jay williams Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 On 4/26/2019 at 8:27 AM, Caramel21 said: The idea of never having sex again fills me with so much happiness. I feel like for so long I have pretended to enjoy it when I haven't, lying to myself just to feel 'normal'. Since joining this site a few days ago and doing some reading it's like I can feel myself settling in to my bones, and I am finally beginning to feel like me. The only thing I find daunting is the idea of being alone forever. I would love to find a partner who would be happy in a sexless relationship, but how likely is that really? It is extremely likely that you can find a partner happy in a sexless marriage, in my opinion. . .if you will it to happen. You are not alone, and there are people who are compatible with your ideals, no matter if your preference for a partner is male or female. Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Caramel21 Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 On 4/26/2019 at 4:34 PM, will123 said: Welcome to AVEN! I can relate somewhat to your feelings. I was a virgin (still am) when I found out and identified as asexual back in 2005. Up to then I thought I was heterosexual and the fact that I had never had sex (I was 44 at the time) still bothered me to some extent. Since identifying as ace and reading other folks' experiences, I'm OK in knowing that there is nothing wrong in not engaging in sexual activity. I think that's the part I'm still struggling with. I keep telling myself there is nothing wrong with being asexual and I'm not a weirdo. I would never think that about anyone else but I am always quite harsh to myself! Being on here is helping with that. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
cathieg Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 I have been in the position of feeling like I had to have sex in order to be married and have a child. My marriage failed because of my lack of sexual interest. I have actually had to vomit after sex because I hated it so much. At this point in my life I am free to live without the need of a partner. I have told people that I am asexual only to not be believed. People my age don't believe me. I would love to meet someone like me to be my companion. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 5 hours ago, cathieg said: At this point in my life I am free to live without the need of a partner. I felt this way when I identified as asexual. I didn't realise that meant I was aromantic (I never wanted a 'girlfriend') until last year. Link to post Share on other sites
Dycilia Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Never having sex again? Would be no different than it is now for me 😄 I've tried it a few times with men and women, just isn't for me. I've been ace for 30 years, and I have never had any libido at all. The body is just a place where a person lives ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 On 5/5/2019 at 10:37 AM, cathieg said: I have actually had to vomit after sex because I hated it so much. At this point in my life I am free to live without the need of a partner. I have told people that I am asexual only to not be believed. People my age don't believe me. I would love to meet someone like me to be my companion. That partner is out there. The value of this website is that we all get to learn that there are significant numbers of people, male and female, who prefer not having sex. I claim as follows regarding my sex-Q: On a scale of -3 to +3, where -3 is revolting and +3 is ecstasy my score is a -1. Sex does not make me vomit. I just think that sex is mildly undesirable, and something really stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 1 hour ago, jay williams said: That partner is out there. The value of this website is that we all get to learn that there are significant numbers of people, male and female, who prefer not having sex. I claim as follows regarding my sex-Q: On a scale of -3 to +3, where -3 is revolting and +3 is ecstasy my score is a -1. Sex does not make me vomit. I just think that sex is mildly undesirable, and something really stupid! I've never had sex with a female or male, so I can't say what my reaction afterwards would be. All I can say is that I've never been interested in it enough to 'successfully' attempt it. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdography Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I’m going to be 35 in three weeks and I’m still a virgin. When I was younger I dreaded the thought of having to have sex because someone else wanted. I also dreaded getting pregnant. In all honesty the thought of having to do both made me feel trapped. But, as I’ve gotten older and realized that I don’t have to do either I’m much happier. i would like to find a friend to do stuff with, like going to Disney/Universal, the movies, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 40 minutes ago, nerdography said: I’m going to be 35 in three weeks and I’m still a virgin. i would like to find a friend to do stuff with, like going to Disney/Universal, the movies, etc. At that point in my life was was still hoping to lose my virginity. On the latter, that all I really wanted in a friend, even before I found out I was asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 I guess it wouldn't bother me, there are many interesting things to do in life. But I want to have children in future, and this is the easiest way to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 cant miss what you've never had eh? Link to post Share on other sites
chairdesklamp Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 I really don't care one way or the other. I could enjoy it with the right person, but if he didn't want it, it wouldn't bother me. I recently learned I was conflating romantic attraction with a sexual one I've never felt. Anyone who shows interest in me just wants to use me for my fixed income money (go after someone who HAS money), just like a lot of family has and people who said they wanted to be my family have. I really don't care one way or the other about sex, I could enjoy it with the right person, maybe (? When have I ever enjoyed and not simply tolerated it is a question but so is when have I ever done it with someone I loved and wasn't just with for fear of dying alone is a question that has the same answer, which is never) but it is at the very least the last thing on my priorities list. But everyone around here is into cruising and they laugh if their neighbour gets killed by police and only care about what their favourite celebrity is doing, so I have to learn to sit with the fact I probably just am gonna end up alone. In these conditions, it's next to impossible to even make friends, let alone fall in love. But I really don't care if I never have sex again. The only reason I would, having kids, well I'm unable to do that anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
chairdesklamp Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 On 5/9/2019 at 9:54 AM, nerdography said: I’m going to be 35 in three weeks and I’m still a virgin. When I was younger I dreaded the thought of having to have sex because someone else wanted. I also dreaded getting pregnant. In all honesty the thought of having to do both made me feel trapped. But, as I’ve gotten older and realized that I don’t have to do either I’m much happier. i would like to find a friend to do stuff with, like going to Disney/Universal, the movies, etc. I'm suffering from an extreme lack of friends, too. The reason I'm making this post is...Disney and Universal are in my area... Link to post Share on other sites
DemiDummy Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 I would only miss the emotional intimacy of it, if at all. Could not care less for the act itself, but I'm not repulsed. Generally neutral aka sexual Switzerland. 🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 On 5/16/2019 at 2:19 AM, DemiDummy said: aka sexual Switzerland Link to post Share on other sites
nerdography Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 13 hours ago, chairdesklamp said: I'm suffering from an extreme lack of friends, too. The reason I'm making this post is...Disney and Universal are in my area... I’m in Florida 😩 Link to post Share on other sites
Strawberry ice cream Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Haha. Maybe I already answered in this topic but I want to tell it again. NO! I doubt I will ever have sex in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
uniQChick Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Never having sex again would not bother me. Asexuality gave me the freedom! On the other hand, never having a romantic relationship would be a killer. Love rules! Link to post Share on other sites
Chamomile_Serenity Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 Probably answered this thread already buuuuut jic, nope! Wouldn't miss it....haven't been missing it at all. Haven't been missing a relationship either to be honest. In my head, I sometimes want a fantastic sexless exclusive romantic relationship with a wonderful partner...but when I sit and think about my previous relationships I often realize that I now (now that I'm older) treat myself better than anyone else has when I was in them. And I question if I only want a relationship for the same reasons some people in this thread and other say they have sex (that it seems like the 'normal' thing to do). Perhaps I'm more closer to being aro than I thought I was? Either way, could care less about sex and I consider myself indiferrent rather than positive or repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 7 hours ago, Chamomile_Serenity said: Probably answered this thread already buuuuut jic, nope! Wouldn't miss it....haven't been missing it at all. Haven't been missing a relationship either to be honest. In my head, I sometimes want a fantastic sexless exclusive romantic relationship with a wonderful partner...but when I sit and think about my previous relationships I often realize that I now (now that I'm older) treat myself better than anyone else has when I was in them. And I question if I only want a relationship for the same reasons some people in this thread and other say they have sex (that it seems like the 'normal' thing to do). Perhaps I'm more closer to being aro than I thought I was? Either way, could care less about sex and I consider myself indiferrent rather than positive or repulsed. Indifferent, I like that! Link to post Share on other sites
robnrdbrd Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 On 5/24/2019 at 1:12 AM, Chamomile_Serenity said: Probably answered this thread already buuuuut jic, nope! Wouldn't miss it....haven't been missing it at all. Haven't been missing a relationship either to be honest. In my head, I sometimes want a fantastic sexless exclusive romantic relationship with a wonderful partner...but when I sit and think about my previous relationships I often realize that I now (now that I'm older) treat myself better than anyone else has when I was in them. And I question if I only want a relationship for the same reasons some people in this thread and other say they have sex (that it seems like the 'normal' thing to do). Perhaps I'm more closer to being aro than I thought I was? Either way, could care less about sex and I consider myself indiferrent rather than positive or repulsed. Very much the same here! Didn't think I was aro but in recently rejecting someone's advances, it really sunk in that I haven't been close to anyone in ... more than 10 years?! I'm less and less bothered by the social pressure to do the 'normal' thing. I suppose I'm also open to the perfect platonic relationship should it come along, but given that I'm now 40 and rarely am even on the lookout, it's not something I need to live a full life. Link to post Share on other sites
Bntyhntrqueen Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I've had exactly 1 boyfriend and he was the only one I slept with... 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I don't want it. I'm happy with my life the way it is now and even though I occasionally think it would be nice to have a significant other, the truth is they would infringe on my life. I don't want it. Link to post Share on other sites
Alex H Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I've had plenty of sex, mostly when I was 18-23, and it literally never did anything for me. I found myself actually think about other things during it. I'm also very petite and its usually not an enjoyable experience pain wise. Nothing physically wrong, except my Dr says I'm just 'little everywhere'. I've tried to have sex in monogamous relationships (even had a child with someone) but after awhile I start dreading it. It's not even something I want to do the make a partner happy. Adult bodily fluids gross me out, lol. I could just not have sex for the rest of my life and be happy. A platonic lifemate would be awesome but considering I live in a VERY isolated area and don't want to move I just don't see it ever happening. I'm alright with that. I've got my son and my dog and it works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLastOfSheila Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 On 5/24/2019 at 1:12 AM, Chamomile_Serenity said: Probably answered this thread already buuuuut jic, nope! Wouldn't miss it....haven't been missing it at all. Haven't been missing a relationship either to be honest. In my head, I sometimes want a fantastic sexless exclusive romantic relationship with a wonderful partner...but when I sit and think about my previous relationships I often realize that I now (now that I'm older) treat myself better than anyone else has when I was in them. And I question if I only want a relationship for the same reasons some people in this thread and other say they have sex (that it seems like the 'normal' thing to do). Perhaps I'm more closer to being aro than I thought I was? Either way, could care less about sex and I consider myself indiferrent rather than positive or repulsed. Wow...this is definitely me. Great post! Link to post Share on other sites
Chamomile_Serenity Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Ha! Loving that graphic @TheLastOfSheila I might have to borrow that. Link to post Share on other sites
verymelancholic Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Eh, I wouldn't really mind, much less if the romantic side is still there. But if an SO wants it, I'll be happy to go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hylethilei Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I don't care if I ever have sex again but actually maybe for only one reason, to have kids one day but I would need to meet the right person first, I am just not sure about my sexuality at the moment so yeah there is that as well (which is a confusing as hell when your ace lol) Link to post Share on other sites
QueerAroAce Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 Not bothered in the least if I dont have it again. Link to post Share on other sites
FindingTheta Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 Honestly if I never have sex again i'd be fine with it. Though if I have sex again I'd prefer it be with someone who I love romantically rather than just agreeing to it because I wanted to know how it felt like back when I was in High School. Link to post Share on other sites
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