaction is not very big.

[ThorHera]

for me, this is a complex question, as it/"loner" would not be due to one thing.

I had a tough childhood - being an asexual was part of that. The other things were things that set me apart from "normal" ppl. In addition to being asexual, i suffer(ed) a speech handicap and a learning handicap. Major areas of learning about other human beings, how they act, respond to different/abnormal ppl.

More of a loner, as i am very independent (due to forced upon solitary life as kid - learning to accept me, as me) in my activities, life. Never cared for groups/cliques. Small group of close friends (most of which have died).

BUT, i have never had a problem w/interactions with others. I go w/the flow.

[Storm Dancing]

I fall somewhere in between. I enjoy good conversation (talking about writing,current events,psychology of self) over a cup of coffee. I don't do well for very long with extremely trivial topics, though I can hold my own,if need be. I've found that because I tend not to put myself out there like some people do, acquaintances will verbally vomit out all their private dilemmas to me,hoping for a solution,I guess. People seem to think you want to hear all of their drama, because you're quiet.

I can engage with a group of people but, a lot of times,I find it to be a great effort on my part. I also like to be able to choose when I spend time with people. If people drop by my house,impromptu, I treat them like I treat door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses. But on the other hand,I like having someone around me because...well....I always have. I'm just discovering the possibility that I don't *have* to deal with other peoples' idiosyncrasies and that I don't *have* to have someone in my life.

[AveryCase]

I very much enjoy my solitude. Since watching the asexual documentary the other day, and visiting this wonderful site, I've learned a little more about Asperger's syndrome. Today, I took the aq quiz. I felt as though the test were designed specifically for me. I scored very high. Everything feels as if it's all coming together. I plan on seeking out a professional and getting a proper diagnosis. If I get the result that I'm expecting, the first thing I want to do is find a local support group for like individuals. I cannot express in words how happy I am to have both viewed that documentary (which was quite haphazardly) and finding this online community.

[turtl]

I would say I identify as a loner. I participate in various arts communities and generally work with a lot of people, but I never have any interest in taking it to a 'social' level. Need to work late an hour? I might be up for it. Leave early and grab drinks/hang out? Count me out. I avoid cliques and I don't care much for small talk. I do enjoy meaningful conversations and learning/teaching with others, but the fluff doesn't do much for me.

[banisa]

i used to be quiet i guess as a kid, but now im much more extroverted and not very used to being alone. i enjoy being with people from extremely diverse groups, ranging from priests and nuns, transsexuals and other LGBT, atheists, many, many children, mothers, the elderly, and most of all, my wonderful deaf friends. i have found amazing friendships with people from all walks of life, but usually tend to identify with those from the minority - LGBT, atheists (living in predominantly catholic country), and disability sub-cultures even though i am not necessarily one of them. i am not sure if this has something to do with my asexuality, but i suspect that it might. i find great comfort in being with those who feel different, even though their differences are not the same as mine. i find life as an asexual liberating, and im slowly beginning to embrace it. last month, i was seated at a table of mostly deaf LGBT at a bar. someone let it out that i am a virgin and they all went crazy. for some, it would have been embarrassing, but i let them have it and just told them im planning to become a nun. for me, asexuality adds colour to my life.