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silvernlilac

Just what is so great about sex? Why do people like it so much?

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silvernlilac

Well being asexual, one of the things that intrigues me the most about sex is why people like it so much? I would really love to know why as it bugs me so much especially as you cant escape sex sadly, it is everywhere :( What is it about sex that makes it this amazing thing thats so pleasurable and that? Sorry, I just dont get it at all. I dont think I will ever ever understand it. But I find it annoying at the same time as its like the rest of the world has been let into this secret place and we have been locked out and arent allowed in. I dont desire sex one bit but at the same time, I am curious to know (without actually trying it) why its so talked about, raved about and why people love it so much? For me, I just cant imagine ever liking or wanting to do it. I am a very visual person, I love anything involving colour, music, food etc and this is what makes me happy. Sex and the human body to me is just so boring and blah in comparison. It just doesnt do anything for me (with the exception of snuggling of course :wub: )

I dunno, anyone got any answers or insight? Thanks so much :)

Ps sorry I hope this topic hasnt been done to death or asked loads of times before, I didnt want to go through the 100s of topics on here to see if it had been asked before

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.Lia

I don't get it, either. And I've had sex in the past. I get no pleasure out of it, period, and I don't understand how people find it pleasurable. O__o Maybe it's everyone else that's a freak.

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0gb.us

Why is sex such a great thing? It's because their instincts tell them it's such a great thing. I think that's all there is to it. We don't see the thrill, because we lack the instinct that tells us to be thrilled by it.

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Kitty Spoon Train

Maybe it's everyone else that's a freak.

:lol:

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eamonn

It feels amazing.

Why is sex such a great thing? It's because their instincts tell them it's such a great thing. I think that's all there is to it. We don't see the thrill, because we lack the instinct that tells us to be thrilled by it.

This is kind of like saying "they like it because they like it;" which is true, I suppose.

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kimbo21

I will also never understand why it's such a priority in people's lives. I do feel like I'm missing out and it makes me feel isolated from people, but I have no desire to do it. I just wish not every conversation has to somehow relate to sex. It's boring and annoying!

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silvernlilac

I will also never understand why it's such a priority in people's lives. I do feel like I'm missing out and it makes me feel isolated from people, but I have no desire to do it. I just wish not every conversation has to somehow relate to sex. It's boring and annoying!

Oh I feel the same way, totally *hugs*

Guzica - love your avatar, cuddling cats rule :wub:

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ThingsWentBoom

Well...it's a way to show affection for sexuals and apparentely it feels good or something? ...nope, I don't get it either :lol: I wouldn't want to live a life in pursuit of sex. If some people do, whatever. If some people show they love each other that way, great for them. For me the greatest thing would probably be watching a film with friends while also drawing a scene from that film and talking about the film's plot and characters with those friends and eating a sandwich with ketchup somewhere in between there too... ^^ (Sorry, got a bit carried away in my personal (in retrospect very asexual) heaven there)

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Kitty Spoon Train

I will also never understand why it's such a priority in people's lives. I do feel like I'm missing out and it makes me feel isolated from people, but I have no desire to do it. I just wish not every conversation has to somehow relate to sex. It's boring and annoying!

<Some slight TMI follows>

Demisexual here....

I've been in relationships which were pretty much normative sexual relationships in the past, so I can sorta relate to both sides, I think. :D

When I've been in the sexualised headspace with girls in the past - I guess it sort of felt like sex was a kind of logical extension of intense emotional intimacy. Normally all I think about is non-sexual affection and connecting on other levels, but when the sexual aspect falls into place, it's just "there". I can't really explain it. The psychology (for me) goes something like this: I love this person so much that I want to be as close to her as is physically possible, and the closest possible physical connection is to be inside her. I'm not sure if this is exactly what sexuals feel - because a lot of them seem to be able to detach that emotional component and just want to have sex with almost any attractive person - even if they don't know them well (if at all), but then some have explained it as exactly what I said here, so I guess I understand.

But still, I don't understand why it's such a huge deal. Even if you're having a lot of sex, how much time is actually spent doing it compared to other activities in a shared life? One percent? Maybe this is where my demisexual/ace side is kicking in, and where I get all "logical" about how something that's only done so little shouldn't be so important. I mean, I can relate to how it feels good, but I find it hard to relate to it being a defining make-or-break factor in forming a "significant relationship". And I don't get why the world is so saturated by sex talk and sexual references, etc. *shrug*

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The Bearded One

Most people experience a strong feeling of pleasure associated with an orgasm. This feeling results from increased dopamine levels and their effect on the limbic system. Body chemistry, in other words. Humans are very adaptable and hormone biochemistry is very sensitive to a lot of factors, however, so different people react differently to similar situations. One person, in fact, will react differently to a similar situation at a different time. The biochemistry has only recently become known.

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Pawn

Well, I suppose what makes sexual intercourse... pleasant is the orgasm it provides, as well as the contact of two intimate bodies together. But there's also the sexual drive that plays on it, which is the root of desire, of sorts.

It's like eating chocolate; Sugar from chocolate makes taste buds react to it, analyzing it as very sweet and soft, and the brain reacts to it, etc. Eventually, the brain, after having been given such a tasty candy, wants to have the feeling again, which corresponds to the desire and, if at a high dosage, a possible addiction.

Not only sexual intercourse is said to provide the "best of feelings," the way it's difficult to get, to achieve makes it even more tempting, like a chocolate bar put out of reach of a child. Furthermore, peers can have influence on this matter as they can to anything. Like when a friend of yours would bring you to a roller coaster they love by baiting you to it. After testing out the roller coaster, you might feel like you want to try it again and again, might feel neutral or might just throw up. Of course, a roller coaster's goal isn't to make people throw up, so there are better chances you'd feel like doing it again than any other, such as nature made intercourse, in a way.

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gatchi

Well, I suppose what makes sexual intercourse... pleasant is the orgasm it provides, as well as the contact of two intimate bodies together. But there's also the sexual drive that plays on it, which is the root of desire, of sorts.

It's like eating chocolate; Sugar from chocolate makes taste buds react to it, analyzing it as very sweet and soft, and the brain reacts to it, etc. Eventually, the brain, after having been given such a tasty candy, wants to have the feeling again, which corresponds to the desire and, if at a high dosage, a possible addiction.

Not only sexual intercourse is said to provide the "best of feelings," the way it's difficult to get, to achieve makes it even more tempting, like a chocolate bar put out of reach of a child. Furthermore, peers can have influence on this matter as they can to anything. Like when a friend of yours would bring you to a roller coaster they love by baiting you to it. After testing out the roller coaster, you might feel like you want to try it again and again, might feel neutral or might just throw up. Of course, a roller coaster's goal isn't to make people throw up, so there are better chances you'd feel like doing it again than any other.

Wow! I love your analogy.

Sex is kinda like a drug to me. It's very addicting, but not in a terrible way (at least not for me, I have and want sex pretty irregularly, anywhere from a couple times a week to once a month). It does have a way of getting into my brain.... I have to be careful sometimes that it doesn't bleed too much into my thoughts and become manipulative - sometimes I have ulterior motives and I don't even realize it!

I guess another way you can see it is as a popular hobby. Like baseball. You can like baseball a little. You can like it not at all. You can even hate it. Or you can be one of those people who are just simply obsessed, who can't stop thinking about it. There's not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. But hopefully, this will help your perspective?

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Skullery Maid

You can't separate sex from the culture that surrounds it. Sex probably wouldn't be as big a deal if it weren't cloaked in so many external signifiers. But in our society sex touches everything... it can make you feel attractive, wanted, part of society, it can make you feel shame, embarrassment, and fear, it can be used as a weapon to hurt people. We receive mixed messages that sex is the most amazing thing in the world, and also that it's dirty, shameful, and will ultimately hurt you. Plus, there are the physical and emotional feelings that go along with sex (pleasure, emotional connectedness, jealousy, possessiveness, fragility). Then, in addition to the social baggage, and in addition to the physical and emotional responses from sex, there's also the fact that sex is a private activity engaged in by adults that requires extreme vulnerability. So even if all that other crap wasn't present... even if we weren't fed weird messages about sex, and even if the physical and emotional experience wasn't something to write home about, there'd still be a lot of feelings surrounding it. Think about bubble baths. Imagine that in order to create new people, we all had to take bubble baths with other people. Since they're private, good feeling, and occur naked, it's gonna be a big deal. And bubble baths don't feel nearly as good as sex does!

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mokulen22

I don't get the big deal..but to some people sex is the world. I don't think we will ever understand.

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Janus DarkFox

Yeah, same here... I find it intriguing that people feel that inner desire and driven towards acts of love and without fulfilling the need, become frustrated and whatever else. Its difficult to perceive something that is not felt.

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eamonn

What Skullery said.

Also, remember that there are many different kinds of sex. And not just in a practical sense.

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emmybean

Haha yeah everyone I know who had had sex says it was gross or weird.

I don't get the hype either xD

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UraNepu

this is quite interesting but sadly is only for heterosexuals

I would love to see the same research done for homosexuals and asexuals (and other sexualities if necessary )

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CDSM

People like different things.

I don't get the appeal of (American) football, for instance.

That's just how it is, sometimes.

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CBC

I mean, I can relate to how it feels good, but I find it hard to relate to it being a defining make-or-break factor in forming a "significant relationship". And I don't get why the world is so saturated by sex talk and sexual references, etc. *shrug*

I'm grey-a and this is more or less the way I feel. Okay, it feels good, but... *shrugs* It's enjoyable on that basis, and also because of the "being close to someone you love" factor, but it's still not important to me. It would never make or break a relationship and I'd easily manage if I was never able to have sex again, even within a relationship with someone I loved. Back scratches and massages feel awesome too, and I'd rather go without sex than without either of those. Hugs and cuddles are great when it comes to physical intimacy and I'd rather have those and no sex than vice versa. I really do understand how it's enjoyable and all, it's just so very far from being important or necessary or any sort of a big deal to me. I always liken it to going on a roller coaster; personally, I find them great fun. Does it matter if I never get to go on one ever again, though? Nope, not really.

Anyway, several other people explained pretty well the way most people seem to think about sex, so that's about all I've got. I can relate to both sides in a way.

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Kitty Spoon Train

Back scratches and massages feel awesome too, and I'd rather go without sex than without either of those. Hugs and cuddles are great when it comes to physical intimacy and I'd rather have those and no sex than vice versa.

Yeah, this reminds me of something - the whole stereotype about men not liking to cuddle/foreplay and preferring to get straight "into it", and being very penetration-centric etc. I never understood why this stereotype exists, since cuddling and similar nonsexual intimacy has always come very naturally to me - even without leading to anything.

And yeah, that kind of tenderness and intimacy is pretty much my litmus test for whether a relationship is "romantic" or not. :wub:

I always liken it to going on a roller coaster; personally, I find them great fun. Does it matter if I never get to go on one ever again, though? Nope, not really.

I can relate to this too. For its own sake, sex just feels like some pastime which I can take or leave, and don't mind too much if I end up leaving it indefinitely really. However, being demisexual, it's slightly more complicated with me - since when I'm very close to someone I can more or less turn sexual, so this possibility is always there. But it's funny how it works: I don't crave it or think about it when getting to know or dating new girls as such - it's more like at some point it just starts to make sense that it's something that should be shared. Then the question becomes more "why not do it?" rather than an outright craving to do it. Overall not a big deal - except it probably means that dating total/repulsed aces who absolutely can't compromise is a bad idea for me I guess. :lol:

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Ronny

It's in their genes, the desire to procreate is an inbuilt thing for them. I am not a spiritual person, but I believe our genes are the closest thing to 'fate' we'll ever know, in that they secretly determine your actions and you have little control over them.

They can't help wanting sex any more than I could force myself to have it.

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kochouran

For me, it's like going to the movies. It's not my favorite thing in the world, but I generally find it an enjoyable thing to do. Occasionally there will be something that blows me away. With sex, it's that really powerful orgasm, which is just this build-up and sudden release of energy. I can get that with masturbating, but going back to the movie analogy, it's nice to share an experience with the person you love.

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reverse_thrust

I really don't like this us vs. them talk. Like anything else, sexuality is a spectrum.

... And you all do realize the entire act of sex is pleasurable, not just the orgasm? Unless there's an issue most men will orgasm during sex, but many women will not without the proper, er, encouragement. And yet they still seek it out. Our bodies are hard-wired to enjoy sex. Most hetereosexual men may not be interested in homosexual sex, but they certainly possess the nerve endings necessary to enjoy it.

The issue is that nobody enjoys sex if they don't want it, this isn't limited to asexuals. It's not like our sex organs are magic buttons that turn us on whenever they're fiddled with. It's not as simple as insert A into slot B for instant pleasure.

It seems fairly common that the first few sexual encounters are awkward and not particularly enjoyable. You may be capable of enjoying it, but if you don't want it, don't worry about it.

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samepage1

Just what is so great about cheesecake? Football? Dr Who?

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toj

I always liken it to going on a roller coaster; personally, I find them great fun. Does it matter if I never get to go on one ever again, though? Nope, not really.

I know, I am missing the whole point of this thread, but the thought of never riding another roller coaster is terrifying

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Carnie

What I really don't understand is oral sex.

Like... how can anyone possibly want a penis or vagina in their mouth?

What are you supposed to do if their junk smells bad or is not clean? What if the girl wipes the wrong way and there is trace amounts of poop left over?

I attempted to give on BJ once to my boy friend at the time, but we had to stop 30 seconds in because I could not stop gagging. I laugh about it now, but at the time it was very humiliating experience for me.

I also don't find orgasms anything special. I find myself saying, "really? this is it?"

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Taikoluigi

I've tried multiple times to think of a good reason to engage in such activities, but every time I've tried, I've always concluded that it was only a waste of time that could be spent playing video games. At least then I have the chance of finding a good piece of gear that'll come in handy the next time I play.

Also, I don't recommend telling that to coworkers who invite you to go to a strip club with them. It's highly unlikely they'll comply with that logic.

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Chveya

What I really don't understand is oral sex.

Like... how can anyone possibly want a penis or vagina in their mouth?

What are you supposed to do if their junk smells bad or is not clean? What if the girl wipes the wrong way and there is trace amounts of poop left over?

I attempted to give on BJ once to my boy friend at the time, but we had to stop 30 seconds in because I could not stop gagging. I laugh about it now, but at the time it was very humiliating experience for me.

I also don't find orgasms anything special. I find myself saying, "really? this is it?"

Oral is useful and fun if you're not able/wanting to have penetrative sex at that moment. It's good etiquette to make sure everything down there is ready for Oral, so you usually don't have to worry about that (also because no self-respecting girl would ever accidentally do that). I think most of the enjoyment comes from the satisfaction of pleasuring your partner. And 69ing can be really really awesome...

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