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Is my boyfriend asexual?


Light&Darkness

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*shrugs*

It depends. Could be he's just a bit funny about the whole sex thing, could be that he actually doesn't feel the want for it. If it's the latter, he's asexual; if the former, he's not.

Personally I'd have just thought he's scared (or something) of sex, like you said. I can't give any helpful advice, though.

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It does sound quite familiar, but only he can say whether he is or he isn't. He could be hesistant or, as he says, not ready yet, or he has other mental processes as a result of his upbringing or whatever, or he could be asexual or demisexual.

When he says he is attracted to you, it could be that he is experiencing romantic and/or aesthetic attraction to you and doesn't realise that he's not experiencing sexual attraction or he kinda knows but doesn't want to admit it because he knows he "should" be experiencing sexual attraction.

It also sounds like the sex talk is making him rather flustered and defensive. Even if he is asexual, it doesn't mean that he'll never have sex. Some asexuals do, and he seems to be at least a little open to the possibility that one day he will with someone he's emotionally close to (you). If he's asexual, the confusion about himself might be making him abstain more emotionally and physically than he might if he knew that he's not broken.

I'm not really the best at how to advise on bringing up the topic of asexuality with a partner, hopefully someone else can.

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belovedless

I agree with what's already been said, but I also want to add to the mix: If he's never had sex before, then 3 months might not seem like it's been enough time for him to want to have sex. Maybe he just wants to wait until he's felt a closer connection to you. Either way, if a girl were to say, "I'm not ready," a guy would have to take her seriously without question. Don't stereotype how he should feel about sex just because of his gender. Just as girls can not feel ready, so can guys.

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