Geoff Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I want to try sex for a similar reason to why I wanted to try marijuana for the first time: I just want to know what it's like, and I know it isn't likely to harm or change me in any significant and/or negative way. My curiosity about sex is just less interested than was my curiosity about pot. So I wouldn't particularly mind living life without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I want to try sex for a similar reason to why I wanted to try marijuana for the first time: I just want to know what it's like, and I know it isn't likely to harm or change me in any significant and/or negative way. An interesting analogy. The problem as I see it is that to find out requires the cooperation of another person for an extremely personal experience. Marijuana, alcohol, sky diving, mountain climbing, etc. to name a few of the "adventurous" things to do, do not necessarily require a partner to do them (you do need a pilot to fly the plane) and certainly not the kind of emotional commitment that sex requires. Dare I say it, but a prostitute might be the only way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Selatla Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 nope. It's a relief. Haven't 'had' to have sex for going on 10 years and it's fine with me. I'm able to dive into what really interests me without sexual relationships distracting me Link to post Share on other sites
asexynerdygal Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 while i would compromise if I was dating a sexual partner, I could be happy never doing the deed again Link to post Share on other sites
charlyoak Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I have had "sex" ever since I was 4 years old... with all the wrong people and for all the wrong reasons. Now that I am in my mid-50's, I have learned that love is completely different than "sex". Yes, it can be true that "sex" is a vehicle to express love, but I know many people who have been traumatically hurt by lustful, selfish, manipulative acts of "sex". Unfortunately, having been mentally, emotionally, and physically hurt by "sex" leaves many of us living without either form of it, whether out of necessity or by choice. What is sad, however, is that in all my years, I have never been unconditionally accepted by anyone for who I am as a person simply because I cannot have sex in the traditional definition, nor do I care to. I want to be loved and cherished for who I am, and believe that there are limitless measures by which that love can be expressed through non-sexual means. Sensuality doesn't even have to be sexual, in my opinion. Kissing, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and unspoken words translated through the eyes speak volumes to me that "sex" never did. I have never met a man who did not want or like sex. Where are you? Link to post Share on other sites
violeta4701 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Just as Madonna said: "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time..." but I have to say that the issue is very ambiguous for me because sometimes I feel very curious about it and I think ¿what is all the fuss of everybody living and dying for sex?, but other times I think I don't like sex, definitely it doesn't fit my inner self at all. Link to post Share on other sites
asexynerdygal Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 it's been 8 or 9 years for me and it hasn't bothered me yet.. before that it was only a handful of times... I'm willing to take the chance :D.. How long does it have to be before you're considered a born again virgin Link to post Share on other sites
Excandesco Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I am both extremely bothered and completely indifferent as to never having sex again. On one hand I miss it so damn much but on the other I do not have a desire for it at all. So yes it does bother me and no it doesn't bother me. I suppose it really depends... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 No, that's what I keep my fingers crossed for. I hope to become even more "asexual" as I'd like to put it. The world is so sexual it kills the last remains of my so called interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Synchrèse Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Up to this point I haven't had it and it didn't seem to bother me so much,so...probably I wouldn't mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Jesrad Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Gawd, yes, it's a relief not to worry about it anymore. Was even on Craig's List looking around--thinking I needed a sexual outlet to be healthy but recognizing myself as an Ace allows me to be whom I am. I'm not a weirdo anymore. At least here on AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
sillythebard Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 being 40 and never having intercourse, i don't care if i ever do the deed. Most people just think i am overly picky. I am usually ok with that belief. I have done some stuff when i felt pressure from others. (like in the army). I just couldn't go all the way, no desire to.its like re-education on what i was taught my whole life, so i am glad for a social place like this. Link to post Share on other sites
SilentComplexity Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 ...14 years and I still don't miss it. o_o Wasn't worth the emotional pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 About the same for me. Best thing I ever did was opt out of the relationship thing - probably for both sides :) Link to post Share on other sites
Asexual_In_Georgia Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 I have gone without it for the last eight years or so (give or take a year, I don't care so I don't keep track). I don't miss it. Link to post Share on other sites
Razz Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I spent five years in a heteronormative marriage (or a sort of sham one on my end) and it was awful. I was never interested to begin with, didn't change with marriage, and am still not interested. I am so much happier now that it's not even a possibility. Hugs and cuddles: yes, absolutely! :) Sex: no thanks, I'm good. :D Link to post Share on other sites
PiF Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't miss the damp patches on the bed or the arguing over who made the most mess with the baby oil. So no it would not bother me never to have sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Absolutely not. I've never had sex and never want to have. Link to post Share on other sites
conchyjoe Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I wish I could be one of the ones saying I never had sex. I never wanted it. Thought it was something everyone had to do. Have lived to 55 to finally figure things out. You guys are lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlv Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 39 years old and I'm still a virgin. Never had sex, never, succesfully, masturbated (attempted, seemed awkward and uncomfortable). I have to say, and it's taken a couple of years to come to this realization, I'm okay with that. I wish my friends felt the same. Link to post Share on other sites
LaLaLea Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Bothered by never having sex again...no that would be a celebration, well mostly. As others have mentioned though, to have someone in my life in a romantic capacity pretty much means I need to suck it up, or hope one day I meet another asexual to share my life with. I was once in a great relationship...with one exception...he wanted sex, loved it, and I hate it, but since I loved him I did it for him. I did it to keep the rest of the relationship. I actually never said anything about my asexuality because I wanted a partner so badly, and truly loved this man, it was he who mentioned it to me when he left me. Needless to say that relationship tanked and I was devastated, but eventually realized that level of compromise wasn't healthy for either of us... I shouldn't have to come up with excuses to avoid sex, I deserve better, and he deserved someone who would enjoy sex with him. And in a way, that trauma led me here, where I have learned I am ok, not wanting sex does not make me a broken person. So overall...I will be relieved if I never have to have sex, get naked, or even kiss again (I despise being touched). But in a way I am also bothered by the fact that this likely means I will be single, and struggle a lonely single income life, never affording the quality of life I desire, loosing friends as they marry and have kids, always taking care of myself and never being taken care of, forever stuck in the lifestyle of a poor college student, just surviving not living in a society designed for couples and families...right down to the tax laws. Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 LaLaLea...Even though you appear to be engaging in a lot of self-condemning, you seem to be handling your situation very well. Regarding your 'tanked' [i had to Google the defn.] relationship; your're realisation that compromise was giving away too much 'self' was a bold and, I believe, correct move. Both parties should gain from it, in the future. Being seriously aromantic, I've not personally experienced a relationship like you've described; but I do identify with that heavy future you foresee. I suggest: Don't do so much 'foreseeing'! I can look back and identify those negative events you list...but you can look forward and plan a positive future for yourself. I envy your opportunity, very much. Take it and cheer up! Cia :) Link to post Share on other sites
Carbon Monoxide Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I wouldn't in the least mind never having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Faith Formation Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 We've never had sex, and we're not interested, either. It's not something we think about, and it's not something we need. We would really rather not have it - it wouldn't matter who we had it with, someone or other in the system would be uncomfortable with it, and that just isn't fair. It would be a compromise at most to most people (pleasing our partner), but to some, it might even be like being date raped. And we can't exactly imagine a singlet who would be comfortable with hundreds of people (probably most of them strangers) watching, experiencing the act. And if someone says they are comfortable with that, then they either have a very unique fetish or don't really believe we're people. And obviously, we can't have that. Needless to say, we are completely content being single and virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
Noxana Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 The more replies I read to this thread, the more amazed I am by the AVEN community. I've never thought I'd ever find a place where I could fit in so well as I do in here. Well, enough for my personal offtopic stuff :p I have never had sex and I decisively do not yearn to have it. The reason why is overwhelmingly simple -- because I find it repulsive, and moreover, totally expendable. I'd love to spend a romantic evening with a close person of my choice, or even lay on a raw grassland, with no clothes and fall asleep in each other's arms (the nudity thing is a concept of most importance to my asexually-emotional code), just for the sake of feeling one another's body warm just close enough to pretend like we were one. It lies within my very personal and intimate sphere of romantic dreams, however I do not actually see why would I need to actually have an intercourse with this special person. Sounds a way more spoiling than convenient, in my impression. Link to post Share on other sites
LiaMarie Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I wouldn't mind, would actually be relieved, but my husband would cry.. frequently. Link to post Share on other sites
complicated Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 It would bother me to not have sex ever again. I am grey-a. If someone is sex repulsed, it won't work Link to post Share on other sites
noparlpf Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Nope, wouldn't bother me. If I did end up in a romantic relationship that eventually turned sexual, cool. In the more likely event that I don't, cool. It's whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
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