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Would it bother YOU, if you never have sex/never have sex again?


Beachwalker

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It would bother me if someone expected me to have sex. As a person soon to be 70, the chances I could do it are slim (to none) anyway! Why bother?! 

Sex is overrated, but cuddling is WAY underrated!

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42 minutes ago, jay williams said:

...but cuddling is WAY underrated!

I have suspected that but unfortunately have never been able to get a situation where I can indulge. I turn 58 this year and as far as I am concerned now, I can run out the clock.

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When my husband left me in October I thought cool I never need to have sex again (I am 46). I like the idea of not having to make up excuses each night (at the time didn't realise they were excuses) and to not be scared to hug someone in case they think it means more. Plus sex gets in the way of great book reading time!

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"if" I do or not does not really matter to me, but "why" does. I think the time of hoping someone I fall in love with will look at the real me and love me has passed. I am not excessively old or anything but trust has been lost. My faith is broken. I am not good with boundaries but the one I seem to be working on is a line that friendship can not go beyond. I guess in a way what I am doing is isolating myself from future pains. Not the healthiest solution I'm sure. There are so many amazing humans out there. I'm ok with them just finding each other and forgetting I exist. I am not healthy for myself or anyone else to enjoy a coffee much less physical contact. That is why it bothers me.

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8 hours ago, Silence4now said:

I am not excessively old or anything but trust has been lost.

This statement is interesting because, besides love, I find it also applies to me and the job market. I am an over 50 Information Technology worker which pretty much guarantees I am unemployable outside my current job. The industry favors those under 40. I keep resumes online at various job sites but they are nothing spectacular as I do not embellish them with all kind of puffed up claims and overt lies. I have them so that I can, if interested, apply for a position I pretty much know I will never get but figure it is worth the try. However, when some firm out of the blue reaches out to me, I become very suspicious as I really have no trust at all for employers that basically seem to break out of their traditional hiring practices in this industry.

 

So, just the other day I received an inquiring from an agency representing a firm not far from my home. Commute would be great and it was probably a job I could do. But I had to ask myself why on earth they were contacting me when the industry goes for employees under 40 and there are certainly enough around if the compensation is good. So I did research and I found my answer. Review after review on employer rating sites of what a lousy company it was to work for with senior managers who are bullies and middle management that is incompetent. Very high employee turnover from people who could not take working in that kind of environment. So I had my answer as to why they were trolling the graveyard and reached out to me. No one who they would probably prefer to hire would even consider working for them. So I gather they are looking at older people who might be more tolerant of being abused and perhaps not savvy enough to actually use social media to research a company. The sad thing is I would feel the same way if someone told me they were in love with me. I could just not fathom what the reason or attraction would be at this stage of my life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nope I am actually really excited to not ave sex again ever. I recently figured out I am grey A after knowing I was aromantic for a while. I cannot see the appeal of sex again and will not be doing it for someone else lol ever!!!

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It would not bother me at all to never have sex again.   

 

When I accepted my asexuality, it was like the plug  was pulled out of me and all that angst over to have or not have sex drained out!  I have felt so much more relaxed since then.

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22 hours ago, cdrdash said:

It would not bother me at all to never have sex again.   

 

When I accepted my asexuality, it was like the plug  was pulled out of me and all that angst over to have or not have sex drained out!  I have felt so much more relaxed since then.

Now that is one way to put it. How long did it take you from finding out about asexuality, and identifying as ace? For me it was probably a day or so. When I read about it, everything clicked and I could relate to so much of it. It was such a HUGE relief! More to the story but I'll leave it at that LOL

 

 

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On 2/4/2020 at 9:46 AM, jay williams said:

It would bother me if someone expected me to have sex. As a person soon to be 70, the chances I could do it are slim (to none) anyway! Why bother?! 

Sex is overrated, but cuddling is WAY underrated!

I've never been unable to get 'close' to someone. Even if they were pretty and I liked them, I was unable to do anything about it. That is so far on the other side (pointing to the next township) of my comfort zone.

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3 hours ago, will123 said:

Now that is one way to put it. How long did it take you from finding out about asexuality, and identifying as ace? For me it was probably a day or so. When I read about it, everything clicked and I could relate to so much of it. It was such a HUGE relief! More to the story but I'll leave it at that LOL

 

 

I almost immediately identified as ACE after finding out about asexuality but it took breaking up with my girlfriend at the time before I really accepted my asexuality and clicked into that relaxed attitude about not needing wanting sex.   It was about 2 years between finding out about asexuality and breaking up with her.

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  • 1 month later...
Professor Tarknassus

Would it bother me never to have sex again?  No.  Not bothered about any other intimate things (kiss, cuddle, etc) people do either.  I only do those to keep the Mrs happy.

 

 

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I wouldnt want to say it wont bother me but i also dont wanna say it would? If my wife and i were to split up and that was that.....no more sex.......then idk i feel like i would find a way to forget about it. Having ADD and being a gray ace is lovely LOL.

Ultimately, thinking about it......i think in the back of my mind......i would be sad.....but just because i love my wife so much. Would miss that sexual experience alone.

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I can’t physically have sex (heart attack) on top of asexuality.

 

Its an interesting combination.

 

I don’t think i’ve even experienced sex like let’s say the majority have.

 

Can’t even really remember having sex, it’s like I was never there.

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On 4/8/2020 at 7:36 AM, Professor Tarknassus said:

Would it bother me never to have sex again?  No.  Not bothered about any other intimate things (kiss, cuddle, etc) people do either.  I only do those to keep the Mrs happy.

 

 

I was married shortly, it was a total and utter disaster.

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Hm, nah not really. I used to tell myself I needed it, but those were just thoughts grasping desperately to be "normal." I've calmed down a lot as I've come to accept my sexless attitude.

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13 hours ago, Mr Biggles said:

I can’t physically have sex (heart attack) on top of asexuality.

 

Its an interesting combination.

 

I don’t think i’ve even experienced sex like let’s say the majority have.

 

Can’t even really remember having sex, it’s like I was never there.

A virgin here at age 58.

Never received oral either.

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1 hour ago, will123 said:

A virgin here at age 58.

  Hide contents

Never received oral either.

 

Does it matter, even if you are a virgin, you’ve just missed the most overrated pastime ever!.

 

Im what’s called a Faded Jehovah’s Witness (seriously), I was reading a story on the Internet (a quote from a Jehovah’s Witness that i’d never met), he was say 60 and said (something like) this:

 

’I haven’t done anything in life, i’ve been a Jehovah’s Witness since birth, brought up and raised in ‘the truth’, never married, no children, never known anything but menial work and have nothing (in terms of possessions) to show for my life and I’m now 60 years, but when I look back over my life, I haven’t done anything, of note, just witnessed, the effective word of God, but in saying that, what i’ve done, is just avoided a whole load of shit!.’

 

I quite liked that, sort of resonates with me.

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No it wouldn’t bother me at all but I would like to have a relationship with a women to cuddle up with and spend my life with. 

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3 hours ago, Hyzer373 said:

No it wouldn’t bother me at all but I would like to have a relationship with a women to cuddle up with and spend my life with. 

 

You don't need sex for that do you?

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1 hour ago, AmberUK said:

You don't need sex for that do you?

No but it’s difficult to find a compatible women who also don’t want sex.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 4/11/2020 at 1:48 AM, Mr Biggles said:

Does it matter, even if you are a virgin, you’ve just missed the most overrated pastime ever!.

 

Im what’s called a Faded Jehovah’s Witness (seriously), I was reading a story on the Internet (a quote from a Jehovah’s Witness that i’d never met), he was say 60 and said (something like) this:

 

’I haven’t done anything in life, i’ve been a Jehovah’s Witness since birth, brought up and raised in ‘the truth’, never married, no children, never known anything but menial work and have nothing (in terms of possessions) to show for my life and I’m now 60 years, but when I look back over my life, I haven’t done anything, of note, just witnessed, the effective word of God, but in saying that, what i’ve done, is just avoided a whole load of shit!.’

 

I quite liked that, sort of resonates with me.

Lol that’s funny and I like the attitude. I do sometimes look at my friends and relatives in sexual relationships and all the drama that comes with it and I think ... “you guys feel sorry for me? Really? My life is chill, though” 

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On 4/11/2020 at 8:45 AM, Hyzer373 said:

No but it’s difficult to find a compatible women who also don’t want sex.

Hard to find a compatible man or woman, in my experience. Most people don’t seem to really understand what ace or aro mean. 
I dated one guy who seemed really understanding when I explained it, until he was all, “we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready”, and I was like “no no I don’t want to have sex ever. I don’t like it. It’s not my thing”

”I can wait,” he said. 

”uh, you’re misunderstanding the point. you can wait forever dude. I don’t want to have sex with you ever. The end.” 
that relationship didn’t work out... 

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jay williams
2 minutes ago, Bec87 said:

Hard to find a compatible man or woman, in my experience. Most people don’t seem to really understand what ace or aro mean. 
I dated one guy who seemed really understanding when I explained it, until he was all, “we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready”, and I was like “no no I don’t want to have sex ever. I don’t like it. It’s not my thing”

”I can wait,” he said. 

”uh, you’re misunderstanding the point. you can wait forever dude. I don’t want to have sex with you ever. The end.” 
that relationship didn’t work out... 

Did it fail to work out because there was no sex, or did it fail because you wanted it to end?

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1 minute ago, jay williams said:

Did it fail to work out because there was no sex, or did it fail because you wanted it to end?

Lol both, I think! 
To my, probably discredit, I did try to make it work in case everyone I know was right and I might “change my mind” (we had mutual friends and I didn’t want things to be awkward) but in the end, I knew he didn’t understand that I wasn’t willing to be or give what he wanted. He moved on pretty quickly, to a woman who fell pregnant within three months of our breakup, so I think it was the right call. 

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jay williams
7 minutes ago, Bec87 said:

Lol both, I think! 
To my, probably discredit, I did try to make it work in case everyone I know was right and I might “change my mind” (we had mutual friends and I didn’t want things to be awkward) but in the end, I knew he didn’t understand that I wasn’t willing to be or give what he wanted. He moved on pretty quickly, to a woman who fell pregnant within three months of our breakup, so I think it was the right call. 

Sex is overrated. So maybe your ex, and his new woman, wanted a child? That is a different desire in my mind. "Sex" does not require an activity of PIV penetration.  Physical feelings include becoming aroused, stimulation of skin, tactile feelings of enjoying the presence of being with somebody you truly like, etc. 

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1 minute ago, jay williams said:

Sex is overrated. So maybe your ex, and his new woman, wanted a child? That is a different desire in my mind. "Sex" does not require an activity of PIV penetration.  Physical feelings include becoming aroused, stimulation of skin, tactile feelings of enjoying the presence of being with somebody you truly like, etc. 

I don’t believe he stayed with the woman or has since raised any children, so I assume at least one of them didn’t want a child.  Like I said, we had mutual friends but once we were no longer involved, his decisions were no longer my business, and I only heard bits and pieces along the grapevine. It’s not my place to gossip. The point is, I do know it was definitely a sexual relationship. He liked sex and he wanted sex. It wasn’t overrated to him, and he just couldn’t fathom Asexuality. I don’t believe he understood that when I said “I don’t want to have sex”, I meant “ever” as opposed to “until we’ve been dating for a while”.  He kept implying that eventually it would be okay and we would, and I felt like I was leading him on because he just couldn’t seem to grasp it. In the end, I knew I wasn’t being understood and it was easier to let it go. 
 

I’m not saying there aren’t people who understand, just that I haven’t personally had the pleasure of meeting and dating them.

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AfroQueenofAces

Some days yes and some days no. 🙂 

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ClaryFray1984
On 4/10/2020 at 11:45 PM, Hyzer373 said:

No but it’s difficult to find a compatible women who also don’t want sex.

I did not know there were guys out there who felt this way to. Im new to the site and this is exactly how I feel.

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ClaryFray1984

My mum said to me so you just want a companion. I was trying to explain that I want a relationship just no sex. It's hard for people who aren't asexual to understand.

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1 hour ago, ClaryFray1984 said:

I did not know there were guys out there who felt this way to. Im new to the site and this is exactly how I feel.

I suspect we are definitely on the rare side compared to women but we do exist. I could never wrap my head around the thought of me getting naked and having sex. My hangup is I am an intelligent being and not a barnyard animal. I just cannot bring myself to idea of behaving like feral cats or livestock. I realize it is natural thing (heck I would not be here if not for sex) and part of being human, it just does not work for me

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