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Complement or twin soul?


BaronTheCat

  

  1. 1. What traits do you look for in a partner?

    • I want my partner to be more similar than different.
      26
    • I want my partner to be more different than similar.
      5
    • I want my partner to be about 50/50 similar and different.
      12
    • I don't care as long as it works.
      34
  2. 2. Which similarities are most necessary?

    • personality
      28
    • experience
      4
    • interests
      34
    • taste
      13
    • values
      39
    • "lifestyle"
      22
    • a certain trait, such as introversion/extraversion
      7
    • skills
      3
    • none
      2
    • other
      3
  3. 3. Which differences are most necessary?

    • personality
      14
    • experience
      15
    • interests
      8
    • taste
      4
    • values
      3
    • "lifestyle"
      3
    • a certain trait, such as introversion/extraversion
      10
    • skills
      19
    • none
      12
    • other
      5

This poll is closed to new votes


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BaronTheCat

"Partner" in this case means "life partner", not business partner or anything else :) (Aromantic life partner counts, though.)

If I had a partner, I'd want someone who's similar to me, but I'd noticed that in many couples, the partners can be very different. I've also heard from a friend of mine, that guys who want to date her don't get it when she says they're too different. While I'm convinced that some kind of common ground is necessary to make a relationship work, it seems like some people are looking for someone who complements them rather than resembles them.

I can see good and bad things with both, but I'd still rather have a partner who is more similar than different. What about you?

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belovedless

Differences are good. They spice up life. I wouldn't want to date myself. That being said, I think it's more important to have more similarities than differences. I want to be able to relate to my partner; I want to be able to share things with each other and we just "get it." A few differences in interest and personality is what will make them so attractive to me. Our similarities will keep us together.

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leeleekitty

I dated a guy who was a lot like me, not so much in interests but in personality. We were both extremely indecisive but also stubborn when we thought we were right and the other person was wrong. Honestly, having two extremely stubborn people in one relationship is not a good idea! But I wouldn't mind someone who shared most of my interests as long as he has a different personality.

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More similar, I should think. However, I want them to complement me in other ways, personality wise. Like if I'm moody and grouchy, I'd like them to be a bit more funny and positive. I don't want us both to be completely depressive, especially in each other's presence xD

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Notte stellata

More similar, definitely. Like others have said, we must share core values and opinions on big issues. Without these common grounds, I wouldn't be attracted to them in the first place.

Personality-wise, it can be more flexible, but I don't want someone with the total opposite personality either - I'm very introverted, and I don't think I can get along with the party animal type. A little more outgoing than me is fine. But there are so many dimensions in personality, and I guess in some dimensions it's better to have a partner who complements you.

We should share some interests, but not necessarily a lot. Similar interests is less important than similar values and personalities IMO.

Also, as life partners, similar life habits are preferred, but it can be negotiable. My partner and I are quite different in hygiene and food preference. :D

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RandomGirlK

I dont know what my preference is. I have crushes on a variety of people.

In an ideal relationship Id like there to be some similarities, like interests we can share and a similar sense of humour, but it would be helpful for them to be good at some things I am not good at and be able to help me in social situations, and also have some interests that are different to mine, which means we can also do things seperately as I really need my space.

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Personally, I want (and have) a partner that I am close to. We share many similar interests (such as music taste) but she has her own specific interests that will differ just enough that I'm interested in hearing about them and learning about them, but don't necessarily need to do myself.

I do wish competition didn't come into the picture, because I prefer to share activities, hobbies, etc and work to better both parties. I never get jealous of one's abilities and never strive to be better (other than to better my own self). I guess someday I'd like to share those types of things with a friend (with no necessary emotional closeness).

I can't understand why someone would want a partner that they aren't friends with. There are lots of couples that try to get away from each other a lot of the time and it just doesn't make any sense to me. If someone was too different I can't see how I'd be able to be emotionally close since neither partner would understand where they were coming from... (no matter the situation.)

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BaronTheCat

Your answers made me add two questions :)

I've read somewhere that a similar level of intro/extraversion is more important than interests, to make a relationship work. I think it's individual... but core values is probably very important for most. (?)

For me it's important that the person is a "thinker". Someone who reflects upon things and can make quality judgments and who's not only interested in superficial everyday stuff.

They dont't have to share exactly the same interests; that way, I can get new interests and learn something new, which is great. Taste, on the other hand, would be important if we'd live together. I don't want to end up in fights over furnishing or have to listen to music that I dislike several hours a day.

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I would definitely want a partner who is similar to me. I have low tolerance to people who have completelly different values, opinions etc. In fact, I can´t talk to them at all because it leads only to arguing. <_< Seriously, how can you talk to someone who puts you down because you take a guinea pig to vet when she is sick? How can you talk to someone who has no respect for your decision not to have children? And more and more sh*t which makes me angry only when I think about it. :mad:

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My partner and I are outwardly quite different. We grew up in totally different environments, we don't dress alike, we don't (primarily) listen to the same music and we don't (primarily) watch the same TV-series. We're both open minded people though and we most definitely love learning, so that's probably why it works. I don't think he imagined a few years ago that he would know quite as much about dogs and dog training as he does now but thanks to me that has changed :P and vice versa I never thought I would take such an active interest in NASA and general space exploration.

Despite our different background and upbringing, our personalities really aren't that different and we have the same values on the more important things. For example; we're both atheist, demisexual and politically liberal so there are no huge clashes in those departments. Neither of us is career oriented and neither of us cares much about material wealth, so again that's some important values which we share. On a practical level it's also very handy that we're both lazy buggers who like sleeping in and hanging out in our pajamas for an entire day :lol:

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I want somebody similar to me, preferably a romantic. I've noticed that if they do not have a similar interest to me, I will develop my interest in their favourite subject and music - although, some music wouldn't be worth it. Then I come to genuinely like the same things as them. I don't mine if we have different religions as long as they are respectful to ALL. I don't want somebody who makes decisions for me. My ex told my parents that I never wanted children and would have an abortion if I got pregnant - my mum went mad and told me as soon as possible, she knows my morals well enough to know I would never abort a child or have it adopted and that I've always wanted to be a mother. I guess I want somebody who wants children and is willing to raise them in a respectful manner.

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5_♦♣

Ideally, they (whether it be a friendship or even a romantic relationship if that ever happens) would be somewhat extroverted (not to the degree that they want to go out and hit the town every night-but in order for a relationship to get off the ground, someone has gotta make the first move and I'm way too introverted to do so. They must also be a thinker-touchy feely, bleeding heart types need not apply.

A few similar interests would also be great, but not too many. Another thing which is important to me is a similar lifestyle. I don't smoke, drink or do other drugs and I do not want children and it's important that a friend is also a non smoker, non drinker and doesn't do other drugs as well. The latter is important if I ever somehow find myself in a romantic relationship.

In short: They must be an EXTX, have some similar interests, not do drugs (including alcohol), a non smoker and (for a romantic relationship if it ever happens): Also child free.

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The person has to have roughly similar goals in life, similar values, and a similar lifestyle. You know- person must want kids, must be somebody whose values I'd want imparted to my kids, and no smokers.

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I checked "don't care as long as it works" on the first, and "none" on the third. I did go with "values" on the second one, though; there are, of course, value-based things that would be an immediate dealbreaker for me, including the obvious "hell no"s like being some kind of extremist (Nazi, white supremacist, avowed heteronormatist etc.pp.), but also more personal ones (someone who isn't polyamorous is off my list as potential partners immediately; even if there's nothing inherently wrong with being mono, someone who's mono just is not someone I, myself, could be with).

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Ultimately, you never know what will work, you can imagine all you want to, but reality doesn't care for your fantasies, it might very well turn everything upside down. You may want one thing, but this thing might only work in your imagination, not in real life.

Oh well, even though it's a bit pointless, it's still nice to think about it for some reason. I suppose I'd like someone with a reasonably similar world view, similar values, similar (compatible) personality. Rational, clever, someone I can hold a long, meaningful conversation with, a thinker. Similar interests would also be really nice. Being more extroverted and active than me is also very important, otherwise a relationship probably wouldn't even start. Though the most crucial part is being able to deal with me. I'm insanely distrustful of people (and I really do mean that, I'm not saying this for dramatic purposes), I'm not "fun" to be around with, and I intensely dislike the whole "conventional dating" bullshit like restaurants and stuff, I'd rather shoot myself in the face than play these stupid dating games and just social games in general.

That's what most people are looking for, I reckon, just some "fun", and for me it's excruciatingly boring. I want someone who I can talk to, someone to share ideas with, I don't want to be together for the sake of killing time and feeling less lonely, it's shallow, it's stupid and it's just plain miserable.

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  • 1 year later...

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to re-start new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.



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