ClaryFray1984 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 7 hours ago, Techie said: I suspect we are definitely on the rare side compared to women but we do exist. I could never wrap my head around the thought of me getting naked and having sex. My hangup is I am an intelligent being and not a barnyard animal. I just cannot bring myself to idea of behaving like feral cats or livestock. I realize it is natural thing (heck I would not be here if not for sex) and part of being human, it just does not work for me. Thank you it gives me hope Link to post Share on other sites
Some Call Me Tim Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 I am not averse to sex, and enjoy it with my wife, but I would not be especially bothered if I never had sex again. But I do want (and am blessed to have) close relationships - they just don't require sex as part of the equation in order to be healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Anommamous Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Not even a little bit Link to post Share on other sites
catpower Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I can’t even remember when I had sex last, probably 15 years or so. I just really dislike the rituals people do, I get caught up in playing a game I don’t want to play. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelwyne Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I never really wanted it, I can count on one hand the times I experienced it, and I can say whole heartedly, it would not bother me at all to never experience it again. Link to post Share on other sites
palacinky Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Wouldn't bother me in the least if I never had sex again. I very much doubt if I will. What would bother me is if I never had physical intimacy with someone I loved... touching, (non-sexual) massage, holding one another, hand-holding, putting my head in someone's lap, non-slobbery kisses. I would miss and AM missing that profoundly. Link to post Share on other sites
Tea_Time Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Wouldn't bother me one bit - it's not something I need in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelwyne Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 On 5/9/2020 at 5:55 PM, Techie said: I suspect we are definitely on the rare side compared to women but we do exist. I could never wrap my head around the thought of me getting naked and having sex. My hangup is I am an intelligent being and not a barnyard animal. I just cannot bring myself to idea of behaving like feral cats or livestock. I realize it is natural thing (heck I would not be here if not for sex) and part of being human, it just does not work for me. I'm not sure male asexuals are rarer, I would challenge whether they are in general open to the idea based on the extreme social pressure for males to want and seek sex from a young age. Would be interesting to see a kinsey like study to see the frequency of male vs female vs agender, etc. of aces. I totally get the livestock reference. It is challenging for me to imagine an animalistic instinct being so strong its unavoidable. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 On 5/9/2020 at 4:37 PM, ClaryFray1984 said: I did not know there were guys out there who felt this way to. Im new to the site and this is exactly how I feel. I've identified as asexual since 2005. In the past two years I've met 4 asexuals, three female, one agender. No male aces yet. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 12 minutes ago, Kelwyne said: I'm not sure male asexuals are rarer, I would challenge whether they are in general open to the idea based on the extreme social pressure for males to want and seek sex from a young age. Would be interesting to see a kinsey like study to see the frequency of male vs female vs agender, etc. of aces. I totally get the livestock reference. It is challenging for me to imagine an animalistic instinct being so strong its unavoidable. Then there would be the stigma from society from the standpoint of "You're not interested in sex? There must be something wrong with you!" Which leads to us males either not telling anyone we're asexual or being VERY selective in who we come to about our identity. It's comforting to know that there is a welcoming place where ALL of us regardless of how we identify can converse and help each other. @ClaryFray1984 I've identified as asexual for 15 years now. I'm not sure how that compares to other 'active' members on AVEN. If younger or 'new' members are wondering about long term experience identifying as an asexual, feel free to message me. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickenMayo Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 not in a slightest, besides there's dozens enjoyable things to do rather than sex Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 9 hours ago, Kelwyne said: I'm not sure male asexuals are rarer... In one of the many articles/papers on the subject that I have read over the years, it was noted IIRC by the researchers in an article that their observed ratio was about 60% female, 40% male. When I have an hour or so to kill, I will try to see if I can find it. Of course to the point, it is possible that males are just not as open about it due to societal pressures. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Techie said: Of course to the point, it is possible that males are just not as open about it due to societal pressures. I strongly suspect this is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 4 hours ago, Techie said: In one of the many articles/papers on the subject that I have read over the years, it was noted IIRC by the researchers in an article that their observed ratio was about 60% female, 40% male. When I have an hour or so to kill, I will try to see if I can find it. Of course to the point, it is possible that males are just not as open about it due to societal pressures. 1 hour ago, Purple Red Panda said: I strongly suspect this is the case. I'm if the same opinion. @Techie That would be great if you could find that info. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 9 hours ago, Techie said: In one of the many articles/papers on the subject that I have read over the years, it was noted IIRC by the researchers in an article that their observed ratio was about 60% female, 40% male. When I have an hour or so to kill, I will try to see if I can find it. Of course to the point, it is possible that males are just not as open about it due to societal pressures. @Jade Cross and I have been discussing the double standards when it comes to people's views on virginity and/or sexual activity. If you're a guy and a virgin, there's two reactions, you're gay or just straight out 'something's wrong with you'. A female virgin is a prude. Now if you're a female that is sexually active, there is a whole book of derogatory terms by which you are called: Guys that have a lot of sex are either studs or pigs... When I thought I was straight and hoping at some point in time of having sex with a female, their 'status' meant nothing to me. It would be likely that most girls of similar age to me at that time (my 30s) would've had sex at one point in their lives. Who was I to hold that against them? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Like someone else said, some days yes, some days no. I don't really know. Quite frankly when I don't wonder about sex in a positive light, it's when I'm emotionally down. I dunno, I go through so many changes when it comes to my views on sex. At the moment, I can't say it would bother me if I didn't have it. I like physical intimacy to certain degree and oftentimes i think I'd be just fine and dandy without sex. I want romance, though. For sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Moggie Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 On 7/22/2012 at 8:21 AM, Beachwalker said: Sex just isn't a part of my life, and if I never have it again I couldn't care less. I have had relationships end because of it, and am single. I think it is highly unlikely I will ever be in a relationship again because I think it is highly unlikely I will meet someone else who wants a sexless relationship. I am reasonably content being single but am 100% content without sex. What does everyone else think sexuals/asexuals about the thought of not having sex again, would it bother you? It wouldn't bother me, I much prefer the snuggling and cuddling over the sex itself. But mostly I enjoy the emotional connection we have, that is way better than sex to me any day. Link to post Share on other sites
QuoVadis Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Not in the slightest. Even though I've come a long way in developing more self confidence, including losing some weight and developing a better routine with exercise and mindfulness, which brings my existence peace, I cannot separate the idea that being viewed as "sexy" is somehow immoral or gross or uncomfortable. That's just me speaking. I cannot recall any sexual trauma in my youth that would lead me to this - instead I think it's that I am, quite frankly, very intelligent and analytical, and somehow I got messed up thinking that sexuality and intelligence are mutually exclusive traits. I'm not proud of that, but it has imprinted on me in such a way that I have the reverse reaction to being seen as physically desirable. It debases me. And sex is an extension of that in my head - so - no. I'd much rather be doing [literally anything else]. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 13 hours ago, QuoVadis said: ...very intelligent and analytical, and somehow I got messed up thinking that sexuality and intelligence are mutually exclusive traits. I'm not proud of that, but it has imprinted on me in such a way that I have the reverse reaction to being seen as physically desirable. It debases me. And sex is an extension of that in my head - so - no. I'd much rather be doing [literally anything else]. Pretty much echoes what I wrote in my May 9th post above. I cannot break out of the mindset that intelligence and sexuality are somehow mutually exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Peace_of_Ace Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 I would be relieved. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 As a woman, I just don't get it. So many people having sex and popping out babies. Does it really feel that good? What is the incentive to lose your virginity without love? Does not even feel good the first time (and for many of us, many times after that). I just saw this young guy walking down the street in a poor neighborhood with a young toddler. What was the incentive to have sex and reproduce? I feel this way about rich people too, but especially poor girls going after guys that have nothing going for themselves. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 4 hours ago, sallimae76 said: As a woman, I just don't get it. So many people having sex and popping out babies. Does it really feel that good? What is the incentive to lose your virginity without love? Does not even feel good the first time (and for many of us, many times after that). I just saw this young guy walking down the street in a poor neighborhood with a young toddler. What was the incentive to have sex and reproduce? I feel this way about rich people too, but especially poor girls going after guys that have nothing going for themselves. Why? I posted elsewhere about a woman in my village having 13 kids. That works out to being pregnant for 9 3/4 years. I for the life of me can't fathom why anyone would want that many kids. I'm sure those of you that have given birth to one or two children, likely said, "That's enough!" Her family and the other in the village that are expecting #7 belong to the local 'fundamentalist/evangelical' church. Not sure if they've taken Genesis 9:7 Quote And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. to heart? It would seem that people like this only have sex to have children... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 I'll live with it, even if otherwise can't. Some people seem be more bothered by the possibility than me yet, as Bon Jovi would say, it's my life. Maybe they're afraid that if it's common enough they'd have less potential partners? Link to post Share on other sites
BabyMidLifeAce Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 Nope, I was married for 20 years and am demi, but it's all out of my system now. Not looking for any partners ever again. Just gonna surround myself with friends and cats and cake. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueAce Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 Not in the least. I had sex a few times in the past, now I'm perfectly happy without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Artila Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Tbh I am a virgin and I'd kinda be a bit bummed if I died as one too. Would be no tragedy but I wanna know what it is like to have sex - and get more clarity about myself and what I like/dislike. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 2 hours ago, Artila said: Tbh I am a virgin and I'd kinda be a bit bummed if I died as one too. Would be no tragedy but I wanna know what it is like to have sex - and get more clarity about myself and what I like/dislike. Before I found out (and identified) about asexuality, I felt the same. Now that 15 years have passed, it doesnt bother me that I'll remain a virgin. It's a 'non-issue' for me. Link to post Share on other sites
doubledoc5212 Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 On 7/10/2020 at 6:38 AM, Artila said: Tbh I am a virgin and I'd kinda be a bit bummed if I died as one too. Would be no tragedy but I wanna know what it is like to have sex - and get more clarity about myself and what I like/dislike. Same here: I've always been curious as to whether I would like it with someone who I really wanted to be intimate with, but I've decided to stop stressing myself out about it. I don't think I'd be heartbroken if it never happened though. Link to post Share on other sites
doubledoc5212 Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 On 10/16/2019 at 11:06 AM, Techie said: In my case, I have at least learned a lot of the details involved since over 90 percent of the population is allosexual and I figured I need to at least be somewhat cognizant of sexual behavior in order to maintain my "secret ACE identity" in conversation with my peers. I obviously do not partake but at least being armed with the knowledge help me avoid long drawn out discussions on being ACE. I was totally doing this all along before I realized I was ace, just to fit in. I honestly think I overcompensate with dirty jokes, possibly because dirty jokes just feel like regular jokes to me except they get a way bigger reaction! Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 I'm glad I am not a virgin because otherwise I'd be curious about it. That's why I "explored" in the first place, it's a part of human life and I want to know what it's about. Granted, my 20s were hell because of mental illness, I thought this could make me somewhat "normal." I am feeling much better these days, confident in who I am, knowing what I am giving up. It's not even giving up really, it's just letting go of the pressure, the need to "fit in." Link to post Share on other sites
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