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Are You a Loner?


Ziffler

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I think that i can easily be hurt by people so i have given up on them and i decided at a young age to do things for myself instead of placing all my faith in other people. i guess have gotten used to keeping myself to myself it's become like second nature to me

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I was never been fully accepted by anyone in my life (especially in childhood)i was always the kid that was picked on by everyone even when i tried to get help there was no one to turn to i was just expected to "suck it up" so i think it could of contributed greatly to the way i am now (im a complete loner i have no friends in my life apart from a few friends on the net as pathetic is this makes me sound)

I'm sorry you had those kinds of experiences!

I'm in a similar boat as far as friends go, at least within any reasonable distance for getting together with on a regular basis.

i guess me being a loner stems from the painful experiences i have been through rather than me being a natural loner but i'm glad people can understand where im coming from :)

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Sockstealingnome

After reading through all the responses, I've come to realize I am not a loner really. I don't need very much social interaction but I do need at least one friend I can trust and talk to. Thankfully, I have two and it makes me comfortable enough that making new friends is not important so I treat interactions with others quite casually. Ironically, that actually makes other people want to be my friend because I seem cool and relaxed or something.

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........Children can be challenging in many ways, but what I love about them is that you always know exactly how they feel--they are 100% genuine. Many adults wear me out in a way that children never do.

wow, that is so true!! And even though my little students were quick to tell me if they didn't like my hair that day, or if I had hair in my nose; it just wasnt difficult to relax and "be" around them. Tip-toeing around adults and all the filters, and making polite conversation - trying to anyways, I think is exhausting! :blink:

mariposa, are you a teacher too? I taught full-time in Utah for a number of years, but have mostly subbed since moving to Portland.

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........Children can be challenging in many ways, but what I love about them is that you always know exactly how they feel--they are 100% genuine. Many adults wear me out in a way that children never do.

wow, that is so true!! And even though my little students were quick to tell me if they didn't like my hair that day, or if I had hair in my nose; it just wasnt difficult to relax and "be" around them. Tip-toeing around adults and all the filters, and making polite conversation - trying to anyways, I think is exhausting! :blink:

mariposa, are you a teacher too? I taught full-time in Utah for a number of years, but have mostly subbed since moving to Portland.

Hey, ms. trish (: OM goodness, you are a teacher?! Do you sub for all grade levels? I was a teachers assistant, or the super fancy name of "Paraeducator", for elementary and middle school Life Skill students (students with disabilities) for almost 10 years. And, I also did a fair bit of volunteering in my kids classroom throughout their elementary years too. Funny, never thought I wanted to have kids of my own, and never was a baby-sitter growing up. Had my first child at 35 and my 2nd at 38; and absolutely fell in love being a mom, and loving kids :wub:

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mariposa, are you a teacher too? I taught full-time in Utah for a number of years, but have mostly subbed since moving to Portland.

Hey, ms. trish (: OM goodness, you are a teacher?! Do you sub for all grade levels? I was a teachers assistant, or the super fancy name of "Paraeducator", for elementary and middle school Life Skill students (students with disabilities) for almost 10 years. And, I also did a fair bit of volunteering in my kids classroom throughout their elementary years too. Funny, never thought I wanted to have kids of my own, and never was a baby-sitter growing up. Had my first child at 35 and my 2nd at 38; and absolutely fell in love being a mom, and loving kids :wub:

Well, this is getting a bit off topic, but I was a teacher in a previous life as well. Had a hard time finding a permanent position and eventually gave it up. I also worked with kids in variety of alternative settings which I actually liked better even though the pay was much less than teaching in public schools.

Enjoyed that time in my life, I worked with kids from kindergarten through high school.

I always knew I wanted children of my own and that has been one of the best things in my life, just had dinner with them (23 & 27) tonight.

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Hey, ms. trish (: OM goodness, you are a teacher?! Do you sub for all grade levels? I was a teachers assistant, or the super fancy name of "Paraeducator", for elementary and middle school Life Skill students (students with disabilities) for almost 10 years.

I'm certified to sub in grades pre-K to 12. Most of the calls I get are for K, 1, or Special Ed. Have worked with many marvelous paraeducators over the years!

Enjoyed that time in my life, I worked with kids from kindergarten through high school.

Three teachers and counting...welcome to the club, Critter!

I always knew I wanted children of my own and that has been one of the best things in my life, just had dinner with them (23 & 27) tonight.

Mine are about the same age or a bit older (26, 30, 33). Do you have any grandkids?

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Also, Critter and mariposa (and anyone else who would care to answer), what do you do for a living now? (And why do I hesitate to even ask this? Is it rude to ask? Sometimes I forget the rules.)

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Also, Critter and mariposa (and anyone else who would care to answer), what do you do for a living now? (And why do I hesitate to even ask this? Is it rude to ask? Sometimes I forget the rules.)

Well, I appreciate your comment about the rules :) But at this point in my life I don't worry too much about it unless I think it might hurt someone's feelings.

At any rate, I don't mind at all. I'm an engineer these years, try to make computers do something at least vaguely useful. But I'm looking to do something different pretty soon, just not sure what.

Oh, and no grandkids yet :( Hopefully in the fullness of time...

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No grandkids for me yet either. Although I do have friends here who have a soon-to-be two-year-old. I'm the honorary "grammy," as none of his actual grandparents live nearby. He's an absolute cutie pie.

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'Officially' I'm a pensioner. When I was approaching my 60th, they wrote to me and said if I deferred my State Pension for 5 years I'd get a little more money but who knows if I'll still be around at 65 or how many years I'd be able to draw my enhanced pension so I said 'No, I'll have it NOW!!!' :lol:

However with a mortgage still to pay, I work part time in a supermarket on the deli counter. Two nights - when I prep the cheese, olives etc and two days - love the people I work with and most of our customers :)

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'Officially' I'm a pensioner. When I was approaching my 60th, they wrote to me and said if I deferred my State Pension for 5 years I'd get a little more money but who knows if I'll still be around at 65 or how many years I'd be able to draw my enhanced pension so I said 'No, I'll have it NOW!!!' :lol:

Ha! Love it! A person after my own heart.

However with a mortgage still to pay, I work part time in a supermarket on the deli counter. Two nights - when I prep the cheese, olives etc and two days - love the people I work with and most of our customers :)

Oh, yeah, you're the one with the crazy hours, right?

And, Critter, I'm so technologically behind, I had to google computers and engineering to find out what they had to do with each other (my father was an engineer, for example, but had nothing to do with computers that I'm aware of). I found this on Wikipedia:

"Computer engineers are involved in many hardware and software aspects of computing, from the design of individual microprocessors, personal computers, and supercomputers, to circuit design. Usual tasks involving computer engineers include writing software and firmware for embedded microcontrollers, designing VLSI chips, designing analog sensors, designing mixed signal circuit boards, and designing operating systems."

Does any of that sound like you?

P.S. "Firmware"? I've heard of software and hardware, but this was a new one.

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There's also "wetware" and "vaporware". :P

I'm in awe of all you computer people, for your "keeping up" with the world. I've already got such a good start on becoming obsolete. (Any grandkids will be like, "No, you can't talk to Granny--she doesn't have a computer chip in her head.") Ay yai yai.

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'Officially' I'm a pensioner. When I was approaching my 60th, they wrote to me and said if I deferred my State Pension for 5 years I'd get a little more money but who knows if I'll still be around at 65 or how many years I'd be able to draw my enhanced pension so I said 'No, I'll have it NOW!!!' :lol:However with a mortgage still to pay, I work part time in a supermarket on the deli counter. Two nights - when I prep the cheese, olives etc and two days - love the people I work with and most of our customers :)

Interesting, seems to me the most important part of a job is the people. While I like the intellectual challenges of my work it's being part of a team that is most appealing. I'm sure this is true for the people I work with but being guys nobody can ever admit that :)

And, Critter, I'm so technologically behind, I had to google computers and engineering to find out what they had to do with each other (my father was an engineer, for example, but had nothing to do with computers that I'm aware of). I found this on Wikipedia:"Computer engineers are involved in many hardware and software aspects of computing, from the design of individual microprocessors, personal computers, and supercomputers, to circuit design. Usual tasks involving computer engineers include writing software and firmware for embedded microcontrollers, designing VLSI chips, designing analog sensors, designing mixed signal circuit boards, and designing operating systems."Does any of that sound like you?P.S. "Firmware"? I've heard of software and hardware, but this was a new one.

Yep, Wikipedia got that one right. Firmware is indeed what I do for a living, as opposed to say the programming that makes Aven happen.

There's also "wetware" and "vaporware". :P
I'm in awe of all you computer people, for your "keeping up" with the world. I've already got such a good start on becoming obsolete. (Any grandkids will be like, "No, you can't talk to Granny--she doesn't have a computer chip in her head.") Ay yai yai.

A lot of work is going on in direct brain/computer interfaces. Your grandkids likely will have some amount of computer in them. Cochlear implants are just the beginning.

Being part of the industry for three decades now I marvel at how much effort the human species has put into making our gadgets. Many thousands of people have spent their careers to make something like a cellphone or a laptop computer. Going from the big bricks of the 90s to a data phone has been an enormous effort requiring trillions of dollars of investment.

Was it worth it?

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Hey, ms. trish (: OM goodness, you are a teacher?! Do you sub for all grade levels? I was a teachers assistant, or the super fancy name of "Paraeducator", for elementary and middle school Life Skill students (students with disabilities) for almost 10 years.

I'm certified to sub in grades pre-K to 12. Most of the calls I get are for K, 1, or Special Ed. Have worked with many marvelous paraeducators over the years!

Enjoyed that time in my life, I worked with kids from kindergarten through high school.

Three teachers and counting...welcome to the club, Critter!

I always knew I wanted children of my own and that has been one of the best things in my life, just had dinner with them (23 & 27) tonight.

Mine are about the same age or a bit older (26, 30, 33). Do you have any grandkids?

It's great to be part of this club :D Totally enjoyed my time as a paraeducator - one of my favorite jobs. I retired this year, so it's a whole new chapter in my life.

Started my family in my middle 30's, so my kids are 19 1/2 and almost 18...and they have been 2 of the most wonderful people in my life! I feel really blessed!

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Critter and mariposa, it's nice to hear how much you enjoy your children. I feel the same way about mine. My oldest and youngest still live in Utah, but my middle child followed me out to Portland three years ago. At present she's toodling around Europe with one of her roommates; she'll be gone a couple more months.

I'm sure this is true for the people I work with but being guys nobody can ever admit that :)

Aww...sweet and funny.

A lot of work is going on in direct brain/computer interfaces. Your grandkids likely will have some amount of computer in them.

Oh dear. I was right.

Being part of the industry for three decades now I marvel at how much effort the human species has put into making our gadgets. Many thousands of people have spent their careers to make something like a cellphone or a laptop computer. Going from the big bricks of the 90s to a data phone has been an enormous effort requiring trillions of dollars of investment.

Was it worth it?

I wonder about so-called progress myself. Humans continually make tiny refinements to an object until it morphs over time into something else (or at least something that makes the original obsolete, like eventually not being able to buy film for your camera or get photo film developed; we will have lost the technology). It doesn't seem to me that most "improvements" are improvements at all, except in certain fields like health care. But you need to have the improvements across the board so that they can even make it into health care; there doesn't seem a way to hold back the tide or to pick and choose.

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And, Critter, I'm so technologically behind, I had to google computers and engineering to find out what they had to do with each other (my father was an engineer, for example, but had nothing to do with computers that I'm aware of). I found this on Wikipedia:"Computer engineers are involved in many hardware and software aspects of computing, from the design of individual microprocessors, personal computers, and supercomputers, to circuit design. Usual tasks involving computer engineers include writing software and firmware for embedded microcontrollers, designing VLSI chips, designing analog sensors, designing mixed signal circuit boards, and designing operating systems."Does any of that sound like you?P.S. "Firmware"? I've heard of software and hardware, but this was a new one.

Yep, Wikipedia got that one right. Firmware is indeed what I do for a living, as opposed to say the programming that makes Aven happen.

I do firmware too! I currently help write flight firmware for satellites. I have also written firmware for radar warning receivers (a tool pilots in military aircraft use to determine if the enemy is approaching). My first job was to help write software used to do conceptual aircraft design at NASA Ames research center. I was so sad when I got laid off from that job which I held for 16 years. My college degree is in mechanical engineering but I discovered in grad school that what I liked was writing software and found a job that let me pursue that.

Cathy

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I do firmware too!

Cool! Good to know the engineering field hasn't lost all women. In my group of twenty mechanical, electrical, and computer engineers there are no women.

Seems like it's gotten worse over the years which is unfortunate.

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DracoBorealis

I do firmware too!

Cool! Good to know the engineering field hasn't lost all women. In my group of twenty mechanical, electrical, and computer engineers there are no women.

Seems like it's gotten worse over the years which is unfortunate.

I work in the heavy industry -I am a welder/fabricator- and although there are quite a few ladies around, sometimes the old, obsolete and intensely stupid women-belong-in-the-kitchen attitude still lifts its head. Not where I currently work -zero tolerance for sexism is a company policy- save for a few individual, narrow-minded douches, but in my field in general. Some employers simply won't hire members of the female sex. No matter how capable you are, if your genitalia don't dangle, you're no good. I've seen this attitude become less frequent over the years -when I first went to vocational school and started my career, it was a nightmare- but it's still a problem.

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That...kind of defeats the purpose.

I had the same thought, but you know there's a lot of talk about sex here on asexuality.org, too :)

I posted the link so loners can support each other. For those reason, I don't think no purpose was defeated.

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Sockstealingnome

That...kind of defeats the purpose.

I had the same thought, but you know there's a lot of talk about sex here on asexuality.org, too :)

I posted the link so loners can support each other. For those reason, I don't think no purpose was defeated.

No, I meant it's ironic that loners would have a forum where they could gather and hang out, shooting the breeze like one big group of pals.

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I can relate to so many of these posts. I'm a loner and always have been. I have no friends aside from my husband, sister, and children and since I've been like this my entire life, I don't think it's likely to change. It used to cause me and endless amount of grief especially in middle and high school, and then again shortly after having my first child when I tried to make friends in an attempt to be a 'normal' mother. That failed miserably. I got tired of being shunned so now I don't even try anymore.

I stay home and keep to myself, enjoying my books, pets, and family. I'm much happier now. I'm extremely introverted, so it doesn't really bother me too much and I honestly couldn't tell you if I want friends because I honestly crave companionship outside of my family or if I want friends because I am supposed to and that's what society expects. I do get lonely at times, but it's more a matter of wanted to be around people than any desire to talk to them and interact with them.

My only regret is that my husband is very outgoing and I feel like I'm cheating him out of a normal social life. He's given up on us ever having couple friends and goes out and does his own thing now. He claims it doesn't bother him, but I know he would like us to have more of a social life as a couple and I know he gets tired of constantly making excuses for me.

The thing is, I'm fairly certain I have some sort of social disability. Aspergers? Possibly. I simply can't relate to other people. I can't make small talk and often, unless it's a direct question, I have no idea what to say when people talk to me. And even then, I often muck it up. And it's not that I'm stupid. I always did well in school despite the fact that I never studied. I'm one of the top performers at work (I work in IT, so no social skills required). I simply have some sort of block when it comes to social skills. Funny thing is, according to Myers-Briggs, I'm an INTP (100% I), which is very unusual for women. In fact, in the US, the 'ideal' woman is ESFJ - the exact opposite of what I am. So maybe that's why I have such difficulty making friends with women.

I don't know where my asexuality fits into all this and I've always wondered. I've just always chalked it up to yet another one of my weird idiosyncrasies, but it does seem coincidental that so many of us have similar social issues.

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I have a progress report from 1981 (I was three) from preschool saying that the teachers were concerned about my lack of interaction with the other children. :lol: True story.

Same. I had those all through elementary school, and I was institutionalized when I was 15 and the report from that said my socialization was like that of an 8-year old or some shit and that I should spent time initiating contact with agemates and adults. Fuck that, is basically what I said.

I don't think it's necessarily an ace thing, but I would postulate that a lot of sexuals/romantics spend a LOT of time socializing in attempts to find compatible partners, and, having no such desire, I don't do so much of that.

Additionally, a lot of people get on my nerves. I'd rather have a few quality friends than dozens and dozens of assholes and gossips. I have no actual problems with socializing, I just prefer not to do much of it. If people want to pathologize that, then whatever, but I value solitude and I don't think being alone is a bad thing.

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The thing is, I'm fairly certain I have some sort of social disability. Aspergers? Possibly. I simply can't relate to other people. I can't make small talk and often, unless it's a direct question, I have no idea what to say when people talk to me. And even then, I often muck it up.

glamourgirl, I can so relate to this. Except I do try to make small talk but it usually doesn't go so well. I say things that seem innocent enough to me, but I'm told I'm too abrupt. It makes me very nervous to be around other people, unless they are family or old friends. I really shouldn't be let out in public!

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