Noyzz Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 If I could still have other forms of intimacy, like cuddling and smooching I would be A-okay with it. Link to post Share on other sites
griffinej5 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Never had it, never really wanted it. Well, there was a brief maybe i should, just to make sure i don’t kind of thought. But never really wanted to, so it’s fine with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Wouldn't bother me a bit...but im almost 30 years distanced from it anyway...just one less dance to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lunala Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Wouldn't bother me a single bit. I would be completely unaffected. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 On 3/16/2019 at 6:22 AM, chandrakirti said: Wouldn't bother me a bit...but im almost 30 years distanced from it anyway...just one less dance to do. Wow, that is pretty cool. I too am about 30 years removed from the last time I had sex. I miss the cuddling, passion, and the being turned on by the skin-to-skin contact, but certainly do not miss screwing. How have you avoided it for 30 years? Is it same as me, never dating, and avoiding situations where sex is likely to be expected? Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 On the contrary, it would very much bother me if for example some clairvoyant said that I would have sex one day. I would really hope that they were wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Nothing here. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I guess not 'dating' would help. The one female friend I have I met a couple of years before I found out about asexuality. Since then I havent made any attempts to meet any other people. I did get a bit panicky when she made a comment about introducing me to a girlfriend of hers. At the time I was afraid she was trying to get rid of me. In recent months looking back I'm glad the meet up didn't happen. I have no idea how it would've gone between an asexual male (I wasn't 'out' to anyone at the time) and a likely sexual female. I really dont know what the intentions of either of us was at that time. Nothing 'romantic' happened between us and we're still friends. When I finally came out as asexual to her in January she said that people dont have to have sex to be friends. I never asked her if she thought anything was amiss in the early days of our friendship when I made no attempt to 'get into her pants'... I think I was more or less just looking for a friend, not a sexual partner. If that isn't an asexual moment, I dont know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 On 3/16/2019 at 5:22 AM, chandrakirti said: Wouldn't bother me a bit...but im almost 30 years distanced from it anyway...just one less dance to do. 1 hour ago, jay williams said: Wow, that is pretty cool. I too am about 30 years removed from the last time I had sex. I miss the cuddling, passion, and the being turned on by the skin-to-skin contact, but certainly do not miss screwing. How have you avoided it for 30 years? Is it same as me, never dating, and avoiding situations where sex is likely to be expected? I'm about 25 years out from my last sexual relationship. I would be open to another sexual relationship if the opportunity arose, but I doubt it will. I just don't seem to have any kind of sexual radar or be able to pick up the cues that someone is interested in me, which suits me well. Sex is certainly something I don't "miss" or try to avoid. It's just a non-issue in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 2 hours ago, jay williams said: Wow, that is pretty cool. I too am about 30 years removed from the last time I had sex. I miss the cuddling, passion, and the being turned on by the skin-to-skin contact, but certainly do not miss screwing. How have you avoided it for 30 years? Is it same as me, never dating, and avoiding situations where sex is likely to be expected? I got divorced in 1990 and spent the next 28 years immersed in my career and family. Dating? What's dating?😆 Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 No, I am perfectly fine with the idea of never having sex again. I would struggle without someone to snuggle up with on the sofa in the evening though. Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 No, it would not bother be on any level. After all I've never been sexual on any level and still virgin and I'll never let that change, there for I'll be very happy knowing that I'll remain who I am and not having to worry about being sexual. I do not masturbate either so right now I'm happy...... Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 1 hour ago, chandrakirti said: I got divorced in 1990 and spent the next 28 years immersed in my career and family. Dating? What's dating?😆 Dating is what they put on soup cans. You know: sell by ____, or use by ____. Come think of it, my sell by/use by date is expired. Link to post Share on other sites
AllThisTime Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I don't want to have sex again and I haven't actually thought how many years ago I realized that sex will ruin a perfectly happy friendship, rather than the other way around: On 3/17/2019 at 11:08 AM, will123 said: people dont have to have sex to be friends. One of my long time male friends thought we should be "more than friends" after his marriage fell apart. We continued to do all the things we liked to do together and I really thought I could make it work (master of delusion here). In the end he was disappointed that we weren't doing it like bunnies and I just couldn't pretend. We continued to be "friends" but we weren't really. I'm a demonstrative, affectionate person and I miss human contact and what a friend calls "social intercourse" when I am alone for too long. I am an introvert, not a hermit. But sex? Nope. Link to post Share on other sites
Flowerpotted Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 No I don’t think I need sex in my life. I think I’d like to have a partner one day, but currently I’m not at all lonely. And I assume my dating pool would be pretty small haha! Plus I’ve only told one person about how I feel about myself now (my best friend, and she’s bi, and therefore far more accepting of people being their true selves than some others I know). I got divorced over 5 years ago and I was only having sex in my marriage out of obligation because I thought that I was meant to, and that it was my problem. It made me resent my now ex-husband a lot. I have a male in my life who I know wants more from me than I’m willing to give. I feel I should tell him. I like him romantically but I can’t let him get too close to me as I feel too much pressure, because I know what he wants. We have been friends a long time since before I was married, from high school. I’m not sure he’s open minded enough to accept asexuality. So I’m floating in no-where land in regards to him. I have no doubt though, if I tell him and he can’t accept it, I would have no problem walking away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Irisbud Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 On 7/27/2012 at 5:46 AM, aland said: never had it, dont want it. Do want someone to hold, kiss and cuddle though but no fluid exchanges. I hear ya....it would be nice to have someone nearby, close even. But nothing more than that. I'm new here, just today, I think I am "A " but not sure. 40 years of worthless sex, no happiness, I think I'm thru with it. Learning to enjoy my own company, and searching for more meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Welcome, @Irisbud! Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 1 hour ago, Irisbud said: I hear ya....it would be nice to have someone nearby, close even. But nothing more than that. I'm new here, just today, I think I am "A " but not sure. 40 years of worthless sex, no happiness, I think I'm thru with it. Learning to enjoy my own company, and searching for more meaning. Wow, that sounds horrible. May I assume you are referring to an unhappy marriage spanning 40 years, as opposed to various relationships involving undesired, obligatory sex? Anyway, welcome to this site. Feel free to make yourself home! Link to post Share on other sites
IceKing Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 No, not at all. Sometimes I question my asexuality (or rather the label) but I always feel relieved at this exact thought and I definitely could be with someone who doesn't want sex. It simply wouldn't be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
AllThisTime Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 3 hours ago, Irisbud said: Learning to enjoy my own company, and searching for more meaning. @Irisbud, Welcome! I think you'll find this site and the people you'll connect with supportive and helpful. Comforting, at least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 5 hours ago, AllThisTime said: @Irisbud, Welcome! I think you'll find this site and the people you'll connect with supportive and helpful. Comforting, at least for me. X2 It was a relief to find out why certain 'aspects' of my life were not typical and that others were dealing with the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
chairdesklamp Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 My body has base urges, but honestly, things work better with my own hand than with someone I don't absolutely and totally love. And because I'm demi, and trans, and have very little feeling for women left, and honestly "Bi" is just something I had to fight like Hell to claim and am not willing to let go of because of that, but out here's all shallow, celebrity-, astrology- and exclusion-obsessed cisgays who don't even WANT to get to know someone, just their pants, and it's so rare in GENERAL to find someone else violently opposed to bigotry who stands up aggressively for those worse off than he (who says 'sames' never attract!), I'm starting to think that even though I have faked being in love with people who were up to and including beating me just to not be alone, and how repulsive sex always was and is when I'm not absolutely in love with someone, so the sex in my life has all been repulsive, and even falling hopelessly in love, I'd rather go with him to a protest, record store, visit my reverend, Chinatown, Sizzler, (go see a Fleetwood Mac concert!), Well, I seriously doubt I'll find someone I can fall in love with who'll love me back with all the hated things I am. And in that (likely) case, the thought of having sex ever again is very distressing. It's only been distressing to do it. But so is thinking (knowing?) I'll stay alone. Link to post Share on other sites
AllThisTime Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 6 hours ago, chairdesklamp said: Well, I seriously doubt I'll find someone I can fall in love with who'll love me back with all the hated things I am. @chairdesklamp, this makes me sad. That's all I can say knowing that I can't make a difference. I feel fortunate that I have found a place where I can actually admit how I feel about sex, and the sexualization of everything and know that people will understand me. Being able to say what you did here is huge! I came to the ace realization late in life, so I am able to see how my romantic relationships were based on a lie; it is a huge reason why they never could work out. I am relieved to be at an age where I am not expected to be "sexual" but part of me wishes I'd known about asexuality sooner so I'd had less heartbreak. My heart doesn't understand how someone can love someone, but not accept them at the same time... Link to post Share on other sites
Lucinda Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 Fleetwood Mac concert! I wish Lucinda Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 On 7/22/2012 at 1:21 PM, Beachwalker said: Sex just isn't a part of my life, and if I never have it again I couldn't care less. I have had relationships end because of it, and am single. I think it is highly unlikely I will ever be in a relationship again because I think it is highly unlikely I will meet someone else who wants a sexless relationship. I am reasonably content being single but am 100% content without sex. What does everyone else think sexuals/asexuals about the thought of not having sex again, would it bother you? I’d be OK not having sex again, but happy to compromise when in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Halffull Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I'm more interested in having donuts again Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 On 12/13/2012 at 11:14 PM, lazycatlady said: Unlike all these virgins here, I have had plenty of sex with plenty of partners. I've already gone six years without it and yes, I notice a big difference - I've got more time and energy, less drama and bullsh- Maybe this comment could motivate an alternate definition of an asexual - someone who perceives that lack of sex doesn't diminish the quality of their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Caramel21 Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 The idea of never having sex again fills me with so much happiness. I feel like for so long I have pretended to enjoy it when I haven't, lying to myself just to feel 'normal'. Since joining this site a few days ago and doing some reading it's like I can feel myself settling in to my bones, and I am finally beginning to feel like me. The only thing I find daunting is the idea of being alone forever. I would love to find a partner who would be happy in a sexless relationship, but how likely is that really? Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 2 hours ago, Caramel21 said: The idea of never having sex again fills me with so much happiness. I feel like for so long I have pretended to enjoy it when I haven't, lying to myself just to feel 'normal'. Since joining this site a few days ago and doing some reading it's like I can feel myself settling in to my bones, and I am finally beginning to feel like me. The only thing I find daunting is the idea of being alone forever. I would love to find a partner who would be happy in a sexless relationship, but how likely is that really? Welcome to AVEN! I can relate somewhat to your feelings. I was a virgin (still am) when I found out and identified as asexual back in 2005. Up to then I thought I was heterosexual and the fact that I had never had sex (I was 44 at the time) still bothered me to some extent. Since identifying as ace and reading other folks' experiences, I'm OK in knowing that there is nothing wrong in not engaging in sexual activity. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 I’m demi and unless I’ve developed romantic attraction to someone and start feeling sexual attraction to them I don’t really think about sex much. It’s not something I care about unless I’ve crossed certain milestones with someone. I haven’t had those feelings for someone in a long time and I think what is most distressing is the possibility of never having them again. Not that I have good sexual experience to look back on. Most of it wasn't very consensual. Link to post Share on other sites
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