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Need help relating to sexual friends and family!


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I'm ace, and sometimes I have a lot of trouble trying to relate to my sexual friends and family. It's a little easier with my friends because they can accept that I can't relate to them on that level, and while most of them think all I need is "a good lay" (ew), for the most part we're happy to not talk about sex with each other.

My family is another matter entirely. It's gross, but my mom is hyper-sexual and no matter how many times I ask her not to, she keeps trying to have WAY too detailed discussions of her sex life with my dad with me. Almost as bad, she doesn't take me seriously when I remind her I'm Ace. She says I'm 20, everyone has an asexual phase, and I'll grow out of it.

Worse, though, is my little sister. She's 19 and sexually active since she was 15. She does understand and support my sexual identity, even if she doesn't always take it seriously. I love her like hell, but there's a lot I don't understand about her. I don't get why she HAS to be in a relationship, I don't get why she wants to sleep with anyone, I don't understand why she wants to tell me who she's slept with, when and how often, and I don't get why she seems offended sometimes that I haven't had sex. A few days ago, I had to stop her from giving me details about her sex life. I told her it made me uncomfortable to know that stuff about anyone, let alone my little sister, and I asked her not to talk about it at all. She hasn't spoken to me since, even though I just saw on Facebook she's broken up with her boyfriend she's been living with. Ordinarily that would be something she calls me for hours about.

I can't get it right and I'm so confused! Do you have advice or experience with compromises in your own relationships that can help? I feel like I crossed a line with my sister, but I don't know how to fix it so we can go back to being as close as we've been.

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TRIGGER WARNING

I am not asexual, but there are things in my life that I feel very similarly about TRIGGER WARNING (such as when people bring up self-harm, rape, and a few other things). I just cannot stand to hear anything about those things (because of reasons) and refuse to be around those kinds of conversations.

TRIGGER WARNING END.

For me, avoiding uncomfortable conversations came with learning that no matter how hard I try, I cannot change people. For instance, my mom would bring up one of those uncomfortable topics and I would ask her over and over again to not talk about them. That was basically asking her to change, which has still never happened.

Instead, I have learned to accept that I cannot be in those kinds of discussions and have learned to remove myself from the situation. Since I can change myself and I also don't have to stand being uncomfortable, I will first ask whomever is talking to change the subject flat out and if they don't, I apologize for ending the conversation abruptly and stand up and leave (if I can). If its my family, I will flat out say that it is unacceptable to talk to me about these things and if they don't stop, I either walk away (if possible) or start a new, comfortable conversation flat out.

Ultimately, you deserve to feel as comfortable as they do and if that means you've got to stand up for yourself (literally) then go for it! It could be siberian fighting apes that make you uncomfortable, or it could be talk about sexuality. Doesn't matter, you deserve to feel comfortable.

:] hope that helps. Believe in yourself, you are wonderful and deserving of happiness.

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It happens to me alot if it helps on YouTube there is a video called "letter to an asexual #9" she actually gives advice on your predicament :)

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