will123 Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 8 hours ago, law-ace said: Before we married spouse and I had the 'so, sex is not going to be a guaranteed thing' conversation. Since then - we've been married 10 years - we've had the, 'and it's never happening again' conversation which is great! My first marriage was very different - the line ' I didn't get married to not have sex' was spoken by spouse of old, so it's amazing to have a partner that gets it. Knowing it will never be an issue or a question or expectation ever again continues to be a relief. That is great that you have such an understanding spouse! Link to post Share on other sites
Welsh Ace Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I never had sex, don't want sex and would be happy if I never have sex. I don't see the attraction to it personally myself and I am pretty sex-repulsed. I find the idea disgusting and increasingly so the older I get. Link to post Share on other sites
pma01 Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Tbh. Nice to see so many virgins. I think that’s really cool. Wouldn’t bother me if I never had sex again, but masturbation is a whole different thing. If I couldn’t masturbate I would be sad. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 1 hour ago, pma01 said: Tbh. Nice to see so many virgins. I think that’s really cool. Wouldn’t bother me if I never had sex again, but masturbation is a whole different thing. If I couldn’t masturbate I would be sad. X2 It is and nobody seems bothered a bit by it. Before I found out about asexuality, it bothered me somewhat that I was still a virgin in my 40s. Since that realisation, I could care less about never having sexual relations with a person. On the latter, I've always enjoyed it and since seeing a lot of asexuals don't mind admitting to doing it, I'm at ease about what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
pma01 Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I have always been at ease with self pleasure. I never recall feeling guilty or bad about it. Growing up sex was never talked about, I have always been a sexual person. I found some old books about sex hidden away in a closet. That book talked about the body and masturbation. I read that cover to cover. For years i masturbated the same way and I never felt guilt and later when I got into more kinky masturbationi felt good with what I do Link to post Share on other sites
mOonday04 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 wow.. finally a community who's never bothered by it. i feel like crying right now. *tears of joy* Link to post Share on other sites
Marty1962 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Hell no, I'm 56 and I've had sex with around 10 people including my two husbands and quite honestly it is a massive relief I am divorced and never have to do it again. I certainly won't miss it at all. Had I known what asexual was in my 20's I probably would never have had sex with anyone but if you don't know you keep trying to fit in and be "normal". I'm now living my normal - asexual aromatic and it's brilliant. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 @Blue sun wrote elsewhere recently: Quote plus it should be someone I wouldn't mind showing my body and actually let touch my body. plus it should be someone I wouldn't mind showing my body and actually let touch my body. I thought it was suitable here too. I mentioned awhile back that lack of experience and virginity were almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. What came to mind today was that as the years go by the chance of a person’s attempt at sex, especially intercourse could wind up as a really humiliating experience. One thing that might lessen that aspect would be if your partner was equally inexperienced or very understanding of your situation. Or if the inexperienced person was taking the passive role in whichever act was being performed. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 On 5/29/2018 at 10:26 AM, Marty1962 said: Hell no, I'm 56 and I've had sex with around 10 people including my two husbands and quite honestly it is a massive relief I am divorced and never have to do it again. I certainly won't miss it at all. Had I known what asexual was in my 20's I probably would never have had sex with anyone but if you don't know you keep trying to fit in and be "normal". I'm now living my normal - asexual aromatic and it's brilliant. I know that we are all told otherwise. But there are men who feel the same about sex as you do. I hope no one ever tries to pressure you into having sex...never again. I miss the intimacy of hugging and cuddling, but not having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Strange But Not a Stranger Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 No, it would not bother me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
dancingeologist Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 I'm aro/ace and had sex once with another woman out of curiosity when I was 35. I still have no comprehension of what sexual people find so compelling about partnered sex. It was not positive or negative but held no interest for me. My curiosity has been satisfied and I have no intention of ever having sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyme Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Not at all. In fact, it's my dream situation. I'm aro/ace, and I don't see myself ever wanting to have sex Link to post Share on other sites
InariYana Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 On 5/31/2018 at 2:30 PM, jay williams said: I miss the intimacy of hugging and cuddling, but not having sex. Same here... and the romantic part of relationships. And falling asleep next to somebody I love. ...but definitely not sex. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 2 hours ago, InariYana said: Same here... and the romantic part of relationships. And falling asleep next to somebody I love. ...but definitely not sex. Sex to me is a let down. Here is what it does to me: I am with a woman who turns me on. I love being with that person. It feels so nice to touch and be affectionate toward her. She is so affectionate and loving. Then...she wants the gonadal connection. Here goes. No more feelings of affection. Now it is nothing but thoughts and focus down there. Soon, it ends...and the feeling of being spent. No more feelings of any kind. No feelings of affection. No love. Nothing. Just drowsy. Poof. I know what the expression, "anti-climactic" means. It is anti-romantic. It is anti-loving. It is emptiness. Sex? What is it good for? Link to post Share on other sites
Gone Boy Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 No it does bother me. I stopped having sex about 5 years ago. I just found it unpleasant and didn't see what the fuss was about. I am in a stable relationship with my partner and we have a sexless relationship. You can be in a loving relationship without the need for sex it is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 . Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Yes it would. Luckily I don’t face that issue. After all, a couples sex life is theirs. It’s not owned or ruled by one person but two. Link to post Share on other sites
Coily the Spring Sprite Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 If I met the right partner and it was important to her I would for the connection and intimacy. But if I met a someone, like a fellow ace for example, I'd be more than content to have a relationship minus the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Shiloh_Rose Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Nope, wouldn't bother me at all. I would like a partner, but I don't want sex, so I'm good. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 2 hours ago, Shiloh_Rose said: Nope, wouldn't bother me at all. I would like a partner, but I don't want sex, so I'm good. Ahhh, the dream of many of us. A cuddle mate without connecting genitals together! Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 15 hours ago, jay williams said: Ahhh, the dream of many of us. A cuddle mate without connecting genitals together! When a female friend asked me years ago if I could see us having sex, I flat out said no! I told her that I didnt feel it proper since we werent in a relationship. In the time since I joined AVEN, I'm thinking that it may have been more of a personal space/intimacy issue. The thought of her taking me inside of her (nothing against her personally) probably had a lot to do with it. Up to that point I thought I wanted to lose my virginity. After that episode it waned until I found out about asexuality about 4 years later. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 To add to my previous message, it was the last time we saw each other. I'm pretty sure an ex had re-entered her life and she was weighing her options. Mind you I have no idea what the outcome would've been had I said yes. In hindsight after reading around AVEN and a couple news stories in Canada the past year, I wonder if a polyamourous relation/friendship (had we been aware of) could've worked? The next day at work was pretty bad. I was on the verge of crying the whole day. How I held the tears in check I have no idea. A lot of time I was working solo. The opportunity to just break down and start crying was there. All I could think of was that I had lost a friend. The fact that I turned down a pretty blatant invitation to sexual activity didn't really enter my state of distress. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Would it bother me? Not at all. But I have reached a point in my life where I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life.... So I'd compromise, although for a relationship to work I'm pretty sure she'd need to be on the ace spectrum Link to post Share on other sites
AllTimeBubble Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 On 7/22/2012 at 2:21 PM, Ellii said: Aromantic asexual virgin, and I would not be bothered. Me too and me neither! Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 On 1/19/2019 at 7:14 PM, outolintu said: I'm planning my future around being sexless How does that work? Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 25 minutes ago, AllTimeBubble said: Me too and me neither! Join the club! Up to me finding out about asexuality I wanted to lose my virginity. After I identified as ace, the thought of having sex disappeared and I've never been bothered by that. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 4 hours ago, outolintu said: Not bothering with thoughts of dating That sounds like me when I thought I was straight. Mind you it was so far down the list of things I had on my mind, I didn't dwell on it. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraGarnham Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 It would depend, if I would be able to still form a loving relationship with someone and eventually have a family with them then it would be wonderful to be able to never have sex again. But if never having sex means I will live my life alone then I am ok with having sex on occasion. I am ok with being alone and being sex free at the moment, but I think a few more years of solitude will be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
MLJ Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 One of the best things about being divorced is not having to have sex anymore. It was a huge relief when that pressure went away. I am perfectly fine with being alone and never having sex again for the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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